Episode 62: How to Crash a Wedding

"Mika, listen to me very carefully," Yukuro said, making a gesture with her index finger to emphasize the "carefully" at the end of her sentence. "Repeat after me. This vampire thingy—"

"I'm a bat demon," Jiro had to say.

"—this vampire thingy," Mika repeated.

"IS NOT MY HUSBAND!!!" Yukuro screamed. She waited to hear Mika follow her yell.

"He is my husband?" Mika whispered.

"NO!" Yukuro slapped Mika on her face and demanded her to repeat the entire sentence she had said again.

Mika rubbed her face and repeated the sentence as fast as she could. "Jiroismyhusband!"

"NO HE IS NOT! YOU ARE NOT MARRIED! YOU ARE SINGLE! REPEAT!!!" Yukuro shrieked.

"YES HE IS! I AM MARRIED! I AM NOT SINGLE!" Mika said.

Bankotsu waved a hand in the air. "It's useless. We'll have to crash the wedding."

The snake herbalist refused. She refueled her temper by slapping Mika and clearing her throat. Then she faced Jiro and threw her finger at him, as if she were pointing him as the murderer in one of Sherlock Holmes' cases. "You."

"What about me?" Jiro asked. A childish grin widened as it stretched across his face. He must have thought victory was his.

"I have a secret weapon. That weapon WILL prevent Mika from marrying you. You put a spell on her, didn't you? I know the Mika I know would never admit to marrying you!"

Mika shook her head. "But he IS my husband!"

In reply, the snake prepared to throw her down the cliff. Only then did Mika stop saying that. But her brain kept echoing it to her. Jiro is your husband. HE is your husband. It was painful and disgraceful, but nevertheless, a horrible spell.

After Mika was back on her feet on land, Yukuro grabbed Bankotsu's arm and pulled him in close for a quiet plan discussion.

"So, what's your secret weapon?" Bankotsu questioned. That was the first thing that arouse in his mind when Yukuro said so.

"Sesshoumaru. I'll just tell him that his girlfriend is getting engaged. Then, he'll get jealous, and then he'll follow me. Meanwhile, you get that stupid vampire angry and when Sesshoumaru arrives, he'll just cut him in half and we'll be done! "

Bankotsu shook his head. He was expecting something smart, something well planned out. Maybe it was because he was working under Master Evil Naraku before. But in any case, her plan was worse than a crybaby crying for a cracker was. "Sesshoumaru has Mika as a GIRLFRIEND? You're kidding me right?"

"HEY! I don't want to admit it, because Mika doesn't deserve that jerk, but it's obvious."

If Sesshoumaru left Mika by a tree all alone, it was OBVIOUS he didn't like her.

"Shh, I was just joking."

"Hmph. I still think my plan will work."

"No, I think if we just kill that vampire, everything will be solved. I don't want Sesshoumaru taking the spotlight," Bankotsu explained. Partially, he just wanted to leave and he didn't care anything about Mika's predicament. But then again… he hadn't taken a life in a long time. And that bat demon vampire thingy was annoying to no end.

Just then, they thought they heard a sound. Something like clothing being draped across rock. The two turned away from their little discussion for a while only to find that Mika was being led back inside the cave. With a maniacal panic, Yukuro tried to stop Jiro, but the darkness scared her. In the end, Mika disappeared in the black cave, with a cowardly snake youkai standing in the entrance waiting for a hero to come. Because she was certainly not fit to be one.

"You're so useless," Bankotsu commented as she stood in front of the cave with her. Yukuro grimaced.

"Uh huh. So why don't you go in? Aren't you a man?"

"I have a right not to go in and save her."

"Ha, you're just as useless as I am." Yukuro sat down. "I keep telling you, Sesshoumaru's the only way out of this."

"Hmmph, I don't agree. I still say we should crash the wedding."

"Well what are you waiting for?"

"What are YOU waiting for?"

The two blinked at each other before dismissing their fears and walking inside the pitch dark cave.

~O~O~O~O~O~

A green imp watched as Sesshoumaru walked around and around in circles. He was obviously bothered by something. So he jumped down from a rock he had been sitting on and ran up to his lord. Clenching his staff for protection, he asked nervously, "What is bothering Sesshoumaru-sama I ask?"

Sesshoumaru had to admit, something was irritating. "I believe I forgot something," he said.

Sesshoumaru-sama forgot something? Impossible, he thought. "Do you know if it's a person or a thing?"

The daiyoukai thought he sensed laughter from a certain hanyou brother in the distance. He shut his eyes. "A person."

"May I suggest something?"

"Go ahead."

"Perhaps it's the girl that came with us. I think her name was Misa or something…"

At once Sesshoumaru remembered. He had left Mika by the tree. He reopened his eyes. How embarrassing! He had forgotten. Oh well. The girl was rid of now. He didn't have to be a father after all. Maybe she wasn't even pregnant. "Never mind, it's a thing."

"Oh, I see. Then… are we leaving anytime soon?"

"Do you want to leave?" he asked his glare strong as ever. Jaken shook his head, his body quivering.

"NO; NOT AT ALL, MY LORD! I WAS JUST ASSUMING THAT YOU WERE ANNOYED AND THOUGHT THAT WALKING OFF WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA! I DON'T MIND STAYING HERE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"

Just then Rin yawned. It was probably the loudest yawn you could hear from a child. Unluckily, there was no Guinness World Records back then. "I'm bored Sesshoumaru-sama, can we go somewhere else?"

Immediately, as if he was in danger of exposing his absent mind activity, he began walking ahead with Ah-Un carrying Rin following. The little turned in her seat and called out to the imp who was standing there as if he were constipated. "Jaken-sama! We're leaving you behind!"

I knew it. It's that girl bothering Sesshoumaru-sama. Something must have happened if he's this irritated…

~O~O~O~O~O~

"AHH! WHAT TOUCHED MY ARM???"

Bankotsu punched Yukuro's face as he explained it was he for the fifty-fifth time. "Shut UP!!!"

"WHO TOUCHED ME AGAIN? AHHHH!!! I'm SCARED!!!"

The braided boy raised his hand to touch his head. As he shook it, he thought he was going to die in this place with a snake that freaked out every minute she felt something, even if it was her hair. As he walked in this long hallway of black and nothing but black, he thought he stepped on poop. He jumped up and hit his head on the ceiling of rocks and pebbles. As he landed on his bottom against a spiky wall he thought he felt skulls. Being short had its problems.

"Ow… AHH! WHAT TOUCHED ME???"

"It's me you dummy," Yukuro said. "Where are you? WHERE ARE WE?"

"I don't know! This was your idea!"

"I'm going to turn back—OW! Is this a rock?"

"It's my head!!!"

"Oh, sorry. I can't see anything!"

"Well, you're a snake. Aren't snakes supposed to be able to see in the dark?"

"I can see heat, and you're the only thing that's warm."

"Well, there must be something else that's hot. Stop touching my nose!!!"

"Sorry!" Yukuro stood up, raising her hands in the air. As she stretched out, as if she were reaching for the sky, she felt the ceiling. It was pretty low. Then she put then down and began walking ahead, like how a zombie would walk in old American movies. However, before she could take a second step, her hands touched something soft and round. She squeezed and fell back, slamming into Bankotsu who had just gotten to his feet.

He grabbed Yukuro's head and demanded what was wrong, but a woman's voice answered instead. It was low, so they deducted that she must be several times older than them. They had been found!

"What's wrong? The thing that's wrong is that you're trespassing in someone's home! Now scram and go home, you little human kids!"

"I'm not a kid," Bankotsu pointed out.

"And I'm not a human," Yukuro added.

Then, all of a sudden, the cave became bright. Their surroundings became light's pet again. But now that they saw the massive amount of human skulls, not to mention many snake skins, boar tusks, mouse droppings, little toes of children, and several ripped up kimonos that the "vampires" must have scavenged after a village was invaded, they wished it was dark again.

About the only thing that was pleasant there however were the fruits that were scattered like a feast all around then. Bankotsu took a look at his sandal and discovered a squished tomato was decorating the sole. There were bananas, apples, oranges, watermelons, mangoes, tomatoes, pears, peaches, cherries, and a lot of white lilies for the "wedding".

The woman before them was just about little clothed as the boy named Jiro, giving them the appearance of robbers or beggars. The little short hakama she wore was now a faded red, leaving only a tasteless brown in return. It didn't even reach her knees. On her upper torso, she wore some sort of sleeveless fur shirt with a collar that was very uncommon in the parts of Japan. The shirt was cut off before it reached her belly button, giving them a perfect view at her perfectly kept abs.

Her face was of disdain, while her wild red hair piled onto her head like tangled cotton. Her eyes were black, just as the cave had been, but if only she was smiling would she be gentler looking. A beautiful woman hidden behind not makeup, but dirt and a clutter of fruits.

"Well you know what? I don't care. And if you won't get out," she continued, gesturing to skulls with her right thumb, "you might end up as these guys."

"No thank you. I'm tired of being skulls and bones," Bankotsu said. "All we want is that girl that boy of yours kidnapped."

The woman stood there with a menacing look before she chuckled. "Oh, that human girl? Her name was Misa or something right?"

"Mika," Yukuro corrected.

"Why'd you want that girl? She's getting married to my brother and I wouldn't think crashing their wedding is a nice idea."

As Yukuro argued, Bankotsu slipped his hand under the hilt of his blade that he had been hiding behind their silhouettes. When the two women got to a point where they disagreed, he pulled it out and flung his arm at the woman. Of course, this action deemed them as hostile in the eyes of Jiro's older sister.

"Bankotsu!" Yukuro cried out when she was knocked away due to the impact of the blow.

The last image she saw was the woman attacking Bankotsu, her mouth open and her fangs dripping with venom. She heard something like "get going you stupid hebi" and then she was off.

"You better not die, you half-dead corpse. I still haven't gotten my revenge!" Yukuro yelled as she headed deeper in the cave.

~O~O~O~O~O~

When Mika awoke, she found herself in a bathtub filled to the brim with rose petals and soap. The bubbles covered her entire body except her face. The water was cold, however, and helped the spell that was cast on her wear off. She stood up, only to find that her wrists were chained and so were her ankles. Lonely, she sat back down, a tear trickling her cheek.

At times like these, she sort of wondered who she was and sometimes where Sesshoumaru might be. She would imagine him strutting down a field of grass with Jaken and Rin following obediently everywhere. There was no room for her. Never was there.

The room she was in was horribly lighted, with only a candle wick hanging next to a door. The rest of the room was dark. She sighed. Why did she always get stuck in dark situations?

I wonder if Sesshoumaru might come save me, she wondered, knowing that since he never came back after leaving her there by the tree he wouldn't do so now. She reached out and held her feet together and closed her eyes. Perhaps taking a nap would chase away the loneliness she had so desperately tried to get rid of.

But… before she could have a peaceful dream about skipping in a flower field, the door opened.

"W-who's there?" Mika asked, daring to turn around.

"It's me," Bankotsu said, and then she yelled.

"NO! DON'T LOOK!" she cried, trying to drown her into the bubbles.

"I already did—"

And then Mika began to throw the bubbles at him. Luckily, they evaporated before they could even touch his skin.

"Women…" he groaned as he grabbed her wrist. "All right, let's get out of here."

"No!"

"Okay, you said no. That means you don't want to be saved, right? So—"

"That's not what I meant! I don't want to run around naked!"

Oh, he had enough now. He flung her wrist down and grabbed the tub and turned it over. The bubbles disappeared as they popped one by one. Then he ran over, slammed his hand at the chains and threw her over his shoulder. As she punched his back, because she was facing the other way, he walked out of the door and hurried to run out.

But he had to run into Yukuro, who was blushing beet red, even though she was a woman.

"YOU!!!"

"Huh?" Bankotsu asked, halting to a stop.

"YOU PERVERT! HOW COULD YOU BE HOLDING MIKA LIKE THAT??? AND NAKED TOO???" She jumped next to him and punched his chin with an uppercut. As Mika fell to the floor, she gently took off one of her extra kimonos and gave it to Mika.

"You men seriously don't know how delicate women are! Disgusting!"

Bankotsu turned around to face her. He was just as mad as Yukuro. "Well, how could I help it? You said we had to get out of here as fast as we could!"

"You could've used something to cover her at least! I mean, it's okay for boys to be running around topless, but you know women are different!"

"Hey, I don't want to be running around shirtless!"

"Well that's just too bad!"

"Hmph!"

"Hmph to you!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

And so, that was how they wasted time when they could be escaping. They wasted about twenty minutes, just enough time for Jiro to come by and pick up Mika from the scene and walk away. By the time they could even stop giving themselves death glares, they failed in their mission to rescue Mika from the wedding.

"Where… did Misa go?" Bankotsu asked.

"IT'S MIKA I TELL YOU! And it's also YOUR FAULT SHE'S GONE AGAIN!!!"

Bankotsu groaned. "Oh please, you're the one starting useless arguments. It's not my fault your daughter got taken away."

"She's not my daughter; she's just someone who I am very worried about!" She pouted and folded her arms. "I still think getting Sesshoumaru was the best idea."

"Then go get him."

"Eh?" Yukuro watched Bankotsu rise up to his feet and stretch.

"I'll try to find her. Meanwhile, just go ahead and fetch him already. I'm tired and I just want to go back to sleep."

"I thought zombies don't sleep."

"Well, in my case I do." He spun around and grabbed Banryuu. "See you later alligator."

"I'm a snake."

"Whatever. Just take a joke once in a while, okay?" And with that, he finally ran off in the direction where they had left Mika sitting and then got kidnapped.

~O~O~O~O~O~

Mika didn't want to wear a large kimono with colors flying all over the place. She also didn't want her hair being pulled in different directions and then stuck together in one mess to be named a hairstyle. She didn't wish to wear lipstick that came off everytime she talked. And she hated those shoes you had to wear. And the veil that covered her face had to be black, as if she had to go to a funeral. She didn't even understand for a veil to be there in the first place.

And to watch Jiro do the makeup and watch her dress was very embarrassing. He could have at least left her to dress on her own; but no, he had to take off the kimono himself and force her into itchy clothes his older sister had stolen. He also kept looking at her with a very ravenous look, making her know that he was just hungry. She knew she was going to be eaten anytime soon.

She wanted to reach up to her hair and pull each one of them out in frustration. She wanted to yell… she didn't want to be a bride. She looked to the door, hoping to find Sesshoumaru there, waiting to save her… which was so unlikely.

"Okay Onee! She's ready!"

The woman strolled in and laughed in glee. "Ah, Misa-chan, you look lovely!"

Mika scratched at her neck and arms. "The clothes are so itchy!"

"Ah, it's good for training. Bites are itchier than that."

Mika thought when the woman said bites; she thought there were fleas in the clothes. She hurried to look at the sleeves and the inside of the fabric. But Jiro pulled her to her feet before she could check anything.

"All right Misa-chan, we'll have the wedding here. I called Mom and Dad, so they should be coming anytime soon."

"Great, Onee! I bet Mom and Dad is going to be so happy!"

Mika shook her head. Where else are they going to have the wedding? At the ocean? These two siblings were worse than Yukuro and Bankotsu's pointless conversations.

And the thing is; they had the wedding outside of the cave. They got out by another hidden passage way, because Jiro's sister suspected Yukuro and Bankotsu were still inside the cave. It turned out to be leading into another forest, which seemed even more dangerous than the "vampires" did. By the entrance of the cave where bones, where two stones inscribed messily with the characters "Mom" and "Dad" lay.

"Okay, you two are married!" Jiro's sister announced as soon as they got out. Mika could only stare blankly in the air. But she screamed when she heard what his sister said next.

"You may kiss the bride Jiro!"

"Okay Onee!" He reached out to grab her shoulders and leaned in. "You're so pretty, Misa-chan!"

"BEFORE YOU MARRY ME, GET MY NAME RIGHT!!!" she hollered, pushing him away.

"I love you, Misa-chan!"

"WELL I DON'T!!!"

In the corner of her eye, she noticed the sun was setting. She gulped. It was already half hidden by the mountains. What that meant, she didn't know. She just had a feeling that night would play an important role—

Jiro just then missed and kissed her cheek. She kicked him in a spot that really hurt and ran away, back into the cave, only to come back out because it was dark. She panicked and tried to run back inside, but she was so scared. In the end, she could only face the cave with fear gnawing at her feet.

"M-Mika... why…did you kick my—"

"LALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" She slammed her hands over her ears but someone pulled them off. It was Bankotsu and there were actually tears running down his cheeks.

"You… kicked… my nuts…"

Mika blinked and peered over his shoulder. Jiro was apparently out too. His sister was busy trying to wake him up. The bride was confused. "I thought I kicked him."

"You slapped him and you kicked me."

"How did you get over here so fast?"

"Don't ask…" He fell to his knees and began pounding the dirt. "You… kick… really hard… I'm just glad I wasn't the one slapped."

"Heh… heh."

~O~O~O~O~O~

Standing on a rock increased Rin's height about five times. And it was a pretty well picked out rock too, about three feet high. Jaken begged her to come down, but she was so happy. So Sesshoumaru only stood there, watching like an unworried parent.

All of a sudden, the child announces something to her companions.

"Oh, Jaken-sama! I see someone running to us!"