Hey... I'm sorry it took so long.

I made this chapter a mix of serious and funny things.

Hope you'll enjoy (and, why not, review!)

I plan a couple of chapters before the end...

The next chapter of WHYSAN has been ready for a while... I'll post it within the end of the week.


Reasons... causes...

We define the sources of our doing in a lot of ways.

Sometimes it's just rationality that determines our decisions, logic...

People try to put us in tight schemes, but we just escape them.

As feelings can't be bridled, they can't be classified, they can't be foreseen , they can't be delayed to better moments.

You just have to surrender… and hope they are of the best quality.


Derek entered the cafeteria, his eyes resting immediately on a lonely woman in a remote corner of the room.

Janet.

Apparently he had succeeded in being late for their meeting.

He breathed out and closed the distance between the two of them with hurried steps.

He brushed her shoulder before sitting in front of her.

"Janet… sorry, I'm late" he apologized, giving her a polite smile. "I got caught in a meeting with the Chief…"

"Don't worry" Janet answered as gently "you were kind to accept to meet me with such a short notice"

"It was not a problem, really" Derek muttered, caressing the cover of his folder. The woman in front of him caught his nervousness and smiled, trying to put him at ease.

"So… Dr. Shepherd… did you have troubles filling that?" she asked, her eyes falling on the folder Derek was nursing.

"No" he said smiling, pushing it towards her "even if, I have to admit, some questions were really personal"

"I know... But it's a psychological draw we're trying to compose here..." she explained, flipping the pages open "we need to go personal"

"Of course" he acknowledged, shifting on his chair and looking to her carefully. "Are we staying here?" he asked, noticing heads pointed in their direction.

"No..." she smiled "I was going to ask you if we could move somewhere else actually"

"I think we can find a conference room" he said, standing up and observing her doing the same. He stretched his arm to give her room first and they walked together out of the cafeteria. The hallways were crowded at that time of the day and Derek greeted nurses and doctors passing by before spotting a free room. He opened the door and switched the light on, letting Janet walk in first.

"You know a lot of people here..." she offered, smiling at him.

"I've been working here for five years... This is a small hospital" he shrugged, his lips twitching up.

"Modest..." she added, looking down to his answers.

"Not really one of my best qualities... Really" he joked and Janet smiled.

"Just try to relax, dr. Shepherd. I know it may feel awkward but I'm not here to judge you... Just to know you"

"Ok" he breathed out, adjusting his labcoat and trying to follow the suggestion.

"So... You come from a big family..." she prodded him.

"Yes... I have four sisters... They're all married and with a little army of kids"

"Do you like it?" she asked nonchalantly, raising her eyes to meet his.

"Yeah..." Derek chuckled "it can be messy and loud but... I've grown up in a very large family... Each of us wanted to build one the same way... So..." he shrugged "I'd like to start mine too"

"What does Meredith think of this?" she shot, her brown eyes piercing his.

"Well... Her feelings changed a lot in the last years..." he cleared his voice "Meredith wasn't very lucky with her family and she was scared before. But now she's ready..."

Janet looked to him carefully, straightening up on her chair. Her fingers played with each other and she cleared her throat.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked, gently. Derek recoiled against his backrest, taken by surprise, and Janet read his astonishment. "I'm just trying to know you as a couple, dr. Shepherd..." she explained softly, realizing the doctor wasn't used to be questioned on his private life and was going defensive.

"Now I am..." he muttered shyly, relaxing. "There was a moment I was scared she had accepted to have kids just as I wanted but... now I feel she is as enthusiastic as I am" he added smiling.

"And you feel relieved?" she enquired. Derek stiffened again, this looked a lot like his sessions with dr. Wyatt and there was no doubt left here... He didn't like answering questions, no matter where they came from.

"Well..." he started truthfully "having kids or not is a big topic... A marriage or a relationship can end on this argument. It was not our case but..." he trailed off "I had come to terms with Meredith not wanting to expand our family"

"And why did she change her mind in your opinion?"

There was something gentle in the way Janet was posing him these burdensome questions. It was evident she dealt with this kind of things every day, it was even evident she wasn't trying to question his choices, she just wanted to know stuff about him and his wife. And Derek, unexpectedly, relaxed.

"I guess she felt more confident in our relationship... She opened up to feelings and sensations she had closed out for years... She grew up and, at some point, it became natural for her to talk about possible kids" he shrugged. Shepherd realized he had summarized and simplified a very difficult issue in a few words. But, truth to be said, it had been so easy after all. Meredith had been scared to become a mother for the failing experience of her parents, she had been scared to commit with him, she had been scared not to be able to donate love and affection to a child. Once their relationship had stabilized, she had understood nothing was impossible with the right person, she had fought and pushed herself beyond self-made limits.

"Do you think your... accident helped with this choice?"

Her voice shook when she pronounced the word "accident" and Derek looked down to the table.

His hands joined in his lap and he took a deep breath.

"Meredith was already pregnant when I was attacked..." he looked up, it was clear reminiscing this was causing him pain. "But something certainly changed in our relationship"

"Something you can tell me?" she asked, her voice gentle.

"She started to look at me in a different way. She felt overburdened... I guess facing the first stage of her pregnancy without me made her stronger... It was a very difficult period... For the both of us"

"Do you think what happened affected you and your wife in the choice to start the adoption?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, frowning.

"Do you think all what you went through made you more impulsive on things?"

"No" Derek answered firmly "I pondered this choice... I did. I know it's a big step and I know last year was full of stressing situations, in good and bad... But I'm perfectly aware of what I'm putting myself into"

"Ok..." she nodded, looking down to Derek's answers and flipping some page. "I see you went in therapy..." she muttered, avoiding eye contact with him.

"Yes... I still am..." he admitted, tapping his finger on the table top.

"How would you define this experience?"

"Awful" he blurted out, sighing "It's not easy to remember... To explain what happened in those minutes"

"Have you talked to your psychologist about the wish to adopt a baby?" she asked, making Derek nervous.

"No... I haven't" he admitted, feeling for the first time Janet's disappointment.

"Why not?" she asked "Are you scared she would turn you down?"

"Absolutely..." he assured "we simply had more pressing topics to discuss, Janet… we still have" he breathed out. Derek remembered he had asked an appointment to dr. Wyatt in the afternoon and, suddenly, he felt tired and exhausted.

"I'm sorry…" she apologized "I didn't mean to upset you… My question… probably I had to pop it in a different way"

"It's fine… This topic is painful anyway, Janet. And I'm sure I'm not the perfect candidate to adopt a child since I'm in therapy…" he rubbed his eyes tiredly and the social worker smiled to him.

"I think you just went through something difficult to forget…" she offered.

"Impossible…" Derek blurted out "it's impossible to forget"

"And I think you're a very strong man to put yourself and your life on the line like this…" she smiled, backing against her chair "asking for help is not a weakness here, it's a sign of great maturity and balance"

"I thought you would scratch our request just for this" he stuttered, taking a deep breath. The woman's face was painted in astonishment and Derek squirmed. "I had a really hard time to write those few lines … I just…" he shook his head not knowing what to say more. The sentence died midair and Derek shrugged, hiding his face in both hands.

"I'm sorry if I backed you into a corner, dr. Shepherd. But the aim of these sheets was to know you… and, unfortunately, what happened to you could have changed the big picture meaningfully. I'm happy it didn't" she finished, closing the folder and her arms across her chest. "I'll go through the rest of it by myself… just tell me something about you now" she said, cocking her head to the side "something about your personality…"

"Well…" Derek trailed off, massaging his neck and not really knowing where to start from "I love outdoors… I've just finished to build our new house off town"

Janet scrunched her nose and opened the folder again, looking for something she was sure she had read before.

"You said you're living in Queen Ann …"

"Yes, that's Meredith's house…" he explained "I own a few acres of land on the cliff and I built a house. We're going to move there after the baby is born" he said, his eyes sparkling in excitement. Something Janet's scrutinizing stare didn't miss.

"It sounds great"

"Oh it is…" he giggled "there's plenty of space where the kids could play… I have a lake where I fish in the morning… you just have to get used to wake up a bit earlier to arrive to work on time"

"I think the sacrifice is worth…" she nodded "no more neighbors…"

"No more roommates…" Derek smiled "it really sounds like another life"

"Maybe as it is…" she smiled "how would you describe your married life?"

"Normal, I'd say…" Derek smiled "we both have a demanding job and… we like to spend time home together… we don't have a very active social life outside the hospital. Most of our friends work here as well so… we're not very socialite"

"Just golf and basket… isn't it?" she asked, remembering Derek's leisure written somewhere.

"Yes" he smiled "even if they're hospital related after all"

"How?" she asked, arching her brow.

"Well…" Derek trailed off, smirking "I play basket with the surgery team… we challenge radiology guys or anybody who's fool enough to do it…"

"I know how this stuff goes" Janet chuckled "there are teams in my office too… and what about golf? Do you play with colleagues?"

"Yes… we have a fancy green on the rooftop…"

"Excuse me?" she blurted out, cocking her head to the side.

"I think I said enough already" he mumbled, amused. And Janet shook her head.

"Maybe you're right… I prefer not to know doctors hit balls left and right from the hospital roof"

"It's better" he chuckled, relaxing on the chair.

"What do you feel about Zola, dr. Shepherd?" she shot, out of nowhere. Her eyes raised from the table and set on Derek's face. His expression was still the same, the smile their exchange had produced was still there, twitching his lips upwards. His body language didn't betray him this time, he wasn't nervous about this question.

"I love her…" he shrugged, breathing out "it's simple"

"Do you love her like your own daughter?" she insisted, reading every message he was sending her.

"I don't have my own kids, Janet, not yet. But when I see Zola… yes… it's the same feeling I have when our baby moves in Meredith's belly"

"How would you explain that?" she breathed out "I mean… I guess you've treated a lot of kids during your career… why her? Why Zola?"

"I don't know" he admitted "I've just felt something special from the first moment we met…" he said simply, not finding other words to describe his feelings. "And it grew day by day… even if I knew it could be negative"

"Negative?" she asked, arching her brows.

"Yes… we should always keep a distance between ourselves and our patients… not let emotions slip in… keep them at bay… as we need to make choices and we need to be lucid and objective holding people's life in our hands…"

"What happened here?"

"I don't know… I just held her and… she relaxed in my hug…" he smiled, remembering the touch of Zola's cheek on his neck "it felt natural… it felt like home"

"Do you feel ready to raise a baby, Derek… two babies at the same time?" Janet enquired, her eyes bored into his.

"I don't know if there's a moment when you become ready to become a parent… I don't know… the only thing I know is that I'll love these children with all my heart… I will… and that's the only thing I can tell you"

Janet looked at him carefully and then sighed, standing and picking up the folder and the rest of her papers.

"I will call your wife in the next couple of days, dr. Shepherd" she added, stretching her hand. Derek stood and shook it, nervousness coming back to full force.

"Thank you" he stuttered, not knowing where this conversation left their hopes. Janet walked towards the door and then turned on her heels, her hand already on the doorknob.

"I respect you, dr. Shepherd… if this adoption doesn't go as you hope… it won't be as you're in therapy or for what you went through… it won't be for that"

She walked out and Derek sank back in the chair, raking his hand in his hair tiredly. He didn't know how to read Janet's last sentence.


Meredith was wandering down the surgical floor, trying to spot Derek.

She meant to thank him for the wonderful surprise of the previous day and the delicious breakfast he had prepared her and, along with that, she really counted on his promise to spent her last day together.

Unfortunately he was nowhere to be found.

She was at her third passage now but she had found no trace of his name, not in the department, not on the board, not in the cafeteria.

She snorted leaning her back against the nurses station, her elbow stretched lazily on the counter and she took a last glance around.

She was going to miss the chaos, the adrenaline, her colleagues, her friends, her job. Meredith had never imagined her life outside the hospital, now the day had come and she wasn't prepared.

Nine months were supposed to lead you to this moment, to set your mind about the great change, but she had ignored every of it.

Her brain had been busy in a lot of other things… Derek, the trial, the baby… months had melted away and now it was time.

"Feeling contractions?"

Cristina's cheerful voice reached Meredith and she giggled, seeing her person flopping a chart open on the desk.

"Nope… just hanging around" she breathed out, sinking both hands in her pockets and fishing out a granola bar. She unwrapped it carefully and took a bite, an appreciative sound left her lips. "I'm on scout"

"It's your last day here, Meredith… Take it easy"

"I just wanted to cut someone… say goodbye in I'm-a-surgeon-way" she shrugged.

"Maybe you'll find something…" Cristina added, more to encourage her than really believing it.

"You don't believe it yourself" Meredith rolled her eyes "Derek had promised to keep me on his service but he has disappeared… I've looked for him everywhere…" she snorted. Her eyes moved down the hallway and her person got the search was not over yet.

"Relax, Mer… Mc Dreamy is not locked up in some on call room…"

"I hope for him he's not" Meredith hissed, aggressing her snack vehemently.

"Actually I've seen him with the social service lady…" Cristina looked up, giving her a small smile "they were downstairs… in a conference room"

"I knew Derek was supposed to meet her in the late morning…" she breathed out, feeling a knot to her stomach "how did it go?"

"No idea" Cristina shrugged "the door was closed and I haven't seen him later…"

"But how it looked it was going?" Meredith insisted, urge raising in her voice.

"What?" Cristina frowned, staffing her pen in her labcoat.

"The interview, Cristina…" Meredith added exasperated "did they look relaxed or mad or… tensed?"

"I'm not a face reader, Mer… Calm down" she muttered flatly, making her friend roll her eyes.

"Yeah… calm down…" she mumbled, squeezing the remains of her energetic bar. Cristina eyed her carefully and grinned, giving the chart back to the nurse.

"Have you eaten, Meredith?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"I've been eating all morning. Derek prepared me an imperial breakfast and now this…" she said eyeing the empty wrap, throwing it in the bin "and, screw me, I'm still hungry" she added hopeless.

"Come on…" Cristina said rubbing her shoulder and pushing her to move "I'll buy you lunch"

"You've never bought me lunch" Meredith stuttered, eyeing her suspiciously.

"It's your last day and the situation calls for it… Just two courses though… I've forgotten to pick up some money…" Meredith rolled her eyes and they walked together towards the cafeteria.

"Where's Owen by the way?" Grey asked after a few minutes.

"Playing the chief somewhere… but he'll join us later…" Cristina smiled.

"Maybe I should go and find Derek" Meredith said stopping abruptly in the middle of the corridor. Cristina nearly bumped into her "I don't want to be on your way…"

"Don't be stupid, Mer…" she pushed her forward "besides… I want to know all the details of the travel in Shepherd's Never land…"

"Shepherd's what?" Meredith asked grimacing.

"Never land… the house, Mer… Big house in the woods… Never Land" she shrugged, causing Meredith to giggle. "Let's grab something to crunch before"

They queued and picked up their meal. Luckily there was not much crowd at that time and they sat at their favorite table.

"Thank God" Meredith breathed out when her ass touched the chair.

"Tired?" Cristina offered.

"Yeah… and I did nothing at all… maybe it's really time for me to stay home…"

"I guess it is" Cristina confirmed, starting to cut her meat in small pieces. "So…" she started "details…"

"It was just perfect" Meredith smiled, a shiver of happiness and excitement running down her spine at the memory "we took the ferry and drove up there after our shift… Derek was so nervous…"

"I'm sure he was… he didn't have quite a wonderful end of the day yesterday…" Cristina remarked.

"I wasn't talking about that…" Meredith cleaned her chin with a paper towel "he was just worried I would hate the house of whatever…"

"But you liked it…"

"Beyond any expectation…" Meredith smiled, her eyes sparkling.

"And how was the after dinner?" Cristina asked mischievously, a grin spreading on her lips sensing Meredith's awkwardness "Oh right… beyond any expectation…"

"You're a bitch" Meredith hissed in front of her friend ironic smile.

"Oh come on, Mer… Derek needed some distraction…"

"This was planned even before Adele slapped him…" she pointed out, her eyes casting down to her plate. Cristina got the topic had pinched a nerve and her gaze softened.

"Hey… I didn't want to upset you…"

"Upset me?" Meredith chuckled, a hint of irony clear in her voice "Adele Webber called me and my mother whores in an OR… This upset me…"

"I'm sorry…" Cristina said truthfully. "But maybe it was worth something…"

"Oh yes…" Meredith blurted out "now the whole freaking hospital knows Webber and Ellis Grey had an affair…"

"Now the whole hospital knows how sick she is…" Cristina muttered quietly, her eyes locking with her friend's "and even if what you did is still wrong… it's a little bit less… everybody will go easier on you and Derek now…"

"I don't think so…" Meredith said arching her brows "and anyway I don't care… I've more urgent things to fear right now" she breathed out. Cristina's enquiring eyes were fixed on her face and Meredith sighed "the delivery, Cristina. It felt so good four month ago going natural and without epidural… now I don't know what the hell was going through my brain" she snorted, sipping her water.

"You're a strong woman, Meredith. If someone can pop a basketball without anesthesia… that's you" Cristina said softly, her eyes shifting towards the entrance when Owen and Derek had just walked in together. "Our men are coming…" she mumbled. Meredith turned around and her face lit up when she spotted her husband. She turned to face Cristina adjusting her ponytail.

"Ok… enough with the delivery room gossip"

"Why?" Cristina asked, realizing Derek and Owen were probably waiting for their lunch.

"What?" Meredith asked frowning.

"Why stopping discussing this? I guess Derek wants to know…"

"Derek doesn't need to know I'm freaking out, here" Grey said shaking her head.

"Mer… he'll be with you the whole time… And don't you think he's freaking out as well?"

"Derek doesn't freak out" Meredith urged to say.

"He does… but doesn't want you to know… He asked me stuff yesterday before the whole Adele's thing" Cristina said softly.

"What kind of stuff?"

"About you being happy… relaxed… ready… He's worrying, Mer. You should talk about this"

"I…" she trailed off, not knowing what to say. Cristina had opened a curtain she had not been aware of. She had fooled herself to avoid these topics, but it was pretty clear she had underestimated Derek and his hovering mood. She looked down to the table, taking a deep breath. A warm hand enveloped hers and she looked up, tuning Cristina's hand on top of hers.

"Derek loves you. You can face everything together, Meredith"

"I know…" she breathed out, catching with the corner of her eye Derek getting closer "not here anyway"

"Ok…" Cristina released her fingers and smiled seeing Owen's face in front of her. "Hey…" she greeted him.

"Hey… can we sit?" he asked, his hand already pulling back the chair. Cristina smiled when Derek kissed Meredith's cheek.

"Of course… it's an honor to have the chief at our humble table…isn't it, dr. Grey?"

"Oh yes…" she giggled "Derek never graced us with his presence when he was chief…"

"That's because I know you use to gossip while eating…" he smiled, opening the box containing his salad and pouring some oil on it "I wouldn't waste it for you…"

Meredith showed him her tongue and Owen laughed, taking a look around.

"So we interrupted you…" Hunt offered, smiling.

"Oh yes…" Cristina said flatly "but we can continue later, don't worry…"

"If I didn't know you good, Cristina, I'd say you were badmouthing about me" Derek said smiling, making Meredith choke on her coffee.

"Oh… that's where you don't know me, Mc Dreamy…" she challenged him.

"Really?"

"Really… as I would go on without second thought. You know I don't have problems to insult you" she grinned.

"Oh yes… I know…" he arched his brows, amused "so am I safe here?"

"At the moment… you are. Just because your pregnant wife needs to eat peacefully... And my Godkid needs too"

"Godkid..." Derek asked chuckling "it sounds awful"

"It is awful. Thanks to you... and your need to be surprised..." Cristina said taking a look around "so... hardcore cases today?" she inquired.

"Don't look at me" Owen said raising his palms in surrender "all I got were meetings... Papers... Phone calls..."

"And I got meetings... Interviews..."Derek said breathing out "I hope today will go better"

Meredith looked to him carefully, her hand landed on his thigh and she squeezed it.

"How did it go with Janet?" she asked, ignoring Cristina's and Owen's presence.

"I don't know" he answered truthfully "she's a difficult person to read" his fingers enveloped Meredith's and he gave her a small smile "she asked a lot of stuff..."

"We want to adopt a baby, Derek... I guess this allows her to ask us anything"

He smiled sighing, his palm cupped her face and his thumb caressed her cheek.

"I love you when you're so wise" he mumbled, making Cristina roll her eyes.

"You always love her, Mc Dreamy. Wise or not" Cristina spat.

"I do..." he said, his eyes sparkling in full adoration.

"And now I feel sick..." Yang snorted "Was he like this from the beginning?"

"Oh yes..." Meredith chuckled.

"Romantic... sweet... sexy..." Derek whispered.

"Humble..." Meredith joked.

"Definitely..." Derek nodded.

"She was taking fun of you!" Cristina snapped "as seriously... Humble... In love or not I would define you anyway but humble"

"Oh... I know..." Derek chuckled "you defined me in so many ways I had to expand my vocabulary" he joked grinning.

"Keep your grin for the social service lady, Mc Dreamy. I'm not a maid to charm" Cristina retorted ironically.

"You're not a maid at all..." Derek added, seeing the amused expression on Hunt's face "you acted like a dragon to me"

"Yes... To keep you from hurting the princess... And watch out, Shepherd... I still can blow fire and burn your ass"

"I'll keep that in mind..." he mumbled, playing with the remaining food in his plate. "especially since you apparently have a room in our new house"

"I have..." Cristina added smugly.

"But she doesn't plan to use it often" Owen offered, raising his brow expectantly.

"Oh I do, instead..." she rebut "you can invite him if you feel lonely" she pointed to Derek with her head.

"Kicked me out of my house already?" Derek arched his brows.

"You know she loves you deep down" Meredith tried to comfort him.

"Yeah" Cristina confirmed wickedly "so deep I have to search my hidden soul..."

"Lucky me..."

"Better than who professes to love you and then slaps your face" she pointed out, not really realizing it. Owen kicked her leg from under the table and Meredith looked to her thunderstruck "Sorry... I didn't... I didn't think before saying this..."

"Not a problem" Derek accepted her apology swallowing. "Anyway... Bailey and all the others apologized this morning, Mer. The war should be over"

"Really?" she asked relieved, more for him than for herself.

"Yes... I'm just sorry this is your last day and you won't be able to enjoy it" Derek said rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

"It doesn't matter" she smiled, stretching her legs under the table "I'm happy this is the last day... I've done nothing and I'm already dead tired. Now I get why Bailey was over nazy her last days before Tuck was born..."

"I just hope you won't break your water on my shoes as well" Cristina said grimacing.

"You'll be there anyway, Cristina..." Meredith smiled to her "they break home or here... You'll assist me so... Deal with it"

"Sure" she said disgusted "Will I have the honor to cut the umbilical cord?" she asked, enthusiasm spreading on her face.

"That should be me" Derek muttered, amused.

"Come on, Shepherd, we all know you'll be crying all the time. What if you maim the baby?"

"Maim the baby?" Derek asked in shock "I just have to cut the cord, not to practice plastic surgery"

"Well it's important to do it in the right way. The navel is a very important part of the body" she said sharply.

"Why so?" Owen asked frowning.

"As if Mc Baby is a girl she might want to do a piercing there when she grows up..."

"Definitely not" Derek urged to say, shaking his head and shivering at the mere thought.

"And if it's a boy you'd ruin his abs so... We need a professional, not a butcher blinded by his own tears" Cristina argued waving her hands excitedly. Meredith giggled looking at Derek and he sighed, resigned and used to Cristina's irony.

"We'll decide in the delivery room, Cristina, ok?" Derek smiled "If I'm too messed up to cut you'll do it..."

"Right" she nodded, satisfied.

"So I take you finally decided to be in..." Derek offed, looking between Meredith and Cristina.

"If she wants me I'll be" Yang said, serious this time.

"Thank you" Meredith mumbled "but you better not to fight all the time" she nearly yelled.

"We won't, Mer" Cristina said smugly "but, just to be clear... I won't hold your hand in the process..."

She looked to Owen, who was staring at her, mouth agape.

"I can't have my precious surgeon hands squeezed and bruised" she defended herself "and then... He went with the fun and now he deserves to be up for the worst part..."

"Right" Derek said, almost blushing.

His hand found Meredith's under the table and he squeezed it.


Derek and Meredith were hurrying down the corridor. He was marching with long and quick steps and she was trying to keep up his pace.

Before entering the ER Derek stop to wait for her, his lips twitched upwards seeing her flushed cheeks.

"Are you ok? You look like you just ran a marathon" he said smiling.

"I did..." she breathed out, taking a deep breath.

"Are you fine with this, Mer? You could just..."

"I'm ok" she cut him off marching through the door and towards the nurse who had paged them.

"Right" Derek muttered following her "what have we got?" he asked.

"The ambulance just brought in a young woman with a bed concussion..." the nurse explained, handling him the papers. Derek took the folder and walked into the trauma room, Meredith following him.

A young woman, apparently in her early 30, was lying on the stretcher, a collar was keeping her neck still and she was talking conceitedly on the phone. Derek stopped near the stretcher and looked to her sternly.

"Miss..." he peered to the papers "Fraser... cell phones are not allowed in here. Please shut it down and let me check you"

She smiled to him but raised her hand, meaning to let her finish the conversation. Derek rolled his eyes and wore gloves, bending on the woman's face and starting to examine her.

"Sam... I told you I needed to purchase those shares and... Ouch!" she complained when Derek touched her head.

"I'm sorry mrs. Fraser" Meredith said firmly, stretching her hand "but I need you to give me your cell and let dr. Shepherd visit you"

"Fine" the woman snorted taking a glance to both Meredith and Derek "I need to hang off now... Let dr. shepherd visit me. I'll call you back later" she closed her phone and relaxed on the pillow, flinching when Derek's penlight flashed in her pupils. "This sucks..." she muttered.

"You need to lay still, mrs. Fraser" Derek suggested her quietly, still bound over her "it looks like you hit your head pretty hard. Do you remember what happened?"

"Of course..." she breathed out "I was texting Sam and a moron was cleaning the stairs. They were wet and there was no sign. I slipped and bounced down a flight..."

"Other pains apart your head?" Meredith asked, the woman's folder opened under her nose.

"No... My arm a bit but... I think it's just a bruise" she stuttered, flinching.

"The left pupil looks constricted..." Derek explained straightening "are you taking meds?"

"Just the pill..." the patient admitted.

"Do you want me to call someone?" Meredith asked, noticing the emergency contact was missing on the papers.

"No... It's not necessary..."

"We need to run a MRI, mrs. Fraser..." Derek explained her.

"Then what?" the patient asked groggily.

"We could need to keep you monitored for the next 24 hours in the best case" Meredith explained, locking eyes with Derek "we might need an emergency contact"

"I don't have a husband or a boyfriend if that's what you're thinking" the woman spat bitterly.

"Mrs. Fraser…" Derek warned her, foreseeing the reason of her bad mood.

"No… the moment I said I was taking the pill she asked me a next of kin. I'm sorry but it doesn't take a genius to get what she's thinking" she retorted.

"I wasn't really thinking that" Meredith protested, searching comfort in Derek, who shook his head.

"Fine" the patient acknowledged "I have an active sexual life and I don't have a man. You can call my mother if you really need it. Her number is in my wallet"

Meredith opened her mouth to speak again but Derek squeezed her arm and stopped her.

"Call the MRI and check if it's free, dr. Grey" he asked politely.

"Ok, dr. Shepherd" Meredith breathed out, leaving the room. Derek took off his gloves and checked the monitors connected to the patient's body.

"I'm sorry dr. Shepherd but I can't stand hypocrisy" mrs. Fraser told out of nothing.

"Excuse me?" he asked, frowning.

"I'm sick of people judging me as I'm a woman in career who wants to have fun without commitment. Doctor Grey should understand not all women want what she wants. And got" she added, grimacing when a sudden pain knifed behind her eyes.

"Doctor Grey was doing everything but judging you, mrs. Fraser" he said gently, approaching the bed "trust me… she didn't ask you that contact for the reason you assume"

"Really?"

"Really" he smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a hit my head on a step" she snorted. "And I hurt everywhere"

"I'll give you some more painkiller, ok?" he offered "just not too much as they can cloud the scan I need to run"

He turned around to grab the treatments but stopped dead in his track when he felt a pressure on his ass. He froze for a moment when the contact became more harassing, the clear sensation of a palm massaging his buttocks. He turned around frowning, a vial in his hand. Mrs. Fraser had her eyes closed and her hand was hanging loose outside the stretcher.

"Mrs. Fraser…" he called her, alarmed by her posture.

"Mmm" she mumbled.

"You need to stay awake" he urged her, pressing a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm trying…" she stuttered, her lids opening lazily "I'm dizzy"

Derek pushed the treatment in her IV and then checked her pupils again.

"You need to stay here… come on… tell me something about you… What do you do for a living?" he asked, picking up the phone and dialing the lab connection.

"I'm a broker… a kick ass broker" she mumbled.

"Good… I have some savings to invest… What do you suggest?"

"New economy shares… clean energy…" she listed.

"Too risky… I'd prefer something safe" Derek joked.

"You need to plunge to get what you want dr. Shepherd" Fraser told him "I use to take what I want…"

"Well… that's because you know the ice you're moving on. I prefer a cautious approach though"

"No disposed to adventure…"

"Not on this…" he smiled, hearing Meredith from the other side of the line talking to him. He hanged off and gestured a nurse to step in to help him "they're ready for us. How are you?" he asked, disconnecting the IV and leaning bags onto the mattress.

"Tired" the woman admitted.

"If talking bothers you, just try to move your fingers and toes. This will keep you awake anyway" he said, squeezing her hand.

"Ok…" she breathed out.

Derek adjusted the sides of the bed and looked to the nurse, inviting her to come closer.

His breath stopped when he felt someone touching him. His eyes cast down and he saw Mrs. Fraser's fingertips grazing the front of his scrub pants. Her eyes were still closed and Derek jerked his groin back, biting his lower lip.

"Everything is fine, dr. Shepherd?" the nurse asked him.

"Yes…" he breathed out, taking a last glance to the patient "let's go"

He took a deep breath and tried to stifle the bad feelings raising in his gut.

Mrs. Fraser had touched him, twice. Both of them in awkward positions.

This could not be casual, this hadn't been casual.

Derek was mad, he didn't like women taking initiatives so openly, especially when he was working and they took advantage of the situation.

He needed to set borders with this patient, she needed to be reminded what she could do and what she could not.

He sighed pushing the button of the elevator, the nurse was eyeing him cautiously and he just diverted his eyes. The doors luckily opened quickly and he dragged the stretcher in.

Maybe it was the place, maybe it was what had just happened, the unpleasant sensation of someone touching him without his consent, but suddenly Derek felt trapped. His body tightened at the memories infesting that confined space and he closed his eyes, trying to ease his breathing. His lids flickered open when a warm and gentle palm made contact with his forearm.

"Are you ok, dr. Shepherd?" the nurse asked gently, concern written all over her face.

"Yes… I've just a headache" he muttered, trying to hide his real feelings. The doors slid open and he maneuvered the patient out. Meredith was already waiting for them outside the MRI. She smiled when their eyes met and Derek tried to do the same.

"Ready?" he asked rhetorically, pushing the gurney into the room.

"Yeah… how is she?" she asked, seeing the patient's eyes fluttering open.

"Groggy and uncoordinated" he mumbled, lowering the sides of the bed.

"Uncoordinated?" she enquired, arching her brow at his strange behavior. She was about to ask him something when Derek took out his penlight to run another test on the patient. He bent over mrs. Fraser and checked her pupils. The woman lifted her hand and leant her palm on his chest, her thumb moving on the fabric and making Derek tense immediately.

"Mrs. Fraser" he said in a warning voice, straightening up and pushing her touch away "you need to stop doing this"

"Doing what?" Meredith asked, watching between the two of them. Derek sighed, looking to the floor.

"Nothing…" mrs. Fraser snorted "I was just trying to know him but he's shy, apparently"

"Know him?" Meredith repeated, thunderstruck, glaring at Derek.

"He's hot and I'm single. I was just trying to save the day"

"You're in a hospital!" Meredith snapped, shaking her head and feeling her blood boiling "and you're a serious candidate for a brain bleeding. How can you think to hit on dr. Shepherd?"

"Dr. Grey… it's fine" Derek cut her off, slightly amused by her reaction. "We're clear now… let's just run this MRI" he sent a last glare to the patient and walked to the control room. He sank on the chair and took a deep breath, trying to clear his head. Leaving the two women by themselves wasn't probably the wisest move but he felt suddenly worn out.

The sensations mrs. Fraser's behavior had awakened were the last evidence he really needed to face dr. Wyatt on his deepest wounds. He sighed and peered over the glass, Meredith was almost done preparing the patient.

"Just try to relax, mrs. Fraser. We'll be done in a few minutes" she explained, her tone flat and revealing the fit of rage she had experienced.

"Fine… you're pissed" she mumbled, earning another dirty look from Meredith.

"I'm not…" she denied, hoping her body language didn't show her real state of mind.

"Pregnancy can mess you up… another proof I'm not suitable for it" she giggled, looking left and right when the stretcher started to move. "I didn't think he would get so mad… he looks like the kind of man who drops women dead with those eyes" she mumbled, making Meredith roll her eyes.

"Just because dr. Shepherd is an attractive man doesn't mean he wants to be harassed by his patients…" Meredith hissed.

"Does it happen often?" mrs. Fraser asked, amused.

"No… as usually the wedding ring he wears is enough to keep admirers at bay" Meredith scoffed, closing her arms across her chest.

"I haven't even noticed…" mrs. Fraser shrugged.

"You look like you don't want to notice, mrs. Fraser" she scolded her "now stay still…"

The stretcher disappeared into the machinery and Meredith joined Derek into the control room.

"Are you ok?" she asked him gently.

"Yeah…" he breathed out, his eyes fixed on the screen. He bend forward when the first images appeared. "Damn it" he said pointing to the scan "she's hemorrhaging… we need to take her straight to the ER"

He jumped on his feet and rushed to the patient, leaving Meredith mouth agape.


"Suction please" Derek asked, his pupils fixed into the Carl Zeiss microscope.

Meredith was standing at the other side of the table, herself completely focused on Mrs. Fraser's brain. She pushed liquid into the open skull and took a furtive glance at Derek. Apparently he had forgotten about the incidents and the patient's aggressive behavior.

Yet, he looked pissed… or deflated. He wasn't his usual self and she was disappointed. This was her last surgery and she wanted it to be perfect.

Was he worried she was mad at him for what had happened? She hadn't been present but she was sure he had never encouraged mrs. Fraser to be bold. Maybe she needed to joke about it, break the ice… whatever. She took in a deep breath and stared at him for a brief moment, clearing her throat.

"What do you plan to do, dr. Shepherd?" she asked, not losing any of his movements.

"Stopping the bleeding… dr. Grey…" he said cauterizing a vessel and moving material aside to check the situation. "and once I'm done… I'll let you check the area and close"

"Really?" she asked, not able to hide her excitement.

"Really… it's your last day here and I promised you fun so… totally serious here" he added, setting the arachnoid knife down and taking a look at the operating field "penfield four, please"

Meredith watched as the nurse handled him the instrument and Derek went back looking into the lens. She loved when he did it… he was so focused and concentrated and intense and his eyes were just perfect. They were hypnotizing.

A shiver went down her spine remembering the first time she had experienced this view.

Katie Bryce's surgery.

It was her first day, her first surgery and the hot attending had turned out to be her crazy sex sleepover.

He had been gorgeous with his black faded jeans and red shirt. With blue scrubs… he was sex on legs. With a light blue gown and the ferry boat scrub cap… he was dreamy.

His eyes had sparkled once the brain had been revealed to his sight, a special twinkle had appeared.

And never left.

She could see it every morning, she was cherished by it every day.

How could a man simply look into a microscope and be so damned sexy?

She took in a deep breath and shook her head slightly, trying to focus back.

Mrs. Fraser was a bitch, a dead hand, but she couldn't just kill her, she needed to be perfectly in the know here.

"How is it going?" she enquired. There was a lot of blood in the skull now and she truthfully didn't know if Derek could control it or not.

"I just can't stop this…" he muttered, tamponing the damaged area with a white cotton "it looks like she hit her head pretty hard" he sighed.

"Maybe she smashed it against the wall rolling down…" Meredith offered, remembering the way the woman had hurt herself.

"Probably… all to text a client about an unbeatable offer…" he raised his eyes for a moment and looked to her "she does the same thing you do…"

"What would this be?"

"Looking at the cell instead of the steps… it can be extremely dangerous"

Meredith snorted, sending him an annoyed look.

"If this woman is going to die today, it's probably as I want to punish her for grabbing your ass and God knows what else" she hissed, a hint of jealousy clear in her voice. Some nurses giggled behind their masks and Derek tensed, looking around.

"She was probably confused for the concussion…" he tried to cool Meredith off.

"But she aimed at the right places… and complained as you were too shy…" she retorted, rolling her eyes. "I've never judged her as she was single and wanted to enjoy life" she tried to explain to Derek.

"I know… you don't need to convince me" he said, his fingers moving nimbly.

"And I didn't even get mad as she fondled you…"

"Can we stop talking about this, please?" Derek snapped, looking to her. Despite the sentence had been harsh, Meredith detected a pleading gaze and decided to drop the topic. Usually Derek didn't get upset on this, he joked and turned into cocky mode when a woman flattered him. But this was before Kepner and Brad, maybe things had changed… maybe he had changed and she respected his wish, at least in that public place.

She focused back on the operating field, marveling how, in that short lapse of time and while chatting with her, he had succeeded to control and minimize the damage. The area looked clean and the suture he had practiced with unique mastery was holding.

"Did you fix her?" she asked, a hint of surprise made her voice high-pitched and Derek looked to her. Meredith could see he was smiling behind the mask.

"Why are you so surprised, dr. Grey? I thought you knew I'm not so bad after all" he joked cockily "besides… she's not a television… I don't like the word fix…" he said, putting down the instrument and raising his hands in front of his torso. "Let's see what you've got now…" he teased her.

"Fine" she smiled, eyeing the scrub nurse. The woman pushed the cart to the other side of the table to serve her the instruments.

Meredith stretched her fingers and neck, her whole body felt sore and McBaby was clearly not cooperating, seeing the rolling and twisting in her belly.

She sighed and picked up a retractor, starting to inspect the cavity. She found a little bleed and looked up, realizing Derek had probably omitted it on purpose.

"You left me a small hemorrhage to cauterize…" she smiled.

"Did I?" he joked, looking into the microscope. Nurses and doctors smiled at the flirting and Meredith rolled her eyes, stretching her hand to get some gauze to tampon.

The fix proved pretty easy to make, ma Meredith felt her body relax, her brain focused completely on the surgery and, for a bunch of minutes, all the tiredness, the weariness disappeared out of thin air.

It was just her and the table and the patient, the smell of burned tissue, of human fluids, the beeping of monitors, a sensation she hadn't proved in days, result of her state and the silent punishment Bailey had given her.

She breathed out once done and smiled, realizing Derek was looking at her proudly.

"I think I can close now…" she said confidently, locking eyes with him.

"You can, dr. Grey" he took a couple of steps backward and the assisting nurse took off his head lights "and I'll start to scrub out in the while"

"Won't you stay here?" she asked, already busy in putting the flap skull back.

"I'm not needed here…" he muttered. Without Meredith realized, he had rounded the table and was standing behind her "there's already plenty of Shepherds…" he joked, making Meredith roll her eyes.

He walked out, stopping at the sinks and glaring at her through the glass.

He started to scrub his hands, his eyes fixed on his wife.

A wave of pride filled him and he smiled, shaking his head.

He stopped the water and dried his arms carefully, leaning against the wall and waiting for Meredith to finish.

It wouldn't take much, she was quick and he could detect from the movements in the OR the anesthetist was already preparing to move the patient down to the ICU.

Derek heard Meredith instructing the nurses and interns through the interphone and then she stepped out, her gown now open on the front, a wide smile stretching her lips.

"I needed this" she giggled when the sliding door hissed closed. She approached and kissed his cheek tenderly "thank you"

"It was a pleasure…" he offered, closing his arms across his chest.

"I didn't think this could turn out to be so complicated…" she sighed "she didn't look in so bad shape this morning…"

"Head traumas can degenerate quickly, Mer… Mrs. Fraser had a bad concussion… we were lucky to control the bleeding"

"You were good, Derek, not lucky" she said closing the faucet and drying her hands "You don't get lucky in the OR"

"That's just so sad…" he joked, playing with the double meaning of Meredith's words. He closed the space between the two of them and rubbed her arms. "It could be the perfect ending of your last day here" his voice lowered to a throaty sound and Meredith shivered. Despite the sensations which were flooding her body, she didn't fall in his temptations though.

"Mrs. Fraser turned you on finally…" she smirked, stroking his sides through the thin fabric of his scrub top and inhaling his cologne.

"She just pissed me off" Derek urged to say, breaking contact between the two of them. He raked a hand in his hair and then looked to his clock absent minded, sighing realizing it was much later than he had assumed. "I need to go now…" he blurted out, taking the door knob, ready to leave.

"Where?" Meredith hurried to ask, surprised by the sudden change of mood.

"To check on Mrs. Fraser first… then I have an appointment…" he said, not digging into details he was not ready to explain yet.

"Will I see you home then?" she asked, a bit disappointed.

"Yeah… yeah, don't wait for me"

Meredith closed the distance between the two of them and raised on her tiptoes, brushing his lips with hers.

"I'll wait for you, Derek… I turned down the porn OR but I'm totally up for later…"

"I love you" he said caressing her cheek with his thumb.

"Me too… thank you for today"

"It was a pleasure to work with you, dr. Grey" he smiled, stretching his hand. Meredith took it and they both squeezed.

"It was a pleasure to work with you, dr. Shepherd"


Meredith walked out of the elevator, changed into comfortable street clothes.

She fumbled into her purse for the card keys and fished them out before crossing the sliding doors leading outside.

"Meredith!" Cristina's voice echoed behind her back and she turned around, smiling welcoming her person. "Ready to leave?"

"Yeah… I'm longing for a good dinner and a hot bath"

"Sounds like a good plan" Yang smirked hiding both hands in her labcoat "especially after you rocked in the OR today"

"I did" Meredith smiled proudly "well… it was a routine check-up and closure but… much better of what I got in the last few weeks so… now I'm officially on leave" she smiled, adjusting the black leather shoulder strap.

"Is Derek in the parking lot waiting for you?" Cristina asked taking a furtive glance outside in search of Shepherd's Chayenne.

"No… actually he'll be late… I'll have dinner with Alex"

"And bath by yourself I hope…" Meredith rolled her eyes at the comment "I wouldn't go for the bath, Mer, if I have to be true. You could end up stuck somewhere and it could be embarrassing calling Karev in help" she smirked.

"I'll be fine, Cristina, thank you for your concern. I need that bath…" she sighed, smelling herself. But Cristina got she had something else in mind from the glittering of her eyes.

"The dirty in your eyes reveal you need soft and velvet skin, baby…" she joked, knowingly.

"Fine… what is wrong if I want to have sex with my husband?" she snapped, regretting the loud voice when a couple of heads turned into her direction.

"Nothing…" Cristina giggled touching her arm "thanking him for the good day… the surgery… sex is the best reward ever… Derek will be delighted"

"A woman grabbed his ass today" Meredith mumbled, her eyes on the floor "our patient actually"

"And you saved her?" Cristina shot, frowning "I'm surprised of your self-control, Grey"

"I am too… anyway I wasn't even pissed" she admitted blushing.

"Just turned on… the dirty threesome…" Cristina smirked "not so bad for a lovely mommy, Mer" she joked her.

"You're hopeless" Meredith hissed.

"So you are… just go now… make the man happy and…" she trailed off, getting serious and Meredith frowned looking at her "then maybe talk to him about the delivery"

"I'm not up for important speeches tonight" Meredith shook her head.

"Why not? Blow his brain off and then talk… Derek won't deny you anything after a good round of sex" she nodded knowingly.

"That if I don't fall asleep in the aftermath…" she sighed.

"Meredith…"

"Look… I'll face the topic, ok? I just don't think tonight is the best moment. We both need distraction, we both need time together… that's the priority tonight"

"Ok…" Cristina patted her shoulder "I'll call you tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok" Meredith breathed out, contemplating for the first time she wouldn't see Cristina daily. "I'll miss you…"

"I'll come for dinner, ok?" Yang offered too quickly, raising Meredith's suspicion.

"You prepared it…"

"What?" Cristina shrugged.

"The kind offer" Meredith laughed.

"No!"

"You did… you're gonna miss me too…" Meredith said knowingly, enjoying Cristina's embarrassment.

"Nope" Yang tried to deny.

"Just hug me" Meredith took a step towards her but Cristina recoiled.

"Never" she said, disappearing behind the corner.


Derek knocked to dr. Wyatt's office. He was five minutes after the time she had accorded him.

"Come in" her gentle voice sounded behind the wooden door and Derek opened it.

"Good afternoon…" he greeted her.

"Dr. Shepherd…" she smiled "I'm sorry you had to wait till now but I had a full schedule today"

"Not a problem" he stood in the middle of the room, not really knowing what to do with his hands. He staffed them into his pickets and dr. Wyatt quirked her brow.

"How is dr. Grey?" she asked, trying to introduce a topic which would relax him. Doctor Shepherd seemed to walk on tenterhooks. Her instinct was suggesting her the reason why he was there, but she didn't dare to hope so much.

"Fine… it was her last day… we performed a surgery together" Derek smiled proudly, his eyes darting nervously across the room.

"Good…" dr. Wyatt nodded, interlacing her fingers "what do I owe the pleasure, dr. Shepherd?" she inquired calmly, willing to push but approaching him gently.

"You've never given me my file back" Derek muttered, his arms closing across his chest. His eyes settled on dr. Wyatt's face. She was calm, her expression hadn't changed a bit, but her glare… she looked like a cat playing with her favorite mouse.

"It's here" she said, pushing a yellow paper binder towards him. "You can take it whenever you want… if you feel ready"

Derek sighed, pacing around the room. He walked around the fish tank and stopped behind the couch, leaning his hands on the soft leather cushions.

"Do you feel ready, Derek?" she prodded him.

"No" he breathed out, resigned, sharing a quick glance with her.

"We've made giant steps during your sessions… you've earned your life back, your profession, your job. You're able to stay in crowded places without freaking out… I'm pretty satisfied of your path"

"But I'm not healed…" he recognized, forcing his voice out of his throat. "There are still things I haven't sorted out"

"Which things?" she inquired, staring at him intensely.

"I…" he swallowed, feeling awkwardness tying his vocal cords "I'm not really comfortable talking about this" he breathed out, rounding the sofa and sinking on it.

"I'm a big girl, Derek, you should know it by now… there are a few things which impress me"

"And I have the feeling you've been waiting to see my bluff up to now" he said, looking up.

"Your bluff?" she quirked her brow, inviting him to go on.

"You've always known there was something bothering me… you probably knew it before I did"

"True" she stood, rounding her desk "but I also knew pushing you would be useless. I had the feeling it was something big… it is something big…"

"So you didn't ask…" he breathed out.

"The same way you didn't talk… I just wanted to give you time to weight this topic, to understand it… You know, Derek suffering a trauma is like breaking into pieces. It takes time to settle everything back to place and I didn't want to force your issues"

"But you did know I had one… with…" he stopped, words refusing to leave his mouth. He just shook his head and looked away.

"With your intimacy… with sex? Yes, I suspected you would develop this kind of disorder" she stated firmly.

"Why?" Derek blurted out, irritated.

"As a man touched you and forced himself on you. Not to have sex, of course, but he violated your body in places just a lover is supposed to touch. Has Meredith never realized anything?" she asked gently.

"No… not after the panic attack I had the first time" he said raking a hand in his hair.

"Do you control yourself?"

"I've just avoided situations I wasn't ready to face…" he stuttered weakly.

"But sometimes when she touches you… you need to close your eyes and take a deep breath"

Derek nodded defeated and a little bit ashamed.

"It's totally normal, Derek. You don't need to feel bad about it" she tried to comfort him but got any reaction "What does Meredith know about the elevator?"

"Nothing" he snapped, standing and measuring the room with quick steps. "I want to tell her… I wanted but… I never find the nerve to do it"

"It would help, Derek. Don't you think?"

"I'm not that sure"

"I'm telling you… trust me… it would help" she looked to him carefully and letting him time to calm down, to process her words "will you talk to me at least?"

"I thought I was already doing it…" he mumbled, hopelessly.

"This is just a preview… you came here to see my cards and I asked you to show yours, we've talked about nothing up to now" Derek turned to face her and opened his mouth to talk but dr. Wyatt raised her hand to stop him "and we won't do it now…"

"When then?" Derek asked, knowing she wanted to analyze him and his feelings.

"Let's say tomorrow at noon?" she offered, taking a look to her agenda.

"Ok" he nodded, looking at his watch and walking towards the door.

"Dr. Shepherd?" she called him back.

"Yeah?"

"You made a great step today. And I'm proud"


Derek pushed the front door open.

The foyer was dark and silent and he dropped his brief case onto the floor.

"Meredith…" he called out, noticing the dim light in the living room.

"It's me" Alex's lazy voice echoed in the corridor and Derek peered into the room. Karev was lying on the couch, his feet on the little wooden table. He was eating pop corns from a big bowl while watching the football game. He noticed Derek was looking at him and grimaced "we're five points down"

"You're five points down…" Derek smirked "we've five up"

"Still supporting the New York guys?" Alex asked in disbelief "you should be forced to leave the rain city"

Derek chuckled, leaning his shoulder on the doorframe.

"Where's Meredith?"

"Upstairs… she went up to have a bath… I told her to call if she needed help but… no news" he said pointing to his cell phone, abandoned on the cushions near him. "I left you some chicken if you want… it's in the oven"

"Thank you…"

Derek straightened up and walked up the stairs.

Everything was dark around and he assumed Meredith was done with her bath.

In the last months of pregnancy, when she was alone, she preferred to use the guest bathroom as the tube was more comfortable and easier to access. The room was dark and he headed into their private love nest.

He opened the door quietly, in case she was sleeping, and walked in.

There was no sight of Meredith in the bed, he could see that even in the darkness of the room.

"Looking for someone?"

He smiled hearing her voice behind his back, the smile grew wider when her arms circled his waist and he felt her bump against his loin.

"Just my gorgeous wife…"

"And the gorgeous wife was waiting for her desirable and hot husband" she mumbled, caressing his abdomen. She gripped his shirt and invited him to spin around, smiling when their eyes locked. Derek whistled noticing the silk pink gown she was wearing.

"What a welcome…" he joked, kissing her lips.

"And that's just the beginning" she added hoarsely, her palm opening on his chest and teasing him through the fabric of his shirt. She batted her long lashes and Derek caressed her hair.

"It smells like flowers…"

"I remember you like it…"

"I do…" he angled his mouth for another kiss, sending Meredith's pressure to the peak. She pushed him hard against the wall and Derek groaned for the impact, more out of surprise. Her hands messaged his stomach while her lips found his neck.

For a brief moment Derek felt the earth crumbling under his feet.

Everything had become a blur in a second. The pain radiating from his back had dulled his sight, a stranger hand slammed his body against the elevator wall. His skull collided with hardness and Derek closed his eyes. A strong palm was pressing on his neck, keeping his head up and he felt like vomiting when someone touched his chest.

Meredith's caring fingers brushed his sides and Derek took a deep breath, his heart beat out of his chest when her eyes locked with his.

"Am I too aggressive?" she asked, kissing his lips. Her tongue brushed his mouth and he opened it, hoping the good sensation would take the bad memories away. Meredith pressed all her body against his, her hands pressing his shoulders against the wall and panic started to raise from the pit of his stomach in waves. He tried to swallow it down but, apparently, his body was betraying him.

"Are you ok?" Meredith asked, parting and looking at him worriedly.

"Don't stop" he pleaded her, circling her waist and pulling her closer. Meredith's hands closed around the nape of his neck but her eyes saw through his fears.

"Derek..." she started, cocking her head to the side and brushing his cheek.

"Please..." he begged, leaning in to kiss her cleavage. She shivered for the sensation but didn't forget the feeling she was proving.

"I scared you..." she muttered, trying to keep her brain straight while Derek petted her neck pitilessly.

"Please..." he mumbled, his nose tickling her hair "I don't want..." he trailed off, raking her hair into a mess, his eyes locking with hers.

"You don't want?" Meredith prodded him, taking his cheeks in her hands.

I don't want to see him anymore, his brain screamed silently.

I don't want to feel his hands on me anymore.

I want you on top of me without thinking of him touching my skin.

"Please, Mer... Just love me" he kissed her deep, pushing her towards the bed, taking control of the situation. They fell on the bed in a crumbled mess and Derek covered her body with his, propping on both arms not to crush her. His lips made contact with every part of her face, sending her to paradise.

"Derek..." she kept his face still for a second, a question lingered in the air but she didn't ask, waiting for him to talk.

"Just love me" he whispered and Meredith gave up every form of resistance or doubt.

She kissed and held him for dear life.

Because for the first time in years, she felt Derek needed this more than she did.


Let it go.

Live.

Feel the pain.

Cure it with the most powerful medicine of the world: love


Write me your impressions!