The next morning, the sunlight poured through the windows, hitting the gold cloth and dancing on the red sheets.
Bella awoke slowly, dimply aware of where she was.
She felt a heaviness on her stomach, and when she looked down, she saw a man's hand, resting there.
Bella felt an immediate surge of panic, looking over to see a bare chested Edward, lying on the opposite pillow, staring at her with an amused smile.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty," he said.
Bella felt a surge of confusion, before the events of the night before came rushing back. The wedding, then the dinner, and finally, the joining. As she remembered that part, blush poured into her cheeks, and suddenly Bella felt keenly aware that her sheets were only covering up to her waist.
She moved her arm, wanting to pull the sheets up, before remembering Edward's hand, which rested gently on her stomach.
She forced herself to relax, reminding herself that she was a wife now, and had to act as such. And that meant not moving Edward's hand out of the way to cover herself from him, much as she would like to do it.
"You've been sleeping the last twenty minutes," Edward said. "I've been waiting for you to wake up."
Bella reached up to feel her hair, dismayed to realize that it was all fanned out around her, the beautiful bun that Marion had carefully arranged completely destroyed.
The idea of Edward looking at her in this state, asleep, with her hair an absolute mess, and her face still bearing the traces of yesterday's subtle makeup, was mortifying.
"I must have tired you out," Edward said. He raised on eyebrow suggestively, and Bella felt blush flood her cheeks once more, embarrassed to be reminded of the night before.
"Yes, I guess so," she said.
She wasn't sure of what to say or do- the night had been so intimate, and it felt strange to join with someone in such an animalistic way and then have to make conversation with them in the cold light of day.
Edward seemed to be studying her face. Her looked her in the eyes, then down at her mouth, then back up again. Suddenly, he leant over the bed, towards her, and placed a kiss on her mouth.
It started chastely, but after a few moments, Edward's hand reached behind her head, gripping her hair gently, and he opened his mouth, moving his tongue against her lips. Bella allowed him entrance, and she was surprised at the rush of hunger and heat that seemed to flood her.
Edward's hand snaked up her stomach, cupping a breast, squeezing it tenderly before moving to the next one.
Without thinking, Bella began to roll over, wanting to get better access to Edward. As she did, she felt a sharp pain between her legs, and she winced, breaking the kiss.
Edward immediately pulled his mouth back from hers.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
Bella grimaced. "A bit sore." She felt embarrassed at even having to express this- her pain was the ultimate reminder of what they had done, the undeniable evidence of their joining.
Edward looked almost pained, but he nodded. "Of course, I thought as much." He moved back to his pillow, and Bella felt an almost tangible sense of loss at his removal from her body.
Despite the soreness below, she still felt a hunger for him, and a desire to join again. But she was grateful all the same, since the low ache between her legs was very real, and surely would be made worse by any activity in that area.
Bella reached down to pull the sheets up, but Edward reached a gentle hand out to stop the movement.
"Please don't," he said. "I know it's probably just torturing myself, but I want to see you."
Bella blushed deeply. She considered arguing, or trying to turn away. But she knew, as Edward's wife, she had to defer to him on these things. In fact, if Edward wanted to sleep with her, right then, he could have, and she could not have denied him, according to the law. It was quite lenient of him to allow her to rest up, and not take her again, despite his obvious wish to.
Bella dropped the sheet, and swallowed, trying to forget the fact that she was lying naked in bed, baring her body to someone else.
The feeling of awkwardness, the fear that Edward would find something repulsive about her figure, was hard to stomach. But Bella knew she would have to- it was Edward's wish.
"Now Bella," Edward said. "What do you plan to do today?"
Bella shrugged her shoulders absentmindedly, then cringed as she felt her breasts jiggle in response. Edward's eyes followed the movements carefully, much to Bella's dismay. She reminded herself not to make any sudden movements, not until she was dressed.
"I'm not sure," Bella said. "I might read, or do some embroidery."
Edward nodded. "I wanted to spend the day with you, but I'm afraid that it's not possible. My sisters are planning to return in a week, and there are many things that need to be arranged for their arrival."
Bella's eyes widened, and she started slightly, taken by surprise. Her breasts jiggled accordingly, and Edward's eyes followed, though he seemed to be doing his best to look her in the eyes.
"In a week?" Bella asked.
It wasn't possible. If Alice and Rosalie were returning so soon then why wouldn't Edward have waited for them to have the ceremony? She had been under the impression that they were still enjoying their long honeymoons in Europe, and weeks from returning to the manor.
"Yes, I just found out a few days ago," Edward said.
Bella racked her brain. Just the night before last, Edward had announced that he wanted to have the ceremony take place immediately. They had been preparing for the ceremony, but it was Edward's choice to get it down so quickly.
She couldn't understand, when Edward was so close to his sisters, how he wouldn't wait just a few days in order to include them.
"Why didn't you wait for them then?" Bella asked.
For the first time since she had known him, Edward looked sheepish. Almost.. embarrassed.
"I- I didn't think it was worth it to wait," Edward said.
"But it would have only been a few days," Bella said.
Edward shook his head, and looked away from her, out the window. His face briefly took on an expression of bitterness. "It would have been more than that."
Bella bit her lip, willing herself to be silent. Every instinct in her body wanted to root the truth out of Edward, find out what he was hiding. But she knew that a good wife would let the issue go, when Edward obviously didn't want to talk about it. A good wife would be satisfied with his answer, and not give the issue another thought, trusting in her husband's decision making.
But Bella supposed she was not a good wife, as she found herself unable to blindly trust Edward. Her mind continued to turn his words over, trying to find the hidden meaning that he was hiding from her.
Even still, she forced herself to remain silent, to drop the issue and not probe Edward. Even if her mind rebelled against the idea, she would force herself to be the docile partner that a man wanted, that made for a good marriage.
As Bella and Edward lay across from each other, both wrapped up in their own thoughts, a knock came from the door.
"Your Grace," a man's voice called out. "We have breakfast to be served to you, in bed, as requested."
"One moment," Edward called.
Bella felt panic seize her, and she pulled the covers up to her neck, trying to cover herself.
Edward let out a low chuckle, then swung his legs over the side of the bed. He rose up to his full height, then turned around to face Bella, giving her a full view of his long, muscular body, and the large appendage which hung lazily at the center. Bella took it all in, her eyes widening at the sight of his intimidating looking member, before she remembered herself and looked up to Edward's eyes.
He had been watching her expression avidly, and when she met his eyes, he raised an eyebrow, then tilted his head back, letting out a groan.
"It's going to be a long morning for me," he said, turning around and walking to his chair, where he picked up his discarded shirt and tied it around his middle.
His movements gave Bella an excellent view of Edward's firm behind, the muscles flexing with every step he took.
Bella blushed and forced herself to look away as Edward received the tray of food from the manservant, only opening the door about a foot and shielding Bella from his view.
As Edward walked back to the bed, breakfast tray in had, Bella understood what Edward meant by "long morning". Despite the soreness between her legs, looking at Edward's perfect form awakened a different hunger in her. A hunger that no matter of breakfast pastries could satisfy.
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After breakfast, Edward had left the room, leaving Bella behind to wait for a maid to come and dress her.
Once she was presentable, wearing one of the new gowns that had just arrived from Monsieur Beauchamp, Bella went down to the library. She had nothing to do, really, all day. It was either read or embroider, and she much preferred the intellectual pursuit of reading to the mechanical mindlessness of embroidery.
Bella walked to the bookcase, picking up the copy of Robinson Crusoe that she had begun reading yesterday.
As she did so, she noticed movement outside the window, and turned to look.
Near the front of the house, Edward was climbing astride his horse, an intimidating looking black stallion. He confidently hoisted himself up, swinging his feet into the stirrups, and took off instantly, going right into a breakneck gallup.
Bella marveled at the speed with which he travelled, and his command of the horse, which seemed, despite it's size and power, to heed his every movement and command.
She watched as he galloped away, past the gardens and out to the woods, before disappearing inside the foliage.
She felt a pang strike her heart. Edward was so free, so in control of his life.
She supposed she could go out to the stables and request a horse. But she had no idea how to ride it- her only experience had been with Edward those many months ago, and she had been clinging onto him for dear life.
Bella moved away from the window, and the sharp pang between her legs reminded her that this was not the day to try horseback riding for the first time. But she made a mental promise to herself that she would do it soon.
No, there was no comparison between Bella's level of freedom and Edward's. Not only was she legally under his thumb and command, his property, in fact- but her entire position and livelihood was dependent on him.
She may not have to scrub floors or wash dirty laundry anymore. But Bella's status as a noble was wholly dependent on Edward. If Edward decided to divorce her, to leave her, for any reason, she would have no money, no family to fall back on.
On the other hand, if she left Edward, he had all the power in the world. He would always be a duke, no matter what happened. He would always be a Cullen, and thus one of the most powerful and wealthy individuals in England- in the world, in fact.
He could ride away at a moment's notice, and be perfectly fine. He could go to his family's houses in other parts of the country, start a new life, get a mistress- whatever he wanted.
Meanwhile, Bella's life and livelihood was dependent entirely on Edward, something she didn't like, and wasn't used to.
Bella walked to the couch, clutching the volume of Robinson Crusoe.
She sat down and opened the book to where she had left off, and tried to reenter the world of adventure that Robinson lived.
But it was too late. Her thoughts had become tangled and wild, and Bella knew herself well enough to know she would not be able to focus on the book until she had resolved the issue in her mind.
She looked down at the cover, which featured a heroic looking Robinson, standing with one foot propped on top of a rock, sword in hand, palm trees behind him on the sandy beach, looking to the world like master and commander.
Bella found herself wishing that she could somehow get shipwrecked on a desert island. She was quite sure she would find a way to survive it, live off the land.
And oh, what it would be like to be free! Not to have to serve anyone, whether that meant as maid or as wife. To be the master of her own fate.
She knew that many women would be filled with jealous rage if they could see her dissatisfaction with her current situation. She was a duchess now, for goodness sakes. Women, noble and otherwise, would kill for the title.
And yet, she felt unsatisfied with her life, precarious in her position.
Bella was used to looking out for herself, to working hard, and trusting no one except a very, very select few. She had learned, quite early, that people had a tendency to disappear. Whenever you opened up and trusted someone, they would exit from your life.
She had seen it happen, of course, with her mother. And shortly thereafter, her father had exiled himself to the stables, only seeing Bella a couple of times a year.
She was fine with having friendships, with having people to idly chat with. But she could tell, given Edward's intensity last night, that he wanted access to her whole heart, to her very soul.
And yet, it was not a fair trade.
Edward could have her, but she could never have him, not entirely.
There would always be an imbalance of power in their relationship- Edward would always be able to leave at a moment's notice, to go where he wanted and do what he wanted.
And Bella would never be able to do the same- her lot in life would always be dependent on keeping Edward happy. Without that, she would return to a life of servitude, and this bizarre interlude in her life would be just a memory.
The fact was, the intimacy she had faced with Edward the night before had been nearly overwhelming. She had felt as though she had opened her heart to him, had shown total vulnerability.
And then Edward had decided to ride off, spend the day alone.
And the way he rode, with such intensity and focus, it was clear that he had not a single thought for Bella. No, she was the last thing on his mind. He was solely focused on his destination, his daily tasks. Meanwhile, she was sitting inside, thinking only of him.
Bella knew that Edward had business to take care of, especially if his sisters were coming in town.
But to have been so intimate with someone, to be naked in front of them, both physically and emotionally….and then to have them leave… it was painful.
She wanted to at least know that Edward wanted to be around her outside of a carnal aspect. She knew that this was the first time they had joined, but she still felt she didn't know the true Edward.
And she had been certain that, after they first shared a bed, that she would feel closer to him- as if she knew him better.
Yet she was left feeling as though she had bared her own soul, and Edward had taken it all in and bared nothing of himself in return. He had been the possessor, the claimer, the expert, not she.
She had given him her virginity- clearly not the other way around. It could not have been more obvious that Edward was quite experienced, and it was certainly not his first time.
Bella felt as though ice water had been poured through her veins. She stared across the room, her eyes fixed on the wall, unseeing of anything, lost in thought.
A maid came in, giving a small gasp when she saw Bella.
"I'm sorry, Miss, did I interrupt-"
Bella didn't turn her head to look at the young lady, but simply shook her head, staring at the same spot.
"Not at all. Please, go ahead."
Her voice sounded flat, even to her own ears.
"Erm, it's alright. I'll come back… later."
The maid sounded slightly alarmed, and Bella knew she must have looked deranged, staring at nothing, lost in contemplation.
But she realized she didn't care, as the door shut closed behind.
No, she was thinking of bigger things, like the fact that their joining probably hadn't meant anything at all to Edward.
He had clearly been with several women before, that much was obvious.
Bella wondered if she were just another notch on his belt, another trophy.
He definitely hadn't seemed eager to stay around her this morning, taking off and galloping away at the first opportunity.
And suddenly Bella felt a certainty: Edward would break her heart.
The more she let him in, the more he took from her, the more assured this outcome was.
She closed the book with a loud thud, getting to her feet and walking to the window.
Edward could ride away, could go on leading his life like nothing at all had happened. And meanwhile, she was stuck inside the house, thinking of him, and only him.
But not anymore.
She resolved to herself: the only way to protect her heart, to keep it from being shattered, was to keep Edward at arm's length, by whatever means necessary.
Whether that meant not sleeping with him, or sleeping with him and doing everything she could to keep those emotional barriers from coming down, she would do it.
Edward could never know that she was keeping herself protected. He could never know that she hadn't given herself entirely to him. Because, if there was one thing Bella knew about men, it was that they wanted everything from their wife.
And Bella wasn't about to give that.
No, she would have to make Edward think she was the same vulnerable, naive little maiden he had bedded the night before.
Meanwhile, she would build her defenses up, until they were impenetrable.
She had known the instant she had seen Edward that he was trouble. She recalled the moment they had locked eyes, Edward looking so dark, so powerful at the table.
She could remember all too well his brooding stare, and the deep sense of inevitably that seemed to hang between them.
While the months that had passed had soothed this memory, replacing it with instances of sweetness and mildness from Edward, she would be smart to remember the wild, potent character that had so intimidated her at dinner.
And to guard her heart when she was with him.
Opening her heart, trusting it all to Edward- she was sure many women had made that mistake before.
Women with the luxury of being able to fall back on a comfortable family, to pick and choose their fate.
But Bella did not have that same luxury. She was tied to Edward, whether she liked it or not.
And unlike those women, Bella had had her heart broken before. She had been left, abandoned, discarded before.
But she wasn't a child anymore. And she didn't have to go into her relationships, blindly trusting, giving her heart on a platter, allowing someone untrustworthy to break it.
To that end, she would have all her defenses up around Edward.
Opening herself to him, trusting her heart to him- it was a fool's errand.
And Bella was no fool.
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