"I used to be a model. And let me tell you something, you don't know what war is until you've been in a dressing room with a bunch of size zero models reaching for the last rice cake."

-Anonymous

Disclaimer: No matter how much I want otherwise, Naruto is not mine.

Warning: SPOILERS and such language. Seriously though. Be up to date on the manga. Or at least enough to know Tobi's identity.


Dear Gaara,

I've always had a love hate relationship with hail. I can't really explain how it started, only that it did.

On one hand I love hail for the fact that it looks pretty when it falls. I like when it lands and I find it amusing to play with. Yes I realize how childish that last remark is. No, I don't care. I like how the clouds look when it hails. Thick and heavy yet not overbearing.

On the other hand I dislike being hit in the head with hail. Oh sure it's funny if Duck-Ass or Naruto get hit but it hurts like a mofo when I get hit. I also dislike it when it damages my roof. Or anything that belongs to me. It's welcome to damage anyone else's property though. Just not mine.

Do you have a love hate relationship with something?

Thinking,

Sakura


( ◕‿‿◕)


"Kisame-sama!"

I think you can safely guess who squealed that with pure glee.

Closely behind me was A and his bodyguards, but I paid them no mind. I focused on the Samehada-infused Kisame who was looming over a nearly unconscious Bee. He was dripping wet which had me momentarily worried. After all this was an incredibly cold climate and I definitely didn't want my idol to freeze to death. That would be so uncool.

But I only worried briefly because one minute I was looking upon him with utter adoration and the next I had slammed into his very surprised body and tackled him to the ground.

I nuzzled his side affectionately. "Kisame-sama."

He stiffened considerably, adjusting to sit up with me hugging his waist and pretty much in his lap. He blinked at me in surprise. "What the hell."

"Shh," I said softly (okay fine cooed). "Don't fight it."

"What—"

He never had time to finish his sentence because I had not so subtly pricked him with my own poisoned needle. A fast acting poison/sedative that had Naruto asleep in seconds. Took all of Sasori and my own combined knowledge to figure out a nonlethal kind but damn it. I was determined.

This was Kisame.

He sagged and fell back into the snow.

I smiled at him, fondly patting his cheek.

Vaguely I could hear A was checking on his brother, but I paid them no mind. Instead I bit into my palm, summoned Ibuse to have him eat my idol before quickly dismissing him.

By the time that ordeal was over, I looked happily upon the newly reunited brothers.

"Hi," I greeted happily. "I'm Sakura. I just saved my idol's life."

"In the most bizarre way, yeah," Deidara muttered. "You practically tackled him to the ground. If I didn't know any better I would say you were prepared to ra—"

"Enough, brat," Sasori growled.

"Yeah, yeah, I didn't know I had a fan though I'm pretty glad it's not a man, yeah," Bee said, slowly and tiredly sitting up.

"I'm not your fan, though I do like you," I told Bee. "I'm Kisame-sama's fan. He's my idol."

"As strange as that fucking sounds," Hidan grumbled.

"Fish face is the one with the fan, not me? And here I was about to feel glee," Bee grumbled.

I blinked. "You reminded me of Dr. Sues at that moment."

"Who?"

"Don't worry about it," I said, "... So I hear you like to rap."

Bee gave me a toothy grin.

"I have to admit, while I'm not too good with coming up with raps on my own, I'd definitely like to hear some of yours," I confessed, grinning widely.

"Whatever, whenever, I'm always willing to bust a rhyme in any way however. Especially to please such pretty follower of the Bee."

"Pretty? You think I'm pretty? Yep. I am now definitely your follower, Bee-sama. I'll still remain as Kisame-sama's fan girl though, but just know, you're my number one musician," I said, beaming proudly. It's been a while since I was praised, it felt good. Then turning to A I said, "Well, now that you've got your bro and shit, ready to head on back?"

A gave me a tooth filled grin. "Lead the way."


( ◕‿‿◕)


I squealed the moment we entered the makeshift camp, rushing towards the familiar red head and glomping him. He didn't even bother to stiffen up, just sort of let me hug him and smother him in love. "Hello."

"Hello," Gaara said, slowly adjusting so he could maneuver an arm to pat my back.

"Hi Momma!" Naruto said from next to Gaara. "Where's this big scary leader Baa-chan was telling me about?"

"He's meeting with her now," I said. "They're going to decide who's going to lead the shinobi force and what's the next plan of action."

"Plan of action," Naruto said with a frown. "What do you mean?"

Oh that's right… Naruto doesn't know about the war and he's not supposed to for a while…

I gave him a smile and wink. "We're gonna team up and spill our information on the Akatsuki then decide what to do from there. More than likely you'll be stuck training until we have a course of action and shit."

"Training?" Naruto echoed. "What do you mean?"

"With Killer Bee-sama, of course," I said. "Don't worry. Tsunade-sama will explain it better… which reminds me… Gaara and I should probably head over there now. Gaara will you carry me?"

Gaara blinked at me. "With my sand?"

"Sure."

"… Okay."

"Thank you!"


( ◕‿‿◕)


"The awesome duo have arrived," I declared happily as Gaara and I entered the meeting tent. Tsunade gave an amused snort and the other Kage didn't even seem phased.

"Excellent," Tsunade said. "Sakura, we're still debating on leadership and such. I'll call you in when… we need you."

"Understood," I said, giving her a mock salute. "Toodles then."


( ◕‿‿◕)


"Thanks for allowing this," I said to Nagato as the two of us sat alone, a ways from camp. The rest of my Akatsuki members (minus Kisame who wouldn't show up for a while yet) were temporarily bugging Naruto and stuff so we could talk in private.

Nagato gave a small incline of his head.

"So," I said slowly. "The war. As you can see, it's here."

Nagato stared blankly at me.

"I was hoping," I said carefully. "Well… I guess you could say I kind-of-sort-of-maybe have a plan. And I was kind-of-sort-of hoping you'd like the plan."

"Plan?" Nagato asked blandly.

"It's a win-win plan," I explained. "Or at least I think it's a win-win plan. It's not particularly bad for either of us so… anyway… it goes a little something like this…"

When I was done, Nagato continued to stare at me blankly, but there was a different gleam in his eyes. "You do realize we will need to consult with the others first."

"Yeah, but if they agree with the plan it's better to have you already okay with it."

"I suppose. I will decide after they do."

"Fair enough. We should probably talk to the about the plan before Kisame-sama shows up though. He'll be easier to convince to go along with it if everyone else is agreeing to it. Though he's still painfully loyal to Tobi… hmm… I'm sure Itachi will be able to convince him though…"

"More than likely. Let us inform them of your… idea now, while we still have time before he shows up."

"Good idea. Hopefully I won't be called into the meeting until after Kisame pops up but… doubtful."

"Doubtful indeed."

"Well. Let's go grab the others and talk to them before I'm called into the meeting."


( ◕‿‿◕)


"Er, hi," I said, looking around at all the Kage. The Akatsuki shifted behind me, some appearing anxious and others remaining indifferent. Itachi was the only solid Akatsuki member beside me.

"Can you really see the future?" Mei asked incredulously, eyeing me skeptically.

"A future," I corrected. "Pretty sure after this I'll be pretty damn ordinary."

"Then tell us what you know of the war," A growled.

I held up a hand. "Actually… there's something I'd like to ask. A bargain I would like to make."

"What do you mean?" Gaara inquired.

"It'll be most beneficial during the war if you accept," I began slowly, "as well as after the war. It's a win-win for everyone."

"What is it?" Mei asked.

I smiled at them opening, extracting from my pockets four more familiar vials and holding them out. "Well, you see… it's about the supposedly dead Akatsuki members…"


( ◕‿‿◕)


I coughed, rubbing my eyes tiredly as I glanced up at the lighting sky. From noon yesterday to dawn today. That's how long I was in that stupid meeting, explaining everything and anything and bargaining for my deal. My voice was hoarse and I was tired and hungry.

But I couldn't complain too much, I allowed. My bargain was acceptable and I had everything off my chest. No more big secrets, no more surprising turns, no more… major responsibility… free.

The burden I had been carrying since the invasion was finally… lighter.

Not gone. Not entirely. I still had one more thing to do and then…

And then I would be free of this.

The very thought of that, sent a bubble of emotion in the pit of my stomach that threatened to burst over. Roughly, I shoved it back down, breathing in through my nose until my emotions were under control.

I probably shouldn't do that.


( ◕‿‿◕)


"Kisame-sama!" I squealed at the figure that had magically appeared in front of me, waking me up and alerting the rest of the Akatsuki members.

"The hell?" Kisame blinked.

"Welcome to the club, yeah," Deidara said with a grin.

"Aren't you dead?" Kisame asked in disbelief as he glanced around the Akatsuki members.

"If they're dead then what am I?" I wondered.

"A demon?" Kisame offered.

"What kind of demon?"

"The good kind?"

"Wouldn't she more of a fan girl demon?" Hidan frowned.

"That makes sense," Sasori said with a small nod of his head. I noticed the rest of the members were also nodding their heads at this.

"Yes, well," I allowed, "can you really blame me? I mean—look at him! He's amazing. Kisame-sama, you're amazing."

Kisame gave me a grin. "So I've been told."

I sighed dreamily at the smile.

Sasori gave a sigh. "Brat. Enough. Where's Itachi?"

I frowned, pausing thoughtfully. Then shrugged and yelled, "SEXY UCHIHA! REPORT TO ME ASAP!"

Deidara huffed while Sasori and Kakuzu face palmed. Hidan and Kisame just laughed while Konan and Nagato merely exchanged looks. A few heart beats passed before Sasuke showed up at the door.

I stared at him.

He stared at me.

I snorted once before my sides heaved with laughed. Deidara and Hidan howled with laugther beside me and the rest of the members were looking extremely amused.

"What?" Sasuke asked.

"Not—you—y-y-ou i-idiot!" I choked with laughter, clutching my sides. Sasuke glowered at me after realizing what I meant.

"I hate you," Sasuke informed me.

I continued to laugh.

"Where's Itachi?" Nagato asked.

Sasuke sighed. "I'll go get him…"

Sasuke disappeared for a moment while I struggled to regain control of my laughter.

When my laughter was finally under control, Itachi arrived and gave a small nod to Kisame. Though I was still snickering when I managed to stand up. "Okay Itachi… we're counting on you to convince Kisame to go against smexy-voice and join our cause… good luck."

"What?" Kisame blinked again, frowning. "Wait… what exactly is going on here?"

"It's a long story," Itachi said with a resigned sigh. "You see, it all began with the Salamanders…"


( ◕‿‿◕)


I was gathering a few herbs, some ways from the camp, humming a little tune. My Akatsuki members were drifting around me, doing various things to keep them occupied.

It was at that moment that I heard the smexiest voice alive.

"Sakura."

I didn't falter in my humming, turning around slowly to stare at Tobi who had materialized before me.

"Oh fuck, un!" Deidara gaped. "Shit, shit, what do we do, yeah?"

I started signing aloud, still to the tune of the song, "Grab my sunshine, my lovely sunshine. Or maybe my white clouds? Hurry, love, hurry love. All of you must flee to grab my sunshine, my lovely sunshine."

"You mean Naruto?" Sasori asked. "Or Jiraiya?"

"That's right, we're anchored to them," Kakuzu muttered. "Try and hold him off Sakura. We'll be right back."

"No, one of us should stay," Sasori hissed.

"Go, all of you. Before I do to you what I did to Fluffy," I sung.

Needless to say they left.

"Sorry, had that song stuck in my head," I said with a smile. "So, um, you're just here to talk right? Not to kidnap me?"

"For the moment," Tobi allowed.

"Cool," I said, patting the ground in front of me. Tobi tilted his head curiously as he sat down across from me.

"Whatchya wanna talk about?"

"How much do you know?" Tobi asked.

"I know a lot of things. I'm just that smart," I snickered. "Hey, are you blind in that eye?"

Tobi blinked at me. "Excuse me?"

"You have MS too? But your eyesight seems pretty good. Come on, I'm really curious. If you tell me this, I'll answer one of your own questions," I begged.

"I am not blind," Tobi answered. "Who am I?"

"Obito," I answered immediately.

Tobi stiffened, tensing as if he was preparing to attack. In the same instance I tensed myself, preparing to distance myself if necessary. While Tobi was a formidable foe, he wasn't a tank or heavy hitter. The only problem in fighting him was landing a hit, something I wouldn't worry about. I just had to make sure he didn't take me. To do that he'd have to make himself all the way here first. Then I could deliver a nasty blow and...

He didn't attack. He eyed me very carefully. "How do you know that?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I murmured, being sure to no longer meet his eyes. It wouldn't do if he placed me under a genjutsu. While I was sure I could break it, as Tobi didn't specialize in genjutsu, it would still be pretty risky.

"Back with the Sanbi," Tobi said, his voice almost a low murmur. "Did you know then?"

"Always," I answered. "That's two. Why aren't you blind?"

"I only have one of my eyes," Tobi replied. "I gave my other Sharingan before it fully matured to someone I foolishly at the time considered a brother. When I gained the... MS, because not both of my eyes were with me and this one was damaged from the... fall... I acheived an abridged version of MS."

"That's why you don't have Susanoo," I concluded. "I was curious about that. Madara, Itachi and Sasuke could all achieve Susanoo but you couldn't. I wondered if it was also because you specifically didn't kill her?"

"That may have also been a variable," Tobi allowed. "Who else knows?"

"The Kage by now and Itachi," I replied. "But I wouldn't worry about that if I were you. Kabuto will bring back the real Madara in the war."

"I see. Why have you waited until the last moment to tell them such important information?" A touch of sincere curiousity was thrown into his tone. This caught me by surprise.

"You mean you haven't figured it out?" I blurted out, my eyes wide. "I mean, hasn't Zetsu or you noticed?"

He continued to stare at me.

"I... care for you a great deal," I confessed. "You and every other member of the Akatsuki. That's why I allowed none of them to die. Surely you've noticed that? No bodies? No word of prisoners from your various spies inside any of the villages? I wanted... I want to give you and them a happy ending."

"And how could you see if we didn't have happy endings unless...?" Tobi mused. "... I see. You can see into the future? And would I be correct in guessing the past as well?"

"You're correct. But after the war my ability will be gone," I admitted.

"So you care for us," Tobi said, tilting his head as he continued to stare at me.

"A great deal," I murmured, shifting nervously.

"That is why you are comfortable with me. You assume that I will do you no harm."

"I don't assume that," I snickered. "I assume that I can evade you long enough for the others to arrive."

"Mm."

I closed my eyes and gave a small whine. "Stop it! You're voice is too sexy. Damn it, I refuse to be your fan girl. I'm Kisame-sama's."

Tobi peered at me. "I'm not trying to make you give up on Kisame."

"You're still doing it! Stop it. Stop being so damn sexy."

Tobi stared at me before shaking his head, snickering quietly. I was determined not to cheat on Kisame.

I'm Kisame-sama's fan girl. I'm Kisame-sama's fan girl. I'm Kisame-sama's fan girl. I will stay loyal. I will stay loyal. I will stay loyal. Why the hell is he that sexy? That's just not fair. I mean... I'm Kisame-sama's fan girl. I'm Kisame-sama's fan girl. I'm Kisame-sama's fan girl...

"Why aren't you kidnapping me?" I asked, deciding to change the subject.

"What good would it do now?" Tobi retorted. "You already gave away the information I didn't want you to give away. I suppose killing you wouldn't so out there but I don't really care for pointless deaths."

"So we cool?" I smiled. "I mean in the sense that you aren't super pissed at me and won't try to specifically harm me before the war really starts?"

"In that sense I suppose so," Tobi drawled. "I'm annoyed at you though, more than anything. But in the long run it won't make a difference. I will succeed. I take it that you have Kisame with you?"

"With the other members of the Akatsuki, yes," I answered, very pleased that my third to second favorite person in the world didn't want to kill me.

"Momma!"

Both of our heads snapped towards the voice, only to find Naruto along with my Akatsuki, Sasuke, Itachi and Jiraiya rushing towards us.

I smiled at Tobi. "You still haven't told me your rainbow-stick story."

Tobi cocked his head. "Who knows. Maybe I'll kidnap you during the war and tell you the story then."

I considered this. "I think I'd like that very much, Tobito."

A chuckle escaped his mask as he stood up in a flourish, giving me a mock bow which I returned with a mock one of my own. "Until then, Sakura."

"Until then, Tobito," I teased as he left. Just in time for everyone else to show up.

"Momma!" Naruto exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug. "Are you okay? What happened? Did he hurt you?"

"Tobito just wanted to talk," I assured him, hugging him tightly. "I'm fine. But hey, sweetie? If you could use your Therapy-Jutsu on him during the war, I'd love you for life."

"Kami, as if you need to add anyone else to your harem," Sasuke groaned.

"Don't be ridiculous. You can never have too much smexy boy toys around."

Sasori sighed. "Someone hit her for me. Please."

Sasuke obliged.


( ◕‿‿◕)


Dear Sakura,

You have a relationship with hail.

Of course you do.

I do not think I've had that sort of relationship with anyone, let alone anything. About your previous questions though, no. I do not mistake Kankuro's gender despite the fact that he insists on wearing make up. I know him as my brother and cannot see him as anything other.

I've had very few battles since the exams, all those years ago, that have pushed me in the slightest. Only one pushed me to my limit and won and that was with Deidara. But then again, I had been restrained from more than half of my jutsus considering the place the bomber decided to engage me.

If I could change anything in the past?

Any one thing?

I wouldn't know. Perhaps, I would have liked to meet you and Naruto sooner.

Yours,

Gaara


Before anyone asks, those questions in Gaara's letter was something a reviewer wanted to know but I didn't particularly feel like changing Sakura's letter, and seeing how I didn't give the Shippuden letters a specific time frame, those questions were asked on an off-chapter letter.

And yeah, Tobi didn't kidnap her because that seemed too OoC for me. In the manga he seriously does not give a shit when people find out about his identity. Yeah, he didn't want them too but when Kabuto pulled a bitch-move and did it anyway he was like, 'Pfft. Fine. Whatever. I'll still kick your ass and look sexy while doing it, bitch.'

At least, that's how he came off to me. So I gave this Tobi the sort of... 'Well, shit. I can't exactly do anything about it now that she's gone and told every one. Whatever. I'll still kick ass.'

Next chapter... Kurama's meeting and what not.

BAD NEWS THOUGH... THAT YOU MIGHT JUST WANNA READ.

The bad news is... I don't know if I'll be able to update any sooner than Saturday. Maybe even Sunday. Yes, yes. I know, I know. Horrible, horrible of me to do that when you all are seriously looking forward to the next chapter. But I can't help it. I've been trying my best to keep up with the updates despite Real-Life but Real-Life has decided to claim my time for the majority of the week.

I'm very sorry. It's not even a good Real-Life reason. Trust me, if it was between Real-Life and Fanfiction this week, I'd choose Fanfiction in a heartbeat.

So, once again sorry everyone.

Answer: Sasuke's Mary-Sue-ness and complete lack of common sense and utter selfishness. That seriously pisses me off to no end and for a long time I've been rooting for Manga-Sasuke to die. He's sort of redeeming himself in my eyes in the latest chapters through his willingness to open his mind a smidgeon more, but seriously. Don't you even get me started on Neji's... yeah. Or Sakura's selfishness. Damn, for a while there I was itching to bitch slap all of them but Naruto, Kurama and Hinata.

I absolutely adore the plot twists. They're just... so unpredictable and leave me sometimes mind-boggled how he comes up with it. It's impressive, to say the least. Some plot twists I could do without though...

Question: If you could bitch-slap, hug, or some other third thing, any three characters from Naruto, who would they be and what would you do?

Reviews are love.