Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

A/n1: When I saw that this fic had received over 2,000 fucking reviews last Sunday-morning, I was about to squeal, fall off my chair, race downstairs and jump up the kitchen table on which my parents were having breakfast, just to scream 'OMG, OVER 2,000 REVIEWS, OVER 2,000 REVIEWS, FUCK YEAH!~' and kick the butter off the table…
but in the end, I didn't do it. I mean, it would have freaked my parents out. Not that much – they know me, after all – but still. Just imagine what kind of conversation had followed after my declaration of love to all of my reviewers:
Mom: 'So you have over 2,000 reviews?'
Me: 'YES – AREN'T YOU PROUD!~'
Mom: 'Of course I'm proud, but how did you get those "reviews"? And what are reviews anyway?'
Me: 'Oh, reviews are comments of people who've read the smutty fic about a couple of gays I've been writing for almost a year now!~'
Dad: *spills his coffee all over the table*
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Naaaaaah, they wouldn't understand, heh…^^;;;
Thank you all for supporting me so much up to this point. You proved to me just how great and especially rewarding it is to write fanfiction for you. Really – there are no words to express my happiness…
So I made a cake. Don't worry, I'm very good at making cakes (not as good as I am at making lasagna, but still). Want some? Of course you want some! Well, here you go!~ You can have it! ALL OF IT! It's made of love! 8D

A/n2: A couple of days ago, the Netherlands was hit by an earthquake. It was an extremely small one, however, so no one got hurt. I hadn't even noticed anything, heh…^^;;;
Still, it was on the news and everybody kept talking about it ('That's right, my cabinet was shaking a little bit!'), what only proves just how pathetic we all are here. OTL
Oh well – it WAS kind of fun to hear everybody talk about it. We hadn't had an earthquake in 100 years, after all…

A/n3: Sorry for the slow review-replies... School's been haunting me and, well... I'm trying hard to reply to everyone, but please forgive me if you haven't received yours yet - I'm doing my best to give you them, I really am!... OTL

** Bottoms-Up! **

Chapter L:

Silence of the Hams
(Insane Clown Posse)

Naturally, I could be wrong.

No, scratch the "could be" – I am wrong. Probably.

I mean, I usually am wrong when it's about horrible things that can happen to me, and let's face it: Feliciano and Germany picking me and Antonio up like the three of us were the best buds ever, OMG, lets totally exchange friendship-rings!~ was like a fucking nightmare to me.

So of course I expected it to happen.

And that's why I wasn't even moderately surprised when I woke up the next morning by my always hair-pulling-annoyingly ringtone about the wonderfulness that are lollipops (why I still hadn't changed that damn homosexual ringtone yet was a huge faggy question mark to me) and saw Feliciano's name flashing up in the tiny screen.

'Oh god, the horror – it begins now…' I croaked – but softly, Antonio was still sleeping after all – and picked up my phone.

'…yeah, what's the matter, Felic—'

'Hi big brother!~ Good mooooooorning!~'

For a sickly nation, he sure sounded strangely healthy.

I shuddered. 'God, could you please shut your fucking face, you damn pillow-biter, I just woke up!'

I could vividly picture the sad, helpless pout that was probably forming on Feliciano's face now.

GOOD.

'Awwww… you're so cold, Lovi…' Feliciano said after some incomprehensible mumbling.

'I'm not cold at all.' I snorted. 'I'm a very warm and affectionate person and I'll fucking kill everybody who dares to say otherwise.'

'…are… are you going to kill me then?' my brother asked, breathlessly.

'Damn right I am – unless you pipe the fuck down already.'

'But I don't want to die yet! Veee… I'm too young, talented and pretty to die!'

'And so humble, too.' I dryly remarked.

Feliciano ignore me and continued his wailing.

'Also, who'll take care of Ludwig when I'm gone? Veee… Will you do it? You will, right? I mean, someone has to give him his daily portion of wurst, you kno—'

'Finish that line and I swear I will slaughter you.'

'Awwww… veee…'

'And stop sounding like some spastic cat in heat with your "awwww" and "veee", dammit!'

'…'

'Better. Much better.'

Meanwhile, behind me, Antonio had started to wake up, making soft, groaning noises as he nuzzled my back and muttered things I didn't catch because my own fucking shirt was in the way.

'…mnhzzhgnmmnhg…~'

'What's that?' Feliciano immediately chirped.

'W-what's what!' I huffed, pushing Antonio's wandering fingers away from my chest.

'Veee… Is that Big Brother-In-Law Toni? Are you two… doing stuff right now?~'

'No!' I snapped, 'We're no – nghk!'

I heard myself yelp a bit in surprise when the partly-unconscious Spanish moron hugged me a bit tighter – in all the wrong places, too – and I even had to clench my teeth together to keep myself and my way of talking in control.

'Ohhhhh…oh, I get it.' Feliciano giggled. '…veee, you know, if you want to, Ludwig and I could go away for a while and let you and Big Brother-In-Law Toni… finish…~ your…~ sexy times…~ in peace and quietness…~'

'Feliciano, I'm telling you that's not it! W-we fucking just woke up!' I growled, glaring daggers at the now really awake Spaniard next to me, who confusedly stared back at me with sleepy, half-closed eyes ('…w-what, Lovi, what did I do?').

'But you moooooaaaaaaaned, big brother…~' Feliciano continued in a singsong-like voice, '…and the last time I heard you mooooooaaaaan like that was when I almost caught you and Big Brother-In-Law Toni in the act a couple of weeks ago…'

I squinted my eyes.

'Fuck you, Feliciano.'

'You're talking to Feli?' Antonio then said, smiling fondly at me.

I frowned. 'No – I'm swearing the ever-loving crap out of him. Do you mind?'

'Ah…' Antonio let out a soft sigh, '…being his usual adorable yet annoyingly self again, isn't he?'

I didn't respond immediately, since I suddenly realized something.

Oh fuck, could it be?

Could the world be hating this much on me?

Did I really want an answer to that?

'I… I think…' I started carefully, looking at Antonio with big, startled eyes, '…I think he's outside the House right now! With... Germany!'

Antonio blinked his eyes, not knowing what to say to my dramatic exclamation.

So in the end, he just smiled a bit more at me and kissed my cheek, hugging me again.

'Ah, you're so cute, so very cute, Lovi… Come here…~'

'S-stop it, I-I'm on the damn phone!' I hissed, but let him cuddle me anyway when I focused my attention on my horrible brother again.

'Feliciano, you… you just mentioned something about you and Germany, that you could go away for a while… right?'

'Veee… yup!~ Want to take that offer?~'

'Are you telling me you two freaks of nature are already here?'

'I'm not telling it, I'm just very strongly suggesting it!~' Feliciano explained, '…but yes, were here! Veee… Big Brother-In-Law Toni's gate is a mess, by the way, haha!~'

I smacked a hand against my face. 'Unbelievable…'

'You don't believe me? Oh, shall I sing that German children's song Ludwig taught me yesterday, then? It's so silly, it's counting to ten – in German! I sound so cool when I sing it!~ You have to stick your head out of the window if you want to hear it together with Luddy's wonderful singing voice too, though!~'

'Oh god, please don—'

'See you in a second! Ciao!~'

Click!~

And Feliciano hung up.

Well, only one more thing left to do, and I can't believe I was actually going to do it, too.

I groaned and gently pushed Antonio away from me, sitting up.

'Sorry to interrupt your rib-crushing hugtime, but I have to go admire a crappy concert made in fucking Hell. Which is Germany. At least, for today.'

The Spaniard gaped at me.

'What?'

'Feliciano and Germany. Outside.' I pointed to the window. 'They're going to sing for us. We are expected to watch them sing.'

He scratched his head. 'That's nice, but… why?'

'To prove they're here.'

'By singing?'

'By singing.'

'Can't they just… honk their car's claxon or something?'

'Don't be ridiculous, Antonio, that would be just too easy. Now get off your ass and let's watch them make complete fools out of themselves. Come on, it'll be fun.'

'…I have a better idea.'

Antonio made a sniffing kind of sound, grabbed my shirt from behind and pulled me back into the bed with a short and simple tug.

'H-hey-!' I stuttered as I fell back into the pile of sheets, looking up at him with a scowl, '…why you damn—'

'You…' Antonio smiled, simply putting a finger on my lips to shut me up, '…stay here. Nice and warm in bed. Then I'll take care of Feli and come join you for a bit, alright?~'

I still scowled the hell out of my face. 'B-but we have to get up, Hungary is probably already waiting for us in Ro—'

Antonio's face suddenly was really close to mine and my voice died in my throat as those shining green eyes stared at me persistently, yet friendly.

'Stay, Lovi. Please, I know what I'm doing, my love…'

'O-okay…' I stammered, my face glowing brightly as I sheepishly wrapped some sheets around me.

Yeah, I know, I could have said something like "whoa, that's a first" or something like that, but my sarcasm always faded away at times like this. I mean, Antonio telling me he knows what he's doing while smiling at me like that? Fucking hot.

'Be right back.'

Antonio removed his finger and replaced it with his lips, kissing me sweetly for a second (well, maybe not for just a second – he kissed me until my eyes started to drop a bit, that sly bastard), before pulling back and heading towards the window.

While he was still looking around down the window, my stupid brother had already noticed him, 'cause I heard him yelling at him with that awful, girlish voice of his.

'Veee… Big Brother-In-Law Toni!~ Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!~ Haha, you look so silly in those PJ's!~'

'Ah, good morning, Feli!~' Antonio tilded right back at him.

'Where's Lovino? I want to sing to him, too! We both want to sing to you and Lovi, riiiight, Luddy?'

A deep and tired and ugly groan was heard – oh, sounds like potato.

'Ah, well, that's all really nice and sweet of you, Feli, wanting to sing for us in German, but it would be better if you two left us alone for… well, let's say, another hour. We still have to get ourselves ready, after all!~' Antonio said. His words weren't too bad, but his tone gave away that he was actually quite irritated to have those weirdoes in the garden, and who wouldn't.

'Ohhh…' Feliciano moped. '…but whyyy… veee, we have an appointment with Hungary, don't you know? She'll be mad if we don't arrive on time… unless you're busy having sex with my big brother! Then it's a-okay to be a bit later!~'

'In that case, I'm having tons of sex with your big brother!~ Right, Lovino?'

Antonio made some odd gestures at me.

'You really disturb me sometimes, you know that?' I responded to that.

'I'm sorry – Lovi can't say anything right now since I've tied him to the bed in a very nice position.' Antonio told Feli with an apologizing smirk.

Oh my GOD!

I wanted to jump up and scream it was a big fat lie and that I was going to kick the hell out of that Spaniard, but when Antonio gave me a pleading look, I ultimately kept quiet and folded my arms, grumbling.

Perverted bastard.

His dirty lie worked, though: outside, Feliciano was chucking as if he just found out the biggest secret since…

…since finding out that sprinkling vinegar on weed between tiles caused them to die and rot away, what was a lot easier to do than going down on your knees with a silly little knife to remove them by hand.

What? It's true! You'll be amazed at how much time you'll save with that!

Anyway…

'Ohhh! Oh, I see… and I knew it, veee! Okay, then I'll tell Hungary we'll be a bit later, then!~' Feliciano yelled back at Antonio. 'And I guess Luddy and I go sightseeing around town for a bit, veee… is that okay?'

'That's great, Feli!' Antonio answered.

'Okay!~ Have fun molesting my big brother!~'

'Don't I always have fun molesting your big brother!~'

'Hahahaha!~'

'Ahahahaha!~'

'I swear to God I'll push you out of the freaking window so fucking hard if you don't stop saying shit right now,' I hissed dangerously, but that threat turned out to be unnecessary, because I soon heard the sound of a motor getting started outside. Furthermore, Antonio was retreating from the window.

'Well! Problem solved!~' he said triumphantly, crawling back into bed and pulling me and the sheets against him with a delighted sigh, '…ah, now let's sleep some more…'

'S-sleep some more?' I nagged, wiggling awkwardly in his grip, '…hell no, we should get ourselves ready now, you lazy, lying bastard!'

Antonio, who was busy nuzzling my chest, looked up at me, one eyebrow raised.

'How much time do you need to get yourself dressed, Lovi? An hour?'

I felt offended. 'Of course not, I'm not a fucking girl! But… w-well, I think I'll need at least 30 minutes… especially when I have to dress you as well.'

'Then we'll have a nice 30-minutes-nap, after which we'll get ourselves dressed.' he calmly stated.

'Wouldn't…' I uttered a sigh and stopped struggling, carefully running my fingers through his hair, '…wouldn't it be easier to get dressed right away? I mean… haven't you slept enough already?'

'I have.'

Antonio nodded, holding me a bit tighter and pressing his face against my chest insistently.

'…but you haven't. You haven't slept in days.'

I felt my face was getting redder again. 'I—'

'Last night, you slept even sooner than I did. As soon as I had you in my arms, you drifted off. I've never seen you fall asleep that quickly before… god, you were exhausted, my love…'

I didn't say anything, I just bit my lower lip for a bit.

'So take this opportunity and have some more rest, sweetie…'

Antonio lifted his face and softly kissed my neck and chin, making me shiver.

'…please, if you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for me, then…'

I hesitated and frowned for a while, still combing my fingers through his curls as if the answer to his question was hidden somewhere in-between them, but then I gave in and nodded, moving myself a tad lower to wrap my arms around his head and hug him firmly.

'…h-hand over the alarmclock for a bit then, d-dammit…'

Antonio smiled and obeyed.

xXx

About half an hour later, Antonio and I indeed got out of bed - and I thank the wonder that is my alarmclock for that, since we'd probably have snored for the rest of the day (at least, I would have done that) if that thing hadn't waken us up around half past nine.

Immediately after waking up, I knew what to do - I'm just that well organized. At times.

So I got myself out of the bed, moved the curtains of the windows to the side, snarled to Antonio (who, of course, was sleeping like a huge baby) to get the fuck out of bed and wash his face and finally, I took a dash to the big closet next to the mirror, using my incredibly wonderful shwooping skills yet again to swing the doors open and select us some decent clothes.

I decided to keep it fairly simple, yet stylish - we were going to Italy, after all. My kind of country. Because it... was my country. Oh, you know what I mean, dammit.

As Antonio was sluggishly brushing his teeth in the bathroom, I threw some clothes he should wear on the bed: a fashionable yellow shirt with short sleeves (gave it as a present to him a few months ago but he had never worn it before since that oblivious idiot rather wore white or red) and some nice and really tight, yet good-fitting washed-out jeans and some... well, sneakers. Just like all of the other clothes, I didn't know what kind of brand they were (Antonio had bought the shoes himself and never bothered remembering the brand-name), but their red color went well with the rest of his outfit, so whatever.

For myself, I chose a cool dress shirt with a casual black tie and some black pants I knew Antonio loved. He had never really said that to me, but he sure liked studying my ass whenever I wore those pants. Last but not least, I had planned to wear really manly shoes and an even manlier pair sunglasses (I scored those in a really dingy shop somewhere in Madrid once but I regret nothing since they looked fantastic on me).

You're probably already aware of it, but in case you haven't noticed it yet, no, we didn't and couldn't wear clothes from expensive brands anymore, since we were too fucking poor to afford them.

Also, we've sold all of our clothes that actually did have a brand on internet to people from other countries, so that our own countries could… well, get a little money.

And yes.

Selling my wonderful expensive fashionable shit was fucking horrible.

But my brother's/fiancé's well-being meant more to me.

What, it did!

Good thing my sense of fashion was also flawless with brand-names that were… no brand-names.

So yeah, in the end, I still looked sharp as hell.

Sad, but sharp.

It's something.

Anyway…

I nodded, not-unsatisfied as I looked at the clothes on the bed.

Damn, brand-names or no brand-names, we'd still look fucking perfect if we wore this.

'Ohh, that looks nice, Lovino!~ Just leave it up to you to think of cool combinations like this!' Antonio then suddenly said somewhere behind me, making me jump up in surprise.

'I-it's not a matter of thinking of combinations, it's a way of life. And I'll fucking punch you in the nose if you sneak up on me like that again.' I huffed, shoving the clothes in his arms, '...n-now, get yourself dressed.'

'Wow, yellow! It's been such a long time since the last time I wore yellow!' Antonio looked at the shirt in amazement, '...ah, I wonder why...'

'So do I. Your skin has a really nice tan, so yellow looks great on you.' I said with a stern expression - since I was very serious about it. I mean, we were talking about fashion. Fashion was serious business.

The Spaniard looked from the shirt to my straight face and couldn't withhold a laugh.

'God, you're so adorable when you're acting like a homo so shamelessly, Lovi!~'

'Wh-wha...' I looked at him utterly shocked, '...I'm not!'

'What not?~' Antonio cooed, slipping into the shirt, '...not adorable or not a shamless homo?~'

'Neither!' I snarled, putting on my dress shirt (a bit roughly) as well.

'I think you're both, though...~'

'W-well, not for long!'

'Are you planning on turning heterosexual, then?'

'Yes!' I looked at him, straight in the eyes, '...at least, for today!'

Antonio paused in putting his pants on - something I didn't mind - and I saw something like worry flash over his face.

'What do you mean, Lovino?'

I zipped my pants and gave him a reassuring smile (and yes, that probably looked really strange, but fuck you).

'Okay - first of all, stop give me that kicked-puppy-look, I'm not saying I'm going to get all angsty again and deny my strange interest in men - let's face it, that would be a bit pointless - I'm just saying that I'm going to try to act like a straight guy today - and I think you should do that, too.'

'Why?' Antonio cocked his head to the side.

'Because we're going to Italy.' I said, walking to the mirror and fixing my tie. '...you know how Italians think about homosexuality and such.'

'So...' Antonio frowned, fumbling with the seam of his shirt - that indeed looked great on him, '...you're saying we shouldn't act like... we are today? After putting me in this shirt?'

I glared at him over my shoulder and beckoned him to come closer so that I could help him straightening his shirt.

'There's nothing wrong with that shirt, so shut up.' I growled. '...and yes. Yes, I am saying we shouldn't act like we are.'

Antonio's face fell. 'But that means...'

'That means we can't act like lovers or fags or whatever that could question our sexual orientation.'

'You say it like it's a bad thing.' Antonio sulked, watching me correcting the folds in his clothes.

'Th-that's not true, I'm just being realistic here!' I protested, jolting my face up, '...I know the world is getting more and more accepting towards... well, everything, but like hell we're getting out of Rome alive if we start acting like some fucking lovebirds there!'

'Ah...' He sighed.

'Really, Antonio... why...' I sighed as well, '...why do you think Feliciano and I rather stay at... at our lover's Houses than our own? Germany's nation is a lot more accepting towards gay people and your nation is even more tolerant, allowing even same-sex marriages and such. Italy... Italy is different.'

'Italy has become more tolerant as well.' Antonio believed.

'Yes - on fucking paper.' I exhaled slowly. 'Sure, it's legal to be gay in Italy, but don't think they're waiting for dozens of male and/or female couples to be walking hand in hand in public.'

'That's... well, that's too bad...' Antonio said, finally giving up.

'So I think we should act like friends.' I continued.

'Best friends?' Antonio asked hopefully.

I rolled my eyes, heading back to the mirror to check my hair. 'Yeah, best friends, whatever. It's still miles away from... what we act like normally.'

I looked in the mirror and saw Antonio looking gloomily at the small silver band around his right ringfinger.

'That means we can't wear these either, right...'

I stopped with doing my hair - it was a lost cause anyway - and looked at my own ring, on my left ringfinger, with mixed feelings.

'...I think it's probably better if we don't, yes.'

'I don't like it.' Antonio sounded frustrated as he slid the ring off. 'I don't like it at all, but you're probably right.'

...

I hated it when he sounded this low-spirited.

'H-hey, you should try to look at the bright side!' I tried to cheer him up, giving him my ring as well (which really wasn't helping my sad attempt to cheer him up).

He gave me an odd look.

'...look at the bright side? How?'

'I-I don't know, I'm... only saying you should look at the bright side.' I muttered stupidly. 'W-whatever that is.'

...

Antonio stared at me with such a blank, sour expression that he actually reminded me of... well, me.

Not sure if that was a good thing. Probably not.

'W-well, anyway...' I eventually said, trying not to think about that retarded comment of mine, '...at least we won't be the only persons who'll have to act like something other than lovers - Feliciano and his potato-munching fiancé will most likely have the same problem as us.'

'Probably...' Antonio mused, putting the rings away on the low, antique cabinet in two black, velvet boxes that I hadn't seen before.

'H-hey...' I stood next to him, put my hands on the small cabinet and blinked, observing him carefully installing the rings in their boxes, '...I-I didn't know you actually had velvet boxes as well for those rings...'

At last, a weak smile broke through on his face.

'Ah, silly Lovi. Of course I had bought the boxes as well, I just had to leave the boxes somewhere else on the night I proposed to you - they were too big for my pockets.'

'They're nice, though. They look cool.' I smiled a bit as well, blushing just a little bit as our eyes met.

'I'm... I'm glad you think so as well.' Antonio said after a short silence, not looking away.

We should have reacted quite pissed off when at that point someone (and I already know who) started passionately violating the doorbell, but I think we both had already expected something like this to happen and didn't even groan as the annoying ding-dong sound echoed through the House.

'Ah. Sounds like Feli and Germany are back.' Antonio said.

I nodded. 'Yes. We should go.'

'We should.' Antonio agreed, before talking my hands in his and pulling me closer, '...but not before acting like a fag for at least one last time this day.'

I had to chuckle and nodded again.

'W-well, okay then... one last time.'

And so we shared a few innocent kisses, which were wonderful and gentle and very enjoyable... until Feliciano's outstanding doorbell-qualities forced us to pull away and go downstairs.

xXx

'Veee... hi Lovi, hi Big Brother-In-Law Toni! You ready to go? Ludwig's waiting in the car for us!~'

The smiling, bubbly face of Feliciano beamed a thousand smiles at me and Antonio as we opened the door and stood face to face with...

...a girl.

Yes, a girl.

No way that... that thing in that extremely short, sleeveless green dress could pass as a man, no matter how much it sounded as my brother.

'F-Feli...' Antonio's eyes got huge as he stared at the thing that sounded like my brother but looked like a girl, '...you... you're wearing...'

'You're wearing a dress?' I helped Antonio with a disgusted hiss, sounding a bit like a snake, actually, '...my god, what the fuck were you thinking, Feliciano?'

'What?' Feliciano - it was no use, it really was him after all - looked at me with a confused expression, plucking a bit on his oh so very short, so sinfully short dress before twirling around in it, '...don't you like it, big brother? Don't I look pretty?~ Veee...'

'You look wonderful, Feli!' Antonio answered in all honesty, right before getting a hard kick against his shins ('Ouch, Lovi!').

Feliciano grinned excitedly and started babbling with Antonio about the niceness of France the Fuckface ('Veee... it was so nice of Big Brother France to let me lend this green babydoll-dress for today!~'), during which conversation I observed him with terror.

He really looked like a girl. Oh god, did that guy look like a girl. A really flat girl, yes, but still - he was a girl, no matter how you looked at him - unless you looked under that skirt, of course.

He wore a green, babydoll-like dress, some creepy, white tights that almost reached his - yes - thighs, a brow wig and blue... I don't know, ballet shoes or something, something like that...

'The fuck, Feliciano!' I expressed my discontent in his clothes once again, interrupting Antonio's praising stream of words, '...why! Why are you... just why!'

'Ah, because we're going to Italy, big brother!~' Feliciano explained - and started giggling. '...veee, it sounds so silly, saying that we're going to Italy while we are Italy, hahaha!~'

'But you look like a girl!' I stated the obvious, poking his face, '...I mean, just look at you! Why did you do that! What's the reason behind it! Aren't you scared you catch a fucking cold like this? And you're already feeling ill! Or... wait, is this one of Germany's perverted sex-fantasies?'

My stupid younger brother frowned.

'Veee... that are a lot of questions, Lovi... but I can tell you that Ludwig isn't really into cross-dressing - something with an awkward misunderstanding that happened to him in the past. It's a sensitive subject, though - don't talk to him about it, please...'

'It still doesn't explain the dress, Feliciano.' I snorted, me and Antonio following him as he started walking - no, frolicking away.

'No? But it's so obvious!' he whined, giving me a lipglossy pout, '...you really think the people in Rome would like it if we went to Italy as homosexuals? Veee... I don't think so!~ They'd glare at us! It'd be scary! So that's why I decided to disguise myself as a girl!~'

'Oh, I get it!' Antonio said, '...that way, you and Germany can still act as lovey-dovey as you want, even in Rome!~'

'Veee, exactly!~' Feliciano smiled proudly. 'When in Rome, act like the Romans!~ The female ones!'

'What a great idea, Feli!~'

'Right?~'

'Why didn't we come up with something like that?' Antonio said, glancing at me.

I had expected it and immediately glared daggers back at him.

'I tell you why! Because no fucking way I'm going to squeeze myself into a damn dress and destroy that tiny bit of self-respect I still have!'

'But Lovi...' Antonio stammered, '...you'd make a beautiful girl... and at least we can still act like lovers if we go to Rome with you dressed as a woman...'

'I don't care I look good as a girl! I'm not one and I don't want to pretend I'm someone I'm not!' I snapped at him.

Antonio scowled.

'That's a bit hypocrite, don't you think, Lovino? Saying you don't want to pretend to be someone else while wanting to go to Rome as a straight person…'

'That's… that's something completely different!'

'No, it's not!'

'It is!'

'It's not!'

'I'm telling you it i—'

'Veee, okay, okay!~ Easy now, you don't have to fight for it, you can both see my ring as much as you want!~' Feliciano suddenly chirped, rubbing a giant tomato-shaped thing in my face.

This unwelcome interruption caused me and Antonio to quit our bickering (and in my case to punch my brother's cheek as well), but as we approached Germany's car more and more after all of this, I could tell Antonio was still pretty annoyed. He had his hands stuffed away in his pockets, didn't say much and… and it had been a long time since the last time I saw his eyebrows hanging this low on his face.

As… as I said before, I didn't like seeing him like this, so it wasn't before too long (=when Feliciano started concentrating more on how to get to Germany as fast as humanly/nationly possible than on the two of us) I was fed up with this uncomfortable tension and cleared my throat, nonchalantly shuffling a bit more towards him.

'A-Antonio.'

He didn't answer, he just gave me a look from which I couldn't read or determine his current feelings.

'Are you mad at me or something?' I asked, hoping I hid the worried tone in my voice well enough.

Antonio's scowl faded away a bit and he smiled faintly at me.

'Why do you think I'm mad at you, sweetie?'

Just hearing him calling me "sweetie" was a huge relief to me and I resisted the urge to sigh in delight.

'W-well, you look mad.' I muttered. '…and you usually don't have a lot of reasons to get mad, unless it's something I said or did.'

I felt he came a bit closer.

'Ah, don't worry – I'm not mad at you, Lovi. It just frustrates me a bit that… your brother and Germany are able to have a romantic day out, while we are forced to act as friends. I'm not saying you should wear a dress – although I still say you'd look stunning in one – I'm just saying it's… not fair. They should have dressed themselves normally, too.'

'Feliciano always had troubles with acting and dressing normally, though.' I remarked haughtily.

That made Antonio laugh and take one of his hands out of his pockets, taking my own hand.

'Thank you. You always know how to cheer me up.'

'I do?' I eyed him weirdly.

'Yes.' He nodded resolutely, lifted our connected hands and pressed a swift kiss on mine. 'Especially when you're not aware of it.'

xXx

Antonio's mood was a very strange thing. It was affected by the smallest things and even though I really don't want to brag, I know I had a big influence on it, possibly the biggest influence of all, which was kind of cool and could come in handy.

Did I wanted Antonio to feel happier? I'd try my best to make him feel happier. Did I want to make him feel loved? I'd try my best to make him feel loved. Did I want to make him horny? I…

Well, I really didn't have to do a lot for that, actually.

But in my case, it was a bit different. He had a lot of impact on my mood as well, of course, but my surroundings and unplanned happenings also knew to break/build my spirit – and once that had happened, it was a lot more difficult to make me feel better/worse.

That's why Antonio was probably already wondering what he could do to improve the situation for me when Feliciano told me, right before reaching Germany plug-ugly grey Volkswagen (don't know what type – I didn't want to mingle too much with German brands), that we, as in he, Germany, Antonio and I, had to travel to Italy together.

In one car.

Correction, in one greyish VOLKSWAGEN.

You know, in order to save some money.

Seriously, I felt like throwing up when I heard that.

Feliciano clacked his tongue in disappointment when he saw my horrified face and patted the roof of the giant car.

'Veee… really big brother, what's the big deal? What's so horrible about the four of us, travelling to Rome together?'

'Do you have a week of two?' I responded sarcastically, narrowing my eyes and backing off when my brother's potato-loving lover got out of the car and looked at Antonio and me in turns, nervously nodding a bit.

'Hum. Hello, Spain.'

'Good morning, Germany!' Antonio answered with a grin.

The German smiled the smallest of smiles back at Antonio, before focusing his attention to me.

'Good morning, Romano.'

I couldn't think of something to say to him that wasn't offensive or just downright mean, so I chose the best option and just… said nothing at all.

It's not that I didn't want to act like a douche to the blonde bastard, it's just that I felt like… I should act a bit more mature to the person that was going to be my – oh god – brother-in-law. Besides, if he knew to make Feliciano happy, there had to be something good about him.

Even though it was ridiculously easy to make Feliciano happy. I mean, just make the guy/girl/thing some pasta. That's it.

Still, I kept quiet and behaved myself.

I did glare, though. Very much so. If looks could kill, he (and most of the world, probably) would have been as dead as a fucking doornail now.

'Um…'

Germany hesitated, looking at Feliciano for a minute (who nodded encouraging at him) before taking a deep breath and continuing his poorly-started sentence, taking a few steps forwards.

'…congratulations, you two. On getting engaged, I mean. Marriage is always a very joyous occasion, so I'm happy for you and hope your life together will be wonderful.'

He carefully reached out a trembling, gloved hand to me and Antonio, pursing his lips a bit.

Naturally, I scowled at the hand, but Antonio grabbed his hand with both of his own, giving him a warm and firm handshake.

'That's so nice of you! Thank you, Germany! Likewise! I hope you and Feli will become very happy together, even happier than you two already are, and I bet our weddings will be fantastic!~'

Germany had gotten used to strange persons invading his personal space after getting to know Feliciano – that guy didn't even recognize privacy if it bit him in his girlish flat chest – but I could tell he really wasn't at ease with Antonio's face just mere centimeters away from his own – and neither was I, actually, since the only face that should be close with Antonio's was mine.

Feliciano read the atmosphere completely differently, of course, and all of a sudden tackled Germany and Antonio from behind, shouting "veee!~" and "group hug, group hug!~" while crying tears of joy for having such a tightly-knit band with his family and friends.

'I haven't seen you in weeks and if we are all of your friends, you're even more pathetic than I thought.' I said to that, but was ignored by all.

Except for Antonio, who gave me a pleading look that could've either meant "please stop acting like such a sourpuss" or "the minute everybody stops paying attention to us, I'm going to rip that cheap dress shirt off you faster than you can say mama mia, you hot piece of man~".

Of course, the latter thing could have been a result of my growing sexual frustration.

Or not.

You never know.

'Okay!~' Feliciano let go of both Antonio and Germany – the latter looking very relieved to finally be able to push Antonio's face out of his chest – and pointed to the car like a damn showgirl would point at a car.

'Veee… now that we are ready to go, shall we… go?'

'Yes!' The potato man quickly agreed, clearing his throat, '…you are right, we should probably go. Right now. To Rome. In Italy. Yes.'

And he dived into the car, leaving me and those two morons to decide on where to sit.

'Veee… I think,' Feliciano suggested, 'that all of the girls should sit on the backseats!~'

With that having said, he opened the door and slid on the backseat, giggling uncontrollably.

'You fail, Feliciano.' I remarked to him icily. 'You fail at everything, but especially at life.'

I still sat next to him, though.

'NOT because I think I'm like a motherfucking GIRL, you hear?' I snapped to EVERYONE in the car, '…it's just that I don't want to sit next to that potato-head.'

'You tell them, sister!' Feliciano cheered.

xXx

After violently stomping Feliciano's foot and turning my face to one of the (admittedly very clean) windows with the purpose of not-speaking to anybody until we were in Italy, we were finally on our way to Rome.

And with "we", I mean a way too serious German paying close attention to the suckish roads of Spain, a way too excited Spaniard sticking his head out of the window like some damn dog, and two Italians, of which one was a fucking transvestite and the other one doomed forever.

It must have been a hilarious sight.

Or a traumatizing one.

Either way, this was going to be one hell of a trip.