A/N: Not very long, I know, but the different format is my reasoning. Different format you ask? Just look at the chapter title, it says all :)
I have begun to use the image system that has just been added to the site and now you can see a picture of Penelope Young as the image right above! Give some of you an idea as to what Jonathan just put his lips on.
Special thanks go to narutofangirl1213, jason rulz death, scarecrow fangirl and to Ozwolf for the great reviews! Thanks also to all you readers out there!
Jason rulz death, don't worry, Bane will be popping in...just not yet.
I hope you all enjoy this chapter! This one is pretty special, being a followup to that pretty different one last time around.
As always, if you guys have any thoughts, comments, ideas or questions feel free to leave a review or shoot me a message! I love talking with you guys and getting back to you all, so don't be afraid.
Penelope let out a long breath and closed her eyes, replaying the recent events from her night. As Jonathan flooded her mind she blushed, totally surprised about how much of a schoolgirl she was like right now. Her embarressment increased with the book that lay before her as well as the pen next to it. With slight hesitation she opened the book and took the pen into her hand.
Diary,
It has been quite some time since I opened you. Longer even since I have written in you. Here is where I put down all of my little dreams and aspirations when I was younger. Secrets and things I could not say out loud found there way here when I decided to be honest with myself about things. I guess that is why I haven't felt the need to write in here anymore. In the adult world things are so much harder to talk about, everything more serious and dark. I have not been very honest with myself about emotions for awhile now.
I've spent many months meeting with a man named Jonathan Crane. At first I dreaded having another patient being added to my list, for I had enough stress to deal with between Victor Zsasz and the Joker not to mention other inmates at Arkham. During our sessions Jonathan was slightly cold and distant, emotions very hard to trace on his unchanging face and even voice. But compared to having even the less prominent criminals come in and threaten me every session? It was a nice change. He was polite, if slightly snarky at times.
Not long after I started seeing him, Jonathan saved my life from that psychopath Zsasz. He showed sympathy towards a fellow inmate who was still grieving over a lost loved one. Jonathan helped save Drury Walker from some of the more thuggish inmates. Jonathan has many positive traits and does many nice things for people, but he is modest about them. He doesn't brag that he is the smartest person in any room he has ever been in, for he is by far the greatest mind I have worked with, and he acts like his good deeds are nothing. How could one not respect that?
He has shared the horrible tales of his life with me and I've helped him realize many of his pent up emotions. I've help Jonathan when that jerk Absonus hurts him and reduces poor Jonathan to a quivering mess. I make sure he is doing okay and is healthy, whether he is in the infirmary or just isn't eating well. I even just stood up to that psycho man known as Batman to protect Jonathan. I don't think any of this has been lost on Jon. He seems to have become completely attached to me and reliant on me at times, and I believe recent events are a result of that.
He and I have become closer and closer recently. Be it the kind act of giving me my favorite flower on my birthday, dancing together, or what happened last night we have just grown exponentially closer. Jonathan kissed me. On the lips. We were in his hospital room and he was on the ground, where the Batman had dropped him, and I was by his side. We were embraced and both blushing at just how close we were. There was a kind of unfamiliar tension in the air and both of us felt awkward during the entire moment. But when he put his lips on mine my mind was just shattered as butterflies flew inside my stomach. I took a moment, but I found how I wanted to respond to his advance.
I kissed him back.
I had never kissed someone on the lips before. It was as awkward as our little embrace on that floor, but I found that all the more endearing. I could tell my Jonathan was not all that experienced either, which coupled with his past probably means I was his first kiss. So despite being awkward, it had a picturesque cuteness factor to it.
Afterwards he held onto me even more tightly and we were silent. I don't think either of us had any idea of what to do or say at that point. My mind had definitely turned off, my blood being more focused in my cheeks than my brain. The ball was in Jonathan's court so to speak as I wasn't able to do anything but bury my head deeply on his chest and hug him as tightly as he was holding me.
It took him a moment but he eventually found his voice. I was worried deeply the second he spoke that he was going to say it was a mistake, but I was a little more worried he was going to say it wasn't. I didn't know where exactly my emotions stood at that moment, so I was terrified with either route the conversation could take.
The way Jonathan chose to bring us to conversation was interesting. He didn't deny what had just happened and he did not say it was a mistake and that he didn't mean it. What he did have to say was that it was not his best idea and that he shouldn't have done it because he was an inmate and I was a doctor. This could cost me my job he said. Arkham was intolerant of doctor-patient relationships to the highest degree, beyond the normal level any institution would hold, after what happened with Harleen Quinzel. That blonde idiot had become obsessive about one of her patients and fixated on him…the reason people could possibly draw relations was not lost on me.
But I think I've sorted my feelings out more and such a thing is ludicrous. Quinzel lost her mind while treating the Joker, seeing tragedy in him and sympathizing with a madman who had no good traits. I am in love with a man who has been tormented his entire life from both family and peers, facing scorn for everything he did and does. He needs help and I believe I can do just that. Not just help getting this sane but troubled man out of this place, legally of course, but also afterwards.
That's why my response to him was that maybe it was something not appropriate, but also pointed out that when he was released that wouldn't be any excuse. I gave him the chance to reaffirm the feelings we had just shared, and he ended up taking it. He was nervous and hesitant, but that is only to be expected. He was, for likely the first time in quite some time, giving his heart to someone. And unlike his mother, his grandmother and all the people he's known during his life, I am not going to hurt it.
My poor Jonathan has felt enough sorrow for a dozen lives and I want to help him through it all. He has become my very life I now realize and I want to be with him as more than just a doctor, as our recent lip melding shows. I don't care that he is a patient at a mental institution for the criminally insane since I believe him to be perfectly sane and not at all malevolent, and I don't care what others will think about our relationship. I am already in a position of great power and authority, especially for my age, and so the slight bump of being romantically involved with a former patient shouldn't hurt me.
My father probably will not be all that happy with my recent relationship change. He wants me to be more social and to get a boyfriend, but I don't think he will take this news very well. He loves me though and I know that even if he is disappointed he will get over it because he just wants me to be happy. He may be happy about what me being in a relationship means though…I don't intend to be loose and give myself to my lover just yet, but my father will likely be attracted to the idea of getting those grandchildren he has always wanted. But that is in the far future, at least I hope so, and I really shouldn't be thinking about that kind of thing. I have only just kissed someone for the first time and to be thinking about children is a bit presumptuous. But this is Jonathan I'm talking about. He is kind to me and cares for me like so few others ever had. I have no doubt that this is going to go farther than just this.
Jonathan is being reviewed by the other doctors at Arkham for release and I am already searching for places where he can find work. As for housing, well, I think he and I are going to be working that out. I doubt he could find decent housing on his own with his record and I would be all too willing to take him in.
Whatever happens, I am happy that I kissed back. I want and need someone just like Jonathan does. We can care for each other even if few others do.
I'll inform you how it all goes sometime,
Pen
P.S. On an added note, I have stopped receiving funds from Mr. White. I suspect that he is in fact the Joker and has just been trying to get my formula to do something nefarious, so I refuse to receive funds from him. I'll see what Jonathan thinks about this situation.
A/N: So don't adjust your computer, that just happened! Yes, it indeed did. I hope you guys enjoyed that revelations through diary chapter. Things will go back to 'normal' next chapter, with an obvious difference...our dear inmate and doctor will be in a relationship albeit a secret one.
I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and are looking forward to the next update, which will likely (likely being 90% certain) that it will be here Friday night two days from now.
If you have any thoughts, comments, ideas, or questions, please feel free to leave a review or shoot me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can! I really do like talking with you guys, answering questions and discussing ideas so don't feel afraid to do so.
