Trinity to Infinity…. and beyond

I took Jesus's hand as we walked along; swinging His arm back and forth like an overly energetic child playing with mom.

"Jesus." I mumbled my next inquiry. "Am I the only believer who's got this…. problem?"

"You mean, this: Come here Jesus, let me hug and kiss you….. problem?" He chuckled. "No, you not."

"You mean like, other people…. err… want You so bad?" I cautiously peered over at Him.

"Yes. I meet this before." He answered.

"And it doesn't bother You?" I looked strait at Him this time.

"From those my Father give me; I understand this." He shrugged empathetically.

"Because this is part of the way we are designed?" I muttered in my own consternation.

"To a certain way of nature; yes." Jesus nodded. "But more also, if you cleave to me in Spirit; for the girl who wonder these things, is not a jump to want of the flesh too. Others in history find this in themselves. Is not that unusual."

I had to think about that one a minute, before the next (at least to me) seemingly 'logical' question arose.

"Ever had…. ehh, guys who have this problem?"

"That not of certain way of nature." Jesus corrected. "But men who struggle with sodomy? Yes, I meet this too. Men come from?" Jesus paused to think. "How is it this word you use; paradigm? A different archetype; different model." He held up a finger of contemplation.

"In this life, is impossible to be severed from gender." He went on to explain. "You be and think based on this and is not just expectation of society. Is as you say; biology. To desire helpmate of opposite gender is nature. To lust just for its own ends, as you call it; gay or strait, is something gone astray in mind and heart."

"Yeah, that's true." I offered a side observation. "There's a broad every which way that leads to destruction in this society."

"In this world!" Jesus corrected again.

I only paused and nodded.

"But what about You?" I posed my next question. "Do You find the same want… I seem to…. got?"

"In this general way; yes." Jesus answered as He glanced over at me. "But we make choices of the Father's will and direction He give us. If I pick the wife I really wish, I have my own Eve; but what of two sinless parents raise sinless children." Jesus started to laugh. "What challenge in that?"

"Well…. I guess that would be too easy; wouldn't it?" I snickered. "But what about me? Do You think I'm like…. kind of gross, or something?"

Jesus chuckled again. "If I pick next best wife? Give me one I bought; but yes, there still be too great of challenge in this."

"Yeah…. more for her than You." I gaffed under my breath. "Don't think I've ever encountered another Christian who'd ever confess to wanting to have sex with You."

Jesus only stopped, turned and looked at me; then burst out… laughing? His attempts to restrain what ever it was He found so…. endearingly whimsical?; left tears streaming down His face. I only peered suspiciously at Him; not sure if this was funny, sad, exciting, overwhelming or….. all of the above? When Jesus finally got a hold of Himself; He sucked in a deep breath and stood and looked at me for a moment.

"Of glory the abandon I have love of my Father would be grand gift to share." He giggled and then sighed. "You right though; that be too complicated to work."

I stood and looked at Him another long moment… trying to digest what He said.

"Can I ask…." I sucked in a hesitant breath, since though it seemed obvious to me from my perspective; I still wanted to hear His answer. "Why?"

"Is how to explain in perspective of eternity?" Jesus searched for words. "All complications aside with difficulty of Incarnation now have permanent presence through progeny; or…. additions to Trinity." Jesus chuckled.

"This here we are…" He held His hands out, pilling His fingers over His palms. "We are fragile. Dust. Flesh and blood can not inherit the Kingdom; nor can accomplish its purpose." Jesus shrugged. "I love that you love me so much." Jesus giggled a bit as He took hold of my hands. "Innocence of what you don't understand." He reassured me with a good natured shake. "I leave you love me from soul and spirit; even with struggle in body. I will not destroy you."

I stood and stared at Him for a long time. "Not sure what You mean by destroy me?" I whimpered. "Would…. that literally kill me?"

"No." Jesus shook His head. "I not harm you at all. Not of eternal wrath or actual act." He chuckled a bit. "Matter is, you probably be very happy. Jesus do again." He lent an innocent shrug. "You chase me all over. Come here don't leave me; and I would not be able." He smiled empathetically.

"But you not yet perfect and how this haunt the soul, all you mortal life." He sighed. "Even if the theology issue solved. And this I know you understand is lot of theology issue." Jesus flashed me a knowing wink and started nodding. I joined Him in our mutual head bob.

"Ehh…. Yeah, I do get that part of it." I grimaced in acquiescence.

"But also!" Jesus continued. "Is not common concern of mine of what people think of me; but that would be." He pointed at me. "Not only of my Father, but also you. I love you more than to plague you by questions of why. Why I ask? Why he agree? What have I done? This is terrible. Even though I stay till you die and if there be no consequence on this other side of eternity. This choice would haunt you." Jesus straitened up and nodded again. "I say no to all who asked. Is just you, of these I meet are closest to really understanding why, because… you know; that Spirit."

I stood quietly a bit longer; still, sort of… head bobbing.

"So, you've had other offers?" I finally inquired.

"Yes." Jesus laughed as He began to stroll and I followed. "How many fathers come to me. Jesus, you have job; you want my daughter?"

I giggled too. "Were any of 'em pretty?" I quipped.

"Some, yes." Jesus answered. "But I learn quick; most pretty ones especially when dad say - Oh! And let me tell you she a virgin!" Jesus shook His head. "Ehhh, no she probably not; but… I never tell them this."

I laughed while Jesus just haplessly shrugged.

"Where there any You ever considered?" I posed my next question.

"There were girls I feel sorrow for." Jesus sighed. "And I would have been best to them. But no; none I knew I could ever match with. This is when I started ask: Father, are You to make me an Eve? Is this Your plan?"

"He said no to that too though." I chuckled before offering an offhanded side comment. "My poor frustrated Son."

"Yes I frustrated; but not of that." Jesus began to laugh; but then happily shrugged. "I knew is no earthy glory, ever be greater than this space my Father already give me."

He paused, sucked in a deep breath of silent reflection and bowed His head.

He quietly giggled some more as He clenched His hands together in a momentary prayer, then folded His arms around Himself in a sort of hug, while He rocked back and forth on His heels a few times. He then put one hand over His face, as He turned a bit pink while leaning over to take another deep breath between giggles.

"No earthy glory greater than the space the Father gave You." I pondered aloud as I watched Jesus…. get all hot again.

"So that's what's gotten into You!" I scrunched my face up in affirmation of the revelation that just hit me. I started to snicker as I sauntered over and peeked up at Him. "Your fleeting states of…. devotion;" I whispered as I snuck closer and started kissing Him. "were never about… me."

"No, they not!" Jesus flailed a bit as He turned away. "Stop, is make me want more affection." He gasped in laughter as He held a hand up to keep my distance.

"But I love You." I exclaimed as I threw my arms out and proceeded to chase Him across the corridor. "Come here. Let me hug and kiss You."

Jesus stopped and turned around when He found Himself caught between a store front wall and an emergency exit door.

"OK, OK." He gasped as He held His hands up. "I know, is that Spirit in you love me too; but I can not hug and kiss just the Holy Ghost."

"Sure Ya can! I'm just along for the ride." I burst out laughing as I threw my arms around Him in a bear hug and gave a big squeeze.

"OK, OK." Jesus interjected again as He stuck one hand up between the two of us and unceremoniously splatted it over my face. I started kissing His hand. "Father help me!" Jesus wailed.

Well at that point I'd totally lost it and literally fell on the floor in hysterical laughter. The next thing I knew I could hear Jesus speaking to another voice I didn't recognize.

"No, she not drunk. She silly."

I opened my eyes to see a security guard peering down at me.

"I'm sorry officer." I hurriedly tried to amend, as I got up and dusted myself off. "I'm OK. I'll behave now." I grinned, trying to hold in my laughter.

"Alright?" He growled. "If you two get too rowdy; we're going to ask you to leave the mall."

"I know." I held a hand up and sucked in a deep breath. "I'm.. calm now." I sighed as a giggle escaped.

The guard only glanced at Jesus and glared at me one last time before he walked away.

"Sorry." I squeaked to Jesus as I put a hand on His shoulder and rested my forehead on it.

"Well, I give you this." He sighed as He patted my arm. "One day with you much different adventure than three and a half years with 12 apostles."

I looked up at Jesus. "Is that good or bad?"

He peered tentatively back at me. "I admit to being captured by this affection." He confessed. "I want this hug and kiss too." He hesitantly sighed. "But I know; I start and 20 minute later…. Trinity become Infinity."

20 minutes later Trinity become Infinity. I glared pensively at Jesus until what He said actually sunk in.

"Errr…?" I flashed Him the: 'are You shittin me' scowl.

No. He shook His head.

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow.

He nodded soberly.

"Are You sure?" I grew saucer eyes.

He nodded again.

"Wow." I mouthed silently. "That's Omnipotence."

I stared at Him another moment. Jesus only had this most dead serious look on His face.

I sucked in a deep breath. "I believe You." I whispered.

"Is good trust the Father." Jesus mumbled a bit breathlessly. "By power of God also restrain; is the Holy Ghost."

"Well that's good." I smirked jokingly. "The ehh…. Holy Ghost; needs restraining."

"Eh… yeah; the Holy Ghost…" Jesus raised an eyebrow at me before He finally cracked a smile and gave me a shove.

We walked another lap or so around this mall. I still held Jesus's hand even though I knew the tender feelings that lived within Him. Various thoughts scurried through my mind and I couldn't help but feel like… Ya already… knew me!

Jesus seemed happy, strolling along, almost proudly having humbled this hapless and rebellious soul that I was…. and I felt it; wholly possessed of, fully apprehended and intimately loved. I wasn't sure if I was joyful, feeling lost in this grand love, or just absolutely overwhelmed; but all I could picture was us back in the cabin sitting on the couch playing huggy kissy while Michael Card sang El Shaddi.

(Now isn't that awkward!)

I burst out laughing again. Jesus only peered suspiciously at me; shook His head, giggled a bit and kept walking.

I didn't know if He could actually sense what I felt or not. He'd only stop at various moments to look at things; or look at me and move on again. He was quiet and serious, but also calm and seemingly quite contented.

I thought about 'Trinity become Infinity' and how apparently birth control wasn't even on His radar. What a different paradigm than I live in. That thought took a while to sink in. Was that really a cultural thing or not? I pondered with an ironic gaff. God likes to create things and life is important to Him. If I'm going to do this; that's the goal.

Wow, I pondered some more. I didn't know why, but that thought was actually comforting. Why is it comforting to think I'd be dignified as a carrier of life? The question haunted me. Because maybe at that point I'd know, the intent wasn't just for the gratification of the experience. Not that every human looking to bear children has the noblest of intents. I knew that certainly wasn't the case. Yet in so many ways Jesus was a wholly different human being than anyone else.

And still, creating a family in the flesh would have been a lot easier than taking on sin. But for what ever reasons I didn't understand; apparently God's own glory and honor was more important to… the three of HIM than anything Jesus was left to endure. I don't understand that? I slowed as my attention drifted toward Jesus.

He paused and turned to me. "What?" He asked.

"The glory of God is more important to You than anything else." I answered. "Maybe this is a stupid question but; why?"

"Because He love me." Jesus answered without missing a beat.

"Because God is love." I stated the first thing that came to mind.

"Yes." Jesus nodded.

"And He shows forth the greatest of His attribute in this plan Ya 'all came up with."

Jesus broke into a happy giggle and nodded.

"And there'd be no greater way of showing forth that love than this plan."

Jesus giggled some more.

"Are You going to get all excited again?" I cocked my head and smiled at Him.

Uh… Maybe? Jesus innocently shrugged.

"Does that depend on what I say?" I giggled myself.

Jesus just shrugged again.

"So, If ya wanna talk…. 'clean'; to Jesus, start talking about God's love. That gets Him all happy." I snickered.

Jesus only responded. "I praise You for I am fearful and wonderfully made."

"How precious are Your thoughts to me; oh God! How great is the sum of them." I added a tag verse.

"Yeah!" Jesus giggled before getting amorously pink…. again!

"Wow, that actually works." I noted my observation in snickers to myself, before I let out a sigh and just watched Him another minute or two.

"The express image of holiness." I muttered the first thought that popped into my head. "That's actually the answer to my question."

"What?" Jesus inquired as He took a deep breath and endeavored to calm Himself.

"My question about holiness." I answered. "Do You have any idea how incredibly seductive You are?" I started to laugh. "Just not in a carnal sense. I never understood how something could be holy seducing; but I look at You and I get it now! Boy do I get it!"

Jesus soberly nodded. "Glory of His love seduce me constantly."

"And it's grand to get lost in, because God is holy."

Jesus meekly nodded.

"And it absolutely overwhelms You."

Jesus began to whine a bit as He nodded some more.

"And now that it's over and You've accomplished all that You set out to do; You are quite excitable because You are just beside Yourself in relief, joy, feeling loved and knowing Your Father is pleased. That is the most important thing to You. Isn't it?"

Jesus nodded eagerly as He instinctively reached out. When He leaned over to kiss me; I turned and kissed Him back. Jesus let go, flashed a bit of an unsure expression and put His hands over His face.

What just happened to me? He seemed a bit unsure, as He peered at me and then around.

"You are…." I searched vainly for an adjective.

"His thought above our thought and way above us." Jesus squeaked an a barely audible whisper.

"Absolutely beyond…. lovable?" I giggled out my previously unfinished sentence.

"Hold me up; oh God." Jesus whispered.

"And I shall be safe." I completed His sentence.

Jesus flailed a bit more as it didn't seem that He knew what to do with His emotions. He looked to be on the verge of tears. He leaned over with one hand covering His face as if trying now, not to hyperventilate.

"Oh, come here." I chuckled as I grabbed Him by the arm, dragged Him over and plopped Him in a chair. I sat in the chair next to Him and…. just waited.

Poor thing needs His prayer closet right now. I thought to myself as I resisted the impulse to loop my fingers through His hair. He sat quietly with His hand over His face thinking… praying…. ; crying?

"Are You OK?" I finally asked as I sucked in an unsure breath.

Jesus nodded as He too sucked in a deep breath.

"All of this life I live in… despised of men and believed smitten of God. My space HE give me." Jesus wiped His tears as He peered up. "YOU give me; Thank YOU." He giggled a bit. "I am safe there. I am loved. I can give and be anything."

He paused a moment as His eyes sunk back down to the floor and He looked over at me.

"Then I think of Peter and Andrew, James and John; and all of them." Jesus suddenly looked a bit sad. "I explain go in you prayer closet; pray in secret. Is a grad thing; but they only look at me with blank stares." Jesus paused another moment. "Is sad I see they don't understand. Father says they will later; but I not comprehend how they do not know?" Jesus peered at me and made a face; then answered His own question. "They separated by sin. I see this and think how is it you live this way? I don't understand what this is like." Jesus sat a moment staring at me.

"Then I meet people like you." He continued. "Those who have at least this bit of understanding. They know this glory. They know this love. Even if just in this bit. Is no more: Show us the Father! For they know and suddenly I am not alone." Jesus began to laugh tears. "And they love me! Not of some heal me, feed me, or political promise they think I will give them an earthly kingdom. How often I say my Kingdom is not of this world, yet only here do I meet those who know this."

"But You knew the pouring out of the Holy Ghost is what changed that." I cocked my head and looked at Jesus.

"Again though." Jesus answered. "To know and experience are different thing."

Jesus sat quietly a few moments.

"They love me. You love me." He continued. "Of times past I try to imagine this; yet what is man that… God, You are mindful of him? The blessing that you are caused to love me is beautiful." Jesus laughed a few more tears. "I am glad to do this. What further glory in the new world to come." Jesus eagerly clasped His hands together. "I'd like this new world now." He cried happily. "But I be patient. All is to grander glory."

Hum…. I sat pondering this a moment, before switching subjects.

"People?" I flashed Him a perplexed question before amending my thoughts. "I wondered about that?" I mumbled to myself. "You've run into other believers here?" I asked.

Jesus nodded.

"How many? Can You… like tell, walking through this mall?" I twirled my finger around and started pointing in random directions.

"Only if my Father tell me and the Spirit tell them." Jesus answered. "Is two I've met; and one, 'not yet'." He 'quoted' with a chuckle. "And one to come."

"Two You've met, one not yet and one to come." I pondered a moment before it suddenly dawned on me. "One of them was that rock wall guy; wasn't it?"

Jesus nodded.

"So that's why You climbed that wall!" I pointed enthusiastically at Him. "All I kept thinking is: Don't tempt the Lord thy God and there You are three stories in the air, hanging from a rope." I paused a moment. "But the guy on the ground was a believer and you trusted him…. with Your life."

Jesus nodded again before He amended. "I trust the Spirit who abide in him."

"So what did he say to You?" I flashed another question. "He seemed happy to see You."

"He ask: Jesus how are You here? Aren't You to come back in glory?" Jesus laughed. "I tell him YES!; I just passing through. Then he ask how I get here. I say: I don't know? The girl seem to think this is her dream." Jesus giggled some more. "He say: Well, don't wake her up. I'm glad to see You!"

I sat and thought about that a while.

"Who else have You met?" I finally asked.

"Boy in resort lodge who will come home in one year." Jesus answered. "He have bone cancer. His dad is 'one not yet'."

"And the kid did't beg You to heal him?"

"Nope." Jesus answered.

"There's real faith." I nodded soberly.

"Yep." Jesus smiled as He got up. "Thy Kingdom come; Thy will be done."

He gestured for me to follow Him. "Is time to find 'one to come'."