She slopes back into the living room behind Cain. Nobody comments on her return, but she doesn't miss the relief that blooms in Vanessa's eyes when she sees there's no glass in Charity's hand. Or bottle.

Guilt floods into Charity's chest, squeezing at her lungs. She knows that feeling. She used to feel that same way when her Dad came home less sozzled than usual. Or when she couldn't smell vodka on Bails' breath. It meant things would be a little bit easier. She can't bear the thought of Vanessa having that thought about her. It's not as if drink's done her any favours in the past. All the crap's still there when she sobers up. So she resolves to be better at not running for the vodka bottle in future. She doesn't want to see that look on Vanessa's face again in a hurry.

Lydia's going on about something or other involving counselling, so Charity quickly crosses the room to where Vanessa's leaning back against the kitchen counter. She turns so that she's doing the same, their arms touching from shoulder to elbow. When Vanessa doesn't pull away, Charity slides her arm around her and pulls her closer, gratified when Vanessa's arm goes around her waist. They don't speak, or even look at each other, but it warms Charity's insides far more than that glug of vodka had.

Turning her face into Vanessa's hair, she whispers 'sorry' against her ear. Vanessa just tightens her arm and shakes her head.

Charity closes her eyes, her breath coming easier than it has all day.

When she turns back to face the room she notices Noah and Samson, sitting on the floor with their heads hanging. Her heart aches all over again for her boy, losing the closest person to a grandmother he's ever known. Everyone in the room, everyone in the village, has been touched by Lisa in some way. Her loss will leave a scar across all of them.

Zak and Bell will feel it the most, of course. Charity's fingers tighten around Vanessa's shoulder as she flashes back to that interminable night in the hospital, wondering if she'd ever wake up. She's not sure she could go through what Zak's facing; knowing the end is coming and having to carry on.

She sniffs, rubbing at her nose. She can't crumble again, can't let Lisa down again. She's got to be strong and brave now, like Vanessa says she is. She's got to get them all through it as best she can to make sure it doesn't break the family apart.


People start to drift away and soon it's just the four of them left in the living-room. Her and Vanessa sat on the couch, Chas and Paddy at the table. Nobody's said anything for a good long while and the silence is starting to make Charity fidgety. Eventually she sighs and stands, using Vanessa's knee as leverage to push herself up.

"I'm gonna go to bed. I'm done in."

Chas nods, her hand dropping to her belly. "Yeah, I won't be far behind you. It's been a big day."

She's about to move when Vanessa speaks. "D'you want company?"

On any other day Charity would've had some cheeky response at the ready. Not today.

Her first thought is to say no. That's always been her way whenever she's faced anything emotional; push everyone away until things are back under her control. But if the past year has taught her anything, it's that even if she pushes Vanessa away, she'll eventually reach out to her for comfort anyway.

Truth be told, she loves that Vanessa's thought to ask the question. She could've easily just followed Charity up the stairs, tried to talk to her. But she asked.

Holding out a hand, Charity nods. "Yeah. I'd like that."

Vanessa smiles and takes her hand, standing up and linking their fingers. After exchanging 'goodnights' with Paddy and Chas, they head up the stairs. Charity pulls the curtains in their bedroom, frowning at the amount of light still getting in. Bloody summer. They get ready for bed, changing into their pyjamas before brushing their teeth side by side at the sink like some couple in a fifties sitcom.

Back in their room, Charity sits down on the edge of the bed while Vanessa puts on face cream in front of the mirror on the dressing table. Charity watches her in silence for a bit, chewing her lip, debating whether just to collapse into bed, or give voice to what she wants to say.

"You know, I-" Vanessa turns to face her, a splodge of cream on one cheek. Charity smiles at the vision before she continues. "I thought once it was out I'd feel better." She shrugs. "The stuff with Bails, and even Ryan...it felt better to get it out." She lets her chin fall to her chest, hands linked between her knees. "But this...I just feel worse now."

The bed dips beside her and Vanessa rubs her back. She leans into her, welcoming the familiar touch. "I think...maybe it's different because this wasn't-" Vanessa sighs. "Well, it's maybe because there's no justice to be found in this, nobody to be punished. It's just...final."

Resisting the urge to argue with that notion, Charity blows out a slow breath and nods. "Yeah. Maybe."

"You can't change what's going to happen, but there are things you can do," Vanessa continues. Charity lifts her head and looks into determined blue eyes. "I know how much you hate feeling like a spare part, but it doesn't have to be that way. You can help to make sure Lisa gets to do all the things she wants to do. You can be there for Belle and for Zak, supporting them." Vanessa smiles sadly. "I know it doesn't sound much, but those are important things, real things, that you can do for them."

Charity nods along with her as she speaks, a lump forming in her throat. Charity knows how important those things are, because she never had them before she had Vanessa. She could never have made it through the whole Bails thing if she didn't have Vanessa by her side, holding her up, steadying her, telling her she could do it. And if she needs to be that person for Belle and Zak, then she will be. She blinks away tears and smiles.

"Yeah." She nods. "You're right."

"Aren't I usually?" Vanessa asks, one eyebrow raised.

Charity shakes her head and leans in to press a chaste kiss against her lips. "Sometimes."

Vanessa's smile falters. "Oh, and I meant to say earlier. I'm...I'm sorry for, you know, letting on to Belle that you'd told me." She shakes her head, looking down. "It was bad enough she was upset about her mum telling you and I had to go and-"

Placing a finger over Vanessa's lips, Charity silences her. "Don't be daft. She's a bright girl, she'd have figured it out once she thought back on the whole jungle expedition episode, wouldn't she?" She sighs, dropping her forehead to rest against Vanessa's. "Tell you what, though, I think I'd have gone off my head if I hadn't told you."

"It was a lot to deal with on your own," Vanessa agrees. She squeezes Charity's knee. "And Belle will come around. Like you said, she's a clever girl. She'll see you were only doing as her mum asked."

"I hope so. Last thing we need right now is aggro in the family." Charity pulls back a little, brushing Vanessa's hair behind her ear. "I'll go up and see her tomorrow, see if we can sort everything out. And then we can focus on what's ahead." She looks down. "Whatever they need."

A gentle finger under her chin encourages her to look up again, meeting compassionate blue eyes and a soft smile. "Absolutely, whatever they need." Vanessa presses her lips together and Charity braces herself for something she probably doesn't want to hear. "But...you're losing Lisa too, Charity. And I know you'll want to put Belle and Zak first, and that's fine. I get that." Vanessa swallows and shakes her head. Her hand moves to cup Charity's cheek, keeping their eyes locked. "But in here, with me, you come first, okay? I want you to be able to feel whatever you feel. And I want you to be able to tell me what you need, yeah?"

Tears spill down her cheeks, unexpectedly. She thought she had none left to cry. But perhaps tears of gratitude come from a different place. She shakes her head, letting out a watery laugh. Not for the first time, she finds herself unable to adequately convey the love she feels for this woman. Sniffing, she rubs her arm across her face and smiles.

"A cuddle would be a good start, babe."

Vanessa smiles through her own tears and wraps her arms around Charity, holding her close. Charity's face falls into the crook of Vanessa's neck, returning the embrace. And for the first time since Lisa told her the awful news, she doesn't feel powerless. She'll help Zak and Belle through this. She'll be strong for them when they need her to be, she'll be brave for Lisa when she's scared.

Because she knows Vanessa will be here to hold her as she cries.