Karma's A Witch

'I've failed you.'

Chapter Forty- Three

3:42 am, Saturday

December 6th

The trees whooshed by, blurring and making me dizzy. He had never run this quickly with me before. This wasn't for fun, we were running for our lives. He twisted, dipped and jumped through the air, clinging me against him. I tried to reach out to him, to ask him what happened, why we needed to get away so quickly but he didn't answer me. His chest was rumbling, his nose dipping into the top of my head as if to smell me, to reassure himself I was still there.

My vampire is afraid.

I was downright terrified from it.

Edward is never afraid. He's strong, unmovable, hard-headed to a sexual fault and he was running. With my eyes squeezed closed, I found Edward's neck with my fingers and tried to bury myself in him. It was too late though, we have arrived at our destination. We stopped, the wind chilling me as my vampire separated us, putting me on my own two feet. It was dark, my eyes barely adjusting but I could see him studying me. The outline of my tall vampire looming before me.

We were in the middle of the woods, a thousand things rushing through my head. Why did he bring me here? Is he going to go back for Seth? What was happening on the reservation? Why couldn't I go with all of them? Emmett and Rose rushed to their aid immediately but that's all I saw before Edward took me away.

His lips were on mine before I could ask again what was going on. His tongue grazing and requesting so nicely for permission. He wanted to actually kiss me, now? I didn't deny him, I couldn't, wouldn't.

My vampire was cold, his tongue slowly moving up and around mine. So sweet, so nice and so... different. I knew what he was doing!

Shit on a toadstool...

I protested. This is a goodbye kiss. My arms circled around his neck, I wasn't strong enough to keep him anywhere, I couldn't force him to stay. We hadn't stopped here in the woods so we could kiss, or because we were safe. I knew Edward. He was going to leave me here! I punished his mouth for it, sucking on his fang as best I could.

I whimpered, already feeling my eyes burn with unshed tears, my throat constricting and strange keening noises coming from my tight throat. No. Please no. He can't say goodbye like this! ... he was going to say goodbye.

It ended too soon, Edward forcing my arms to separate. I didn't fight much, knowing it was a losing battle. He stood there after I let my arms fall, for a moment too long. Rip the band-aid off, Edward. "I will fight in your place." My vampire said but I was expecting other words, words that were too late. He dipped down, his lips grazing my ear as he whispered; "be safe."

Then he was gone. A blink of the eye and I am alone.

If he thought I wouldn't fight him leaving, he's wrong. Did he expect me to just accept him dropping me off in the middle of goddess-damned nowhere while he... fights off the most powerful group of mages I know? I spun around, looking for something, anything, to help me. How could I bring him back, how can I make him stay?

The last thing he said... be safe.

Well, what if I wasn't safe? If he was stopping me from taking my own life now, he wasn't risking his. I rushed after him, not caring at that catching up wasn't an option. Not by a long shot. If the ocean was close, I could jump in, or find a sharp rock to cut myself with, I could try to find a hole or a ravine to fall into... Fuck, what the hell was I doing?

I am acting like a batshit seer who's seen one too many visions. I can't force Edward to come back. Yet, as I looked down in something akin to shame, a sharp looking triangled rock caught my eye. I was picking it up before I could stop myself, rolling up my sleeves to spill my blood. To get Edward to smell it and come back for me. I'd find a way to keep him here, and safe, once he returns.

The tip pressed into my flesh, digging by not piercing. Don't do this Bella, don't force him into something else he doesn't want... Save him, Bella, he doesn't realize what he's up against with the Volturi.

Fuck.

Save him... force him...

The rock tumbles from my grasp and I stare at nothing. The dark shadows I knew to be trees, the leaves slapping against one another as the breeze comes through from the ocean. I roll my sleeve down. Edward is gone. He left me here.

I fell to my knees, my hands covering my face as I soundlessly sobbed, snotting all over myself. I felt numb but... off. Reality hadn't hit yet, but slowly the shame, the sorrow, and the fear captured me. I am useless, pushed aside and kept away from all the danger. Everyone I came to love here in Forks, they were all fighting for their lives and might not... live... A life without Edward... He was going to fight on the reservation with the others against the strongest and largest group of mages there is.

Now that he was far, running so quickly, I screamed for him. Delayed and angry.

"You better fucking come back to me, vampire!" I screeched, my throat ripping raw with the effort. We never made love, I didn't get my chance to tell him how I felt about him. Not from the damn bond, but from him. The hot spring, his siblings, the night time talks and the fucking sparkles. I loved it all.

Edward... My vampire...

My only solace was knowing when he died, our bond wouldn't make me suffer without him. I wouldn't live as my father does. I refuse to. If this is the end for him, it's the end for me too. With that as a comfort, I pulled myself together, wiping off my cheeks and sniffing down my snot. The Ocean howled, waves smacking against the cliffs as I heard a scream, one familiar to me. Alice?

"You are an IDIOT!" The voice yelled, it sounded far away but I knew Alice was out here too. I took off in what I expected to be her direction. She continued to make howling screams before it had blended with the winds of the ocean. It wasn't until she spoke that I could separate her noise from the forest.

This must have been a predetermined plan and place. If shit hit the fan, Jasper and Edward agreed to dump us somewhere so we couldn't get involved. I knew we were useless but the fact that our vampires thought that too, pinched at my ego. They wanted us out of the way.

More trouble than we're worth.

"Alice!" I yelled as she took a breath between her screams of bloody proportions. It's dark, I couldn't see shit and to add to my withering ego I slam my head right into a tree. My ass hits something hard, a rock? A root? Whatever it is I lose my breath and I lay there, my face up to the stars. I'm not even in the battle and I manage to get myself hurt. "Fucking useless!" I hiss at myself, making my legs move and ignore the ache in my backside.

"Bella?" My cousin yells back. "They fucking- They are going to get killed! Everyone!" She's moving closer too. I flush, I hadn't thought of Esme, Rose or... anyone else. I thought of Seth in the beginning but then... just Edward. I was only focused on what would happen to my vampire. Once I moved past the guilt and redoubled worry about my family, I realized the whole world could fall away and I'd still be okay as long as Edward was still with me.

Did you hear that goddess, please just give me Edward...

"They were just... keeping us safe," I say softly, snapping twigs and pushing through twisted limbs in my way. I'm talking to myself now, distracting me well enough from the ache in my chest, the throbbing in my head and the tears I'm pretending aren't streaming down my face.

"Bella?" Alice asks in a yell, just as I see her tiny self struggling to get her sweater free from a branch.

"I'm right here!" I tell her, she turns in my direction as I climb up a little embankment to reach her. "They are going to come back. They have to." Leaves were everywhere, clinging to my socks and crunching under my feet. I rub her back as Alice attaches herself to me. "I knew it was going to be an awful day... I thought it was just a dream, not a vision... I should have warned someone, said something." She sniffles, snotting on me too.

This morning she had mumbled about wolf blood. White hot anger burned through me. I had to take a deep breath before I could think rationally. This isn't my cousin's fault. She had wanted us all to have a happy day, just like I did. It was a big day, it wasn't her fault. Right? The Volturi are to blame. After I convinced myself, I went into comfort mode.

Anything... really, to stop thinking about my vampire... headless, cursed or... burning in a fire after being torn to pieces...

"Just because you missed something doesn't make it your fault." I'm crying too as we both just slide to the ground. "This is all on the Volturi. All their stupid ass... power greedy... ridiculous..." I shake, pulling Alice closer as she struggles to do the same. It's freezing out here. We didn't have time to do anything so we had to rely on each other to keep warm. "They're gonna be okay," I tell her as she nods, trying to tell me the same thing but crying too hard for me to believe her.

She didn't have an easy out as I did. If Jasper died... well, she wouldn't.

"He's going to save Mary Alice." She whispers. When she stopped sobbing we just listened to the silence. The tree limbs scratching, the ocean splashing and we managed to calm ourselves and stay that way. I worried about the children there, Bree, the newborn baby named after my dear cousin. Her friends and my family all living on the reservation. Jake, my best friend, or... ex-best friend. Some of them were dying, fighting for their freedom, for their whole species.

I could feel Edward moving in quick bursts... I knew he was still fine as long as he kept going. Right, twisting, then a quick left. I felt him move like he was right here. I stayed connected to him. "They wouldn't kill a little baby, right?" She asked quietly. The only thing I could think of to say wasn't comforting.

"They'll take the females to breed with the captive shifters and kill the males." Alice nods as if she heard me. If they took Mary Alice then we'd break in and steal her back. The baby wasn't around long enough to have godparents so I prayed to the goddess that one of her parents made it. Someone who loved that baby should still be around to see her grow up.

"What are the chances of everyone we know and love... making it out alive and well?" Alice and I were struggling together. My brother made it to the Cullens, did he go back? He'd been wounded? I could only hope in a twisted way he was hurt enough to be unable to return to the reservation but well enough to survive and be okay when he healed.

"The Volturi are asking for a war." I tell her, knowing that if anyone died... Carlisle would assemble the secret society and we'd take on the Volturi with everything we had. Hell, we might still even if everyone makes it out alive. That reservation hadn't asked to be attacked. They were peaceful, going on with their lives as best they could after being kept in captivity by the people hurting them... killing them...

My fingers were stiff, my feet lost feeling in them long ago but I stayed wrapped around Alice. She is smaller than me, younger and... tiny. I knew Edward was still going. Howls sounding distant, multiple wolves sounding together in order for it to reach up in the haunting way it did. "We should try to walk there," Alice whispered.

"It'd take us more than an hour... We don't know the way." Moving might help with the numbness of my limbs though.

"I can't sit and wait any longer." The determination and anger in her voice made me give in. Okay, let's get lost in the woods. "I don't want to be useless. I don't want to just... be me." I didn't bother trying to build up her ego. I knew how she felt. Cast aside so the big strong fighters could handle the hard stuff.

It's not like I could blame them... Alice and I... well she could see it before it happened and I could fix it after it happened... if it was a curse. Still, the resentment settled in nicely with the fear and numbness.

My legs locked up, protesting but the cold was welcoming. If I couldn't feel my body, I couldn't feel anything else. Worry, shame, fear or loss. In my mind, Bree's hyena laugh taunted me. I thought of my dad's big hugs as he picked me up every time I came over. Sue giving me apologetic smiles as she brings out whatever amazing smelling dishes for dinner or lunch. Leah cursing at me for reading so slowly. Rose crying through her grin as she thanked me over and over for saving her child. Emmett ruffling my hair and walking away from me as he laughed. Esme tucking me into her side as we watched stupid movies and Carlisle asking me about Harry Potter events as he read them. Jake licking Angela's face as she squealed in disgust; we had laughed at her.

"Let's start moving. I don't want to wait around while our people are being slaughtered either." Our people. Alice and I hold hands, struggling through the dark as we walked in the general direction of the wolf howls. She was right, it is better than just sitting and wallowing in all your feelings. The reservation was being attacked... our family was defending it and the least we could do is see the end after the dust is settled.

We'd get there. Together.

The night got chillier. Walking helped us not think about everything but without huddling our bodies shivered, struggled and moved stiffly. Time was either going slow or we weren't getting far. The ocean muffled out from our distance but there wasn't anything recognizable when it all just looked like dark wilderness.

"Ask him if Jasper is still okay. If Mary Alice is safe, and Bree and all the others. I know you can, Jasper told me some things..." I turn to my cousin, her eyes shimmering bright among the dark. If he is right in the middle of some attack, I was not going to ask him anything. Until he starts moving toward me or he reaches out to me, I'm not doing it.

"It might distract him long enough for someone to sneak up on him." It's a whisper. I'm surprised she heard it with all the howling and the wind whipping around us. She doesn't push the issue, just nods and keeps stepping forward. It's not like I didn't want to know... it was just the alternative that scared me...

Any advantage I could give him, I would.

We were getting closer to the fray but the howls and thunder sounds were fading. It made my already tense nerves start to throb. Alice and I clung to one another and it wasn't until the rain started falling that I felt something shift inside me. Something happened... something Edward reacted too. Harshly.

"Bella? Come on." Alice hissed, tugging on my arm. I hadn't even noticed I stopped. Had Jasper... No, but... I mean, it was a battle, a war going on, of course, something happened. They have been happening for the past hour. Someone is dead, someone I knew. The feeling redoubles, My vampire moving so slowly.

I knew then, the battle was over, they were sifting through dead to see who hadn't made it. My vampire was looking through and moving dead bodies. The thought made my heart clench. He did this for me. All my feelings of uselessness, desperation and fear subsided. It was over, Edward survived.

'Vampire?' I whisper it, afraid to distract him, to assume the whole thing was over. A fraction of a second later he was rushing towards us. Alice came back into focus, rain clinging to her hair and dripping down her face. Her lips blue, either from the cold or the moonlight.

"They're coming." It sounded creepy with the tone I used but I knew bad news was traveling with them. Jasper appeared first. Basically teleporting in front of us with the speed he used. Alice's hands flailed out to attack before they disappeared together, he went just as fast as he came. Jasper said nothing, gave me no hint but a heartbeat later and there was Edward.

Covered in blood and rain.

My vampire.

Edward stopped in front of me, dark and shadowed as he kneeled before me. His hand comes up slowly, palm to the sky. Something dark and long is across his palm. Did he want me to come towards him?

Lightning cracked, illuminating Edward for a moment. Eyes dark, lips straight and grim, brow furrowed in... shame? I was scared to step closer, to break this spell around us. His eyes didn't leave my face while mine searched him for anything amiss. When his voice breaks the silence, reality snaps back and my freight over anyone else being harmed resurfaces.

"I've failed you." His voice brings fear rushing back to my senses. My heart is pumping faster and faster. Someone is dead. I take a step toward Edward, the clue in his palm calling to me as I try to make it out in the darkness. Who? Did I say my goodbyes to them? Can I handle losing someone else?

Not Seth, not Rose or Emmett... Oh goddess, not Esme nor Carlisle... Leah... Jacob... and please, please not- My daddy.

His carved wooden charm, looped into my mothers necklace lay across my vampires palm. The word orphan grazed across my conscious mind. It wasn't fair. "I just got him back," I whispered, my vampires head dropping so low I could only make out the crown of his skull. He'd never call me again, no more long, almost awkward, hugs. No more crinkled eyes smiles and no more blushing, stuttering 'I love you's'.

He's with my mother now, where he always wanted to be. My daddy could be happy now. Then why did I feel like someone just put a hole in my chest? Why did my tears mingle with the rain trailing down my face? I stepped forward blindly, one and then another until I am directly in front of my vampire.

My knees are squished into the mud, my face pressed against my vampires chest before I recognize what is happening to me. The noises coming from my throat surprised me but didn't. I dug my nose against Edward and after a millennium, he wrapped his arms around me and snuggled me right back.

My mother had been gone, I never knew her. She was a distant almost memory, just like my father had been before I came here. How I felt now, I almost wished I hadn't ever known him. Then I wouldn't have to feel this... twisted burning inside me. I had him, for a mere three months and now... nothing.

It wasn't fair. Other people had lifetimes with their fathers, years and years of memories and yet, resented and hating them. Me? I get a mere taste of what it's like to have a family just to have it torn down from the roots. Did my brother survive? My step-sister? Sue? Had they killed my whole family?

"No, wee one. Seth and Leah are still-" Edward answered and a fresh wave of guilt passed over me before I built up my shields against my vampire. He shouldn't have to experience my pain. "Don't block me..." He whispered but I already had, for his sake. This was my pain. As his words sunk in I felt relief for my brother and Leah but knew that meant Sue had perished too. It's what he didn't say, that said the most.

Sue's long dark hair, her winks towards me when Leah and Charlie would say something crazy. Her sweet scent when she'd squeeze my hand or apologize softly for how good her food smelled. The birthday cake she made me. It all flashed before me, and I held on, trying to remember as much as possible. I wouldn't let them fade, I had to remember everything. The jokes, the games, and the silly fights.

How Edward felt about losing his own mother, what he went through when so much was changing for him. I understood now what he was trying to explain to me. This is what it felt like. He had been forced to kill his own mother, the one he loved in the same way that I had loved Charlie. I understand my vampire just a fraction more.

Guilt burned inside me... while I was mourning my father, the one that loved me, who gave up so much for his people and to better the world... I am thanking the goddess herself for letting Edward live, knowing deep down I would have made this trade, if given the choice.

I would have picked Edward's life over my fathers. That realization didn't help me calm down.