CHAPTER FIFTY
I awakened to textbooks being loaded into the storage room. I knew the door had been reinforced days before, and now the rest of the plan was being fulfilled.
I spent the day studying potion books in the library. Dumbledore approved of this, and he even supplied me with a note to show anyone who asked why I wasn't in class.
No one ever approached me.
This was helpful though: I was making avid notes, talking through potions with myself, and even flipping through pages with my abilities to make the turning easier and faster. Only the last would cause major alarm, as many of the school's intellectual-types made many notes or muttered things to themselves, but I'm sure none of them have the abilities I do.
Around lunch, I returned to the raven with a large plate of food. We ate together as I flipped through more books, making notes as I did. The raven watched me intently, only moving his eyes away when he went for another bite of food or if the guys below brought a particularly heavy load of books or made too much noise.
At least Professor Slughorn wasn't coughing, I grinned. The raven seemed to read my thoughts, and he flew above me, his eyes in the direction of the classroom.
I used my mind's eye to view it, and sure enough, he was teaching again. The class seemed surprised by this change in curriculum, but many were just unhappy: Professor Slughorn was just as tough as Severus, if not tougher.
When the raven was content on his perch again, I went back to the library to continue my studies. There were three books left that I hadn't looked through, and I wanted to finish them all today so that I could practice brewing tomorrow (since it was a weekend and no one would be in the classroom or storage rooms). I made a mental note to get something from Dumbledore to allow me in the classroom since Severus more than likely wouldn't return yet.
I felt myself blush quietly, and I pushed his name from my mind. I then began wondering how his return would go. I'd be very happy to see him, but if I spent all of my time blushing in his direction, problems could arise.
I called for the raven, and he appeared on my shoulder in the library. He knew to be quiet, and he merely chirped softly as I tied a short letter to his leg for my aunt. It was a simple request: Are there any cures for crushes?
I released him, and he flew through the library, though no one looked up. I cocked my head with a smile before looking back to my books.
Hours later, the sound of laughter filled my inner mind, but it wasn't my laughter. It was my aunt, and my letter had amused her greatly.
"No, dear!" she cried, slapping her knee as she continued to cackle. "They tend to leave after a while at least," she added when her laughter faded slightly.
"But this isn't the first time," I whispered. Her laughter immediately stopped. I watched her move to a large book in another room. "What are you doing?" I asked.
She flipped pages for what felt like an eternity, but she never answered me. She merely smiled, retrieved a handful of grapes from her refrigerator, rubbed the raven's neck, and sent him back to me.
Her knowing grin stuck with my mind as the library came into focus again. I couldn't finish my work now: I was too eager to figure out what her smile was about. But I knew she'd never tell me, and that it was an empty thought trail.
As I built a small fire in my room to toast my dinner bread, the raven returned, grabbing his piece and taking it back to his cage. He seemed to look at me with a weary smile. He was happy for me, it seemed, but discontent was in his mind. And I had no idea why.
When my small dinner was gone, I felt the connection open on Severus's end. He asked about my day, and I told him about studying potion books in the library. He nodded softly.
'Are you still being watched by them?' I asked. He nodded again. 'Then why did you call? They probably saw you cast the spell, so now they're curious-'
'I just wanted to talk to you. If they catch me, so be it. Lucius already noticed my necklace. He shook his head at me, though he wears jewelry and fineries all the time.'
'He did sound a little...flamboyant,' I smirked. He smiled too, nodding in agreement. 'You miss our talks then?'
'Of course,' he replied, sighing softly.
'What was that about?'
'I've been working on your curse while I've been waiting to leave,' he said, changing the subject. 'I'm halfway through, and I plan to spend a few days on it right after finals next month. I expect to break it over the summer.'
'Just whenever is fine. It's not really a problem right now,' I whispered, feeling a small pang in my chest. It was a problem right now, but I knew I should forget all about it. I did before, so I knew I could do it this time.
'I feel it is. You should start interning fully in fall, that way the students remember you.'
'You're waiting for the defense position too, aren't you?' I asked with a smile. He nodded softly. 'You'd be perfect for the job. Hopefully they'll let you have it when it opens up.' I knew this was a pointless hope as well: As long as Professor McGonagall was fighting against him, he'd never get that position, especially if he was a Death Eater, and I didn't see that changing anytime soon either.
'It's really not that important. I'm sure Dumbledore could create two potions positions if he needed to,' Severus smiled. He felt really happy about that, and I felt the same way.
He yawned softly, and I knew I should convince him to go to sleep. It was getting later in Hogwarts too, and the hallways' lights were already dimmed in preparation for the night.
I prepared quickly, and lay down, glancing out the window as a few owls flew above.
I then realized the connection was still open, though both of us were trying to sleep. I smiled to myself before giving myself a slap on the wrist within my thoughts (which he didn't notice, thankfully). I needed to let it go, I told myself.
I realized it wasn't my choice though: I felt that Severus's unfinished messages weren't because he was busy. He was dealing with the same thoughts, and the same realizations: It could never work.
'Good night,' he whispered. I replied the same, and I felt the connection close. I sighed heavily as the raven began lightly snoring nearby. I was happy that he would sleep soundly: I knew I couldn't anymore.
