Warnings – verbal abuse, self-harm, eating disorders, suicide
"Another one?" Your mom asked scathingly from the sink. You were at the fridge, cutting yourself a second small slice of the pie left over from dinner. It wasn't a big piece, it was just enough to satisfy your sweet tooth. She stared you down as you put the small piece on a plate and brought it up to your room.
You suddenly weren't hungry, but you knew you'd be scolded if you wasted the pie after cutting it and taking it to your room. With a churning in your stomach, you ate the piece of pie. It ended up being only five bites big, but it still made you sick. You pushed the plate aside, making a mental note to take it back down and clean it. Your mom would be very upset if you left the plate in your room, like the lazy slob you are.
Suddenly, there was a rap at your window. You go over to look, confused about what could have knocked on your second story window, and saw a familiar skeleton standing on the grass. You knew if your parents saw him they would be mad, so you grabbed a jacket and rushed down the stairs as quietly as possible. Slipping on your shoes, you made it to the front yard without your parents noticing and pulled Sans into the shadows.
"What are you doing here?" You whispered, eyes darting around frantically. Sans' smile tightened painfully.
"We were supposed to go to that party, remember?" He asked, sounding hurt. You stared at him blankly for a moment before remembering that you did in fact promise to go to a party with him weeks ago. You but back a curse and glanced around again.
"I can't go anymore. My parents wouldn't want me to go out this late." You said, quietly and rushed.
"Who cares what your parents think? You're old enough to make your own decisions." Sans chuckled, but it didn't sound quite right. You shuffled around, not sure how to break it to your friend that your parent's weren't fond of the fact that you were friends with the monsters. In fact, they're very against it. Your parents are part of the population that believes monsters are sub class and that they should be chased back into the Underground. They didn't ask questions when you came home after weeks of being gone, but they always changed the subject whenever you so much as mentioned your adventures.
"Seriously Sans…" You start to move away when you hear the front door open. Your heart dropped to your feet and Sans must have seen the change on your face because he stepped in front of you as if to protect you from something.
"What are you doing out here- is that a monster?" Your mother screeched from the front porch. You felt the blood drain from your face as you spun towards her, excuses stuttering from your shaking mouth like a swarm of dying bees.
"It's n-n-not what it l-l-l-looks like!" You stuttered. She marched across the yard and grabbed your wrist painfully, making a point to avoid touching Sans at all. She yanked you towards the house, all the while screaming over her shoulder.
"You stay away from my child. She may be pathetic and worthless, but I'm not going to let monster scum like you corrupt her anymore." She slammed the door behind her, shutting Sans out. His horrified expression would be burned on your eyelids for weeks.
"Mom stop!" You tried to pull your arm free but your mother's grip was like a bear trap. She pulled you into the living room and practically threw you onto the couch.
"What's the matter with you? Are you really that stupid? You purposely went against our rules about no monsters. Not only did you go against it, you thought you were being sly by doing it right under my nose. I should have known I could never trust you to do anything right. You're going to be grounded for so long you're going to forget what the sun looks like."
"Wouldn't be the first time I forgot what the sun looked like." You said. Your blood was boiling – not because of how she's treating you, but because of how she treated Sans. Her face turned three shades of cherry red, and you could see a vein starting to pop out on her forehead.
"You pathetic excuse for a child, how dare you talk back to me! I brought you into this world. I feed you and clothe you and this is how you repay me? You're so ungrateful… I wish I never had a daughter. You've done nothing but make your father and myself miserable with your stupidity and your selflishness," She was spitting in your face, but you were numb to her words. You had heard them all before, but never with this much venom behind it. "Just wait until your father gets home. You're lucky we don't believe in corporal punishment. Go to your room, and I swear if I find you tried to leave, I'll make life even worse."
You stood silently and walked to your room, locking the door behind you. You knew as soon as your dad got home you'd get in even more trouble. You sat on your bed and sobbed, trying to remember where everything went wrong.
You had failed a test. Well, you didn't really fail, but to your parent's anything under an 80 is failing. You got a 78. They had screamed at you for hours, picking out all of your flaws and yelling more when you started crying. They moved from insulting your intelligence to insulting your appearance, and your sobbing increased.
"You don't have brains at all it seems," Your father sneered. That's the only way he ever looks at you anymore. You remember when you were younger and he seemed to love you, but those times were over. "You don't even have the face to make a career. You have nothing that can get you anywhere. With a waist line like that you're going to be a parasite on us for the rest of your life."
You felt like throwing up. You had been starving yourself for weeks, trying to get them to stop picking at how much weight you had gained. When your mom found out what you were doing, all the said was 'at least do it right'.
You ran away in the middle of their rant, ignoring the screams after you. You ran to your room, slamming the door and locking it behind you. You reached for your blade and sliced at your arm, your parent's words making your soul bleed just as much as the knife was making your skin drip. You sobbed until the blood was drying before making your final decision.
They were right. They really would be better off without you. You were a burden on them. Their lives would have been better if you had never been born.
Not bothering to bandage your cuts, you opened your window and hopped onto the overhead of the front porch. You used to come and sit on the overhead to stare at the stars and dream of a life far away from your parents.
You dropped from the overhead with barely a thump and took off running. You weren't running very fast because of how light headed you were, but in the dark your parents had no idea you had fled in the first place
You ran to the one place you knew better than even your own house. Mt. Ebott was barely a mile from your town, the looming mountain keeping the snow thick in the winter and the sun off the buildings in the summer. You loved the mountain because everyone thought it was cursed, therefore no one bothered you there.
It wasn't easy, getting to your perch. The darkness mixed with the blood loss made it hard to even put one foot in front of the other, let alone run without falling. By the time you finally made it, the sky was dark as the bottom of the hole before you, but the stars shone so brilliantly it made you tear up a little. You let out a final scream, trying to get your frustrations out before throwing yourself into the blackness that had been a comfort to you for so long.
You didn't expect to open your eyes to a field of yellow flowers.
You sat on your bed, shaking uncontrollably. You didn't hear anyone enter your room until a shadow crossed over you. Sans was standing in the middle of your room. He has his hands shoved into his pockets and his face was shadowed enough so that you couldn't see his expression.
"Come on kid. Let's get you out of here. There's a party we need to get to, and there's something I want to talk to you about." He held his hand out, but you hesitated. He put his hand a little closer to you, prompting you to take it.
You weigh your options. On one hand, if you stay in your room and don't run, your punishment wouldn't be nearly as bad as it will if you run. On the other hand, you could run and never look back. Maybe you could live with Toriel or Sans…
With a grim expression, you took his hand and in a flash you were somewhere else. You knew your parents wouldn't bother checking on you for at least another two hours, so you safe for now. Sans brought you up to his room, the new house surprisingly clean compared to the house they lived in back in Snowdin. His room was almost the same though, with the clothes on the ground and the messy bed. But it was so Sans that anything else wouldn't feel right.
"Alright, so we made the first step here, but we need to do a little more chatting." Sans said, rummaging through his closet, which had a suspicious amount of blankets and boxes shoved in the bottom.
"What kind of chatting?" You asked, suddenly afraid of what he was going to ask. He pulled out something and handed it to you. Unfolding it, you saw it was an oversized sweater. It was a female's sweater, but it was one you recognized of Sans' own collection. None of the monsters cared for gender clothing, and that got Sans a few more odd stares when you would go out in public.
"How 'bout we start with… are your parents the ones who've been keeping you away from us?" He asked, turning his back so you could change your shirt.
"Yeah… they hate monsters. As soon as I told them where I had been, they refused to talk about it ever again. They scream at me if I so much as try to mention the M word while they're around." You sighed sadly as you pulled the sweater sleeves over your palms.
"Sounds like they aren't very nice people." He said, something hiding under the surface of his seemingly innocent words. He turned to face you again, his expression unreadable.
"They're my parents." Was all you said.
"Just because they're your parents doesn't mean you have to love and respect them. Even parents have to earn that. If they're awful and abusive they don't deserve your love." Sans took your clothes and put them in his hamper – such a natural action that it didn't seem weird at all.
"Why are you doing this?" You asked, sniffling a little. You never expected him to care so much. Sure, when you were in the Underground he was like your guardian angel, your best friend and confidant. At one point you were sure you loved him, but after breaking the barrier you left them behind like the awful person you were. You left them behind like trash.
"Because I care about you kiddo. When you started blocking us out, I knew something was wrong. Back home you were all secretive and stuff. It took a while for you to open up to me, and it was honestly such an honor. I've missed ya kid." He said with such a soft voice. You felt a stab in your chest and started crying. Neither of you caught his slip of calling the Underground 'home'.
"I'm s-so sorry… I'm such an awful person. I threw you guys away like garbage and tried to forget about you like you've never done anything but you've done so much for me." Your 'me' sounded more like a 'me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e' because of your crying, but you were sobbing too hard to make your words audible.
"You didn't throw us away. We've always been here for you. It's not your fault that you had to keep some space. I know you kid. You could never hurt someone and not feel guilty about it. You could swat a bug and feel bad that you hurt it. You're a hero, remember that."
"N-no I'm a failure… Mom was right. I can never do anything right. I'm a disgrace." You kept crying, the pressure on your chest lightening a little as your sadness left you.
"Your mom is full of crap," Sans said bluntly. You looked up, shocked at his tone of voice. His face was blank of any emotion, as were his eyes – the sockets pitch black. "Your parents are full of such fuckin bullshit. Everything they've told you? Forget it right now. Only listen to what I tell you. Me and the others are the only ones telling the truth. You're important to us. You're a hero. You're amazing and wonderful. You're funny and sweet. None of that garbage shit is true. You're you kid, that that's pretty fuckin' amazing."
"S-sans…" You sniffled, speechless. You threw your arms around his shoulders, almost knocking him to the ground. His familiar smell filled your nose and relaxed you almost instantly. His arms came up and wrapped around you, the familiar touch letting you melt into it. You missed this. Sans had been your support in the Underground. Sans was the one who convinced you to want to survive. Sans was the one to make you laugh when you felt like crying was the only thing you knew how to do. You missed him so much, and you never realized it until that moment.
He let you cry into his jacket, humming and rubbing your back softly. Every time you thought you were about to calm down, another wave of sobs hit you like a truck of bricks. Sans never once yelled at you for being weak. He never once tried to shame you for showing your emotions, which only caused you to cry harder.
After what felt like decades, you finally calmed down. You hiccupped and sniffled sadly as Sans sat you on the bed. He popped away for a moment before coming back with some tissues and a water bottle. The water was room temperature and the box of tissues was almost empty, and you realized these were from the last time you went to him crying, back before you broke the barrier. You recognized the label on the bottle as the Underground brand.
"You zapped all the way back to Snowdin for these?" You smiled, your nose stuffed so much your words came out warped. Sans gave you a lopsided smile and sat on the bed next to you.
"Nah, I made sure to bring them up with me just in case you needed them." He said, his grin never changing. You felt yourself tearing up again, but a playfully stern look from the skeleton made you smile and blow your nose loudly.
"Thanks Sans." Your voice was weak from your emotional downpour, but it was a good kind of sore, like when your muscles hurt after a strenuous workout.
"Hey, come on," Sans stood and helped you up. He was strong enough to cause you to jump a little as he pulled you up. "We have a party to go to, and there some free booze calling our names." The look on his face was so mischievous you couldn't help but return the same look. The partners in crime were back together.
Sans quickly changed his jacket and wrapped a boney hand around your waist, pulling you close to him. He placed a quick peck on your cheek – something he used to do all the time to cheer you up. You let yourself relax as he teleported you to the party, the weight in your chest lightening almost completely.
"Yeah, about that…" Sans was on the phone when you woke up. The party had been so much fun – the most fun you had in months. You had passed out around five in the morning, the mix of alcohol and exhaustion causing you to crash and sleep dreamlessly. You woke up to the sound of his voice and opened your eyes to the early afternoon light blinding you. "You're not getting her back. Ever. If you try to talk to her again, you'll have to answer to me. If you try to hurt her again, you'll have to answer to me. If you try anything… well, you know what'll happen. Don't make me repeat myself again." He snapped the phone shut, sighing and running a hand over his skull.
"Sans?" You said, your eyes just starting to adjust to the light. He spun around and tried to give you a nonchalant smile, but you could see the tenseness around the edges.
"Morning kid," He said with a chuckle. "Or rather, afternoon. You up for some lunch? I'm pretty sure Undyne left some chicken in the fridge, and no one is awake yet so anything left downstairs is free game."
"Were you talking to my parents?" You asked, standing and trying to adjust your clothes. They had gotten incredibly rumpled throughout the night. His grin turned instantly guilty. Sans could never lie to you.
"Yeah… they called your cell and I took the number. I wasn't able to protect you before… but I'll never let you be vulnerable like that again." He fisted his hands at his sides as if he was trying to keep himself from punching a wall, and you couldn't help the smile spreading across your face.
"Thanks Sans. You're my hero." You walked over to him and hugged him. When you pulled back, he had a faint blush on his cheeks.
"I ain't a hero kid…" he rubbed the back of his head and chuckled. "I'm just Sans."
"Well Just Sans, let's go get food."
Yay an update! I've been feeling like Atlas with my school work, but I have a lull in work so I managed to finish this.
I wanted to write something about the elections, but the tensions are still so high I don't want to risk anything. To anyone who is scared, afraid for their lives, uncertain about the future, just remember that you're not alone. For those of you who are thinking of killing themselves because of the fear, or for whatever reason you have, live out of spite. Live for the sole reason of being bitter towards the white house.
Stay safe everyone. I know these are scary times, but we have to stick together and stay safe.
Until next time!
Starlight
