Disclaimer: Total Drama Island is copyright to Tom McGillis and Jennifer Pertsch. Team Fortress 2 and its content is copyright the Valve corporation.


Metal clashing against hard, cold metal! Rapid attacks swung in daring, devil-dare time! Gwen and Duncan, the two hardest of cores, fought in the Blue base intel room, waiting for assistance. Gwen held her own against Duncan's razor-sharp switchblade knife, using her bone-slicing saw as a shield when applicable and making stabs with her auxiliary weapons, needles. Duncan gave no flinch or ground to her attacks and pushed her in circles around the room.

"""

"Duncan may not be big" Gwen said "but he's cheap. He isn't above kicking below the belt to win, and even though I'm a girl, it still hurts!"

"""

Duncan made a quick stab down at Gwen's shoulder. Gwen dodged the attack in a leap and kicked at Duncan's side. He coughed at the pain and Gwen recovered herself just as he set himself up to defend. She threw syringes that he expertly dodged, then through more in his path. With a grab of his hat he leaned back onto his heels and slipped on the smooth floor flat onto his back. Gwen started laughing at him but stopped as soon as he was back up and firing grenades at her. She dodged with leaps and bounds but the grenades bounced off the wall and rolled to her feet. Duncan grinned and blew her up, taking nearly fatal splash damage and getting blown against the glass wall. Even though he felt various things broken, he still managed to pump his arm in victory.

"Take that, Gwen!" Duncan roared. He struggled to get up and witness, out of the smoke, his demise. Lindsay came rushing in with her bat armed up and swung at his face, buckling his lower back against his shoulders and killing him with her super high-speed bat swing. With Duncan dead and the intel safely ported back, Lindsay loaded her gun and began her busy guarding.

"I saw you!" Courtney called from the winding halls she ran through. Lindsay jerked her head in her direction, then glanced at the newly recovered intel, and started a quick-footed nervous dance. She decided to hide in the corner opposite the desk and waited for Courtney to dash in with her automatic armed. She glanced around while Lindsay slowly crept up from behind with her scattergun armed. It was as much of a patience game as it was reflexive as Courtney spotted the intel and grinned. Lindsay stepped in to fire.

"I don't think so!" Courtney shouted. She spun around on her heel and slammed the butt of her gun into Lindsay's face. Then, when she was stunned, Courtney opened fire. Lindsay, the last real line of defense, was killed. The intel was picked up.

"Red Team has got the intel" Chef announced.

"Damn" Izzy said, slinging her ax over her bare shoulder. "I'll need to pick up the pace here!" Izzy swung her ax into the wooden side of the elevated slope of the busted Red ramparts and hiked up the vertical wall in a single bound. She was up now and gripped her ax higher up along its handle for a better hold. She began running down the straight stairway towards the intel room, keeping her corners short enough to retreat behind and staying cautious about proceeding. She finally found her way into the actual room and ran for the empty intel desk.

"Awww!" she exclaimed in disappointment. "I guess I'd better just wait here..." Izzy therefore stood within the taped off capture zone, tapping her ax on her shoulder with one hand and keeping a balled up fist on her hip. It was a quiet wait, interrupted by the intermittent instrumental beeping of the ambient technology-rich background images of computers and even more computers. It was rather boring, not surprisingly. Izzy looked around and found the swivel chair behind the desk and decided to sit in it while she waited, lest the boredom cause her to drop her guard and lay on the enemy's own floor. So she waited, camping it out while the attacks continued up top.

Courtney, meanwhile, ran up the spiraling walkway with the intel on her back, keeping herself ever aware of her surroundings and ever cautious of the blind corners. Trent had respawned up top, in the ramparts room rather than the battlement room, and met Justin who guarded the central ramparts vigilantly.

"Sup" Justin greeted. Trent hit him with his machete, doing nothing but whanging him on the head, and sheathed it. "Due, what the heck!?"

"Sorry" Trent said. "I had to make sure you weren't a spy." Justin stood up, drew his shovel and slapped Trent harmlessly across the face.

"Oh good" Justin said with a handsome grin and stance. "You're not a spy either." Trent rubbed his cheek, looking suspiciously at Justin, and returned to his rounds in progress. He equipped his sub-machine gun and prepared to round the corner where Courtney was running. They met eyes for just a moment, straight across fro, each other, and a firefight began. Trent and Courtney both ducked back at the same time and drew out their respective sniper rifles. Trent made a continued retreat just as a bullet broke through the wooden wall where his head just was. Courtney smirked and advanced while Trent fled back into the spawn room while Justin watched curiously.

"Enemy" Justin muttered, assessing the situation instantly. He turned and aimed at the doorway where the enemy was sure to come from. Sure enough, without guarding herself, Courtney shot out and scoped the room while a rocket blew he off the ground. Justin didn't relent. He blasted Courtney until she was dead and the intel was dropped. Trent came back out with a disappointed sigh and holstered his sniper rifle onto his back.

"Thanks for the cover" Trent said. Justin gave his fist a pound and then a two-fingered salute as he went back to his guarding duties. An ominous stomping widened his eyes and shook the floor under Trent. "Uhh...." he groaned. Nothing good was coming, and it came in the form of terrible Eva healed constantly by DJ.

"That idiot better get this right" she growled.

"Trust him" DJ said. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Sharks" Eva plainly answered. "That idiot's just smart enough to rival bait for a shark."

"Maybe" DJ said, trying to change things positively, "but he knows what he's doing. The least we could have done was help him out by moving a couple things around. You can't say we were wasting time!" Sudden bullet fire stopped their conversation. From the straight-stairway entrance Cody opened a rapid fire from his pistol, aiming primarily at DJ behind Eva. Eva revved her gun and frightened him into leaving while neither of them suffered from any wounds. Then, just as the air had calmed, DJ dropped with a sniper blast. Trent had half-descended the ramparts staircase and aimed his barrel through the cracks of the steps to kill DJ. Eva turned just as Trent retreated and aimed her gatling gun straight up. Her bullets tore through the wood and created a hellish upward rain of spears that just barely nicked at Trent's retreating back.

"Here she comes!" Trent warned with a bleeding back. He ran back for more health, leaving Justin alone once more. Beth ran in from the battlements to join him in defense while the stomping and stair creaking drew rapidly closer. Eva rounded the corner with a fist out and punched Justin's rocket into his face, blowing him across the room. The harsh impact with the wall killed him. Beth ran back and shot with her shotgun while Eva ignored the minor damage and grabbed the intel from near Courtney's bloody remains. She then turned another corner, dropped down, and equipped her gatling gun as she hit the ground.


"Red Team picked up the intel again!" Chef announced. "They can't keep their hands off of it!"

"More like, they can barely hold onto it!" Chris added, joining the commentary. "The Red intel is about to respawn at the base! Blues better get into gear and fetch it before the Reds can make a capture!"

"Awesome!" Izzy exclaimed. "I'm right where I want to be!" She heard someone coming around the corner and ducked down. Zeke, accompanied by Tyler, ran into the intel room with a toolbox held between them. They heaved and threw it into the middle of the room where it began its slow construction. Zeke ran up and started tapping it to increase its build rate. Izzy ducked under the desk and lightly stroked the sharp edge of her ax in bloody anticipation.

"Here's the thing, though, dude" Tyler began. "For as crazy as a girl is, you and I still go crazy over them all the same. I'm just saying..."

"But girls are scary, eh" Zeke said in defense of his point. "They have all sorts of feelings and emotions they wanna talk about. I mean, who has those all the time, eh?"

"You" Tyler noted. "I have emotions too, girls just have more, I think."

"My dad said I didn't have emotions" Zeke attested. "Emotions are for girls."

"That's wrong" Tyler said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Besides, how do you think your mom and dad met, man? They dated. You've gotta get on the dating scene now, even if you don't get married, so you know what to look for eventually."

"My parents were married" Zeke explained "through an arranged marriage, eh. They said they'd do the same thing for me when I'm old enough."

"Okay" Tyler said, becoming frustrated, "you're like, tiny minority. That never happens in the real world, okay?"

"Well" Zeke began, "we're technically celebrities, eh? Doesn't that mean we have different rules to go by?"

"Yes and no" Tyler said. Both of them, unknowingly, had literally put Izzy to sleep, cuddling her ax and rubbing a deep gash into her face, treating it as a pillow. The teleporter was built, whirring and already in use. Zeke was blown back by the sudden spawning of Eva, who took a single step forward and captured the intel.

"Point for Red!" Chris announced. "That's their first one! Can they get anymore?"

"Oh yeah" Eva growled, "I sure can...!"

"""

"Alright, fine" Noah said complacently. He started with a sigh to gather his thoughts and recall his truest, most embarrassing moment. "Way back when I was a young genius, but still a genius, I was introduced to the word 'esoteric'. Not knowing what it meant, I asked my classmate, who told it to me. At that point I was in an advanced class and the other students were still trying to consider whether I belonged there or not. They told me 'only a few people know what it means' and, like a sucker, I said 'so tell me what it means'. They started laughing at that point. They repeated the definition and I said 'so tell me what it means!' impatiently. That kept up until I finally got that the word meant it had an exclusive understanding, and I was ostracized for the rest of the year...even though I got the best grades..."

"""

"That's one" Eva said to the boys. "Let's make sure another one is close by. Tyler, get moving."

"Right" Tyler saluted before dashing off.

"Zeke, come with me" Eva demanded. Zeke got up and ran behind her as she went charging through the base. Izzy woke up and reached a snaky arm over the desk just as she was sure she was alone.

"Where're we going?" Zeke asked.

"Cram it" Eva demanded, drawing her double-barrel shotgun. "I'm escorting you back to the Blue base so your crap doesn't get blown up too early."

"Blue team pick up!" Chris announced. Eva stopped just before reaching the straight staircase and turned. Zeke slammed into her like a brick wall and bounced off. Izzy was making a sprint with her tongue hanging out and her ax holstered at her belt with the intel under arm. She took the spiraling way up. Eva grit her teeth and growled. Up above, Tyler was about to turn around when Courtney appeared at the ramparts spawn and gave him a hand signal to ignore it and go for the cap. Reluctantly he agreed and Courtney set up for her ambush. Eva ran up the straight staircase and equipped her gatling gun, seeing Courtney in the doorway.

"Hey!" Eva shouted across the way. "You need a hand!?"

"Get moving!" Courtney called. "I've got it!" Duncan rounded the corner from the battlements and ran over to the door that Courtney guarded. She couldn't stop him in time to prevent his fiery death. The stream of blazing flames shot out, wrapping around his body even as he disappeared into it and fired his grenades. For all she knew, he was dead.

"""

"That thickheaded idiot!" Courtney growled. She planted her hands in her face and raised herself up with a rather shocked and pained expression. "Why would he charge ahead like that? He knows he can't win against Izzy. He's dumb but he isn't so dumb that he would go running head-first into a flamethrower...unless..."

"""

Izzy gave Heather, in the disguise of Duncan, a thumb up as he passed by unharmed but left his gun on the ground. Izzy used the fake to reload her own gun and scowled out an evil grin as she leaned up against her blind corner. The intel was properly attached to her back now and her animosity was raging out like a napalm fire. Courtney's hands actually shook from her projected fearsomeness but she paid the reaction no mind. In the end it was just a nuisance that she could kill like anything else.

Eva and Zeke left through the sewers and ran across the water where Geoff and Bridgette were already advancing around the corner. A muted explosion blew them both apart and Eva stopped. The sharks were still gone, between spawns, and the water was quite calmly placid until the ripples of the explosion came rolling out.

"Those" Eva began "were grenades, right?"

"I guess so" Zeke said. He looked up on his HUD and saw his structures were still up and running. Obviously it was a trap. Leshawna waited in the corner of lockers and other little devices in the sewers to ambush whoever wanted a piece of her with an array of floating sticky grenades. She cocked her gun and smirked, anticipating the next wave of eventual enemies.

"Bring it" Leshawna smugly said.

"""

"I know they don't wanna mess with me!" Leshawna arrogantly declared. "They're just posing against me, and I take down posers faster than they can stand back up. No one gets past Leshawna!"

"""


Izzy continued to make a mad sprint into her own base, still staying as cautious as possible, when she saw Sadie and Katie pop out around the corner. Izzy narrowly avoided a rocket and rolled back to the outside. Now exposed she looked around and considered her options. She saw Eva in the water, and struck that off her list, and she knew Sadie and Katie were coming for her from behind. She would have to go up, somehow.

"Izzy!" Harold called. "I shall slay you!!!" Izzy glanced up at the sun above where Harold dropped from. She rolled under him as he struck his sword down and made a roundhouse kick for his head. He ducked down and made an awkward kick back that connected and slammed her in the face. She stumbled back and readied her ax as he came back in for a swing.

"I'm flattered" Izzy said "but I'm kinda in a relationship already." She pushed forward while Harold held her back.

"Oh yeah?" Harold said. "You know you're crazy about me!" A poor choice of words maybe. Izzy and crazy was in itself an understatement, but saying it still invoked a certain rage within her. She grinned. She slid her ax blade along his sword and hooked his sword with the notched inner-curve of her ax and chopped both blades to the ground. While Harold set his sights back up to Izzy she pulled out her Uzi and shot him to death. It was an anti-climactic but necessary death. She took her ax, and his sword in her off hand, and turned to the opening where Sadie and Katie would surely storm. The camera avoided her face out of fear.

"Where'd she go?" Saide demanded as she looked about in a panic.

"I don't know" Katie said, looking with her with her own weapon drawn. Sadie and Katie eventually looked at each other and stared for a moment. First their eyes had a glare of anger, then a lulling neutrality, and finally quivering corners that filled slowly with tears. Their weapons dropped and a sudden embrace was shared as they started sobbing into each other's shoulders.

"I'm sorrryyyy!!!!" Sadie cried.

"Me toooooo!!!!" Katie answered. The whole lovely display of friendship kept its own comedic irony as the camera panned up slightly to see Izzy, with foaming fangs, glaring down from her spot on the wall where her blades kept her lodged into the solid concrete structure. It was like watching rabbits under a rock that was actually a bear waiting to feast...

"I completely overreacted" Sadie admitted.

"I know" Katie said, pushing away to wipe her tears away. "But I counter-overreacted way worse!"

"I haven't seen your hair worse since..." Sadie began.

"Since 9th grade, right?" Katie finished. They shared a hearty, friendly laugh and then a sigh. Both of their heads seemed to drift upwards at that sigh and they froze. Izzy pulled her blades out, wound them up and made two perfect swings as she descended.

"""

"I'm so glad we made up!" Sadie admitted.

"Me too" Katie said, primping her hair and straightening her outfit to better match her other half. Now they were identical again, in the same pretty poodle skirts and blouses and wearing the same corsages in their hair. Fashion twins once more, BFFs reborn. "I never even knew what we were fighting about, though."

"You were acting all ditzy" Sadie explained "falling all over the place and I felt like it was holding me back." Katie slapped her own forehead jokingly.

"I'm always doing that, aren't I?" she said. "Maybe I should take a walking class when this is over, right?"

"I'd totally take it with you!" Sadie said.

"Oh, that'd be great!" Katie exclaimed,

"""

Now they were dead, however, and Izzy swung their blood from her blades, licking a bit from the corner of her mouth and grinning. She dashed back inside her base, took her ax by the very end of the handle and jumped up to hook herself into the hole that led to the ramparts spawn area. She came up with the intel and gave a short wave to Beth and Justin who stood guard, and Trent waved to her as he exited the battlements. She proceeded down below with her ax-sword combo and a mad grin.

"Anything?" Justin asked.

"Not a thing" Trent said. He clicked on his communicator and placed a public call. "Anyone got a reading?"

"Nothing but nits down here" Leshawna said, twirling her gun as the fresh chunks of Eva and Cody floated in the water. "Anyone got a riddle for me to solve down here? It's gotten a bit boring..."

"Lindsay, how's recon?" Trent asked.

"I got eaten" Lindsay said with the hum of purgatory behind her. "I did see Tyler on my way to the base, though. That was pretty nice. We waved at each other and stopped to...um..."

"""

"I forgot" Lindsay said bashfully. "My relationship is, like, illegal because he's on the other team. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have said anything!"

"""

"No!" Lindsay suddenly said. Trent pinche dhis brow.

"Did Tyler die with you?" he asked, not at all angry or moved by her circumstances.

"We both got eaten" Lindsay said, then dreamily drifted and added "arm in arm and mouth to mouth..."

"TMI" Justin said. Lindsay respawned and walked out shamefully into the room with them. She was tracing circles with her feet, waiting for someone to give her a reason to keep moving.

"It's okay" Trent said. "If Gwen were on the other team, you can bet I'd take her shots."

"Wouldn't that be cheating?" Justin asked.

"She's worth it to me" Trent said.

"Awwww" Lindsay awed. "Alright, this time I'm going across the top of the bridge for the intel! I'll be right back!"

"Don't try too hard" Heather said. "I'm already down here waiting."

"You are?" Trent asked, listening in. Heather had also taken to being bored and twirled her sharp knives around in her fingers at the desk where the intel would spawn once Izzy planted it. The fresh, still bleeding corpse of Duncan was across the room with a look of pure shock.

"I've been here a while" Heather admitted. "Ask Izzy. She covered me."

"Blue Team, Capture!" Chris announced. Courtney pounded the sewer wall with a face of sheer contempt.

"Damn it all..." she growled, the freshly killed body of Leshawna behind her with a smoking hole through the head. "That's 3-1..."

"""

"Alright" Eva said with a heavy sigh as she gathered herself. "I'm gonna keep this short. One time, back in junior high, I went weightlifting and drank a bunch of high-potency protein. It also had a lot of fiber in it for, ya know...anyway, I get to lifting and up the weights on my squats and...I shouldn't have to piece this together but I'm being forced. I crapped myself. Happy? It was the worst day of my life. I didn't go back for a week and got flabby over it..." She sighed heavily and rubbed her forehead with her hand. "I still get shivers about that..."

"""

Heather immediately picked the intel up when is came back and triggered a near aneurism in Courtney. This time, however, the Red team had good luck on their side. Heather watched her back as she made a break for the straight staircase, keeping herself aware of her environment, all but her front which stopped suddenly against what felt like a brick wall. She looked up and saw Eva revving her gun. It was the last thing she saw. She was shred to bits and the intel was dropped.


So far, only a few captures have been made. The battle intensifies as more and more revelations are revealed and the teams get ever closer to that ever decisive amount of time when the sun begins to set and brings on the night. Will Harold ever defeat Izzy in a straight-up close-combat match? Now that Sadie and Katie are friends again, will their resolve strengthen their team? Will the Blues superior defense be sung of in victory hymns or will the unstoppable Reds be the true victors. And...what of Noah? Where was he? Find out next week on Total.
Drama.
Team Fortress!!!