Author's note: Am I the only one who starts school next Monday?
A question. I don't know what you're expecting from Marcus in terms of his affection for Sydney (and I don't know if you're expecting anything?), so please share your opinions with me. It will affect this story and where it's headed very much, believe me. I need to know whether to go in The Mortal Instruments direction (that is kind of scary for me), to write it off to Adrian's jealousy/madness, or to just make it how it seems – a brotherly affection. This topic is kind of awkward for me, but you're the ones deciding! I already know where the story would be headed if I chose any of those things, I just don't know which to choose. TMI thing would be a nice twist, but it'd be weird. For the God's sake, I have a brother and we're, like, BFFF and all. I'm totally freaking out.
1. sheerio4ever: I'd be able to distinct a BMW from a Porsche, but not a lot more. I know how engines work and all of that, but I don't know exact information about cars. And my imagination is not good at that – I have no idea how the car will be called! Thanks for loving the one-shots. I have a list and you're on it! ;) Angeline is coming in chapter 12 and the whole Trengeline thing will be very important. Good luck with the classes! I love you too and I can't wait to have new chapters of your story for reading! :) Okay. HopperIvashkinator isn't my blood sister, but love and loyalty run deeper than blood! :D I'd be confuzzled too if I was you :P
2. TheHappyLol: Hmm. Your one-shot? Today? I'm not sure if I'll manage to do that, but I'll try. Latte is dead, and Ivashkinator is Adrian's car, so Sydney needs a new one! :D So, you ate popcorn again? It makes you write good reviews! ;D It's not short and I'm positive you're crazy for waiting me so late. Good luck with Spanish and school in general! And gimme that cookie :D
3. Totalbooknerd13: So glad you liked it! :)
4. ranDomXx: Oooh, that's a wonderful idea! I've kind of been thinking about it myself, but I have no idea where to put it! If I don't manage to fit it in the story, it'll be among one-shots for sure. Thank you :)
5. Alicella Ivashkov: Plan 15 is definitely going to be put among the next few chapters. I like it too much. And that reaction is going to be… PRICELESS. Thanks for everything! :D
6. Guest: I was thinking of giving you that exact answer with an addition that Adrian saw only what he wanted to see. I'm not sure what to do – whether to make it a The Mortal Instruments thing, but I'd rather just keep it a mistake. Marcus is a very deep character anyway! Thank you for this review. :)
7. KyKat: Glad you liked it! I'm hoping to do the darkness thing now. I seriously am trying to do it and suffer along with Adrian. I know how much it means to you. That's why I hope you'll like this chapter. I know how it feels to be in the dark, so I hope I'll manage to do it. Thanks! :)
8. Holly: Well good morning there! Of course it's going to happen! That is the main event :D You want me to put that Jeddie thing in my one-shots? I could write it tomorrow, theoretically. I'm putting spirit dreams on hold until a tweets says so. From then on, I can't answer for what I might do :D The only problem might be that I've never actually been anywhere, so I'd probably get too many facts wrong, but. Imagination can do a lot of things :D Love ya, and thank you! :D
9. MilankaLovesMetal: I love long reviews. I haven't read yours yet, but I love it! You can have Adrian if you want :P Oooooh, I love that "might" idea! :D That's all I'll say. It's going to make you go crazy and angry, but I like it! And I'll say the same I said to Guest: Marcus is a very deep person. Everyone write him off as a blonde guitar guy, but I don't. But he's blonde. Ew. You are epic, Milanka! Love you, and thanks for this wonderful review! :)
10. Percabethlvrknowsall: I memorized your whole username! I'm feeling so proud of myself. And that is so awwh. I'm so glad for that. I love your reviews too and I hope you didn't have to wait too long? Because when I started writing the chapter, your review was newly posted. :)
All the characters belong to Richelle Mead.
"Plan number fifteen," Sydney firmly said against my mouth, "move to Australia and become tour guides."
I rolled my eyes. Memorizing the number I said yesterday and saying the number after it was so nerdy. It was so like Sydney. But the whole point of our plans was randomly choosing numbers. I supposed everything in Sydney's life had an order.
"Am I supposed to contradict you?" I said, trying to shake off the distracting thoughts. My hands, that went under Sydney's shirt and touched her bare back, provided to be a good distraction. "Because I want to buy tickets for Australia right away."
Sydney just smiled and kissed me again. All reasonable – or in this case, unreasonable – thoughts dissolved from my mind.
Our usual make-out sessions were either on the floor, on the dining table, with Sydney's back pressed up the wall, on the couch or in my bedroom. We usually wouldn't make it that far, so we'd just move onto the couch.
Today was the dining table day. When Sydney pulled away after only a minute, I thought it was because she was uncomfortable. Damn it, the unreasonable part of me thought. Just when my hands touched the bra clasp.
As if Sydney could hear my thoughts, she shook her head. "It's not that. I have news."
I was far too distracted by what her first sentence implied to even hear the second. Did she mean that she wouldn't mind if I finally got rid of that irritating bra?
"Adrian," Sydney said and I looked her in the eyes, shaking myself from the distracting thoughts once again. I expected to see exasperation in her expression, but no – all I saw on her face was concern.
I frowned. "I'm sorry. You're distracting me by being so beautiful." Thankfully, she actually bought that. My Sydney wasn't used to compliments, so she just blushed and turned away.
But, her aura still had concern in it. "You had me there for a second, Adrian," Sydney said, sighing in relief. "I thought spirit was bothering you."
I swallowed and smiled, hoping the smile didn't look too fake. I wouldn't admit that spirit was bothering me, and that it was far worse than what I ever experienced. But after all, it wasn't as bad as it was when I saved Jill. Nothing was ever as bad as that.
Sydney smiled back, unaware of my thoughts. I was feeling a bit moody, but I could handle that. As long as she didn't notice, I was okay. "Dad called," she said and the smiles disappeared from our faces. "He told me the trial was in three days, in Washington, and that both Zoe and I had to come or he'd personally make sure I…" she stopped herself, taking a deep breath.
My hands were clenched into fists. I was so, so glad I hit that bastard and broke his nose. I cursed myself from not doing something worse, something that would leave some kind of a scar.
"You're not going," I said and moved away, noticing Sydney was sitting on a dining table. I took her hand and led us to the couch.
Sydney frowned. "Adrian, I must go. I have to testify."
I shook my head. "You'll either tell the truth, or you won't go. You are not going to lie in his favor. End of story."
Sydney still didn't sit down, so she put her hands on her hips. "And who are you to stop me?"
I grinned. "I am your overly-protective boyfriend."
Sydney didn't smile back. "He is going to send me to Re-education, Adrian! Do you have any idea how's that going to happen? I'm not joking!"
I looked her in the eyes. "No. I don't know how it'll happen, but I suppose some ninjas will drug you and drag you away to some underground bunker and there they'll perform lobotomy on you."
I smiled when I saw Sydney's face. Those were exactly her thoughts. She just shook her head. "Someone is going to come for me when I don't expect it. I am going to disappear, and they will take me where they took Keith. And there they'll do something that'll scare me so much…" her next words came out as a whisper. "You didn't see him, Adrian. He said he'd do anything, believe in anything, just to get out of there. And he didn't even like vampires. What would they do to me? And if dad gives the orders, what will they do to me?"
I took her hands in mine and pulled her towards me until she was practically in my lap. There I put her cheeks in my hands, forcing her to look at me. "Listen to me now," I said firmly. "I am going to do everything I can to prevent ninjas from taking you. And if they do that, I will find you. I swear on God, Sydney, I'll find you."
I did believe in what I just said. I believed in my strength to turn over every single stone on this planet until I found her. I believed that I'd kill every single Alchemist if I had to, until they told me where they kept her. And they wouldn't even touch her – if they did, they'd sign their death sentences.
"Adrian," I heard as if from a distance. "You're scaring me."
I felt something in my hands – probably Sydney's cheeks, but she wasn't there. Nothing was there. I was alone, standing in the dark, with nothing to keep me in the real world. I caught a glimpse of aunt Tatiana's face and my stomach shifted.
I gasped. You're not real, I told myself. They're just hallucinations, Adrian. Aunt Tatiana's dead.
"Adrian?" I heard Sydney say, but I couldn't see her. I shouted her name, asking her where she was, but I couldn't see anything.
My hands were burning. When I looked at them, there was something golden shining on them. I tried to wipe them on my trousers, but nothing happened. What was Sydney doing?
It still wasn't as bad as it was after Jill, though. "I'm going to try something Ms. T. showed me now, so don't freak out," Sydney freaked out.
Even in this state, I couldn't help but smile. Sydney was telling me not to freak out, but I was positive she was the one freaking out.
I caught a glimpse of another shadow. It was…
My mother. Daniella Ivashkov was standing in front of me, and she was literally just a shadow of the person I knew. There was no warmness, no kindness, no style, no life in the Daniella in front of me. She was an old black-and-white shadow in rags, her mouth half-open, as if she was trying to say something, but no sound came out.
Don't freak out, Adrian, I said to myself again, closing my eyes. Your mom is alive. You're hallucinating.
Thankfully, when I opened my eyes again, I was alone. My hands were starting to hurt now, and a beautiful golden dust was spreading, making a spiral way through my arm. It tingled and hurt a little, but there was something beautiful about it, something that told me this dust wasn't going to hurt me.
And the dust… it reminded me of Sydney too much. It felt like her, and as the dust and darkness both consumed me, I closed my eyes. My last thought was that if this was Sydney's magic, it was beautiful. I had no fear.
I slowly came to my senses again. My whole body hurt, but it didn't matter – I was too afraid of the darkness to be aware of anything else. I just thought, if you open your eyes and you're still in the dark, you're gone, Adrian.
I slowly opened my eyes and had to close them again – it was too bright for me to see. Thank God, the darkness was gone.
I felt a gentle hand on my cheek, touching it, making me feel safe. "Do you want me to turn off the lights?" a beautiful voice said.
No, the voice wasn't just beautiful. It was the most beautiful voice in the whole universe and beyond. I let myself go, enjoying the touch and feeling a smile come to my lips.
I was home.
The hand left me and I heard a short sound. A moment later, the hand was back on my face, making me feel calm again. "Okay, you can open your eyes," the voice said, making me shiver.
I slowly opened my eyes. At first, all I saw was light, but then it turned into another color.
Yellow. Springtime yellow, actually. Strange. My walls were painted into the same color.
I moved my gaze lower and caught a glimpse of the golden hair I adored.
"Hey," Sydney said as I finally looked down at her. She was smiling and her hand was still on my cheek, refusing to leave it.
I tried to move my hand, but found I was unable to. I frowned, looking down at it. It didn't look any different than before. "I can't move," I said and looked up at Sydney again.
She nodded and shifted into a higher gear. "Yes. My spell paralyzed you. Ms. Terwilliger gave me a charmed bracelet in case I needed to do this. In chase spirit was bothering you and I had to get your mind back here."
I blinked. What was she talking about? "What happened?" I tried, still thinking very slowly. I couldn't even remember half of the words Sydney said.
Sydney sighed, but understanding flashed in her eyes. "You were trapped in your own mind, or that's what Ms. Terwilliger thinks. We did some research on mind spells and this is the most… radical one."
I tried to nod, but found myself unable to. "Okay," I decided to say. "So what happened? I lost it…" I made a face. "I remember that we were talking about Re-education."
Sydney nodded. "You said you wouldn't let them take me, and then you just…" she paused, searching for a word. "Stopped. Went still. I wasn't even sure that you were breathing. And your eyes, they were… scary, Adrian."
"For how long?" I said, not knowing what to expect. It was somehow logical for me to go still when my mind left my body. Sydney claimed I was in my own mind, and I had no idea where I was. Was my mind really that dark?
"Just minutes. I didn't let you be 'mentally unconscious' for more than a minute. I called you, and you blinked the first time. I thought you snapped out of it, but…" she shook her head. "You didn't react. Not when I called, not when I waved a hand in front of you, not even when I pinched your arm." So that's why my hand hurt while I was in the dark.
My time in the darkness slowly faded, becoming a distant memory. The more I thought about it, the less I was able to remember. That's why I tried not to remember it, but my mother's face kept flashing in my mind.
"And then I remembered the spell," Sydney continued, unaware of my thoughts. "Ms. Terwilliger and I had a talk about you, your abilities and the bad effects magic had on you. She said you took magic from your own being, so channeling it into something took its tool on you. It would eventually trap you in your own mind, without a way of ever snapping out of it."
She paused, watching me with those big, concerned eyes while doing that. "So she told me the witches had a way of… restarting their systems. If those things ever happened, they could use a powerful spell on themselves or on other people, to bring their minds back."
"Where's the catch?" I said tiredly. I obviously slept for a while, and I was feeling so tired.
Sydney smiled. "There are two. First, you can't use this often – it'd eventually harm your body. You can do it once or twice, in cases of extreme need, but not more. It paralyses you for a period of time, and makes you feel exhausted, since your body had a shock, but your body will recover eventually."
"And the other one?" I asked, distracted by Sydney's hand on my cheek. I wasn't sure if she knew what effect that touch had on me. It was so intimate, so… familiar, so calming. It made me feel like a 5-year-old boy who was scared of monsters, being soothed by his mom.
And Sydney looked so concerned, and she tried so hard to hide it, that it was actually really cute.
"The other bad thing is that it takes a part of the caster's being too. In this case, it's me. The spell took a lot out of me, but I managed to stay conscious and put you into bed."
I couldn't see, but I could feel the soft sheets underneath me. My best guess was that Sydney teleported me in the bedroom somehow, using her magic, but I didn't want to question it. Honestly, I didn't have the strength. "Are you okay?" I asked, concerned. Did she collapse? Did she eat something afterwards? And what exactly did she mean by 'it takes a part of the caster's being?'
Sydney nodded, offering a smile. "Yes. I took a sandwich and some water. My question is, are you okay?"
I smiled, and it was an honest smile. I wanted to say I was okay, that I didn't even feel the darkness anymore, that I felt free and safe and happy, but all that came out was, "It was beautiful."
Sydney frowned. "The darkness?"
I tried – and failed – to shake my head. "No. The darkness was… dark. But the magic, I didn't just feel it. I saw it."
Sydney looked taken back by that. "You saw magic? But how is that possible?"
My grin widened. I knew I'd never forget what I saw in that moment, the golden spirals around me, consuming me, wrapping around me, claiming me. I dared to think that this part of Sydney – her magic, her being – was the most beautiful part of her.
I tried to explain it to her. "It was dark, and then I felt pain in my hands. When I looked at them, they were golden. And the golden dust, it was shiny and made me feel like… like I feel when I'm around you. It spread, spiraling around my arms and enveloping my whole body. I should've been terrified, but somehow I knew it was you, and I just let myself go."
Sydney was looking at me with widened eyes, and when I finished, she gasped and put her hands on her mouth. "You think my magic is… beautiful?" she whispered.
"Of course," I whispered back. "It's the most important, the most honest part of you. How could it be anything else?"
Sydney's eyes widened even more, and she just kissed my cheek.
I remembered something and frowned. "Aren't you supposed to be at school now? How long was I out?"
Sydney didn't flinch, though I expected her to. "I called Zoe and told her I was with my boyfriend Jet. She was enthusiastic."
"What?" I asked, incredulous. "You told her you had a boyfriend?"
Sydney pulled back, smiling. "Well, actually, I did. You have a problem with that?"
I tried – and failed – to raise an eyebrow. This paralyzed thing was starting to unnerve me. I wanted to kiss Sydney, I wanted to pull her into an embrace and soothe her. And I wanted to tell her what I saw in the darkness, and how only her magic managed to calm me.
"I don't, as long as he doesn't become a real person," I said, smirking.
"I know a good candidate," Sydney whispered in my ear. "His name is Adrian Ivashkov."
In a moment, his lips her on mine, and she was fully in control. The only part of me that moved were my lips, so I didn't exactly have a choice. I just endured her gentle kisses, wanting and needing so much more. She sensed that she was tormenting me and smiled against my mouth.
"You're still tired," she said and moved away.
"And you're still not fair," I said and closed my eyes, pouting.
Sydney laughed. "You scared me so much, Adrian," she said suddenly. "If you didn't wake up… I don't know what I would've done. You understand that we need to find Inez as fast as possible, right? I searched through every single spell book in USA and this was the most powerful spell. I don't know how to help with the darkness, Adrian." The way she said my name – pleading, as if she was desperate, made me open my eyes again.
"Okay," I simply said, giving up. What would meeting a witch hurt? And Sydney wanted to do it so much. It meant so much to her, so it was for the best to just let her have her way. Even though I had no hopes that lady was going to help me, and both of us.
"I need you to promise me something," Sydney whispered, getting close to me again. "Please, Adrian. Just promise me."
I swallowed, narrowing my eyes. "What?" I said carefully, not sure where she was heading with this.
"Promise me you'll take the pills," Sydney whispered, her lips on my cheek. "Just until we meet with Inez. Just until then."
I gulped. "You know why I don't want to," I whispered back. I understood what she wanted and why she wanted it, but she had to understand me too. I experimented with things – silver reduced side effects, it was the easiest to charm, and it had a positive effect on me even if it wasn't charmed. Healing myself physically was a good thing while I used my vices to keep the darkness away, but I couldn't heal my mind, so that ability fell off.
Jill was a good channel for the darkness, but transferring my madness to a 15-year-old wasn't a very good decision. It filled me with guilt. Sydney wanted to have her way with magic, and I was going to let her, but I wasn't expecting much out of it. I knew that silver was the key – I just didn't know how yet. I needed more time.
"I was practicing telekinesis," Sydney said. "I was practicing with shields too. No one will hurt me. I will take care of us. I'm also a magic user, and I can keep us all safe. You just need to trust me, Adrian."
She moved so that she was looking me in the eyes. They were full of hope, of trust and love that I didn't know how to turn her down. I hurt her too many times in such a short period of time. I really didn't want to do it anyway. "But what if something does happen, Sydney? What if I have to live with guilt my whole life? And Lissa said that she missed the magic. Not being able to see auras, to heal things and people, to compel, to feel the magic in me… I don't know if I can bear it."
"Just try," Sydney said, closing her eyes. "Try for me. And trust me. I'll keep us safe." I wasn't sure who she was reassuring – me or herself, but it didn't matter anymore.
I loved her too much to push her away once again. And we were a team – a lot of trust and patience was supposed to be involved in this relationship. We were supposed to do things, decide things together.
For the first time in my life, I let go of my pride. That's how much I loved her. "Okay," I whispered. "I'll do it."
Sydney leaned back, furrowing her eyebrows. "You will?" she whispered.
"I will," I said, even though I wanted to just raise an eyebrow.
Sydney smiled and kissed me again. Between kisses, she kept saying, "Thank you, thank you so much."
I chuckled. "What it takes to make a girl happy."
Sydney moved away from me once again. She retrieved something from her purse.
The pills. Anti-depressants, looking at me mockingly from her hands. She opened the package and took two pills out. She looked at me carefully, noticing how afraid I was.
She came closer. "It's okay," she said gently, touching my cheek again. "I'm here. I won't let you go."
With her there, it was so easy to believe that. "Okay," I simply whispered and closed my eyes as I drank the pills.
The only thing that now separated me from humans was my dependence on blood. That thought actually made me feel easier.
But who was I without my magic?
Only when Sydney answered, I realized I said it out loud. "You are Adrian Ivashkov, the loyal, loving, caring, powerful man. And you are my boyfriend, and so much more."
As I felt the magic drift away from me and my hands started moving again, I thought that while I had my Sage, my flame in the dark, that might just actually prove to be the truth.
