~ Michi

Everyone went their own ways while waiting for the fireworks to begin. Scenes like Sawa taking Kent to the side nervously or Mine chasing Ikki with a lit sparkler because why not flitted in my vision but I couldn't focus on any of it.

Maybe it was because he was the one I had started with, the first one here to gain a place deeply rooted in my heart, but even so… The sight of him sitting there looking mildly amused at everything was enough to freak me out.

"H… Hey, Shin. Can I sit here?"

"It's not like I'm going to stop you." He blinked when I made a point of sitting very close to him but didn't question it.

"… Hm…" I stared at him for a long time.

"You're creepy. Stop that."

"Sorry, you just… Look so nice." I fidgeted. Seriously? That was how I started? Damn it all.

His eyes widened and he glanced down at himself in a simple black yukata. "Oh. Well… okay. You're, uh…" He blushed. "Yeah. You know." He frowned and averted his eyes.

"Uh-huh." I looked at my lap. There was a feeling that somehow a blockage had been in place that explained why I hadn't confessed to anyone up until now, but I couldn't really remember why. With it gone now I was still just as clueless as before but more than ready to move on. "Buck up! Act like you really want it! Goooosh!" I yelled, meaning for the words to be internal but saying them out loud instead.

"Uh…" Shin sighed. "You know, I won't even ask. This almost seems normal for you."

"I! I, uh… Shit. Lemme start over, okay?" I stood up, turned in a circle and sat back down. "So… You're going far away sooner rather than later, Shin."

He sensed my sudden seriousness and nodded, expression falling. "Yeah. It's what's best for me, I think. You know… I probably wouldn't have done it without you. Accepted admittance into a college across the ocean."

"What do you mean?"

"You just… You never let anything stand in your way. You're headstrong, sometimes violent, and you generally don't care about other people's opinions…"

"Geez, Shin, is this supposed to be a compliment?"

"But," he qualified after flicking my cheek, "Somehow that inspired me to think for myself too. If I had let everyone else's opinions of me and my dad get to me, I wouldn't be here. I would have stopped dreaming a long time ago. But you helped me hold on, and that's why I'm able to go." He laughed softly. "Whatever. Thanks for everything."

We'd definitely been through a lot together. Even so, the entire time and even now I wanted more. "… Remember when you said…" I took a breath. "That maybe… I could wait for you…?"

His gaze snapped to mine, searching and almost scared. "Yeah…?"

"I mean, no way will I do that, that's lame. It's four whole years."

"What the actual hell, Michi…" He shook his head and looked away. "That's just cruel."

"What if I…" I trailed off because my voice had begun to shake with nerves. I just wasn't too good at the sappy stuff, so this was all a stretch.

"Michi?" Shin leaned over to peer at my face. "Seriously, what is it? You're killing me."

"What if, instead of saying "Wait for me", you said… "Come with me"…?"

"… What?"

I looked at him expectantly.

"Are you insane? How could I ever say that? Your life is here… isn't it?" He wavered, uncertain and confused.

"I mean yeah I'm insane but I've been trying to study my English lately and my grades weren't that bad, and I've been filling out the application a bit, so…" I shook my head. "I just can't give up without trying."

"So what you're saying is…" His eyes widened further with disbelief.

"I'm saying that I don't want to give up on you without us not even having tried at least! Okay? I don't know how many other ways I can say it or how many times I need to for you to understand, but…" I trailed off as he started laughing.

"I get it... Don't be upset, okay? I'm just surprised is all. This is impulsive, even for you."

"I don't need anyone to tell me that. I'm well aware."

"Look… Maybe think this through a little bit more," Shin said hesitantly. "It's a huge step to make."

"Damn, Shin! Stop making things complicated!" I huffed.

"You've been making it complicated this entire time too!" He retorted.

"Just date me, dammit!"

He opened his mouth but no words came out.

"Uh." I blinked, clearing my throat. "I know… I know that every word coming out of my mouth is completely nonsensical, but… In the time that's left before you leave, I want to see what's possible. Just… I'm saying that I love you so much. So, at least for now, will you date me?"

He released a slow breath, shaking his head. "I can't keep up with you. But yeah, Michi. I've loved you for a while now. Let's give it a shot."

I grinned. "I thought I was about to die, honestly." It had felt almost impossible to do it alone. The absence of a wingman had felt crucial somehow.

"Me too…" He chuckled and placed his hand over mine, shifting to have our arms touching. Even such a small touch felt electric and although I reminded myself to be cautious and not put too much stock into the future I still imagined that a time would come when such casual touches would become warmly commonplace. "Hm." He frowned.

"What?" I would've thought he'd be happy at least a little bit.

"It still feels tenuous."

"Explain." I frowned back at him when he tilted his head to look at me.

"Well… Up until now we've been going back and forth a lot. I was expecting to have to work a lot harder for a lot longer to win you over. So, to suddenly be dating just like that… It's weird. Anticlimactic."

"Did you want me to make it more climactic? Because I totally could."

"That sounds terrifying actually, so no."

I laughed. "Again, I'm not promising forever… But I love you, so I'll try my hardest here. We'll see where it goes?"

He nodded. "Okay. No worries…"

I grinned. "You're spazzing right now, aren't you?"

"No. Shut up."

"Haha… Dork."

He pinched my cheeks and pulled on them. "Stop."

"Wahwahwah! You stahp dat!" I rubbed my face when he let go. "Ow…"

"It's not like you minded, though…" He glanced away. "Is that right?"

"Er…" I'd completely forgotten that I'd sort of told him about my… proclivities. "Well, that's… probably a private discussion. For later. Muuuch later…" I coughed. I wasn't quite certain he was ready or even able to embrace it. To each their own.

"Later, then." He nodded. "That's fine by me…" He kissed my cheek and the corner of my mouth in quick succession. "I'm just happy that there is a later, if that makes sense," he murmured against my skin.

"Me too." I squeezed my eyes shut and turned my head, blindly finding his lips. I didn't want to ever let him go again, no matter what I said. Distance, even death; they weren't enough to tear us apart. I pulled away to whisper. "I love you so much."

He answered with a firm kiss and his arms around me. For the life of us, neither could remember at any point after that what the fireworks had actually looked like; just how they felt.


~ First Date ~

"Okay… Okay…" I took deep breaths and nearly panted them out, one hand against my heart and the other holding onto Shin's fingers tightly. "Fuck! I'm freaking out."

"I can tell," he sighed. "Calm down. It's just a dinner with my dad."

"The last time I saw him I basically barged into his house and told him how to run his life. Now I'm dating his son, and like… the dynamic has changed, you know? I can't not be nervous."

"I get it, but just calm down."

I sighed. "Okay. Calming… Do I at least look presentable?"

"Yeah. I see you shaved your legs for the occasion." He glanced down and let out a chuckle.

"I'm wearing a bra too." Although that was only because the dress I was wearing was white.

"Wait, what?" He blinked.

"What do you mean, what?"

"You don't…"

"No, not usually. Did you never even look, dude?"

"Of course not!"

"Now I know you're lying."

"Shut up. We're going to talk to my dad. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"But you're the one who just said… Ugh. Fine." I nervously buttoned and unbuttoned the top of my jean jacket. "But honestly… Is this fine?" I'd tried to tone it down.

"It's nice." He shrugged. "Well…" He reached out and brushed my bangs out of my face. "You're not wearing it up today."

"Well, I uh…" I frowned. "I can't really wear my old clip anymore, you know…?"

"Why not?"

I cleared my throat. "No reason. Don't worry about it. And I accidentally broke the other one I bought, so… Ahaha."

"You've been acting weird all day…"

"Just don't expect it to stop."

"I really wasn't." He kissed my cheek just outside the door to his house. "Don't worry. Just be yourself."

"That's pretty dangerous, don't you think?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Come on." He tugged me inside and I ducked, hiding behind him. The house distinctly smelled like burning. "Dad?" Shin found him in the kitchen.

"Hey… I made chicken." The man looked down at a pan filled with barbecue sauce and a hunk of black meat. "Uh. Takeout?"

"L-let's cook together," I suggested. FATHER DAUGHTER BONDING TIME. Shin squeezed my hand encouragingly and nodded.

"That would be nice." His dad smiled tremulously and scraped his attempt into the trashcan.

"So, uh, sir, what do you have here?"

"Please call me Shinnosuke."

I laughed. "Shin and Shinnosuke, that's cute… Ehehe." I cleared my throat. "Um, I'm an okay cook. Between the three of us we can definitely make something passable. Right?" I looked to Shin for help in my awkwardness.

"Definitely." He nodded and started pulling random things out of cupboards.

I dashed to the fridge and pulled out a jar of salsa. "Shin. Shin. It has mangoes in it, Shin."

"Yeah?"

"So we have to use it."

"… Okay," he sighed. "Nachos. Dad, nachos?"

"I feel lucky enough to have a kitchen that's not on fire."

"That's a yes."

I pulled out vegetables and seized the largest knife possible before starting to dice them. "These will be fancy nachos! These nachos will have peppers and onions."

"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard," Shin sighed at me again from his place standing in front of the stove browning ground beef. "This was a little freezer burned but it's fine."

"Whatever, dude. Don't judge my nachos lifestyle."

"Um… What can I do?" Shinnosuke held up his hands.

"Sit," Shin ordered. "You've probably done enough cooking today."

The man slumped. "Um," I began hesitantly, "You can come peel the skins of the onions before I cut them…"

"I'll do that!" He took one and instantly dropped it into the trash. "… Oh."

"It's fine! Just get another." I laughed and he smiled almost shyly. We were both working around the situation in the same way, I realized, attempting small steps towards a friendly relationship.

In the end nacho was accomplished with little to no bloodshed and/or fire and we were able to sit at the table in a triangle with me between the two of them. "So…" My hands were almost shaking. As a person Shinnosuke wasn't intimidating whatsoever but now that his identity included the title of father to my boyfriend I was unnerved. "I'll just say it, you must be a little weirded out by this!"

"Michi…" Shin stared at me and my face flamed up but I still raised my head and continued.

"Well, it's true, right? I don't imagine that you saw this coming or that it's what you wanted… That out of all the people in the world I'm the one you would have wanted Shin to be with. But, uh… I promise. I want to treasure him absolutely. And… Everything's gonna be okay. That's all." I crunched loudly on a chip, ducking my head again to hide behind my bangs.

"I'll be candid as well since you're being this honest." Shinnosuke folded his hands. "The thought of the two of you together felt like the worst possible thing to me before. It felt… wrong, somehow. Like an offense against how things should be, considering our situation. That being said…" He let out a breath and offered a tired yet contented smile. "It's not my place to put my happiness before my son's especially after everything I've done."

"Dad… Just know that I didn't take this lightly. I imagined all the sorts of ways you might react and I was prepared to accept any of it," Shin murmured seriously.

"I'm prepared as well. And… I wish the two of you luck."

I nodded. "We don't need luck. Just… Y-your blessing, please."

Shinnosuke nodded. "You've got it."

I smiled. "Good… I was so nervous I'd almost lost my appetite… But I'm better now!" I laughed.

"Glad to see that your world is spinning properly again." Shin ruffled my hair.

"Ahaha... Phew." It felt like I could finally breathe again. The rest of dinner passed with light conversation, meaningless but overall pleasant.

"Well… I should get to bed. I work the early shift." Shinnosuke shook my hand. "It was good to see you again." He paused and look at Shin. "Uh… A little bit of fathering here…" He shuffled his feet. "No having her in your room with the door closed at any point, okay?"

"Dad! I'm seventeen!" Shin blushed furiously. "Don't worry about it… Whatever."

Shinnosuke held his hands up innocently and went into his own room. "Good night, you two…"

"Um… That could have been worse," I mumbled. Any awkwardness I had shed throughout the evening had been built back up in that singular moment.

"It went better than I thought it would." Shin took my hand. "Want to go somewhere else before I walk you home?"

"Yeah." I was permanently greedy for some time with just the two of us. "… Dessert?" I suggested in a mumble.

"Sure." We made a trip into the main plaza of town, going for the reliable standard of ice cream cones so we could still meander around and talk. "I could tell Dad was trying hard," Shin noted.

"Me too. It was kind of cute… So is that what you're going to look like when you're older?"

"What? I don't know. Why do you care?"

"I dunno." I grinned. "Anyways… I still feel really happy. He gave his blessing."

"It's not like we're getting married… You didn't have to ask for it like that."

"It feels important, okay?"

"Fine…"

"Does your dad not cook a lot?"

"Nah. He was never great but after Mom left he sort of just gave up." Shin blinked. "Geez… I guess I should introduce you to her."

"I met her a few times, back then. It was a sort of like a hi nice to meet you okay I'm gonna go use your shower type thing."

"Yeah, but it's been such a long time. Or at least it feels like it has."

"I feel like that too. I've lost track of the days I spent just wallowing… I never would have imagined we'd be here now." I sighed and rested my cheek briefly on his shoulder. "If you ever need any help at home, just tell me, okay? I can come over anytime, even if it's just to help make dinner."

"… Thanks. I will." He pressed his mouth into my hair.

"So can I have a bite of your ice cream?"

He sighed. "I knew you'd ask that sooner or later. Trade with me."

"Haha… Indirect kiss. This is fun."

"Please just stop…"

"Om… This is good."

"Uh-huh." Shin swooped in to touch his lips to mine before standing up straight.

I blushed. "Things are… different now, huh…?"

"Yup."

"I… um, don't laugh. But I used to imagine dating you a lot… What it would be like."

"Oh." He looked away. "So… What did you think about, exactly?"

"Well… I never thought you'd actually start being nicer to me. And you haven't, which is fine. Fits expectations."

"Seriously…?"

"And, well… I thought that you'd be more hesitant about things. Like holding hands, or… and other stuff. You know."

"I already know that hesitating with you gets me nowhere." He sighed. "If I'd hesitated any more we definitely wouldn't be together now, don't you think?"

"Maybe not." It was strange to consider. "Probably not, no." If he hadn't acted first I would have assumed in the end that he wasn't willing to attempt at all. "You kept me on my toes right up until the last second, it felt like…"

He heaved a sigh but leaned in again to whisper. "I'm glad you chose me."

The red dusting his cheeks made my heart squeeze. "Me too." I leaned up the short distance between our heights to kiss him, longer this time.

He stepped away after a while. "You're sticky." His cheeks were redder now and he looked at my mouth before jerking his gaze away.

I laughed but stopped when his expression changed, tensing as his gaze flicked around at passersby. "What is it?"

"Come on." He tugged on my wrist and set off at a quick pace, letting go to walk ahead of me.

"Shin, seriously. What's wrong?" I grabbed his arm and wouldn't let go, staying rooted in place stubbornly.

"We should get out of here," he hissed under his breath.

"What?" I looked around us with confusion and was met with stares and pointing. "Uh… Oh." Realization finally hit. "… This is what your dad meant. It's…" When they looked at us people saw the daughter of a dead man and the son of a murderer together in some unnatural union. It hadn't been that long in the eyes of the public. Ideally I should have still been in mourning. Part of me had no clue why I wasn't. It simply wasn't acceptable yet for me to be up and about; it was like a widower marrying too soon after the death of a spouse. Shin and I weren't supposed to be like this. The looks of nothing less than horror on some people's faces conveyed that perfectly.

"… I wanted to leave before you noticed," Shin murmured gently. I felt my legs shaking and he noticed too. "Come on."

"Why… Hey!" I tore my wrist away from his leading grip. "Why the fuck should I care what everyone else thinks of my life? They can shove their opinions up their asses! I mean, come on, Shin!"

He sighed and then smiled. "If it's okay with you, then it's fine with me too."

"Well that's that." I shook my head to try and shake off my soured mood. "There aren't many people who I care at all what they think. Like, even if your dad had disapproved, I'd still do whatever I wanted. I guess... The only one that matters is you. I can sustain myself with that much, whatever comes at us. Besides… You're going overseas. To a place where no one's going to look at you like this ever again." I touched his cheek. "All of this is going to fly away, I hope."

He blinked a few times before closing his eyes and leaning into my touch. "I hope so… I'm so tired of this."

"You're a lot more than the son of a murderer." The whole time he'd been bearing the weight of other people's actions, those of his father, my father, and even mine. "You don't have to bear it alone ever again, okay?"

"Thanks to you," he whispered. "Damn." He reached up to wipe at his eyes. "Let's just go anyways…"

"Don't cry. If you cry then you'll set me off and everything will just be a big mess."

"I'm not going to cry!" He scoffed. "Not over something this stupid."

I shook my head. "Forget what I said… It's totally fine to cry."

"Honestly though." Shin took my hand again and leaned his forehead against mine. "It's just that I'm relieved. I'm used to this much, the looks. That doesn't bother me. But this… having someone to lean on. It's completely new. Kind of overwhelming." He pressed his lips to mine, slipping a hand to the back of my neck and keeping contact until I lost track of seconds and happily slipped off into my own fabricated corner of reality where it was just the two of us, all that was needed.

I only pulled away when I felt wetness on my hand. "Da ice cream!" I started licking precious sugar off my wrist. "Aw man… I won't lose to confectionaries!"

Shin laughed. "You never do let a moment go to waste, do you?"

"I never joke about food, my man."

He pinched my cheek. "Uh-huh. I know."

I sighed once the crisis was averted. "I guess I have to go home at some point, huh?"

"Hm." Shin frowned faintly. "I guess so."

I smirked. "Your dad… He really said it. Not to have the doors closed…"

"Shut up."

"Have you never brought a girl over?"

"Only you, really. There were a few girls before the, uh, incident, but… Nothing serious. And it's not as if anyone would want to date me after what happened. Except you, for some strange cosmic reason," he muttered sarcastically.

"Oh…" I frowned. "Poor lonely Shin!"

"I wasn't lonely!" He pinched my cheek harder this time.

"Ow…"

"Toma was there the whole time. I think he wasn't fazed at all just because of the kind of person he is. Or at least what he thinks he is." Shin paused. "And you came back… So it turned out fine. So I was never completely alone. A little lonely, maybe. Just a bit."

"You just assaulted me for calling you lonely, and then you admit it."

"Whatever."

"Apologize," I mumbled, faking grumpiness at him.

He kissed my cheek. "Better now?"

"Yep." I grinned and he smiled back.

"So how's the application going?"

"Slow, but I'm doing okay…" I frowned. "I'm scared of going overseas. I've been in this town for such a long time."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"No… Just like what you're doing, I like the idea of a fresh start." Besides that, I didn't want to lose him. I was taking every moment we had seriously because it wasn't just a fling to me. "I might need help with English though…"

"You always were better at math and science than languages. I'll help you study."

"Thanks…" I heaved a sigh when we arrived back at my apartment. "Well… Bye, I guess."

"Don't give me that face. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"That feels like a long time."

"Don't be ridiculous." He gave me a quick kiss. "Goodnight."

"G'night." I laughed and called after him once he had gotten some distance away from me. "I promise to have dirty dreams of you tonight!"

He stumbled, regained balance and then crouched for a minute before getting to his feet and shooting me a look over his shoulder "You're an idiot! A complete idiot!"

"What, it's not like I was lying…" I mumbled, shrugging as I went into what felt like a very empty room. It was moments like these when I was by myself that I felt it most poignantly; a sense that something was off, or rather a plaguing loneliness. It made me look forward to the days ahead even more.


~ Proposal ~

"Alright." Shin sat cross-legged across from me on his bed. "Go. Introduce yourself in English."

"Okay…" I gulped and took a breath. "Hello. My name is… Michi Ohayashi. Very nice… meeting." I shook my head. "I mean, very nice to meet you."

"Stiff, but better. You know, you'd have an easier time at this if you just relaxed. You've been studying hard but you just freak yourself out."

"I know… I just get so nervous worrying about what kind of people I'm going to meet or what kinds of new foods I might discover."

"Of course that's your main concern… You're such an idiot."

"What? What was that?" I raised my eyebrows.

"You'd know if you studied a bit more."

"You're starting to piss me off…" I mumbled.

"I love you."

I blushed. "That one I know. Um… I love you too."

"Let's get married over there once I turn eighteen."

"What?" I'd only understood a few words out of the sentence.

"Nothing."

"Come on, what'd you say?"

"I didn't say anything serious. Come on. Keep practicing."

"I will if you stop teasing me," I huffed. "Okay then…" By some miracle or another I'd been accepted into the same college as Shin. Part of me, not believing I would be, had put off my studies in English and so now I had to buckle down and study twice as hard as I would have had to if I hadn't procrastinated.

In December we moved to the United States to a state where the people actually did wear shoes despite a popular stereotype. The most disappointing aspect was that there weren't really a lot of new foods for me to try as most of them had been available back in Japan anyhow. Interestingly enough there were a lot of other international students at the school so I was able to form a study group for English practice and make some friends to boot. Overall I settled into a far more peaceful lifestyle, especially because if I started any fights I was certain to be expelled. That put a damper on my tradition of ass-kickings but was a fair enough tradeoff.

November 30th of our freshman year was Shin's eighteenth birthday. I sat at my desk gripping the sides of my chair for dear life while Sawa stared at me from the other end on a Skype call. "I… I haven't found anything for him."

"Michi… His birthday is tomorrow."

"I know! He just never wants anything! All he ever buys for himself is socks! I can't get him socks!"

"I mean, you could…"

"That's not a girlfriend gift! I mean, we've been together for over a year now and I still have no idea what to do for his birthday… What does that say about me?"

"All it says is that Shin is hard to shop for. You can work around this, okay? Let's brainstorm." She swiveled in her chair on her end. "Kent, come here!"

"Hm? Oh, good evening, Michi." Kent peered into the camera and waved. "What seems to be the problem? I heard you yelling from the other room."

"It's Shin's birthday tomorrow and she doesn't know what to get him. Can you help us think of something?"

"Hmm…" He tilted his head this way and that. "Since I do not know Shin, I can't be of much help. However… A gift does not have to be tangible."

"Eh?" I raised my eyebrows.

"For example, on my birthday Sawa simply spent the day with me. Such a menial thing is more than enough. It's certainly better than receiving a gift with no functionality to it."

"But is that really enough?" I asked doubtfully.

"It will have to be unless you can think of a better idea." Kent shrugged. "Best of luck to you." He drifted away, most likely back onto work towards his thesis project.

"Well, he's not exactly wrong. If Shin doesn't want anything then you don't have to force it. It's his fault, too, for not telling you something he might want." Sawa shrugged.

"Maybe…" I sighed. "Thanks for your help. I'm calmer now, at least."

"Hey, what are friends for?" She smiled.

"So… How's it going with Kent?" They'd been dating for a few months now so I'd see him flitting around in the background sometimes during these calls.

"It's going pretty well. He's less awkward than he used to be, but I wish he'd loosen up a little." Sawa giggled. "We'll get there."

"I bet." I smiled. "Happy for ya."

"You too, Michi. Make sure to come visit me on Christmas break, okay? You're coming home, right?"

"Eh, Shin and I are still budgeting plane tickets. Attempting to at least… I'll let you know asap. Cool?"

"Fingers crossed! Anyways, if nothing else works you can just get him a gift card or something. Never a bad last resort."

"Maybe…" I heard the door open behind me and screamed as I slammed my laptop shut.

"… Hi?" Shin shook his head as he came inside.

"Haaaahhhh…" I started breathing again after the shock. "How was work?"

"Fine… What are you up to?" He eyed me with suspicion.

"It definitely has nothing to do with your birthday." I blinked. "Shit. Well…" I collapsed next to him on the couch. We'd opted to split the cost for an apartment rather than staying in on-campus housing and so lived in our own peaceful little rickety corner. "What do you even want, Shin? I mean, I've got nothing here."

He slipped out of his jacket and slung it over the back of the couch before putting an arm over my shoulders. "I'd like…" He hesitated. "A yes."

"A what?"

"A yes."

"I heard you, but that makes no sense."

"It will. Trust me." He shook his head and rubbed his hands together.

"Geez… It's cold out there and you're not even dressing properly… Dumbass." I hugged him. "Share in my body warmth."

"You're dumb." Even though he said that he closed his eyes and let me cuddle him. "I'm tired."

"Go to sleep then."

"Gotta shower."

"Go shower then."

"Too comfortable."

"Then we'll sleep here."

"Okay…" Once I felt him actually start to doze off I shook him. "Hey. Shin, come on. Shower and bed."

"No." He tried to roll over.

"… Shower together?"

"What?" He jerked and sat up.

"Haha, just kidding. Get your ass in gear." I grinned as he scowled at me but complied. Once he was gone I rushed to my chair, grabbed my jacket, slung on my boots and sprinted out the door. No time for second thoughts or an online order. I had an idea and had to get out and get it asap even if I looked absolutely crazy running around town in search of it.

By the time I got back it was past ten o'clock and Shin was fast asleep. I spent some time wrapping the gift, calling Sawa again to update her and apologize for hanging up suddenly and finally showering before creeping into the bedroom we shared and using as much stealth power as I could muster to get in beside him.

Despite these efforts he still stirred and rolled over onto his back. "It's almost midnight... What were you doing?"

"Nothing… nothing at all." I giggled softly and sighed as I rubbed my cheek against the welcome smoothness of a pillow. "But I'm tired now too… Let's just get to sleep, okay?"

"Talk to me for a while first?"

"Okay." I blinked at him sleepily when despite saying that he took a while to speak again.

"What's your opinion of sex before marriage?"

"Eh?" I coughed, fully awake now. "… Wait, is this you trying to get me back for earlier? It worked. Congrats."

"No, I'm being serious."

"What's my opinion? Well…" I considered it briefly. "I don't see the harm in it. Sex is an important part of a relationship and I think it's better to know if you're compatible before marriage… Besides, it's just a normal thing for people to do. As long as you trust each other. I mean, I've already had sex before so I guess I don't care all that much…"

"… What?" Shin rolled over to face me, eyes widened slightly.

"Er… Um… I didn't mean to say that. Sorry."

"… Oh." He sighed. "I'm not going to say I don't care, but it's not something that matters to me that much." A frown still etched into his face. "But it's pretty easy to guess who it was with… That's the part I kind of hate."

"Please don't be mad."

"I know it was before we were dating. It's fine."

"I just…" I shook my head. "It… At the time, I just… Ugh. Sorry." After so long I couldn't explain anymore how I'd felt back then.

"Sometimes I really hate it when he has to come up," Shin murmured, rolling onto his other side to have his back to me.

"… I know." Neither of us had seen or heard from Toma since the night of the fireworks festival. Apparently he had quit his job that night and taken off to who knows where. Despite his long absence he was still a part of both of our lives because he had been so influential in our pasts. It felt like longer than it had actually been, but thoughts of Toma were unavoidable somehow. In this case it felt like he was being brought up in the worst way possible.

"… I'm sorry," I said again. "But… I'm not sorry. I really don't want to apologize for it, and I shouldn't feel like I have to." Shit. I was just ruining things more with every word. "Whatever…" I hugged myself and perched near the edge of the bed to put distance between us. Mostly I was scared of his reaction; the truth of it was that I really just wanted to hug him. Of course at this point Shin was the only one I would ever have such thoughts towards.

"It's okay," Shin said after a few minutes. "Just… I've never been this jealous before. It's not a good feeling."

"That, I'll apologize for. I've done this to you a few times, huh…"

"Yeah. Back then you nearly drove me crazy. I could never tell who out of the four of us you were leaning towards. It got to the point where I could hardly stand the sight of any of them." He shifted and tugged on my arm. "Come here."

"You scared me just now," I mumbled as he pulled me to him. "I thought you were honestly angry, like maybe you wouldn't forgive me or something."

"It'd take a lot more than that, Michi."

"Mm." I nodded. "I feel kinda stupid… But it's trivial and not trivial at the same time. How am I supposed to feel about it? I hate knowing that it bothers you."

"Don't worry." He held me tighter. "We'll both forget it by morning."

I wanted to kiss him but couldn't bring myself to. There was a foulness in my mouth and I was afraid he'd catch it, some sort of contagious impurity. "Fuck this shit, man… So what if I'm not a virgin, so what if I didn't save myself, that doesn't mean I love you any less… But I still feel so bad, just because I'm supposed to have done that, somehow… Right?"

"Shut up about it, will you?" Shin sighed. "I really don't care. I don't want it to bother you either. So you slept with Toma once. Whatever. You're mine right now, and you'll be mine…" He trailed off. "We're acting like children," he suddenly laughed.

"I know!" I squealed into his chest. "So stupid."

"Sorry… I didn't know how to handle that at first."

"Me either… But I guess it doesn't matter."

"Not one bit." Shin shook his head.

"I don't even remember what we were talking about before this…"

"Sleep. We were talking about sleep." He sighed and loosened his hold on me as I squirmed.

"Um… Here." I basically threw his birthday present at him. Now that it was barely past midnight it felt like as good a time as any to give it to him within the weirdness of the night we were having. "Happy Birthday."

He sat up with a yawn and picked at the tape holding the tissue paper together. "Did you really have to wrap it so… thoroughly?"

"It's fine! Just rip it apart." I knelt beside him in anticipation.

"Fine…" He blinked when something slipped into his lap. "Oh." He held up a red scarf in his hands.

I held my breath as a few moments passed with no further response. "It's just!" I huffed, impatient. "You're always underdressing for the cold, trying to act all cool… Cool, get it? Because it's cold outside. Anyways, I figured that if I got this, you might feel obligated to wear it. So stay warm!"

He put it around his neck and rubbed the fabric against his cheek. "… Feels nice." He blushed slightly and mumbled. "Thanks… I won't even comment on that terrible pun."

I flopped onto my back, relieved. "Glad you like it. Sorry it's not the present you wanted, I guess? Just become easier to shop for in the future."

"I still want a yes from you."

"Yes to what…" I trailed off in thought. He'd just asked me about what I thought on sex before marriage… Oh. OH. "Wh-what?!" I blushed. We'd been together for a while now, so it wasn't that surprising, but… "I-I mean… I guess so… It's fine with me… if you really want to…"

"What?" He turned red as I started to lift my shirt. "I-I! That's not it, idiot!" He grabbed my wrists to halt progress.

"Huh? But you just…" My face turned red with mortified embarrassment. "I, uh… misread the situation…? Erk…" I looked away and squeezed my eyes shut even as he twined his hands with mine.

"Look at me please? It's sort of awkward if you don't."

"Okay…?" I looked at him quizzically as he reached into our bedside desk, pulled out a small box and handed it to me. Opening it revealed that there were two silver rings inside, one with a small diamond on it and the other a simple, slightly wider band.

"Marry me?"

"… Oh! So thaaat's what you meant. Okay." I nodded slowly and then burst into tears. "Waaahhh…"

"Wait, what? What the hell? Uh…" Shin held his arms out, not knowing what else to do, and I tackled him in a hug.

"It's just… that… was so lame! We're so lame! This is the most awkward proposal in human history."

"I doubt that's true. It'll only be the worst if you say no." Shin looked at me with mixed nervousness and hope.

I sniffed. "True… But of course it's a yes." I blinked. "Ohhh! So that's what you meant when you said you wanted a yes."

"Yup." He patted my head.

"That was almost romantic, even."

"I figured that with you things wouldn't go quite as planned."

"All's well that ends well." He lay back down with a huff. "Now I'm officially exhausted."

"Yeah… I'm sort of spent too." We both donned our rings and held our hands out. "I sorta figured I'd get yours for you…"

"It was cheaper in the combo pack." Shin sighed. "Someday I'll be able to afford a better one."

"Cheap doesn't mean bad, you know. I'm perfectly happy with this." I smiled and huddled under the sheets. "Alright… I'm… engaged. So happy…"

"I'll always make you happy. I'll also always call you an idiot, but you'll be happy."

"The way you say it makes it sound questionable at best… But I know I will be. You'll be happy too… I'll make sure." That's what I had fought for in that long August; that was the dream we had forged.


~ Gratuitous Sex Scene ~

Even though we agreed not to get married until at least completing undergraduate studies, I was still impatient for a lot of things. One of the roughest parts was that Shin and I still hadn't slept together.

It simply ended up being a situation where most of my work hours were in the morning and his were in night shifts, so neither of us were ever in the mood, tired or not tired at the exact same time. Weekends were for homework and catching up on sleep. But working hard and making it through were still the most important things to do.

Childishly so, though, it made me feel unwanted almost, for it not to have happened yet. I would get strangely bitter at times, but then I'd see how tired Shin looked and I'd chastise myself. What I did to push these feelings away was work harder myself, occupying my mind and body so my attentions wouldn't wander.

Friday nights when we were both off the following Saturday were arguably the most peaceful times. During these rare occasions we set homework and real-world concerns aside for a date night, usually just staying in and watching YouTube or messing around on Shin's old guitar.

"Anything interesting happen today?" He asked while the playthrough of an indie video game rattled on in the background.

"Mm… Not so much. I tried a pot brownie though."

"You what?"

"It was only five bucks and I was curious. It wasn't bad though, and all of the stuff I ate after it was super good. Like, best peanut butter I've ever tasted."

"When even was this?"

"During my lunchbreak. The rest of the shift was very… uh, tilty? I don't think the managers noticed though. Even if they did, it's fine… we even use hemp in our recipes." With food service experience I'd gotten a job in a local store known for hemp chocolates. It had made me curious to try the real thing, so I'd made a small purchase form a coworker. "Relax. I'm not going to become a pothead."

"Somehow I feel as if we're having very different college experiences…"

"Oh yeah, and my other coworker was telling me all about how she got an STD this one time but she's completely fine now, and how one time she got drunk and told this guy during sex that she'd had chlamydia before, but that ended up fine too." I laughed. "I like her. She's interesting."

"That's, uh… Uh." Shin shook his head.

"But I get what you mean. Lots of people are leading different sorts of lives than we are right now." I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.

He twirled some of my hair in his fingers and pursed his lips in thought. "… Are you happy with how we are right now?"

"Yeah. It's not exactly easy, but I've never minded a little hard work."

"I sort of meant…" He waved his other hand around, trying to urge his thoughts to come forward. "You and I as a couple."

"I mean, we're engaged. Of course I'm happy."

Shin frowned. "I just want to let you know that it won't always be like this, you know? We're both from low-income families, but someday I do want to be able to take care of both of us."

"I want that too. I've always wanted to be able to fend for myself financially. I have complete faith that we're going to get there, you know? So just relax." I kissed his cheek. "Don't stress yourself out. You worry way too much."

He laughed softly. "Maybe I do."

"You need to take a class on the art of relaxation and doing nothing." I paused then, sitting up and looking at him nervously until the nerves started to show in his own expression as well.

"What is it?"

"There is, uh, something I'm not happy with."

"Tell me. We'll work on it," he said openly.

"You, uh… I'm not trying to accuse you or anything, but… You don't seem to be interested in having sex with me."

His lips parted but no words flew out; rather, his face turned red and he clamped a hand over his mouth.

"And, you know…" I continued, trying to see if continuing to talk would paradoxically make things less awkward. "That, uh… We sleep in the same bed and everything, and I try to dress cuter when I'm home now, and…" My voice slowly got quieter as I stumbled on. "It's lonely, you know? I want to do these sorts of things with the one I love."

"I just…" He looked away. "I'm not sure that I'll be able to… satisfy you."

"What?" I tilted my head.

"Of course I think about it a lot too… But what I realized is that…" He shook his head and looked at me again, frowning. "I know what your preferences are. But I don't think I'm capable of hurting you in that kind of situation even if I know you don't mind it. I just… can't."

"Aw, Shin!" I leaned forward to bump my head against his chest. "Why didn't you just talk to me about this earlier…?"

"How was I supposed to tell you that?" He murmured.

"I mean, I could've explained myself to you. It would've been so much easier. We… maybe we should've talked about this before."

"Explain yourself?" He echoed.

"You got the wrong idea, I think. I'm masochistic, yeah…" I blushed hotly and sat up straight again. "Ahem. But that's not an exclusive interest. I'm capable of feeling attraction without pain if it's with someone I'm very emotionally attached to. Uh… Did you seriously think I wasn't…?"

"I mean…" He shrugged.

"Shin?"

"Hm…?" He looked at me almost grumpily.

"You are a complete idiot. Your awful habit of hesitating with things almost doomed us to celibacy."

"That's going a bit too far, don't you think?" He grabbed my wrist and tugged me to my feet after he had jumped up. "Come on. I'm also a complete idiot who wants to make up for lost time."

"Eh? Now?"

"What, you're not up for it?"

"Why are you issuing it like a challenge?"

"Just get undressed." He slung his shirt off before we had even gone into our bedroom so I stumbled out of my shorts, laughing.

"Haha!" I hugged him from behind. "This makes me really happy."

He sighed good-naturedly. "That's good… So you're the one with experience here, huh?"

"It's been a while, so… I think we're both basically doomed to be a couple of awkward idiots."

"Well, whatever."

"You know you're lucky I didn't just jump you before now. I was seriously considering it."

"Huh… Maybe next time." He started to lift my shirt up but stopped halfway.

"What, you've seen before," I teased. "No need to be shy."

"You're insufferable. And that one time, we should never again speak of it." He pulled my shirt over my head before hugging me and flopping onto the bed.

I felt myself shaking a little. "… This is new." He was so warm; almost unbearably so. Shin just nodded and held me tighter. I ran my hands over and down his back, elated just to be touching him this way. I was halfway tempted to say that even this was enough, but knowing that this was a prelude was equally pleasing. "… But I really could just hold you like this forever," I mumbled. One hand drifted over his ribs and up onto his chest to touch the coolness of the piercing there. "What's the story behind this, exactly…?"

"Well," he began quietly as he let his fingers drift and skim over my back, "After Dad shut down, Mom left and you were out of my life forever it looked like, I just decided one day, to hell with it. Yeah… All that happened was I got angry and blew a whole lot of money." He shook his head.

"Did it hurt?"

"A lot."

"Do you regret getting it?"

"Not really. I wouldn't have gotten it in the first place if I didn't like it at all."

"I like it too."

"Well… good." He rolled over on top of me, not seeming to know what to say.

"Hehe…" I laughed softly and put my arms around his neck.

"What's funny?" He tilted his head and smiled halfway.

"I'm just happy." Finally. This was finally happening.

He blushed and frowned at me instead. "I hardly know what to do with you right now."

"Hm… I'm nervous."

"Are you now?" He kissed me gently a few times before sealing my lips with firmer pressure. We finished undressing midst this contact, halfway removing clothes off ourselves and halfway getting tangled in getting them off each other. His hands fumbled and shook at times and I just couldn't help but laugh. "Just shut up…" He mumbled.

"Sorry. You're just too cute. But it's nice in a way to know that you're just as nervous as I am." It was a good feeling in the end to be this aflutter about him and what we were doing, the way it would bond us closer.

"You won't be happy until I admit it, will you?" He muttered. "Fine. I'm nervous too." He gave me a glare when I laughed again but smiled begrudgingly moments later before leaning down for another kiss. One of his hands trailed down my side and slipped over my thigh, and I twitched reflexively. "… This okay?" He murmured as he moved his fingers slowly between my legs.

"Y-yeah." I nodded and scrambled into the bedside desk to fumble in it and grab a condom. There didn't seem to be much other purpose for these sorts of desks.

Shin blinked when I held it out to him. "When did you get those?"

"Unlike you, I was prepared." I'd bought them wishfully quite a while ago, hoping to drop a hint.

"Okay…" He let out a short laugh before taking it and shifting around. "… Well… You ready?" He leaned over me and brushed hair out of my face.

I just nodded again, biting back a sassy reply along the lines of how I'd been ready for loooong time. But Shin had always been slow to the punch in terms of romance and come through when things felt most dire. This was no exception. "Eek!" Still, considering how things had been going it caught me off guard when he wasn't gentle at all in initially pushing inside.

"You okay?" He froze immediately after I cried out.

"Just surprised… It's been a while. Just not used to this, so…" Having a one to zero ratio in experience really made no difference at all in the end. I put my arms around his back. "… Um, gentle please. At least to start out with."

"Alright." He moved with his brow furrowed in concentration, watching me for reaction.

I turned my head away, shy under his gaze especially when he was so serious. "T-that's fine…"

"Before you were teasing me and now you're like this…" Shin sighed.

"Situation's changed a bit, don't you think?" I looked back up at him after he kissed my temple and put a hand to my cheek to urge me to face him again. He nodded slowly, thinking something I couldn't be privy to.

"I kind of see it now."

"See what?"

"How you're a submissive."

"Sh-shut up! And you can move faster also," I added. "But mostly shut up."

He smirked. "Just saying."

I grumbled incoherently under my breath and pouted at him but gave instant forgiveness as he kissed the side of my nose, my cheeks and then my lips. I wound my hands in his hair, keeping him where he was until we were forced to part for air. Even then I bit at his lip as he pulled away and he flinched, eyes widening slightly.

"I really wanna eat you up," I breathed. "Next time I will."

"Shit, Michi, why are you like this?" He halfway gasped, pushing his face into the pillow next to my head for a moment before coming back up to look at me red-faced.

"Haha… Every time you think you've turned the tables, I come back! Ah!" I squeaked at the end of a triumphant decree because he'd pushed particularly hard and my hips had jerked all on their own. I wasn't sure if it was because of not being touched for a while or simply because I was so excited to be doing it with him but I was almost uncomfortably sensitive. I couldn't figure out whether I wanted him to be more or less gentle so I just leaned my head back and let myself tremble.

"You okay?" Shin smoothed my hair again.

"Uh-huh…" I squirmed against him. "Getting closer."

He tilted his head over mine, bangs hanging down onto my forehead. "Me too."

I kissed him, running my hands over his back to feel the ways his body flexed as he shifted. His arms went tight around my back and a tremble ran up his spine soon enough, sounds of almost distress leaking from his throat. He broke away for a moment as his body jerked and a strangled moan tore out of his mouth before he kissed me again with crushing force.

His excitement pushed me over as well, and the second he pulled back from me I acted without thinking, biting into his shoulder and clinging onto his shoulder blades even as he jerked in my grip and let out a grunt of protest.

I didn't and couldn't let go until I was finished. At that time I collapsed back, throwing my arms over my face. "… Sorry," I mumbled, afraid to look but moving my arms to cross them over my chest since I knew I'd have to face him anyways. "I just… It just… happened."

He touched the bite mark gingerly and flinched. "No, it's fine. Don't worry." He offered a reassuring smile. "It's something you like, so I won't say that at least this much is off limits. It's something I can get used to."

"Thanks…" I smiled warmly as he cupped my cheeks and kissed my forehead. "Next time I promise not to bite you."

"I'd, uh, hope not." He cracked a smile that started out amused and halfway chagrinned before it turned gentle and fond. "… Love you."

"I love you too." A new start for the rest of our lives.


~ Wedding Time, Yay ~

"Hey…" I peeked into Shin's dressing room, not even bothering to knock. "You ready?"

"More or less." He turned to me, straightening a red bowtie. "I feel a little stupid."

"No, you look cute." I'd probably never get to see his hair slicked back like this in person again so I was savoring the moment. A few waved strands refused to be kept down and were sticking out perfectly.

"We're technically not supposed to see each other, you know." Even as he said that he came over and took my hands.

"Oh, please…" I smiled. "Whatever. You're the one I want to see the most, especially today."

"… Hm." He blushed faintly. "You look nice."

"That's all?" I'd gone all out and made the dress myself, choosing a sweetheart neckline and a red rose decorations made of satin scattered in swirls over the garment. I raised my eyebrows when he hesitated.

"Whatever. You're gorgeous."

"Uh-huh." I leaned my head against his chest. "I hope your dad takes lots and lots of pictures of you so I can stare at them."

"You're so weird." He sighed and jumped when we heard screaming from down the hallway.

"Michi you idiot get back here!" Sawa yelled. "We still have to do your hair!"

"Oops. They found out."

Shin sighed and Mine and Sawa burst into the room. "Privacy is a myth," he muttered, stepping away from me.

"See, I told you she'd be in here." Mine took my arm. "Come on! You're only halfway done."

"Agh," I groaned. "I can't take all that sitting still!"

"Just deal with it!" She huffed. "We're turning you into a dream. Just you wait, Shin."

"Uh, okay." He held his hands up when I looked at him imploringly. "You're on your own here."

"I see how it is," I muttered as I let myself be dragged away. "Doesn't he just look so great…?" I sighed when we got back to my separate dressing room.

"Yeah, whatever," Mine huffed. "It's you I'm worried about right now." She ran her hands through my hair. "It's been a while, huh… Four years. All grown back now." She spoke almost fondly, doubtless going through memories of the events surrounding the start of our friendship.

"It's funny how it works, huh? That in the end you're the one to do my hair on my wedding day." I laughed.

"The funniest part is how you're still too incompetent to do it yourself," Sawa teased as she bent in front of me. "Now don't you dare blink, okay?"

"Yeah…" I battled with the forces of nature to keep my eyes open as she applied makeup. "So, any chance of you and Kent tying the knot soon?"

"Hm…" She shrugged. "I don't know. If he proposes, you'll be the first to know."

"Better be," I laughed.

"I'm glad you came back to Japan for the wedding," Mine noted. "It feels so nostalgic with everyone here in the town we all grew up in."

"Yeah…" I blinked several times as Sawa drew back from me, nodding to herself. "Not much has changed, and yet…" Being back here brought wonderful memories but it also strengthened a feeling of heavy nostalgia I got sometimes, as if I had forgotten something important but was powerless to reach it no matter how close I got. "Whatever. It's good to be back." Shin and I had been considering moving back to Japan to support his dad, but that part of the future was still up in the air for now. The largest thing on our minds for a while had been today, this warm early-August afternoon.

"It's as if it all happened yesterday, but we've changed so much since then," Mine agreed. The back of my neck got colder as she pinned my hair up with multiple floral barrettes.

"Eh…" I felt my eyes starting to water and wasn't quite sure why.

"Don't you dare!" Sawa fanned my face with one hand while applying pink lip color with another. "You're done, so don't you dare cry!"

"Eeeehhhh!" I restrained myself and breathed deeply until I'd calmed down. "Eh. Okay, I feel good now. But, gotta do one thing before I feel great, so, if you'll excuse me…"

"No! You're not going to see Shin again. He's already seen your dress, so he can't see the finished look until the moment," Mine said stubbornly.

"Says who?" I asked grumpily.

"Says me."

I backed down at the threat in her voice, not fully doubting that they would tie me to a chair if they had to. "Okay… Fine. But just let me breathe on my own for a second."

"Okay… But we'll sense it if you sneak off to forbidden places!' Sawa warned.

I didn't doubt that either. "Yeah, yeah…" I ambled down the hallway. The actual wedding was being held at the lakeside where Shin and I had first met in childhood, but of course we'd had to get ready somewhere else and Waka, our old manager at the maid café, had gladly let us use his place for the occasion. It wasn't glamorous by any means but suited us just fine.

I stood in the kitchen for a while, trying to sort out my feelings. The space behind and beside me felt empty and the longer I was standing here in this place of memories the feeling became more and more disconcerting and heartbreaking. Something was missing, even on a day as perfect as this one. Tears came to my eyes yet again and I sniffled.

"You shouldn't be crying on today of all days."

I froze at the voice that drifted over from the doorway to the kitchen. It had been so long, and yet I'd remembered it every day. Its presence didn't fill the void I felt, but it was impactful all the same.

"… Toma," I said dumbly.

He smiled. "Been a while." The expression turned sheepish. "Four years, actually."

"Been a while," I echoed. "Yeah." A few moments ticked by.

"… Michi," he began softly. "I'm sorry –"

"HELL YEAH IT'S BEEN A WHILE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I snapped, taking three large steps and rearing back before punching him in the face. "You come in here all nonchalant and you're the one who didn't even say goodbye!" I huffed, chest heaving. "And you show up here, not even having responded to either of our invitations, and…" I trailed off when I saw Shin rushing towards us.

"Michi!" He stepped over Toma, who was still lying winded on the floor. "It's fine. He and I had a talk while you were getting ready."

"Eh… Well I just had a good talk with him too. And you're not supposed to be looking at me."

He tilted his head down at me. "I don't really want to look away right now. I get how you feel… Lots of pictures."

"You're such a cheesy couple…" Toma rubbed his cheek as he stood.

"Come at me, bro." I took a step forward but Shin held me back.

"Easy…" He rubbed my shoulders consolingly. "The three of us can talk later."

"Yeah…" I sighed, turning back to Shin. "Having him here really makes you happy, doesn't it?"

He hesitated before nodding seriously.

"Alright… Then I'm happy too." I frowned, lowering my voice to a mutter. "It's not like I'm not happy to see you, Toma. You just… have a lot of explaining to do."

He nodded. "I'll tell you everything. But there more important things going on." He brushed himself off. "Well… I'll see you two out there." He exited and I watched him go, conflicting emotions playing out in my chest.

"He's trying to make amends," Shin murmured.

"Yeah." I laughed wryly. "Better late than never I guess."

He sighed and took my hand. "Come on. Let's go get married."

I smiled warmly. "Yeah." We walked over to the lake, taking our time because it wasn't as if the event would start without us. It was a small wedding with as few people as possible in attendance since Shin and I hadn't really wanted a huge scene or ordeal about the whole thing.

I'd long since made the decision to walk myself down the aisle, unable to pick just one person because the ones who had helped me through, who had changed me and whom I'd changed in turn, were all beside me as I strode forward.

Waka, who had given me a fresh start. Sawa, who had been my friend through every moment. Mine, who had stood up for me with everything she had and stayed by me since. Ikki, who had taught me to love myself a bit more as well as about how precious truly loving someone was. Kent, who had taught me the value of human emotion and in seeing the world for its complexities. Toma, who had taught me about who I really was and how to fight no matter what was at stake. Shinnosuke, who had let go of his self-hatred to allow a better future for his son and I, smiled brightly at me as I reached the makeshift altar, the bank of the lake.

I took a nervous breath as my feet sunk slightly into sand. Shin smiled softly and we twined hands. "Almost there," he whispered.

Shin, who had taught me to follow my heart always, no matter how difficult it seemed.

"I became an ordained minister just for this day," Waka said, sounding mighty pleased with himself. I barked out a laugh and Shin chuckled, shaking his head. "But I'm only here to make it official. Your vows will say all that's necessary."

"Um," I squeaked, then cleared my throat. "I… There was a time when I thought I'd lost you forever. Right after I'd started to fall for you, we were torn apart. It was something neither of us had blame in, but we couldn't change it. We both… we broke. But… We found a way to make room in our hearts, for forgiveness, and even to love each other. That feeling, we've been able to heal each other through it. No matter what… I want to be with you forever. However long our forever's are, that is…" I held onto his hands tighter. "Every time I look at you I know that we can weather anything as long as we're together, that when it really counts, we won't ever let go. I'm so happy… I'm so happy to have finally found that. I want to make you feel safe too. I'll always protect your heart, and…I just love you. I love you so much." I resisted the urge to throw my arms around him for the sake of ceremony.

Shin blinked and tears slid down his cheeks. He jumped and wiped his face as a mixture of "awwww" and laughs rose up from the crows. "Shut the hell up, Toma," he snapped, specifically singling out the loudest laughter. I just smiled as his cheeks turned red. "… Michi… Thank you. Thank you for saving me. Both of us." He tilted his head at his father. "I don't know where… or if… we'd be without you." He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Besides your hand to hold you've given me so much, and I can't ever give you back enough to make up for it. Nothing can equal what you've done. But all I can do, and all I want to do for the rest of my life, is to make you happy." He lifted my hands and pressed his lips to them. "I love you."

"And with that," Waka announced. "I pronounce you married. You may now…" He trailed off with a laugh as Shin and I threw our arms around each other and kissed while smiling uncontrollably.

No sense of emptiness or moment of doubt would come between us in this happiness; nothing would ever unbind our hearts.


A/N

So, some notes on this chapter…

Thanks for waiting so long. I've been working 40 hours a week and taking summer classes, so I've been trying my best but… Yeah. It's been slow-going. (Also I am lazy.)

I know that I wrote in the A/N's like twice that I would post the last chapters all at once, but I realized that was taking way too long and it's not fair to keep people waiting. Whatever. I am not a person who has any idea what they are doing. Meh. Like Mikan Tsumiki, please forgive me.

I had my friend read some of the chapter before posting and she said that Michi has more balls than half of the Swedish army. So there you have it, folks. #BallsOfTheSwedishArmy

Interestingly enough, I can't look at sex scenes while I'm writing them. I get too embarrassed…! I have to tilt the laptop screen down and edit for typos afterwards. But after chapter fifty happened I can't just not give the other guys a scene in their final chapters… So now it's like this, me sitting here typing while not looking at how bad of a typist I am. Ugh.

Hope you liked this cheese. Prepare for more in the next chapters!