Tag to 7x11, Cancel Christmas
prompt from hysterical-for-joshifer on tumblr who requested the other fraction of a kiss that Kensi promised Deeks when they got home.
He has her backed up against the front door the instant it clicks shut behind them. His hands are on her face, gently cupping her jaw with the tips of his fingers threading into the soft waves of her hair, his nose just barely brushing against hers.
Her gaze falls to his lips, expecting them to come crashing to hers, but when he remains unmoving, she glances up and meets his stare. What she isn't expecting, is the myriad of emotions she sees swimming in the tears that are gathering in his eyes. It's a look of adoration and gratefulness mixed with a little sorrow and regret.
She's never seen this particular look before today, but after years of practice of reading him, she knows what he's trying to say.
Thank you.
I probably don't deserve you.
I was so afraid of losing you.
I'm still afraid of losing you.
I love you.
Kensi opens her mouth, intending to say something to break him out of his trance, but the sudden burst of her own emotions stops her. Instead, she lifts her hands and trails her fingers up and down his sides before reaching to grasp his biceps, anchoring herself to him.
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. It's been a long few months getting to this point of raw honesty. They still have a lot to talk about, but all she's wanted for all this time is for him to come to her – to trust her and what they have enough to tell her the truth (even when she didn't know what the truth was).
It's hard to explain, even to herself, why she didn't tell him that she knew what he's been harboring all these years. It was partly his reaction to her when she had visited him in jail – it was clear he wanted to tell her something, but she had rushed out, not wanting a jailhouse confession to mark that turning point in their relationship. And it was partly because when has anything ever happened between them without one of them (usually her) pushing for it? As much as she wanted everything out in the open, she wanted it to be on his terms, because not only is that what he deserved, it's what she deserved from him too.
Needing to break the silence now, Kensi squeezes his arms and pulls away just enough to look him in the eye. Deeks smiles down at her this time, his eyes clearer and expression one of love and playfulness as his lips slowly curve into his usual smirk that she'll never admit to loving.
"What?" She says softly, her voice carries the lingering hint of emotion from whatever moment they just shared.
"I really am sorry, Kens, and I really do love you so much," he speaks just as quietly. "And I'm also trying to figure out how to give you three-fourths of a kiss."
She chuckles, then leans into him until their lips are almost touching, "Maybe you should just start over."
"That works for me," he murmurs, lingering for a moment before finally pressing his lips to hers in a slow, sweet kiss.
When he pulls back, the words Kensi saw written on his face before are no longer only in her mind. His voice is barely above a whisper, but his eyes never leave hers.
"Thank you, for loving me enough to still be here. I probably don't deserve you, but I want to. I was just so afraid of losing you – I'm still afraid of losing you, but I promise…no more secrets—"
She cuts him off with another kiss, already knowing what he was going to say next.
"What was that for?"
She shrugs, "Special circumstances."
