Disclaimer: Original characters are SM's. I may have made them into mine a little...

A/N: Oh my.. 56 chapters and we are now at the end. To all your readers, and especially those who have reviewed and supported this story to go for as long as it did, from the bottom of my heart thank you. Over 400 reviews, I am so chuffed. This has been a wonderful learning curve and experience. I have grown to love the brothers as much as you all have too - it was as much as a growing "love' for me as it probably has been for some of you readers... ahhh. I hope this epilogue does justice to the story and especially Jasper. Enjoy. And please do send me reviews or PMs afterward. I would like to hear your thoughts!

Summary: Jasper triumphs with the help of his angels.


Epilogue: End of the Tunnel

Cancer.

At a glance, barring its meaning, you'd probably say – what an insipid word. Balanced perhaps, but as colorful as a sterile white wall, as wild as a tabby cat. Not exactly a word you'd pick out from a dictionary and go 'wow – fancy.' I'll go as far as betting that if you were to speed read a sheet of paper filled with a thousand different words, chances are it would have simply disappeared among the many Cs and As and Es. Chances are you're more likely to catch a captivating word like gossamer or halcyon or even the odd sounding 'ennui'.

Cancer? About as bland as baby's food.

Exactly.

Don't let the blandness fool you though.

Don't let the tameness of the letters blind you.

Because behind all that insipid quality – there is terror, pain, anguish, sorrow of the most severe kind. I doubt there is another word in the English language capable of capturing these feelings so completely, so effectively as this 2 syllable, balanced, but bland word.

I know just how true this is because I was marked by it.

************

Carlisle POV

6 bloody hours. 6 bloody hours had passed and we were still waiting for the surgery to be done.

More than just a tad frustrated; a string of profanities that would have Esme shove a bar of soap down my throat had I said them out loud, escaped the editor in my mind and terrorized 'good' Carlisle into hiding. I couldn't give a fuck's ass right now if he disappeared on me for a few millennia. I was getting more and more on edge as the minutes stretched even further.

"Why is it taking so long Carlisle?" Esme's gentle voice, shaky as it was right now, startled me. It was just the distraction I needed. I turned to look her in the face with every intention to answer but she jumped to her own conclusion instead.

"Do you think something wrong..…." She couldn't finish her sentence. I cringed as her voice disappeared behind a muffled sob. The distraction had turned into more fuel to feed my raging inner turmoil. I suddenly felt sick from the twisting knot in my gut. Esme looked like a ghostly apparition – her already fair complexion now looking ridiculously translucent while her dark wet lashes only accentuated the contrast of her eyes to her skin. Her big brown eyes, usually a devious, powerful weapon she sometimes used to get me and the boys to do what she wanted; were anything but. They were red, from her constant crying – which seemed to come on every half hour or so, probably triggered from her own dark inner musings. Prompted by that thought, I lifted my head and scanned the rest of my family. Most of them seemed locked in their own little world, just like me. Just like my wife.

I bit my tongue, stifling a sardonic laugh from erupting out. What a pretty dark family we've turned out to be.

'What in the hell is wrong with you Carlisle?!'

Good Carlisle seemed to have come out of hiding again.

I was startled out of my inner monologue by Esme's face staring right at me and it occurred to me she must have been waiting for a response from me still. My heart bled for her. My poor wife.

"Shhh…honey..it's not that, brain surgeries always take much longer.. because it's so delicate," I lied easily. Dr Mehta has assured me it would probably take about 4 hours, 5 max. But it was now 6. And I'd been watching the needles of my chronograph neurotically since the 4 hour mark arrived.

Just as my mind was about to dive into the many wonderful scenarios the surgery could have gone wrong, a movement by the entrance distracted, or rather caught my attention. In a snap my eyes were there, hoping it was the doctor. My heart sank when I saw it was just another doc in scrubs passing by. Another surgeon attending another patient addressing another family perhaps. I slumped back into the seat and sighed tiredly. The weariness of the last 6 hours was finally showing through. I could no longer keep up appearances. Pretend that everything was going to be okay.

Fuck, my nerves was rattled.

I was f-ing cursing...I was rattled alright.

And yet, tired as I was – the tight band that existed between my blades didn't seem to want to let go. My shoulders were tight as a highly strung bow, Achilles could have nocked an arrow from between my blades and it would have flown straight and swift. Unlike the weariness I felt, this tension was different. It wasn't physical. Well, maybe it was – a physical manifestation of the ultimate sin I now carried. A sin that could only be expunged when, and if I see my son and his blue eyes again, smiling at me and telling me all was forgiven.

I felt a drop land on my open palm at the memory of little Jasper again. Of how he always managed to tug my heart so easily with his dimpled smiled and affectionate soul. He might be all grown up now but that little boy would always be in his eyes somehow and right now I would give anything to be able to see that again. My hand moved quickly to wipe the evidence away.

Just as I caught Edward and Emmett moving to standing position, their eyes trained at the door. I turned my gaze towards the entrance instantly; the surgery was done – the person we'd been waiting for the last 6 and so many hours was finally here.

I swallowed thickly at the sight of the smallish doctor looking so… I didn't know.. downtrodden? Casting a quick glance at my wife, she didn't look any better. I looked back up again, only to be flayed by Esme's strangled gasp.

Dr. Mehta was shaking his head from left to right and left again as he took his surgical cap off.

"Doctor Mehta?" I said shakily as he neared us. As everyone surrounded me and Esme, hovering for news.

Please, God… don't tell me my son is dead…

Cloudy green eyes looked up at me and I felt my family's entire life flash before my very eyes.

************

At 22, I was diagnosed with a progressive form of blood cancer – Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. Progressive because this kind of leukemia attacks quickly, and if untreated, kills within weeks, months. For a young man who was just starting out; I spent my first four years as an adult with my brothers in California, and only recently moved to New York on my own; being told that I had cancer was the scariest thing I'd ever heard in my life. It wouldn't have been a lie if I said that I was shocked out of my body when Dr. Gray first meted out the death sentence to me. I remembered going home after the news filled with a glut of emotion I couldn't control, couldn't process. Sadness, shock, confusion, anger, rage, hopelessness. The few days I remained in my apartment, it was as if I was watching myself from somewhere outside of my own. It was frightening to be so helpless that I couldn't even function. That, was my first taste of the terror cancer embodies.

************

Edward POV

The alarm on my watch beeped at 5 hours. It seemed ages ago. An extra hour had flown by since.

'Jesus. How much longer was this going to take?' I thought dreadfully and threw a furtive glance at Emmett sitting beside me. He must have sensed me though because our eyes met. I saw worry swimming in his dark brown irises and suddenly felt nauseous – like it was me bobbing up and down in that sea of worry instead. I gulped air desperately and tried to push the bile that had suddenly appeared in my throat down.

'Breathe Eddie.'

I thought I heard his quiet murmur just as I felt his hand on my back.

'Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.' My mind droned automatically.

It wouldn't do if I added more drama to the already high level of tension hovering in this room.

Seconds, minutes trickled by slowly and just when I thought we were going to be hitting hour 7 soon, the news we had been waiting for arrived at our doorstep.

I snapped back to attention, on my feet, just as quickly as Emmett did.

I swear the world stopped spinning on its axis the minute the doctor stepped in.

************

In one day, my world had come crashing down on me, the future I had envisioned – my 10 year plan, laid to waste, dust in the wind.

Suddenly I was chained to the ground with no way of escaping. At least, that's what it felt like a lot of the time. Sometimes when it hit me – this feeling of being trapped, in the sudden and mysterious way that it came and went; I couldn't help but wonder if this was what a man on death penalty feels like. You know your days are numbered and there's no way to run. When cancer hits you have no choice but to change your perspective of what the future will be. For me, 10 years became 12 months. And then, when the treatment began – and it hit me I might not even last 12 months, it became 6 and then 3, and then it was a matter of surviving until the next month arrived. During the worst of times, it came down to weeks and even days and hours.

Maybe you're thinking, I'm just exaggerating.

Why would I do that? Fun and cancer do not go together. Unless you have a morbid fascination with being in pain all the time.

Pain.

I think, aside from the fear of my approaching death, it was the untold, intolerable pain associated with this disease that scared me the most.

Technically speaking, most of the pain and suffering that I went through was not directly caused by the cancer itself, but rather by the very treatment of it. Ironic huh? Aside from feeling overwhelmingly tired, bruising all over and bleeding like a vampire, the fuckers didn't give me much pain like a tumor would probably have. To be perfectly accurate, I was in remission less than a month after my initial diagnosis. It doesn't take a genius to grasp the concept of this being a deadly disease just looking at the speed at which the doctors try to contain and stop its progression.

Cancer sucked. I can bet you my life that the treatment sucked worst.

Sometimes much worse that I begged to die.

I did. A few times.

A perfect analogy of cancer is a coup d'etat. It begins with a single cell going out of control. And like the first soldier creating dissent among his peers, which kept unchecked, can ultimately lead to the overthrow of a government; the lone cell stops listening to the command center and starts growing out of control. As it grows, it starts turning nearby cells into its likeness, and pretty soon, the growing colony launches a survival attack on the body in an attempt to gain resources to feed its own purpose – growth. And just like what happened to a once thriving country like Sudan or Somalia, pretty soon, the same thing happens to a body riddled with cancer cells – it starts failing. Without corresponding treatment, it ultimately dies.

This subterfuge 'intel' way in which cancer overtakes control of one's body is what makes it such an aggressive disease that it takes an equally if not much worse counterattack to stop it. Its choice cocktail treatment = chemo therapy. As the name suggests, it's usually a combination of 2 or more types of highly toxic drugs. Because normally just one type of drug isn't enough of an attack, it has to be a multiphase, multipronged approach because these fuckers are clever you see. Anyway, my cocktail, I learned, was a choice antimetabolite + antitumor combo that resulted in extremely horrible hangovers – nausea, puking and the like; and peeling membranes in the worst possible crevices and places you can imagine in your body – my entire gut lining, the inside of my mouth and throat, even my waste tools. I will never ever laugh at a woman when she complains of UTIs – ever again. No, I didn't have a case of UTI, but Jane said it was close to what a UTI sometimes feels like. Peeing razors. Nothing funny about it. Imagine this – you're having to swallow food down a very small tract via contract and release motion, or you're having to pee fluid that has an acidic pH – think weak but still caustic hydrochloric acid. Now imagine that the tract in which that bolus of food has to go through, or that acidic fluid has to run through is raw, red, and abraded. Every swallow, every trickle is accompanied by the most exquisite pain. It's like rubbing rock, grainy salt onto a laceration. Now imagine having to go through that every day for at least two weeks, add nausea and puking your guts out to that, and then repeat every month or so.

Are you feeling my pain yet?

When they say chemo is a treatment, what they don't normally tell you is that it's also a poison. Chemo is not specific enough that it targets only cancerous cells, in fact hundreds, thousands of my healthy cells died as well, which in turn disrupted other vital functions in my body. Because the cancer I had manifested in my bone marrow – where blood, one's life essence is produced; you could say that one of my most vital functions was rendered useless for months. After every treatment, my immunity would crash to practically zero and I would be mortally vulnerable to the weakest of bacteria or viruses. I lost count how many times I fell prey to fever and required round the clock watch and massive doses of antibiotics pumped into my veins from an infection that would have been a total joke had it been Edward or Emmett who got it for instance. Every two days or so, I needed tops ups in platelets and blood, because I wasn't producing enough to protect myself from bleeding myself to death accidentally and I was anemic more times than I ever remembered in my entire 22 years. When a 102 degree fever warrants you emergency, hell no – ICU admission – you just have this feeling that you're fucked somehow.

It wasn't a good feeling at all.

************

Emmett POV

"The surgery went well."

"Thank God!" I almost yelled, but caught myself in the last minute that I managed to stifle it a tad bit. It still managed to drown the collective sighs of relief from the rest of them though. I caught Edward withholding a smirk because I've never been this vocal about emotion and shit. Oh well, we all have epiphanies I guess this was mine.

For a second, when the tiny doctor stepped in and shook his head, I thought that, that was it. Jasper didn't make it. I swear I felt my heart stop beating the same second. Thankfully, Doctor Small realized his error and pacified everyone immediately.

'Stupid doctor. Stupid but genius doctor – scaring us like that.'

They should really have a SOP made for doctors on what NOT to do when addressing distressed family members. I couldn't understand why the doctors attending Jas seemed to have a problem understanding a shake of the head meant bad news. You'd think they taught the basics of human gestures in medical school…

But anyway…

"There's good news. As we have suspected earlier, the hemorrhage wasn't caused by an aneurysm, but a leaky vein most probably weakened from the increased intracranial pressure secondary to the encephalitis. We've repaired it and hopefully that will be the last of any hemorrhage for Jasper in the future. Previous patients presenting the same patterns have shown excellent recovery with no long term or permanent disabilities. I'm quite certain that it will be the same for Jasper." The doc said confidently. I saw my Rosie giving Alice a squeeze with her arm, probably trying to rally her spirit which had been quite dismal in the last 12 hours. It was quite painful to see a usually cheerful Alice look so sullen and ..dead.

"What took the surgery so long?" Dad asked now.

And just like that I saw the confidence that was etched on the doctor's face moments ago disappear like a cloud that went poof!

sighed before he answered somewhat cautiously. "We.. had a bit of a problem halfway through the operation."

Gasps sliced through the premature relief. Hadn't we learned anything yet? Nothing ever came without a price. Nothing ever happened smoothly. I guess dad was the only who remembered it – because he had asked the question.

"What kind of problem you talking about doc?" Edward prompted slowly, his forehead creasing with each word.

"His BP dropped and his heart went erratic on us for a minute or two.."

Edward's face blanched. Dad's worry lines between his eyebrows deepened. Mom's death grip on dad's arm tightened. I was sure I looked as horrified as any one of them.

"To be totally honest, we were very worried he was going to code on the table. His heartbeat was very weak for a minute. Maybe it was God's grace, maybe it was your prayers – but just when we thought things were getting worse, he stabilized somehow, without much medical intervention from us, which was very fortunate. And we were able to continue without incident afterward. But owing to that we were very careful about going through the rest of the procedure, hence why it took much longer than what we expected… I do apologize for worrying all of you..."

"He's in recovery, and they should be wheeling him back to his room shortly."

For the second time in less than 10 minutes, we were able to relax and breathe once more.

Dad and mom thanked the doctor profusely as the hugging began. But just before the doctor excused himself and started to leave, a tiny voice called for his attention, and ours, again.

It was Alice.

"Can…I ask a question?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know when he's going to wake up?"

I didn't know why, maybe it was the way she worded it – maybe it was how her eyes just radiated so much pain; Alice's question left me feeling like I had swallowed my own heart.

"I'm sorry..miss…."

"Alice." She prompted softly.

"Miss Alice. I wish I can give you an answer to that, but even I have no way of telling.. when..he will wake up… Jasper has been through significant brain trauma..it could take some time.." he said gently. If Alice had listened carefully, she would have noticed the little detail where the doctor's voice trailed off at the end.

I didn't miss the words he chose not to vocalize. I hope she did though.

She smiled. A sincere, even if pained smile.

"Thank you …for all you've done for him.." she mustered enough strength to respond but her eyes…I couldn't look at her eyes.

As if sensing her distress, mom and dad pulled Alice into their embrace and hugged her long and hard. I could tell from the way her shoulders shook, even if her face was hidden from our view, she was crying.

************

As if the physical pain wasn't enough.

Cancer is so insidious that it wants to drain you emotionally and mentally as well.

There were days when I felt so utterly hopeless and bleak that the idea of just ending it with a quick cut seemed…attractive somewhat. There were days when I simply couldn't find the courage and strength to fight anymore. Contrary to what some people might think of me, I don't believe I was ever an emo person, I don't like brooding in dark depressive things – but when death comes knocking, it's not like you have a choice, it's quite impossible to avoid it, you know? But I do admit, I'm more aware and in touch with my feelings and the feelings of people around me than the average Joe – I guess I'm gifted or cursed that way. The mood swings were bad some days and the worst of it was that most of the time, I had no control of it. I had no doubt in my mind it was just another side effect from the mountain of medication I had to take as precaution. It's common knowledge that keeping a positive frame of mind is half of the battle when fighting a disease like this. But when you're already worn out physically, and you still have to channel what little energy you have left into pepping yourself up to remain positive, even when everything around you, in you, screams the exact opposite – sometimes it's…it's really hard to keep a smile on. To keep faking it. To keep telling yourself everything is okay or will be okay – especially when you don't believe it yourself because you're fucking scared that you're wrong. There were days when even a smile seemed to sap so much energy, energy I didn't have at my disposal anymore.

And as if your own mental and emotional burden isn't enough; there is still the pain and suffering etched on the faces of your loved ones as well – because I swear my family suffered just as much as I did. And if you think their pain is not yours, or vice versa, you are wrong. Seeing the despair and guilt on my dad's face hurt me just as much as chemo hurt my throat.

And all that – the physical pain, the emotional and mental suffering, the emotional suffering carried by your parents, your siblings, your friends – they all add up. One huge Everest of pain.

A lot of times, the pain became so acute, so overwhelming that it felt like I was being swallowed by a huge wave; and it was almost impossible to see light at the end of the tunnel. And still, I had to keep trudging on. Sometimes, I didn't know which pain was worst – that I couldn't see 'hope', or that I had to keep pushing even though it felt so futile.

I will never forget the pain and the suffering. I can never forget.

I'm forever traumatized by it.

The stuff of nightmares.

************

Carlisle POV

Christmas was 5 days away. It was usually a time of celebration and merriment in our home. The boys would have arrived home the week before. Esme would have been busy all week with invites to our Christmas dinner, preparing food, cleaning the house, planning the party and such. We'd have gotten a Christmas tree and boxes and parcels of presents would have littered the floor beneath it.

This year though, it didn't even occur to me that Christmas was around the corner until Emmett mentioned it last Sunday. Time had become a bit of a stranger to me since Jasper was admitted. That was a month ago. He'd been in hospital –in ICU, for 30 days now and counting. Out of the 30 days, he was conscious only for 8. I hadn't heard my son speak in 22 days.

22 days?

The thought brought the ever present ache in my chest to the forefront again. The kind of ache that settled in your bones and just stayed there, lingering, flaring when some thought or something you saw or did triggered it – and then it would drown you, but not so much that it killed you instantly; only to quiet again – but not quite disappearing. Lingering, always there. Waiting for another thought, or action to trigger it.

I forced the tears and feelings away. The thought of having Christmas dinner without Jasper celebrating with us was too painful to bear. Christmas dinner had always been a double celebration for us every year for the last 18 years, because his birthday also happened to be on the 24th of December.

'You're turning 23 son.. how can we have Christmas dinner without you joining us?'

I just couldn't bear the thought of going through it.

I wiped my face hastily even as I observed from outside the window – Edward and Bella in the room, watching over Jasper.

"Dad? You okay?"

Emmett. I felt his hand on my shoulder as he looked at me concernedly. I quickly sniffed the rest of my tears away and nodded, attempted my best brave face on. I didn't need to ruin the mood for everyone else.

"Yeah.. I'm fine.. just thinking.. It's nothing," I muttered, and quickly changed the subject before he could prod further.

"Shouldn't you two be flying back to Texas?" I inquired as we stepped away from the window peering into Jas's room. I was sure Rosie would have wanted to spend Christmas with her family. I wanted to pull my oldest son aside and tell him that they should go when she interjected.

"Carlisle...it just seems... Jasper's my brother too…it just doesn't feel right for me to be celebrating until he's awake you know? And.. I don't think I'll be able to lie to my parents why I'm so torn up about Jas…I'd rather not put myself through that right now.. besides.. we've spoken to them and it's my first time not celebrating with them so it's not a problem.."

I returned her sad smile. For some reason I felt bad that she had to lump with the Grinch family for her first Christmas away from home. It was supposed to be a season of joy after all.

"We'd love to have you with us Rosie.. although.. I'm not quite sure..how we are going to celebrate it this year…You see… Christmas dinner is usually a birthday dinner for Jasper as well.. we've always…."

There was that ache again. My voice faltered, I couldn't continue because a sob had unceremoniously lodged itself in my throat and I was desperately trying to clear it away, to no avail. The upset look on both their faces weren't helping.

"I'm.. uhmm..I'm…sorry…." I mumbled belatedly and wiped my face hastily again.

"Dad..we don't have to do anything.." Emmett ushered, his own voice wet with emotion.

I shook my head. We could not do nothing. Christmas dinner was still Christmas dinner.

"I'll speak to your mom, okay? It's not fair on you kids.. especially you Rosie and Bella and Alice.. you having to spend time away from family at this time of the year..Emmett, you know how he likes this tradition..No.. I'll speak to your mom… we'll come up with something,"

Emmett looked at me a little brokenly. I guess I wasn't the only one feeling nostalgic about breaking Christmas tradition.

************

Bless Esme. Even when she was busy worrying about Jasper, she hadn't forgotten about the rest of her kids.

"I've precooked dinner so you all better be at home eating it…and trying to have some Christmas cheer while you're at it.." She bossed the boys on the morning of Christmas Eve. They had managed to get a Christmas tree somehow and bought decorations to dress it. Presents were bought and were still being bought to litter the floor space beneath it. Perhaps they were trying to make an effort to keep tradition going and I was thankful for that, even if I could not join them wholeheartedly. Not yet.

I could see the retort forming on Edward's and Emmett's mouths but my wife beat them to it before they even started.

"I will have no comeback coming from either of you.. not today.." She sounded almost angry. It was enough to make the boys acquiesce without as much as a word.

"Please..… Jasper would not want any of you to be sad today… you know how he is.. he's always happiest today....so do it for him, okay?" She pleaded with them, eyes pooling with unshed tears. It was all I could do to wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tiny shoulder for support. She was such a strong woman.

"Well..what about you and dad?" I heard Emmett inquire with a pout.

"We're his parents, we get first dibs on spending the night with him.." She replied with a smile instead.

I stared at my wife – shocked at her choice of words suddenly. She rarely ever used slang, I didn't think she even knew how to use a slang word properly in a sentence. I was impressed. So did Edward and Emmett apparently – at the gawping look they were giving her.

"What? Just cause I'm so graceful doesn't mean I can't use a slang word or two.." She joked and started making a weird gesture with her hand – like a sliding down motion. I never thought I'd see my wife looking so…spastic. I had to bite my lip just to keep myself from cracking up.

"Ooookay mom, you're the shiz niz. But let's just keep to the words and not the gestures okay?" Emmett patted her shoulder lightly, shaking his head and rolling his eyes in disbelief. Edward's frame was shaking as he tried to contain his own mirth. Esme stood there grinning like a donkey.

When she wanted to, Esme could mete out her own brand of 'happy' medication just as effectively as a psychiatrist writing out a Prozac prescription to a patient. Only she was stealthier about it.

We left for the hospital that evening after dinner preparation was sorted out and we had had an early supper.

"We'll come by afterward and bring some eggnog.."

"And desserts.."

"And Jasper's presents.."

"Have a wonderful dinner with the girls, okay?? And please.. try and cheer Alice up? It breaks my heart to see her look so sad.." Esme mentioned again.

"We'll see you later.."

************

Esme and I spent the evening reminiscing on our sleeping son. It didn't turn out to be so bad as I thought it would be. There had been so many happy memories of him growing up that it shadowed the sad feeling attached to the evening. We weren't the only parents not able to celebrate Christmas dinner properly with family this year, and for some reason that thought made it a little less painful for us to bear. Knowing there were others sharing our pain.

The kids came round at about 9 pm bearing gifts, desserts and alcoholic beverage.

"We thought we should bring the cheer over and share it with Jas and you two..." Rose stated sweetly and hugged us. The spread was laid on the floor immediately.

I considered ourselves luckier than some. I was able to get permission to allow everyone to be in Jasper's room instead of the maximum two visitor only restriction that normally applied. Having an M.D title at the end of my name and connections helped much.

"Hey Jazz.. we all came to wish you a happy birthday baby.." Alice chimed and leaned over to give Jasper a kiss. My heart lifted to hear the slight cheer evident in her voice and I wondered what they had managed to do to make her so.

"We ended up sharing previous Christmas dinner stories with them…" Edward let slip.

Not for the first time today, I felt an easy smile gracing my face again. And once more, I was left thinking if somehow Jasper was with us in spirit and lighting up the room, touching everyone's heart the way he usually did when he was happy. And as Esme pointed out to the boys earlier, today would be one of the days in the year he was often happiest.

"Wanna share dad?" Edward nudged me lightly on the shoulder before his arm came round and draped over me lazily. We watched silently a slight distance from the bed as Esme, Emmett, Rosie, Alice and Bella started handing and reading the bagful of presents they had gotten for Jasper this year. I almost died at the sheer amount of gifts piling on Jasper's feet. I guess the girls got a little trigger happy shopping.

"I just got to thinking...maybe your brother's here after all, joining the merriment with us… for some reason, I feel kind of light and happy tonight… and you know how he is the bringer of joy when he's happy.."

He didn't answer me instantly but I felt the grip on my shoulder tighten just a little. His face was hung low for a moment but when he lifted them up and turned to face me again, he was smiling and had tears in his eyes.

"I think he is dad..I think he is."

And how right that statement was.

************

And yet…

There is something good to be had from this battle. It's taught me how to live. Moment by every beautiful moment. Oscar Wilde once said that living is one of the rarest things in the world because most people only know how to exist. I guess this has to be one of the greatest lessons I've gained from this journey. There are other blessings, all of them beautiful and wonderful, poignant in their own way. My eyes have been opened to value the real things in life, to see the wood for the trees, so to speak.

We always seem to talk about angels being mystical beings living above the clouds, appearing only when we pray or intent enough. But having gone through hell on earth, well my version of hell – I realized that I already live among angels.

They might not have superpowers although I would contest that for some of them; they may not have splendid wings hidden and unfurled behind their backs, they may not be wearing roman drapes or be brandishing gold stave or horns and such things that angels are supposed to be wielding, but they are undoubtedly the real McCoy.

Mom, dad, my brothers – Edward and Emmett, my sister – Rosalie, my bestfriend and soulmate – Bella, and my personal and best angel – Alice, my love, my life, my moon and star.

************

Christmas day

Alice POV

He woke up last night. Last night!

I guess there is a Santa out there. God really did listen.

"Alice? Honey..Jasper wants to see you sweetheart…" Esme swiveled around, calling at me. There were distinct tear marks lined on her cheeks and her eyes were red from all the crying. But the smile on her face – wide and beaming, overshadowed the not so pretty. It was contagious. I felt my lips curl in spite of myself. The beat of my heart started racing the moment I caught his fingers – moving, calling me. My eyes traveled upwards past his chest, neck and then I saw them.

His blue orbs – sparkling, glistening, looking at me, locking with mine. I lost my breath for a moment. I felt a sob hitch in my chest.

God only knew how much...how much…I had missed looking at those beautiful eyes looking at me. And the look he was giving me right now mirrored my very feelings. He missed me too. I was there beside him in an instant, my hand swiping over his cheeks – wiping the tears away the moment I caught them slipping past his barricade of lashes.

'I love you.'

I embraced the silent declaration from his eyes as if they were the rarest gift in the world. No coaxing needed, I climbed over to the bed and leaned in to embrace him fully, savoring the feel of his tears on my skin now.

The words in my heart were now begging to be said out loud. I couldn't care less that everyone was here, around us, Esme standing right behind me, Carlisle as well. I needed to say it just as much as I needed him to hear it.

"I love you Jasper. I love you so much.. and I've missed you." I muttered through the rush of tears. The smile that broke on his face instantly banished the darkness weighing heavily in my heart. I felt Icarus soaring again, and I was free once more.

"I love..you too Alice.." he declared again, the words barely a rasping murmur, but still it spoke volumes. Volumes! It was my turn to smile and I smothered him with another fierce hug, raining kisses on his face and lips.

All was right in my universe again. All was right. My Sun had return to me. The weight I had been carrying on my shoulders for weeks was gone.

************

A week or so later

"Thank you…. for coming back to me.." I murmured to him even as our fingers played two steps and catch on his chest again. I felt him turn to face me and I turned to catch those amazing blue eyes staring at me tenderly.

"What?" The question left my lips the second I heard him sigh resignedly. My thought process was distracted though by his eyes again. I could never tire swimming in them. They were beautiful. Even more so the emotion he was able to project through them. Right now, I could feel his adoration pouring out, bathing and blessing me as I lay there on his side.

I smiled and ran my fingers across his temple and cheek.

"Your laughter.." He murmured softly. I turned my face even more towards him. What of my laughter? I queried silently.

"Your laughter is much sweeter than paradise itself." He said simply.

"Paradise? You mean…" I stared at him curiously and waited for his explanation.

"Remember Maggie?..I dreamed of her and she was telling that she was in a better place? Well…I was in this place.. it was a perfect and beautiful beach that just went for miles and miles.. Everything there was wonderful..the breeze was blowing just right, temperature was just perfect, the sand was warm and unblemished white, the sea was the bluest blue I've ever seen in my life… everything was just beautiful ... and I when looked down at myself, I was perfect too – healthy and whole."

I didn't know why, but I felt a tinge of sadness hanging on his tongue when he said that he was perfect too – that he found himself healthy and whole. Did he regret coming back? I grasped his hand and held on to it, wanting to comfort him but also wanting to cling to him, afraid that he might want to return and I didn't want that. He smiled and leaned over quickly to kiss me softly on my forehead, as if sensing my worry and was allaying them.

"I was quite content just staying there..for a while..but then I kept on hearing this tinkling laughter in the air.. I..couldn't place it at first. But it was familiar and every time I heard it, it did something to me..here," as he said the word 'here' he placed our clasped hands on his chest and tapped on it lightly. I felt a tingling warmth spreading from the tips of my toes and the tips of my fingers into the rest of my body. I felt my face curling into a smile automatically and my eyes pooling with salty water.

"It didn't take long before I found myself cocking my ears, waiting..just waiting to hear it again."

My heart tugged ever so slightly at his words.

"I might have been in a beautiful place.. I might have been whole, but it was nothing compared to what I felt inside every time I heard your laughter. I knew after a while.. I just had to find you again Alice.."

I felt his thumb graze the corner of my eye where a tear had unwittingly escaped. There were no words needed between us then. My heart bloomed open and I could have sworn I felt his too. Once again it was just us, locked in a bubble while the world around us fell away. I pulled myself closer to him, and wrapped my legging clad leg over his blanket wrapped ones, my arm rounded his shoulder and over his back. I gazed into those beautiful eyes of his again and poured all my love and adoration to this beautiful angel lying in my embrace now. Would it be too much to say if I felt heaven and earth move above and below us as our lips met? I swear it did.

If I could survive on his love alone, I wouldn't mind being trapped in this bubble of ours forever.

Obviously that only existed in my head, so I settled for hugging him for as long as I could, or until someone came to separate us. If they could. I laughed.

"There it is again…what's so funny?" He asked, but he too kept his hold on me. I loved the fact that he was unwilling to relinquish me as much I was unwilling to.

"I was thinking that someone might barge in soon and when they see me doin sumthin sumthin with the patient like this, I'll probably be banned from seeing you… oh well they can try.." I tinkled.

A light chuckle left his lips.

"Mmmmm…my ferocious little pixie... I like it." He teased. I growled teasingly and heard more laughter filling the air above, around us. His. Mine. Ours.

"Mary Alice Brandon?" He called out as I was still busy being lulled by this wonderful feeling of just 'being' with my angel.

"Hmm?"

I failed to realize he had just called me by my full name. Something he rarely did unless he was angry with me or.. or..

"You were saying?" I asked again, somewhat dreamily. The smile on his face was wide as a Cheshire Cat's. The look of pure love and determination on his sapphire like eyes alerted me a little too late.

"Will you marry me?"

I saw, heard fireworks painting the room, the entire Seattle skyline. Hell I saw the earth exploding into the most brilliant pyrotechnic display – cheering me. Us!

I gushed. Snot, tears and all.

And I said YES.

"YES. YES. YES! A million times yes!"

We kissed again. Taking our time this time. I savored the feel of his full lips between mine. I grinned when I felt his eager teeth pulling at my bottom lip, seeking permission to enter. And I welcomed him. I grinned even wider when I felt his grin on my lips. This.. what we had between us was nothing short of magical. I was sure of it. I had never been as sure of anything in my life as I was of Jasper and of us.

I saw Stars. Planets. Heavens.

We would be alright.

We would be alright.

************

1 month later

It still hurt sometimes to have to see him in a lot of pain while he did his PT but between this and seeing him lying still as a stone on the hospital bed, I'd take this any day.

"Come on baby.. you can do it, one step at a time.." I rallied him and gave my Sun a big happy smile. He was gritting his teeth as he moved one weakened leg at a time towards me and Sandy his PT instructor. As expected the pain disappeared from his face the moment his eyes met my beaming at him.

The seizure, inflammation and subsequently the surgery, on top of being immobile for a month had left a few motor problems in Jazz unfortunately. Fortunately, it was not too debilitating and with PT, he would be able to correct and overcome it. About a week after he woke up and was able to start moving a bit more, he noticed the slight weakness present in his left hand and leg. The way he couldn't properly squeeze our hands or hold a utensil tightly. And it took a lot more prodding before he could sense feeling in his left leg. I, in fact everyone, had instantly started worrying how he would take this new snag. He left us more than just a little bit surprised. I was expecting him to wallow in sadness or anger, which would have been the normal reaction, but all he did after Dr R made his prognosis, was mull quietly for a few minutes, and then he just jumped right back in and asked when he could start PT.

"You don't know how happy I am to see Jas like this Alice.. it's ol' Jasper.. before Maria. He's really back.. my brother's back.." Edward slipped this bit of information to me a little later that day. His green eyes were shining so brightly, had I been Bella, I would have melted in front of him.

For my part, I was just happy that he wasn't taking this badly for once. I was just happy to see him strong and unyielding.

My strong angel.

He's improved markedly. If at first he could barely stand without screaming in pain from his leg muscles degenerating so much from the month of non activity, and he could barely move one leg forward without falling; now he was able to walk by himself with the aid of crutches. Healthwise, he was doing wonderfully. Except for the returning headaches, which Dr. Mehta assured us was not life threatening, but somewhat a side effect from the inflammation and surgery. Jasper did not complain much, he took those days like a soldier.

"Come my cheerleader..time to go back behind the bleachers and have some fun.." He winked at me once session was over.

I laughed at his teasing and laughed even louder when we caught Sandy blushing for us.

"Well..I don't know about that Jasper… just you be careful there okay?" She warned, just in case.

Jazz was joking, but I kind of liked it that despite his rigorous sessions, he was still chirpy.

In fact he was a chirpy lot these days. I loved it!

"You want to take the wheelchair today?" I asked nudging him towards the chair. I kept silent as I let him mull over his decision quietly for a minute, as we sometimes did.

"Nah.. I'll walk. I miss walking with you. You don't mind walking slowly with me do you sunshine?" He asked, looking down at me from behind his lashes. Damn he looked hot, even flushed as he was right now. I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his sweaty body and kissed his chest. I sighed as his chin rested on my head.

"I smell baby.."

"Nothing like smelly Jazz.." I purred. He didn't smell offensive at all, if that was what he was concerned of. I was rewarded by a hearty, deep laugh that rumbled from his chest. For the 'I don't know how many times cause I lost count after the fiftieth', my heart soared at hearing him so happy and cheerful.

"You're such a funny child.." He laughed again as I pulled away, still beaming at him.

"You know you love it…" I winked and slid my arm around his waist and we started walking.

"That I do my love, that I do.."

My happy, cheerful Sun.

**********

That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Strength not in terms of brute force – but strength in spirit and perseverance, I suppose.

The mere fact that I am able to laugh at myself after a rigorous PT session or after a day battling headaches from hell, tells me I am stronger now than I was a year ago. I feel the difference in myself – subtle as they may be. I see colors more vividly now, the air, feelings around me taste much differently too. Better somehow. It's not all happy and fuck-tastic, no – but there is definitely a little more of HOPE in everything. And what a difference that makes.

To be very corny, I see Alice seasoning my every senses now. She is like my favorite brand of seasoning – a dash of perky, a handful of sweetness, a zest of hope, and a whole lotta love.

If it weren't for this disease, I might have never found my life's 'seasoning'.

Like they said, there is blessing behind every pain. Behind the darkness there is light of heaven to be born.

************

A Spring Affair

We were married in an intimate ceremony held at the backyard of my parents' home in Forks. When I had first gave her the promise ring, my intention had been to propose and marry her after my one year test came up and if I had the green light, if the leukemia hadn't return. When I woke up, I realize how foolish and selfish it was of me to be doing that, making her wait, wasting our time when we could start at forever now, as she brilliantly put it. It took a near death situation and a dream of paradise for me to see, understand, know, that we belonged together, regardless of circumstances.

She was the epitome of beauty. A goddess decked in white. I was in tears when she read her vow. If only because I knew she meant every word.

Beside me were my brothers – my first two constants. Just like Alice, I would be nothing without Emmett and Edward. They were as much part of me as Alice was.

The Tripod

"I guess you beat me after all Jas.." Edward chirped as he took a seat beside me halfway through the function. I was taking a rest from the dancing as my legs were starting to kill me.

I chuckled, realizing what Alice and I had done. He had proposed to Bella earlier only for us to take the limelight away.

"You don't mind do you? That we stole yours and Bella's thunder?" I teased. He chuckled heartily in return. I slapped his back.

"Congratulations Jas. I'm very happy for you. You both deserve each other so much. And today was perfect. Your speech had me in tears bro.."

I laughed again at his teasing.

"Thanks for taking care of Alice.. all that time?" I said again. I lost count how many times I had thanked him for this. I was indebted to him for taking care of Alice when I couldn't. As much as he kept repeating he felt a sense of duty because I had asked him to take care of her before they left for Biloxi, I knew it wasn't that.

"Enough already.. you've thanked me a thousand times bro.. I didn't do anything but my duty." He mumbled looking slightly offended, although I could hear the palpable wetness behind his voice.

"Bull Shit Eddie. It wasn't duty. You did it for love. I can never thank you enough.. for everything." I responded. He knew what I meant. Who I meant. I didn't have to spell it out for him. I knew, he knew – he did it for me.

"Come here Edward...give me a hug." I asked finally, pushing the sob down.

He stepped into my space wordlessly and gave me a real one. I could always count on Eddie to give me a shoulder to cry on or a hug when I needed one. He'd always been easy that way.

"Awww!!!!"

We pulled away, frowning in unison at Emmett, who was blocking the light from us with his massive frame.

"How come I never get invited???" He almost sulked. I bit my lip trying not to break into laughter instantly.

"One more?" He asked, childlike. Edward grumbled. My body shook from the not so discreet chuckle now escaping my mouth.

"Aww…what the hell…" Edward finally relented and we got together again for a three way embrace.

"Aww sweet! Smile kids!!"

We groaned. Mom and her trigger happy camera again.

Tripod. That we were. Forever and Always.

**********

When I was first diagnosed, my initial thought and worry had been that I was going to lose everything. My family. My future. My life. I had begun my journey, my battle – afraid, very afraid. But somewhere in the timeline between then and now, the tables turned and I found strength. In me. And in the people that matter to me most. My angels. It was our collective strength that allowed me to continue to draw breath today. And it is our collective strength that gives me hope to continue to fight for tomorrow. And the day after and the day after. The months and years to follow.

Cancer may have marked me. But the bastard has not won.

In this battle, I have. We have.

I'm a survivor.


A/N: I hope you have enjoyed it. Again, thank you so much for staying with me and tripod this far! You loyal reviewers - I heart you all! Please hit me with long feedbacks.

XX vampirelover44