Chapter 51 Comfort
The wailing got more intense as there was no response from her mother. Shiori couldn't help it, she just couldn't be quiet; Mama had always been there through all her fears and she suddenly felt afraid and bereft. She was not alone for long; Sesshoumaru came swiftly over to her mother and glancing over to the wailing Shiori he beckoned the girl to him and put his arm around her.
"Shiori be still now, I have to talk to you; be a good girl and listen to me." He then waited as the child tried to regain some composure. By now, Inuyasha and Kagome had reached the room and Kagome went over to them to take Shiori into her own arms. Sesshoumaru rose and went over to the futon where Shiori's mother had gently passed away. He spoke again:
"Shiori, you understand don't you that your mother did not want me to revive her with Tenseiga? She had spoken to you about this I know. I will not go against her wishes; she missed her mate, your father very much and she knew that you were now safe and secure with a home here. This I promised her and she was happy to accept my word."
"I know. She wanted to be with Papa again and she was getting weaker. Why didn't she want to stay with me?" With that last wail, Shiori started to cry properly in Kagome's arms. Kagome looked at the two other youkai in the room over the top of the girl's head. There was nothing that they could do or say, that would make the passing of her mother any easier.
It was Inuyasha who made the first move, he took the child from Kagome and carried her back to their suite of rooms. It had already been decided that Inuyasha and Kagome would care for the child as if she were their own much as they had done for Shippou, if the girl so wished. There had been discussions between the mother and Sesshoumaru about Shiori's future, her mother knowing that her health was deteriorating rapidly and Inuyasha had made the offer on behalf of himself and Kagome.
Sesshoumaru had his servants see to things while Shiori was not around knowing that the girl would probably want to keep vigil that night. Inuyasha would stay with her and so would Rin, this had once again been decided on in advance. But at the moment only Rin and Sesshoumaru were in the room; she had awoken when she heard Shiori and knew what the wailing meant, they had all been expecting this for some time now.
Watching Rin as she too shed a tear for the woman who had been so kindly to all the children, including herself when she had been younger; Sesshoumaru seemed surprised to remember that when Shiori had come to them it had been the little Rin who had been the child's first friend. Now Rin seemed much older than Shiori, why hadn't he noticed? Of course when he really considered it the answer was obvious; it was just that it had never really struck him until now that human Rin had grown more rapidly than the little hanyou girl.
"Are you recovered now Rin, you do not need to lie down again?" His voice was full of concern for his girl.
"Thank you my Lord, I am well. Jaken's remedy worked for my headache." But she looked away from him which was unusual, Rin always held his gaze. Something was different in more ways than one.
"Jaken feels that you may have some... emotional upset Rin? I thought that you would tell me if that was the case; have I lost your confidence?" His tone was soft and she could tell there was a small amount of hurt in the way he spoke. He could break her heart so easily and without ever knowing it by his voice alone.
"You have my utmost confidence my Lord, you always have had. If there was something that I needed to tell you I would do so." Rin was trying hard not to give away her agitation to him, but it was futile; Sesshoumaru knew her every breathe intimately, her every heartbeat he knew as well as his own. He knew that she was being evasive and that could not be borne so he lifted her chin to look at her eyes. Only she and his brother could withstand the depth of his study then gaze or glare straight back at him without turning away.
Her eyes were clear, dark and beautiful but where they normally sparkled with laughter or fun, now they sparkled he was sure, with tears. Most unusual for Rin and suddenly he was aware that it had been some time since they had shared a knowing and mischievous glance over a light hearted trick they had played on Jaken or Inuyasha and he found that he had missed her.
Sesshoumaru hadn't consciously realised that he'd let his tail come around wrapping itself over the girl's shoulder as he had sometimes done when they had been travelling together and she had been cold or upset. His instinct had kicked in to comfort her and no one could have been more surprised than he was when she moved away, rejecting the closeness. As she moved away gently, something shattered in his heart but he had no idea what it was only that he felt a bitter coldness where there had been a flame of heat.
That his Rin was pained and hurt did not now go unnoticed but he did not know what to do if she wouldn't speak to him and he felt saddened but he could not afford the time to meditate on what could be wrong at the moment. The girl was not physically ill so it would wait and at the moment the child Shiori and her mother needed his prior attention.
Once again he watched her as she went to pay her respects to the woman who had been like an aunt to her noticing for perhaps the first time her elegance in the graceful, economical way that she moved. Her natural ways combined pleasingly with tutored behaviour; she had turned into a true gem fit for any court and yet she was unstudied in the face of death as she sank to her knees weeping for the evidence of another child orphaned by this woman's death.
Sesshoumaru felt his heart constrict at her distress, yet he felt that for some reason his comfort would not be welcome so he turned and left her alone with a brief touch of his hand to the top of her head. Rin curled on herself and felt guilty that not all of her sorrow was for the woman in front of her, but she couldn't contain the pain anymore. She felt another touch to her head and a tender voice call to her and rising she was drawn into another embrace, this time however they were Inuyasha's arms. Shiori was already kneeling by her mother.
Inuyasha drew Rin away and licked her pack mark. It was the first time he had done that to her but she was a pup in need of reassurance and his instincts guided him. As she leaned on his shoulder she was surprised to hear him say;
"We Inu are a very dense lot when it comes to feelings Rin. He will need to have it spelled out for him."
"I...I...Has Kagome told you?"
"She has told me nothing that you may have told her in confidence Rin, but I am not blind and we have been aware for some time about your feelings for my brother."
"I cannot tell him." This was an irrefutable fact in her mind and Inuyasha sighed. He had been thinking for the longest time of how he could help Rin and had come up with a soul searching explanation which although he didn't want to say, might help her to understand how important she was to both he and his idiot brother. Taking a deep breath, he tried to encourage her; speaking very low and quietly he almost whispered;
"When I was young Rin, I was desperate for my brother's love and approval. I was willing to put up with absolutely anything and I do mean anything for the merest crumb of affection from him but I never had it; every smile I got was a mockery that led to more pain yet still I would go to him and then after my mother died, I was totally starved of love and sorely craved it. I saw love all around; even amid the slaughter of war, people would show compassion for the wounded or the bereaved and yet there was none for me.
"The most benevolent of them would turn their backs on a starving hanyou or throw stones to make me go away. I think perhaps the looks of fear and hatred were the worse ,especially when they were on the face of a mother who had her arms around her child. I was not a monster, I was just a little pup who had lost everything but I learned to suppress the feelings of loss with anger and on the surface I became hardened to the beatings and other cruelties that I suffered.
"I know that you too have been through some of these things and can understand perhaps better than anyone what it means to find your heart unlocked from it's darkness and offered the light again in love. For you that was Sesshoumaru; he gave your life meaning but Rin, you have done the same for him. You are his light, you entered his heart and warmed it up in the same way that Kagome did for me.
"He and I are not that different sometimes. When Sessshoumaru was hating me with all his strength, he too was locked away inside himself; consummed with grief for our father. He too had lost his source of love and was just as starved of it as I was and he craved it just the same. We are dog youkai, which means we are loyal, brave and very intense with our feelings, we are loving by nature and Sessh buried all of his and channeled his loss into anger and hatred in the same way as I did.
"It is so different now for us, we know that our love for each other is real and strong but we have had a lot to sort out and we have had to overcome years of barrier making to be able to be as close as we are now and it was something that we both craved. But it was you alone Rin who gave him the unconditional love that he needed; you alone are his heart, his redemption; just as Kagome is mine. Do not give up hope and go and tell him; he will not cast you aside."
Inuyasha was exhausted by his speech to Rin and emotionally drained, he was not used to speaking of his hard life but he needed to find the common ground he shared with Rin. He had to prove his credentials to speak so familiarly with her. Rin knew that it had cost Inuyasha a lot of personal sacrifice to open up to her and she appreciated his honesty, compelling her not to reject the idea of her own importance to the youkai lord they both held so dear.
He let her go when he heard a whimper from across the room, Shiori was feeling alone as well and he went to sit with her and offered her comfort by his presence alone. Occasionally stroking the childs hair and whispering soothing words; being there for her and understanding how important it was for the girl to do this one last thing she could for the mother who had protected her child as best she could against the stigma of being a hanyou. Remembering when the child had been himself, watching over the remains of his mother, the difference being there had been no one to comfort him in his loss. At least Shiori was safe now, she would never be hunted for what she was as long as the West remained in the safe hands of Sesshoumaru and himself.
Sesshoumaru was outside the door, he had heard the low sound of his brother's voice and had felt the waves of sadness from the room but it surprised him that they were not only from the two girls but his brother as well until he realised that Inuyasha had been in this same situation when Izayoi died. But what had caught his attention had been the sight of his ward in the arms of his brother and him speaking reassuringly to her.
Sesshoumaru had felt anger and jealousy for a fraction of a second that he put down to the fact that Rin was confiding in his brother where she normally spoke to him. Thankfully it left as quickly as it had flared but it caused Inuyasha to look up and become aware that his brother was there. He had not heard anything that had been said and it had not been his intention to eavesdrop so Rin's secrets were still safe with Inuyasha.
The next day the funeral was held and Shiori was able to go through it with the support of her new family. Kagome stood beside her as they watched the pyre and ignored her mate who would not have appreciated the fact that anyone had noticed that he too was moved; only his grief was for his own mother who had not had such devotion shown her at her funeral. Kagome understood her mate and his brother too ignored him except for placing his hand on Inuyasha's elbow in silent support.
Rin's mood seemed to have lightened too and she put her melancholy behind her in reaching out to Shiori once again. Although the age gap was now significant, they both understood why and it did not detract from the affection that they had for one another. Rin tried to make sure that Shiori was occupied during the day when Kagome was busy with the children and Shippou would also come for his old playmate. Shiori came to accept that her mother was now at peace, her burning hunger for her beloved mate now passed and Shiori was safe.
On one of their picnic afternoons of which this would probably be the last this year, Shiori had asked why her mother had looked older and why Jinenji's old mother was so wrinkled when Kagome did not look any different now than when she was mated? It was something that had intrigued her since she realised about Rin looking older than herself. There was quiet as everyone thought about it for a moment until Sesshoumaru enlightened them all.
"In youkai mating, the stronger of the mates strengthens the youki of the weaker tying the life to the strong one. Usually the male ties the female's youki to his own. In a couple who both have youki this binding has no significance in lengthening life; it is just a mating bond. When a human mates with a youkai, the life of the human is tied as well and because of that will age at the same rate as the youkai mate. But should the youkai die, the human will age at their usual rate no longer having the mate's youki to sustain their unnatural lifespan."
'So,' Rin thought; 'if I ever became his mate, I would be his for his lifetime. What a wonderful thought.' She sighed and blushed prettily smiling at Kagome who was patting her hand in an understanding gesture. 'How can he be so oblivious to her?' Kagome had asked Inuyasha not so long ago. The explanation was fairly simple. Rin was naive, her body had not yet been awakened by her desires. She was not 'educated' in the same ways that Kagome had been; in the overly sexual surroundings of the modern era with images so blatent that Inuyasha was repulsed and just marvelled that Kagome had not been tainted by them herself.
The only one so far who would be able to awaken her had never touched her inappropriately or in any way that would suggest he had carnal desires for her. Even when she had learned about the physical aspects of love making, her mind had not been focused on anyone as she was too young. So as yet, although her heart and mind longed for Sesshoumaru her body still had not become aroused near him therefore not giving him the scent clues that he needed.
She was still a child in his eyes and he was too close to the situation to notice that her love had grown and nothing would be able to change that for now. Sesshoumaru would have to take the first step and that thought was a bit depressing as far as Kagome was concerned although Inuyasha said he was not bothered; at least not yet but he wouldn't explain why. He did however warn Kagome not to attempt to find ways to 'stir up' the girl and to let nature take it's course. It would be a long life with him or a long life without him in which case the last thing that Rin would need would be fitful and fevered dreams to add to her problems.
The date of the Ball was drawing near, invitations had been sent out and acceptances received. For many of the youkai coming this would be their first real Grand Dance with such a large guest list and there was general excitement all around. The local villages were all humming with anticipation as guests meant a source of revenue which could only be a good thing during the harder winter months. Plus all the ladies required new dresses and ornaments for the week long visit so industry was booming in villages right across Japan.
In fact the crafts of the mixed villages was greatly in demand although there was more than enough work in commissions to go round. But because of the unique skills of the hanyou with youkai powers their villages made some of the rarer items required.
There was just as much excitement in the Western Palace as anywhere else, all the girls wanted special gowns and trinkets, even the younger ones who were too young for the official dances would be present at some dinners during the week. And although it was not a general invite for all the younger siblings there would be enough playmates for some serious partying.
Finally the day came, it was bright and cold and the snow was firm under the sleighs that were bringing the guests. Many of these were unknown personally to their host, but he was not to them. Of many he knew the parents of course and any older siblings that he had met because of business or reputation. Surprisingly however he did not feel old amongst these younger ones and realised that because he had been thrown so young into his role he had just been around so much longer. Feeling better and a tad superior, he smiled at the arrivals and made them welcome.
That was when he saw her, she was different and stood out from the others. She did not simper at him or make shrill giggly noises or big eyes around a fan. She was attractive and bright, smiling at him with a genuine smile of interest as she looked over the Palace gardens. Her voice as she thanked him for the invitation was mellow and pleasing to his sensitive ears. In fact she pleased him so much that he offered her his arm and walked back into the Palace.
TBC
