Chapter Fifty Four

Bella

Jasper had been right, I was less nervous meeting the Volturi leaders again but then I guess there was little to be nervous about anymore. I was equally as powerful as any of them if not more powerful and I didn't need to worry about being drained of my blood. Aro still put me on edge but I think it was his self-assurance and the fact he in effect wore the crown here in Volterra. I knew the vampire world was ruled by a council but they were not exactly a council of equals and everyone knew it.

I found myself drawn to Marcus as the most approachable of the two brothers and was fascinated when he told me his story. The thought of the people of Volterra worshipping and canonizing a vampire as the one who saved them from vampires was funny but I could see why people might be led to think of him as a savior. He didn't exude the same level of danger that the others did if anything he seemed a very sad and weary individual and when he told me about his wife Didyme I understood why. I couldn't imagine living on if Jasper were to die and I knew Darius had suffered when he lost Sara, only the thought of revenge keeping him from ending it all. How did Marcus cope with the pain of loss? I wanted to ask him but I didn't feel I knew him well enough yet to ask such a personal question.

The following day I spent with Athena and Sulpicia choosing items from the archives to furnish our suite so it would feel like a home. I hadn't imagined for a second there could be such a wealth of styles and ages hidden below the citadel, it was overwhelming and seeing my expression Sulpicia tried to explain.

"Marcus is something of a pack rat, he still acquires things even though the stores are fit to burst at the seams. Nothing is even thrown away unless broken beyond repair and this is only a small selection of our treasures, we lend much to museums and art galleries around the world under the guise of the charitable foundation Aro and Marcus set up, we are known as patrons of the arts and have been for centuries."

"So, all these things are originals?"

"Oh yes, Marcus would throw a fit if he discovered a replica in here. What you must remember Bella is that what you think of as priceless antiques were merely household goods to us."

It hadn't really struck me before but of course, they had lived in ancient Greece, browsed through Alexander's library, and probably danced at the court of the sun king in France.

I was nervous being away from Jasper for such a long period of time but my thirst was manageable if I hunted often and I felt more secure here, besides I knew he had to meet with the other commanders, he still had a job to do.

He had introduced me to Felix, the senior commander of the Volturi guard and the biggest man I had ever seen, he even dwarfed Emmett, and he scared me but Jasper assured me that like everyone else in Volterra Felix was only too happy to offer his help if I ever needed it.

"What can he do besides sit on me? Actually, I'm not sure even with my gift I could fight him off."

"Trust me, Felix will only sit on you if you try to feast on the inhabitants of the town and he won't be the only one."

It was a joke I knew but even so, I found myself watching the huge guy carefully whenever he was around.

Jasper took me to hunt in the surrounding countryside every few days to keep my thirst under control but after a week or so I realized that having tasted human blood I still craved it.

'How do you do this year after year?"

He stopped to glance at me,

"Do what?"

"Live on animal blood, it's driving me crazy and I've only been at it for a few weeks. Is it really so wrong to crave what will ease my thirst? I mean I know it means killing humans but surely if I picked the right ones I could be helping humanity?"

His expression was grim as he answered me.

"You say that now when you're hungry but remember how you felt after you killed someone before."

I wanted to scream in frustration, he was right but I had pushed those feelings to the back of my mind and they didn't seem so bad right now. Could I cope with the guilt again? Did I want to? The old Bella, the human Bella, would have cried and wanted to kill herself but she was gone. I was a vampire now and as Jane had pointed out, vampires fed on humans, it was just the plain truth and to fight against my nature was what was causing me so many problems. I didn't entirely trust Jane but she had made me feel welcome and introduced me to a lot of the females here. The Volturi was a male-dominated society and as she had explained, we women had to stick together.

I was slowly learning to control my rage, so long as I didn't dwell too long on the nagging thirst that was my constant companion. I knew Jasper understood how hard I was trying and that I wanted to make him proud of me but I still felt an outcast, after all, where did I belong? Here in Volterra, everyone else lived on human blood without making a big thing of it and I needed to feel I belonged, it was the main reason Jasper had wanted me to come with him to Volterra, so I would feel I was among friends, a part of society instead of an outcast.

Unsure what I should do I left it a few more days before deciding to talk it over with Athena who had also been really welcoming and might just understand my dilemma. I hunted for her but she was in none of her usual haunts so seeing Jane I asked where she was only to discover she and Sulpicia had made one of their rare trips to Pisa.

I was about to leave feeling dejected when Jane stopped me,

"Maybe I can help, what's wrong Bella?"

I sighed, I really needed to talk to someone other than Jasper about this although I knew he would be upset if he found out. She could see I was conflicted and smiled encouragingly.

"I promise I won't tell anyone Bella."

I motioned her into one of the empty rooms off the corridor and explained my problem,

"So you see I don't know what to do."

She nodded smiling sympathetically,

"I understand completely, I had the same problem when I was first turned. Alec wanted us to live on animal blood but it just didn't take the edge off my thirst enough for me so I talked to Aro. He told me that fighting against our nature was what was making me edgy, I even attacked Alec one day, my own brother who I love more than anything in this world and the guilt was eating me up."

"So, what did you do?"

She shrugged,

"I took Aro's advice and joined the others for a meal. It was much easier than I had expected. With others there doing the same thing I didn't feel so guilty or different and afterward it was like…...freedom. I never had a problem controlling my gift again and I never looked back. I mean I understand it's not going to be easy for you, not with The Major having such a hard time feeding on humans but I'm sure he'll understand, he loves you. The best thing you can do is to join us for our next meal without telling him, then if you find you can't go through with it there's no need for him to ever know and if you do, then you can explain how much better you feel as a result."

What Jane said made sense and I decided to try it although I hated the idea of going behind Jasper's back.

In the event I didn't have long to wait, Heidi had been gone a couple of days and was due back with a new batch of humans soon Jasper had taken a group of recruits on a patrol after hearing there were wolves in the vicinity. No one really thought they might be guardians but as he told me,

"Aro has lasted this long simply because he doesn't take anything for granted. One of the townsfolk reported the sighting to the mayor and he informed Aro so we take action but I can leave it to Katie to accompany them if you want me to stay with you."

I knew he worried about me even though since getting here I'd only had a couple of minor outbursts and I didn't want to be treated like a child and have a babysitter constantly.

The worst had been when I had put off hunting to watch Jasper train some newborns with his captain Katie. He still liked to work with them when time allowed and although I had arranged to hunt with Chelsea I hadn't been happy about it. I felt she looked down on me for refusing to live on human blood so I had sneaked away without telling her. She came looking for me and I guess guilt fed my anger so when she told me she had put off going to Pisa with Corin to help me I lost it. Rage filled my head and the next thing I knew I was standing alone amid a tangle of bodies, the newborns, Chelsea, Katie and even Jasper were all down and guilt had me creeping away without even apologizing.

Of course, Jasper excused my behavior but that didn't really help, it would have been better if he'd told me how selfish and thoughtless I was, how dropping Chelsea without a word had been wrong. After that, I stuck to my hunting regime even if I was forced on the odd occasion to go with someone other than him.

Sometimes I felt he was smothering me but I think in reality it was more my guilt at my cravings than anything he did. I loved him so much that I had to make this work, I didn't want to be a let down to him, I wanted him to be proud of me and that was what had driven me to ask Jane for her advice.

When she called for me later I was half wishing I hadn't agreed to this but it had been me who asked for help, she hadn't suggested it first so I followed her not even sure where we were going. I wasn't sure what I expected either but certainly not what actually happened.

All the Volturi were assembled in the huge audience chamber and I was amazed how many there were. The citadel was so large that it always appeared half empty but when assembled it was easy to see the Volturi was, in reality, huge.

When I said as much to Jane she laughed,

"Oh, this isn't everyone, don't forget some are with The Major and others are away overseas on assignments. It takes a large force to keep our world in check Bella."

Of course, Jane was right and I felt a little naive for thinking otherwise but even so, they seemed to almost fill the room as they waited eagerly for the humans to arrive.

When the doors finally opened and Heidi walked in I could feel the excitement of my fellow vampires and smell the blood that for now coursed through the veins of our guests. I knew Heidi hunted her quarry at the locations where other guides tried to get hired, there were a few in Pisa although she often ranged further to allay any suspicions after all none of her tour groups were ever seen again.

I hadn't expected there to be such a wide range of people. There were the usual older couples on sightseeing tours of Europe but there were also younger people and to my horror, even a couple of children. Surely the Volturi wouldn't kill them? Perhaps they would be led through the chamber to safety but then wouldn't they be witnesses to the last known location of their parents or guardians?

The doors shut with a loud boom and the tourist group looked around puzzled at first and then a little apprehensively. I saw women clutching their husband's arms and mothers drew the children to their side as if to do so would keep them safe. Suddenly I didn't want any part of this massacre and I tried to turn away, to reach the door before it started but I was already too late. The first screams rent the air and the smell of blood began to fill the air.

My mouth watered and I turned back unable to stop myself then lunged for a man who had abandoned his girlfriend and was hammering on the door screaming for help which would never come.

His deep blue eyes opened wider as he looked into my face and I knew he saw his death in my eyes. I didn't want him to suffer but I was drawn strongly by the scent of his blood and excited despite myself by his fear. The next thing I knew I was on him, my teeth slicing easily through his soft warm skin and into an artery, and sucking the life from him as he struggled in my grasp.

It didn't take long, within minutes the entire group lay motionless on the floor, sightless eyes staring up at the ceiling while tiny trickles of blood, the very last drops from their bodies stained floor and clothing. The Volturi were dispersing already, some leaving, others stopping to chat in the corridor outside as if after a business lunch, and others ignoring the carnage at their feet as they wiped lips fastidiously with tissues brought along especially for the occasion.

I dropped my victim to the floor, the dull thudding sound he made as he hit reverberating in my skull and fled back to our suite wishing once again that I had never agreed to this and if I would ever forget what I had just taken part in.