CHAPTER 53

This morning I got a call from Lyla freaking out wondering where Opie was because he didn't come home last night. Her mind goes exactly where mine used to go – sleeping with some whore.

I don't know what Lyla wants me to do, I'm already running around trying to feed two grumpy children whilst Jax paces the hall on the phone.

"Jax?" I call for him hoping he gets the message that I need help but he just holds up his finger at me trying to tell me he won't be long but I just roll my eyes and see to a hungry Thomas.

I pick him up out his chair to feed him his bottle "Ok, momma's here" I say and finally get to sit down.

Jax comes through to the kitchen finally and says "Sorry babe" but I don't say it's okay because he knows I'm pissed.

"Nothin you could have waited to deal with at the club house?" I ask him when he sits down opposite me at the table.

"It was Unser." He says and I furrow my brows, confused as to why he would call this early unless something bad has happened.

"Everything okay?" I ask

"Yeah, he's just getting something for me"

"Getting what?"

"Nothin that big of a deal babe" he says as he drinks his coffee "You heard from Ope? Lyla keeps callin"

"Yeah she's called me too, I haven't had a chance to call him yet" I point out emphasising how busy I've been. "Everything okay between them?" I ask

"How would I know? Ope is a closed book these days"

"Well I figured he would confide in you about things you know"

"When I see him I'll ask" he says and grabs some toast, leans down to kiss me and the boys, says bye then flies out the door.

I sigh and think is Jax hiding something? He still hasn't mentioned finding the letters after Clay told me. Was clay telling the truth? Is it risky to bring it up?

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Since this morning I have been feeling curious about what Jax needs from Unser and the only way I was going to find out was by asking Unser myself.

I drove over to his trailer on a dirt road where he's been staying. He was sat outside drinking coffee when I arrived and he look surprised to see me here.

"Mornin" I say to him as I walk over to where he's sitting.

"Morning Cara, didn't expect to be seeing you here. Especially with what just happened"

"I'm better" I tell him and sit down.

"Sorry I didn't come see you in the hospital, I er haven't been feeling too great myself with the chemo and all" he says and it makes me smile that he cares but I feel sad for him that he has to go through this.

I grab his hand to reassure him it's okay "To be honest I got sick of people visiting me in hospital."

Unser nods "So, did you come over here to enjoy the view or?" he asks sarcastically and I laugh as I look ahead at the non-existent view out here.

"I um – I know you probably know more than you think I do." I say and right now he looks confused but worried at the same time. "Specifically about … JT … and some letters."

"What do you want me to say Cara?" he asks shrugging his shoulders.

"I believe, or I should I say I was told that Jax found the letters that I have been hiding from him." I come out and say but I can tell Unser doesn't want to say what he should, like he's holding back. "And there's a reason I didn't want him to read them"

"He hasn't mentioned that he read em?" Unser asks and I shake my head then he says "Well then maybe he hasn't"

I shake my head at Unser and just come out with what I came here to ask "What does Jax need from you?"

His expression is blank so I keep pushing "Jax was on the phone with you this morning, he said it's because he needs something from you"

I can tell he's becoming more uncomfortable "Look, Cara … I don't want to get in the middle of whatever this is"

"You already are." I say and I hear him sigh, I think it's working.

"Jax came to me not long ago saying he read some letters okay? He didn't say how he got them and he didn't really say much about what was in em, just that if they mean what he thinks they mean then he needs more info."

"You have that more info?" I ask him meaning for him to go on.

"I mean I can get into things so when he asked I told him I would try"

"What did he ask for?" I ask again.

"The accident report from his father's accident." Unser finally comes out to say and my eyes widen "I guess he wants more info, see if the two match"

"Oh my god" I say, it makes sense.

"I think you need to clear this up with Jax because if I have learnt anything, it's that secrets like these are bad. They are bad for people like you and Jax."

I trust Unser's advice so I don't have a problem asking him "Is he crazy - or is this a good thing?"

"I think we both know that the way JT died was never solved – like it was pushed under the rug. I get the feeling those letters are under that rug sweetheart. Why else would those letters be such a secret?" he tells me and nod completely agreeing with what he's saying

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When I pull into the club house Ima is pulling out. Why the hell was she here? Was the last time we spoke not a clear enough warning? Seeing her has angered me so I get out my car quick and walk to the back room where Opie is getting dressed, sensing that's where she just came from.

"Seriously?! Ima?!" I yell at him before he can tell I am there.

He is startled by my yelling and tells me "Please don't"

"Lyla has been going crazy wondering where you have been! The whole time you've been having fun with your dick?! Imagine if it was Lyla that had walked through here and not me?" I ask him but he just pulls on his cut and doesn't say anything.

"You just got married Opie" I state folding my arms.

"I found birth control pills in her stuff. This marriage doesn't mean shit."

"So you solve it by hooking up with a porn star? and Ima out of all of them Jesus Christ!"

"She was just there at the time" he says and I scoff at him, he's unbelievable. I was about to yell more abuse at him but I hear Jax come from behind and call "Ope chapel." And I can tell by the look on Jax's face he didn't expect me to be here.

"Can you talk some sense into this ass whole?" I ask Jax and storm past but something tells me whatever Jax says won't help anyway.

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"You calmed down yet?" Jax asks when he comes home late while I'm combing my wet hair after a very enjoyable much needed shower.

"I just don't think Opie realises what he's doing." I say and he comes up from behind me and starts massaging my shoulders.

"Do you really want to talk about your brother's sexual frustrations?" he asks and I shake my head, turn to face him and take a deep breath.

"There is something I need to talk to you about though" I say turning on my serious face preparing everything in me for the conversation we are about to have.

"Do you wanna sit down?" I ask him feeling nervous but he looks at me unsure why I'm asking such a stupid question but he sits down at the table anyway and sit opposite.

I start by saying "I know you have read all the letters from your father and I … I know what it is you need from Unser"

Jax's focus moves from me down to look at his hands but I continue talking despite how uncomfortable he's beginning to look "And it's okay that you haven't mentioned it to me but I just wanted you to understand why I hid them from you"

"I know" he says looking fairly calm and it makes me feel more relaxed. "You hid them to protect me" he says and I nod at him grabbing his hand across the table.

"Piney gave them to me." He says and I let go of the breath I've been holding in. It makes sense it was him; he was the only one that knew where they where – I just wish he had told me first. "He explained how you have been tiptoeing around them and even though he suggested not giving them to me he said he changed his mind. I wasn't going to mention I read them to you until I knew what I was dealing with."

"Clay was the one that told me you found them, he came to the hospital … so how does he know Jax?"

"He's probably been hassling Piney about them and to piss clay off he told him he gave them to me" he says and it worries me what Clay would do to get what he wants.

I nod at him understanding and I ask "But why would my dad change his mind?"

"Same reason he gave his version of my dad's manuscript to me the day of Donna's funeral – the truth"

"What do we do with that truth?" I ask him curious to know.

"You know it isn't easy babe. Things are adding up but one thing I know for sure is that Clay killed my old man and he didn't try once but two times before that." He says eyes wide and full of rage, the kind of rage which will hopefully end the misery that comes from Clay Morrow.

"No more hiding anything." I tell him and he nods back agreeing and repeats my words "No more hiding"

"And we deal with this together, whatever needs to be done I will support you and you will do it to protect our family, okay?" I tell him and he nods gazing right into my eyes. He lifts up my hand and kisses my knuckles and I release another breathe I've been holding in.

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I made a late night drive after mine and Jax's talk to go to the cabin to see my dad and thank him and when I get there he is cleaning out his guns whilst sipping on a pint of something, of course.

"Hey there" he says when he notices me walk in and I sit down next to him resting my elbows on the table next to all his gun parts

"Thank you" I say before saying hello or anything else.

"What for darling?" he asks looking up from his guns.

"For doing the right thing, helping Jax figure it out for himself by giving him the letters."

He puts down the guns and shrugs his shoulders "Well, I didn't know what else to do, something needed to be done"

I lean closer and kiss him on the cheek and tell him "You're a good man dad" and he seems surprised by it.

"I have my moments I guess." He says but I ask him what I've been wondering.

"How did you get into my drawer anyway?"

"I've been around a long enough to figure out how to unlock somethin without a key sweetheart." He says and gives me a wink.

"Well, you could of gave me a heads up." I say

"Cara, this is Jax's problem not yours, I knew he would tell you he read them when he was ready."

I let out a sigh and I lean back into my chair to say. "I feel sad for him y'know? Jax treated Clay like his father – he respected him. Jax looked up to him and agreed with pretty much every bad thing he got him to do, despite the circumstances. When I came back here I remember Jax talked about JT like he didn't care about him or the club but this whole time John just tried to escape the fear of the man who was sleeping with his wife while his son was being taken from him."

"Yeah – I watched it all happen, that's why giving Jax those letters were the best decision I ever made." He says and I couldn't agree more. "And whatever happens next will only be a good thing Cara, I can promise you that"

I smile back at him, feeling hope for the first time since reading those letters.