Chapter 54 –Home is Where the Heart Is – Part I
May – Earth
Jen pulled into her driveway, sighing with relief as she turned off the engine. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back against the headrest, glad to be home. Her shoulders and neck ached and she reached back, hearing popping noises as she rubbed at them. It had been a long day.
It was unusually warm, even for late spring, and the car's interior was becoming uncomfortably hot, so she picked up her purse and a small box of photos from the passenger seat and got out. One of the pictures caught her eye as she shut the door and she reached for it, balancing the box against her midriff as she examined the photograph. I don't remember putting this one in here; must've been Mom's doing.
The picture had taken in front of her family's home. In the photo, her parents looked relaxed and considerably younger; their hair untouched by grey and their faces largely unlined. She, Ronnie and three of their cousins stood in front of the adults. She'd been 10 years old and in high spirits judging by the broad grin on her face. Her cousin Celeste was next to her in the photo. They'd spent the day playing hard - swimming and tearing about the neighborhood chasing Ronnie and Celeste's brothers Chris and Matthew. A good memory. Her eyes lingered on the house in the photo- a comfortable looking brown shingle. Her mother was planning to sell it; a fact that left Jen feeling mildly uncomfortable although she understood her mother's reasoning – that the house now held too many ghosts.
Jen could empathize with her mother's feelings. The four months since her father's death had been difficult as she'd struggled to maintain her own sanity in the face of yet another loss while trying to support and comfort her grieving mother; a challenge under any circumstances but made considerably more difficult in a house filled with tangible reminders of her father's presence. In the months following his death she'd offered to help her mother pack away some of the most obvious items but had been refused so her father's jacket still hung from a hook near the front door, his clothes were still in the closet in her parents' room and his home office remained as he'd left it. No, I really don't blame Mom for wanting to sell the house. Maybe it's what's finally allowing her to go through Dad's things.
Placing the snapshot gently back in the box, she headed towards her own front door. Her footsteps, muffled drumbeats against the entryway tile, echoed loudly; the sound bringing with it a realization of how lonely and empty the space felt. It would be so nice to have someone greet me when I came home. Perhaps it's time to get a dog or a cat. Or both. The house was quiet - too quiet, in fact - so she hurried into the living room, dumping her purse onto the coffee table along with the photo box and turning on the television for company. She felt grimy; sorting through old photos and boxes had been dusty work, so she left the TV on and dashed upstairs to shower and change into a pair of shorts and loose t-shirt.
Clean and refreshed, she headed back downstairs, going first to the kitchen to pour a glass of iced tea and then into the living room to flop onto the couch, reaching out to pick up the TV remote and surf through the channels. The box of photos, left on the coffee table in her haste to go upstairs, caught her eye; their presence reminding her of the earlier conversation with her mother.
"I think I've decided what I'm going to do after I sell the house," her mother had said as they'd worked their way through the numerous boxes of photos pulled out of the storage closet. stomach tightened at the memory. She'd known by mother's tone and earnest, pleading expression that she wasn't going to like her mother's news. "I've decided to go back to Seattle," her mother had continued, "Susan and Greg both suggested it when I said I didn't know how I could stay in Althea and I think they're right. And your Gran isn't getting any younger; I can help them look after her." Jen knew her mother's sister and brother had often hoped the family would move back to the northwest so their suggestion didn't come as a complete shock although she did feel mildlysurprised at her mother's ready agreement.
"B-but what about your friends and life here?" she'd stammered. She'd smiled - a weak effort which clearly hadn't masked her sense of shocked surprise for her mother had patted her arm soothingly. "I'm not getting any younger Jenny and at my age, family is important. With both Ronnie and your father gone, there's not much left for me here other than you. And as much as I love you, I can't ask you to keep focusing on me. You need a life of your own and a chance to find someone and build your own family. I do want grandkids you know. On the other hand I've been thinking it might be good for you to move there as well. That way we'd all be together – you, me, your aunt and uncle and their families…. A fresh start might not be a bad thing. What do you think? "
"I don't know Mom. It's pretty sudden. I'll have to think about it," she'd replied. But I truly don't know. I don't really want to leave but with Mom going, there won't be much to keep me here either.
Sound blared out of the television, the suddenly heightened volume causing her to startle. She glanced at the screen to see a rather abashed looking green lizard holding a bag of chips and flipped past the commercial with an impatient sigh. There really wasn't much on in the late afternoon other than re-runs, old movies and of course, news, none of which was of interest. She disliked news broadcasts for she was tired of stories primarily about loss, destruction and death – although if Haery were here he would probably love it; entropy in action. The thought brought with it a familiar tightening in her chest but she ignored it, continuing to flip through yet more channels before deciding there really was nothing to watch.
Jumping to her feet she circled the room, searching for something to distract her and drive away the circling thoughts. The idea of sitting outside appealed to her now that she felt cleaner and cooler so she grabbed a book off her desk and picked up her tea. The neighborhood was bustling with the kinds of activities typical of a warm spring weekend – car washing, yard work, and kids riding bicycles; the sounds comforting and friendly. Her next door neighbor, busily trimming the hedge that joined their yards, caught sight of her as she came onto the porch and stopped for a moment to wave. Jen waved back, calling out "Hello Marie!" before settling into a comfortable porch chair.
She opened her book, the first in a new series she'd found, and began reading, becoming so immersed in the story that she soon stopped hearing the sound of her neighbor's hedge clippers or the kids playing in the street. She read several chapters, her tea forgotten until the slight squealing of car tires followed by the slam of a car door briefly drew her attention. A somewhat worn looking late model Honda had stopped across the street, its engine running as the driver leaned across the passenger seat in conversation with someone she couldn't see. Probably one of Marie's teens. She picked up her glass to swallow a mouthful of tea before going back to her book, reading a few more sentences before the sound of her own front gate being opened interrupted again. Looking up, she saw a man coming up the walk, a broad smile stretching across his face as he noticed her looking at him. Puzzled at first, she stared back at him blankly and then stiffened in disbelief, for although his hair was short and dark under an unfamiliar cap and his face free of markings, she suddenly recognized him.
"Oh my God! Haery?" Jen didn't notice her book tumbling to the ground as she sprang out of the chair or see Haer'Dalis drop his pack as he flew up the steps towards her but somehow they were in each other's arms, their lips meeting in a kiss that grew in hungry intensity as they clung to each other. She had no idea how long they remained locked together but eventually she began feeling eyes on her, reminding her that her porch was in fact, a rather public place. She pulled back slightly and found that the oddly creepy feeling of watching eyes was in fact a reality for her neighbor, Marie, was staring across the hedge, astonishment written clearly across her face. As the woman realized Jen was looking at her, she dropped her eyes and hastily turned away.
"I think we've…um…shocked my neighbor," Jen murmured.
Haer'Dalis chuckled, "Best go inside then for 'tis certain if we stay here we'll scandalize her entirely." She nodded, leaving his arms reluctantly as she went to her front door, gesturing for him pick up his pack and come with her. Once inside, he followed her into the living room, looking around with interest. The house now seemed alive. Light streamed in through the front window, warming it and creating a path towards the couch. "So what do you think?" she asked. Even as the words left her mouth she realized how inane they sounded in the face of his unexpected appearance but suddenly she didn't know where to begin.
"Very nice," he replied smiling down at her, "so you live alone?"
"I do; no worries of a housemate barging in."
He nodded, his eyes going to the book case and lingering on a large framed photograph of Beth, Adam, Ryan and herself. It had been taken on New Year's Eve. She'd spent the day with her parents and when the others arrived to pick her up her father had insisted on memorializing the moment, presenting the framed photograph to her only a week before his death. "Friends," she said quickly. "Those are just friends."
"'Twas not a concern, my love," he replied. "I doubt you'd have greeted me as enthusiastically if you'd replaced me." He put his pack down, reaching out to pull her close and kiss her once again. It felt right; more so that talking and she pressed against him, focused on the feeling of his arms around her; of his realness. Her hands moved up and around his neck, stopping as they encountered the edge of his cap and she pulled it off and began running her fingers through his hair which felt different; coarser. Startled, she broke off the kiss to look up at him.
"What happened to your hair?"
He grinned down at her. "I told you that I had no need of magic to disguise myself, did I not? 'Tis but a wig." he took it off along with the thin net cap underneath, dropping both onto the top of his pack. His own, longer hair, released from captivity, fell about his shoulders, the beads in it clinking softly. "As to the rest…" he shrugged, "stage makeup. I haven't always had a Hat of Disguise to use which is fortunate given what seems to be limits to magic here."
"A fair point. I'm sorry I doubted you," she replied with a soft laugh contradicted by the tears rising suddenly to her eyes. "About anything actually…I mean just the fact that you made it here…."
His face softened with understanding and his voice was tender as he said, "My lovely Kestrel. 'Tis glorious to have found you again."
"I almost can't believe you're here," she replied softly, finding her voice. "After all this time…I thought it impossible."
"In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities*," he replied. She placed her hand on his cheek and he covered it with his own, before drawing it to his lips, his thumb tracing a gentle pattern over its back. With anyone else Jen knew she might have found such romantic expression unnatural or even silly but Haer'Dalis was different; his movements were instinctively graceful and his manner unaffected. His touch sent a frisson of tingling heat racing through her and as he began slowly kissing each finger on the hand held in his own, she felt her breath quicken. "Shall we take your pack upstairs?"
"With pleasure, my love," he replied.
He followed her up the stairs both stopping as they entered the room, seeming to need to take in the reality of the other yet again. Jen found herself gazing at Haer'Dalis as if she'd not seen him before, although in truth it had been many months. Her eyes roamed over him, noting how the leather pants and soft shirt he wore did nothing to disguise the muscles beneath. He was...well, beautiful. Oh not by conventional standards, for his looks – the long bluish hair, gently furled ears and markings on his skin were far too exotic but still he was striking. And when seen through the eyes of love; well, he looked simply delicious. He gazed back intently, the tender warmth of his expression leaving her flushed and slightly dazed.
"Haery," she began. Sweet warmth filled her chest, flooding it. The feeling grew, moving into her throat and blocking speech, leaving only her eyes to communicate her own feelings of love and desire. Smiling, he drew her closer, his expression fervent as he quoted softly, "As in the soft and sweet eclipse, when soul meets soul on lovers' lips, high hearts are calm, and brightest eyes are dull; So when thy shadow falls on me, then I am mute and still, by thee covered; of thy love.*"
No verbal response to such beautiful words came to mind so she simply followed her instincts, reaching out in turn to hold him close, her hands stroking the muscles of his back and hips as she began sliding slowing downwards. He caught her however before she could follow through, murmuring, "Slowly love. It has been so long. I would have this last."
She nodded and taking a breath, reached out to unbutton his shirt; gently touching the firm skin beneath with its glowing whorls of color, taking pleasure in the reality of his warm presence and forced herself to slow down as she continued to undress him, her fingers moving to the fastenings on his pants which she found, for once undid easily. Soon he was free of them along with his smallclothes. The sight made her catch her breath again followed by a very brief moment of insecurity in which she questioned her own appeal.
Her answer came soon enough for he followed her example, unhurriedly relieving her of clothes, tossing each item aside as soon as it was free and following each unveiling with a trail of kisses. As he finished, he stood back to look at her with such evident enjoyment that she flushed again. He reached out a hand, sweeping away an errant strand of hair, his fingers tracing the color going down her cheeks before coming to rest under her chin as he drew her face towards him, brushing the corner of her mouth with his lips as his free hand began moved downwards, mapping her contours. His breath was warm against her ear, sending shivers of pleasure down her spine and she felt herself beginning to resonate under his skilled fingers. Burying her own fingers in the silky softness of his hair, she began to nuzzle him in return, slowly breathing in the warm, slightly smoky scent of his skin, relishing it as one would a campfire on a chilly night. Oh gods Haery, I've missed you so, she thought as his hands and lips sent yet another delicious pulsing wave of heat sweeping through her.
Her own hands and mouth were busy as she continued to reacquaint herself with his body, feeling the firm muscles of his chest and the sleek smoothness of his skin beneath her fingertips. She closed her eyes to better 'see' him through her other senses, stopping as she encountered an unfamiliar, heavy ridge of scar just below his left shoulder. A souvenir from Isaea? Her heart, already beating rapidly, began thumping erratically as she realized how very close death had come. Pushing the unpleasant thought aside, she redoubled her efforts to simply showhim in every way she could how glad she was to see him and how very much she loved him. This time he did not stop her as she slowly moved downwards but instead began to groan appreciatively under the dexterous assault of fingers, mouth and tongue.
Eventually however, he drew her to her feet, holding her close and murmuring, "I love you." As she smiled up at him, he added, "'tis true, Jen and those three words have my life in them.*" His mouth covered hers and then began tracing a rather mesmerizing pattern over her face and neck, his fingers stroking her in places and in ways that made it increasingly difficult to think of anything except perhaps wanting more. She moved eagerly against him, responding to his ministrations, groaning as his lips returned to her face. "Haery…"
He ignored her or at least ignored her attempts to urge him to greater speed although she knew from the sounds of his increasingly ragged breathing and the hardness pressed against her that he was no less eager, although perhaps more disciplined in satiating his appetites. Frustrated, she rubbed herself against him for as much as she understood the desire to slowly savor what had been denied them both for so long, it was impossible to still the pounding of her heart or her longing to feel him inside her. All she felt was need, tugging at her; pulling at her; urging the quickening blaze within to explode in fiery conflagration. Her breath caught in her throat and she opened her eyes long enough to see him smiling as she bit her lower lip, trying to stop moan of frustration building inside. It escaped from between her clenched teeth nonetheless. "God, Haery…please." She wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers in his hair pulling his face towards hers. He smiled at her eagerness, holding her gaze for a long moment before finally relenting to capture her mouth in a lingering kiss.
The result was much like the ignition of dry tinder for excitement surged through her body like wildfire; smoldering at first and then growing into a scorching, blazing heat that could only be put out by one thing. She was sure he felt it as well for their bodies hummed with energy; each touch, each taste drawing sparks that left no room for anything but the desire for more. Her eyes caught and held his as she moved away to slide onto the bed. He understood the invitation perfectly and took his place beside her, drawing her back into his arms, his mouth eagerly seeking hers once again. Even so, he refused to hurry, so they continued to make love slowly, relishing each touch and each caress; enjoying the tantalizing process of relearning the mysteries of what felt right or even more than right to the other until at last instinct and desire overcame willpower and they relinquished themselves to release before collapsing, sweetly exhausted onto the pillows where they lay tangled together in a languid and drowsily sweaty heap reluctant to move apart; their continuing caresses slowing and becoming comfortable and soothing. And as her mind and body calmed, Jen realized her life had shifted once again and she felt truly happy for the first time in months.
Jen opened her eyes in the darkening room, roused from her light nap by a shrill ringing. Beside her Haer'Dalis stirred sleepily, wrapping his arms around her and preventing her from moving. She lay quiescent, waiting for the ringing to stop before wriggling into a more comfortable position, intending to go back to sleep. However a couple of minutes later, she heard the faint but familiar sound of her cell phone's ringtone coming from downstairs. "Oh God," she murmured against his chest, "first my house phone, now my cell phone. I'd better check and make sure it's not Mom trying to reach me for some reason." She pushed away from him and swung out of bed, grabbing her shorts and t-shirt off the floor and pulling them on as she padded towards the door.
"What are you talking about, my love?" She looked back to see Haer'Dalis sitting up in bed, his expression faintly quizzical.
"Someone's trying to reach me – probably Mom. Most people aren't that persistent but she is and even though I just saw her she worries when I don't respond. Honestly," she added in mild exasperation, "I wouldn't put it past her to send the police over for a Wellness Check which would be just little awkward right now, don't you think?" She left the room, heading downstairs in search of her purse and finding it precisely where she'd left it on the living room coffee table. She dug around in it for a moment and located her phone, pulling it out as Haer'Dalis came into the room behind her.
Her fingers moved rapidly to bring up the message. Hmmmm…not Mom after all. It's Beth!" she exclaimed in dismay, running her fingers agitatedly through her hair. "I forgot; we were going to meet for dinner. I should have been there a half hour ago." Her fingers moved rapidly over the phone's surface and she glanced up to see Haer'Dalis watching her curiously. She held out the phone so he could see the words on the tiny screen. "I'm texting. Sending a written message through the phone." She smiled at his blank look, "Think of it as my kind of magic," and pressed the 'send' key but kept the phone in her hand. "Hold on a minute. She'll probably reply."
Sure enough, a minute later the phone beeped again. Jen read the incoming message and grinned in relief. "Beth understands and it doesn't sound like she's too mad." Her fingers flew as she typed in a second response and then put the phone back in her purse. "There. I told her I'd talk with her tomorrow and turned off the ring so we won't be disturbed again."
She sat down on the couch, inserting herself into his arms as he came to sit beside her. "It's getting late. Are you hungry? I could make dinner or at least get us something to drink. Some wine maybe?" He nodded, brushing his lips against hers in a brief kiss and she left the room, returning a couple of minutes later. They drank quietly for a moment and then she turned to him, "We have a lot of catching up to do."
He smiled ruefully, "Agreed, my love. It seems we have much to say but the question is where to begin?"
"I know. So much has happened – to both of us. Still, I've spent months worrying and wondering whether you killed Isaea, so why don't you start by telling me what happened after I went through the portal and what kept you from following?"
"Isaea will trouble us no longer. He is finally and truly dead." He sighed. "As to following you quickly…best laid plans often go awry. Believe me, I had no intention of leaving you alone for so long but circumstance…in the form of Isaea's sword…made following impossible for awhile." His hand moved to his left shoulder and he rubbed the heavy scar.
"Yes, and it's one of the reasons I've been so worried all this time. I thought…I mean I wondered if…." she stopped, unable to complete the sentence, hugging him tightly instead for a couple of minutes before continuing. "So why don't you tell me the story. What happened after you killed Isaea until…oh say, now?"
"There will be time enough for lengthy tales. For now, however, know that I did try follow as soon as I could but wasn't able to get off your Wizard Island. 'Twas closed and seemed likely to be so until spring so I went back to Faerun looking for Tristan. She was pleased to see me although Nalia was certainly less so." He scowled briefly as if at a memory.
"Cramped your style, did she?" Jen asked with a smirk.
"A bit. She was sure I'd abandoned you somewhere and I'm certain 'twas only Yoshimo's corroboration that kept her from following through on her promise to roast me with a fireball. But she made sure she kept track of me – I hadn't a moment's peace from her until I left to come here. She sends greetings by the way." He shook his head, "But truly my love, my part can wait. What happened to you?"
She looked at him, suddenly sober. "Haery…you have no idea how awful…." Her voice broke as tears welled up in her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just that the last few months have been very hard; I've been so worried about you and then my father died – killed in a car crash…." She swallowed hard, trying to ease the lump that had formed in her throat. "I'm so glad you're here."
He stroked her cheek softly. "My poor Kestrel, 'tis clear your time alone has been distressing. I at least had the comfort of believing – of knowing - you to be safely at home." His eyes caught hers and his tender expression quite took her breath away.
It also reminded her there was something that remained unsaid between them. She looked down, marshalling her thoughts for she knew without a doubt that it was time to rectify her reticence; to say what her sense of self-preservation had forced her to leave unsaid in Faerun. "Haery, I…um…"
"What is it my love?"
"I need to tell you something important. Something I should have said a long time ago." Taking a deep breath, she looked him full in the eye and continued, "It's just that after I got home, I realized that I'd never told you that I love you. And then…well, after the last few months, I thought I'd never have the chance." Her throat tightened again and she heard her voice break slightly as she pressed on, "I just want to make sure that I say it now. I don't want to lose another opportunity." His eyes, always expressive, grew brighter, lighting up his face as she said the words, "Haery, I love you."
"And I you my Kestrel."
She hugged him, her chest tight with happiness. "You know, I think I'm going to be alright now."
Haer'Dalis nodded. "Aye, my love, we both will."
*End Notes:
1 Arany János, 1817-1882
2 Percy Bysshe Shelly, Complete Poetical Works. Boston; Boston; New York: Houghton Mifflin, c1901 (Cambridge: Riverside Press)' ,.1999.
3 Reputed to have been said by Alexandra to Nicholas III.
