This is it people. The very last chapter. I want to thank everyone who's ever read, followed, favorited or reviewed this story. It's been a blast to write this over the last three years of my life. I personally think this is the best chapter of the whole story, but that's just mine opinion. For the very last time; I hope you enjoy reading this chapter!
Epilogue
Four months later
Ste pulled a T- shirt over his head before he turned towards the window and looked outside, his back towards the bed. Brendan was still sleeping, his bare chest exposed, the sheets wrapped low around his hips. Ste could barely remember a time when he'd woken up without Brendan next to him. Now it was hard to imagine a life without Brendan. It had been four months after Brendan's brother had died in that fire. It had been four months since he had killed Jeremy. It hadn't been the smoothest four months of his life. Even though he'd had Brendan in these past months, it had been hard getting over everything that had happened. It still was, sometimes.
Ste still felt the guilt, every single day. He knew it would never completely fade. It would become easier to live with, hell it was already easier to live with. But on bad days his memories haunted him.
It had been hard getting over it, over what he had done. He had never meant to kill Jeremy, but that fact hadn't made it any easier for him. It still made him anxious, when he thought about it. But it wasn't as bad as it had been in the beginning.
He hadn't been able to sleep for weeks. Every time he had closed his eyes, he had seen Jeremy, lying on that cold, dark floor, his empty eyes staring up at him. The blood pouring out of his dead body, the blood on the ground, on Ste's own hands. He always woke shaking, his body covered in sweat, his hands trembling, or his hands tightened around the sheets. Sometimes he even woke up with his body tangled in the sheets because he had been tossing and turning wildly. On many occasions Brendan had woken him, his hands on Ste's face or shoulders to calm him down. After he had calmed down, Brendan had always pulled him against his body. It was only then that Ste slept for a longer period of time.
It had changed Brendan too. Brendan had always been a heavy sleeper, but Ste knew that even now, so many months later, Brendan would still wake up at once when Ste made a strangled noise or was sleeping restlessly.
But that hadn't been the only change in Brendan. Although he didn't have any nightmares about it, as far as Ste could tell anyway, he knew Brendan had been totally at a loss after he had lost his brother for the second time. In the first few weeks Brendan had been terrifyingly quiet. Sometimes he had been so lost in thought, he hadn't had the slightest idea where Ste had been talking about. In the beginning it had been hard for Ste to help Brendan to open up to him, but as the weeks had passed, Brendan had made an effort in talking to Ste about how he felt or what was bothering him.
Brendan had told him that he felt partly responsible for his brother's death, even though he knew he wasn't to blame for everything that had happened to his brother. He even told him about what his father had done to him and his brother and how it had affected his entire life. Ste always listened to him in silence, encouraging Brendan to open up to him when needed and always trying to say the things Ste knew Brendan needed to hear.
Eventually Brendan became his old self again, the caring brother, the harsh businessman and the loving man Ste had always known had been there inside of him.
Of course they still fought, most of the time about little things, sometimes about big ones. Brendan had even lashed out once, because Ste had pushed him about his father and brother for too long. But instead of hitting Ste, he had hit the wall, scraping his knuckles open in the process. Brendan had walked out after that, leaving Ste shaking, the well-known fear in his bones.
When he had returned, Brendan had apologized sincerely, tears in his eyes. Ste had looked up at Brendan from his chair, the fear and hurt visible in his eyes. Ste had wondered in that moment if they could ever get past it. But for the first time, something had changed. The difference was that they had talked about what had happened, something they had never done before. Ste had tried to understand what had made Brendan lash out like that and Brendan tried to be as honest with Ste as he had ever been. They had known in that moment that if they wanted to give their relationship a chance, they had to work through their past. It had been an uphill battle, it had reopened old scars, leaving them raw and red, but eventually it had made them stronger. By talking they had gotten to know each other even better. Ste had known for sure that their scars would heal again and they would be able to work past everything that had happened between them.
Eventually they had worked through the problems in their relationship, which helped Ste with his own state of mind. He was still skittish sometimes, his heart jumping up because somebody closed the door too loudly, or because someone yelled too hard. In the beginning his heart had started to race if somebody sneaked up on him and touched him without warning. Brendan had been the one who had helped him get past it. First with light touches on his shoulder or arm when Ste wasn't looking, then by walking down the street with Ste, letting other people bump into Ste. It had made him flinch, it had scared him, but he got better every day. He knew he still had a long way to go, but he also knew he would get there in the end.
Ste looked back at the bed for a moment, at Brendan's sleeping form. He couldn't stop his thoughts from wandering off to Gary. It wasn't the first time it happened. He could see something of Gary in Brendan. Gary had had the same hair colour as Brendan and the same crinkles around his eyes when he had smiled. He hadn't known the lad very well, but he'd been able to relate to Gary so well. His death had hurt, maybe even more than Doug's had. Gary had died to save Ste and Ste still had to find a way to live with that. Gary had been so young and been through so much, so much grief and pain. He'd deserved better, but now he would never know the goodness this life could bring. Gary was in Ste's thoughts often, he just popped up in Ste's head at certain moments. Sometimes he saw his face in the rare moments Ste had seen him smile and other times he saw his bloodied body on the floor as the life drained away from him.
Ste let his gaze wander back to the view outside the window. He hadn't spoken about Gary much with Brendan, but Ste knew that Brendan thought about him a lot as well. Brendan grieved a nephew he'd never known and Ste knew that Brendan had wished that he'd known about what Anrai had done to Gary so he could have saved him from his brother. Ste believed it was Brendan's biggest regret as much as it was not his fault or responsibility. To Brendan it felt like a failure, like he'd failed Gary in every way possible.
Two strong arms wrapped around his body from behind. "You're up early," Brendan whispered in his ear. He placed a kiss between Ste's neck and his collarbone, making Ste smile.
"Yeah, couldn't sleep," Ste replied softly.
Brendan pulled his head back a bit, so he could look at the side of Ste's face. "Nightmare?"
Ste smiled lightly as he shook his head, placing his hands over Brendan's. "No, just felt a bit cold, that's all."
"Hmm," Brendan hummed against his neck. "You haven't had a nightmare in six days, must be a new record."
Ste chuckled softly: "Are we keeping score now?"
"Just thought you wanted to know," Brendan replied, nuzzling Ste's neck. "Come back to bed."
Ste turned around in Brendan's arms, placing his hands behind Brendan's neck. He looked up into Brendan's blue eyes. Ste could see the light twinkle in those eyes and his lips turned into a smile. He pulled Brendan's head down and kissed him softly. He could feel Brendan smile into the kiss. He then pulled away and mumbled: "I love to, but I've got that meeting for the acquisition of the deli and I really can't afford to be late."
"It's only eight Steven. You'll be able to make it," Brendan teased, raising his eyebrow suggestively.
"Yes, but I don't wanna smell like I had sex all night, now do I."
"There is nothing wrong with that smell, Steven. It suits you."
Ste shook his head, smirking, his eyes twinkling. "You tell that to my appointment. Anyway, I'm gonna take a shower. And you-" Ste kissed Brendan on the lips again before he entangled himself from Brendan's grip, "can make me breakfast."
He heard Brendan sigh dramatically while he took some clean clothes out of the closet. When he turned back at Brendan again, Brendan was leaning against the window frame, looking piercingly at him. Ste grinned at him and said teasingly: "Don't worry, I'll make it up to you. I promise."
Brendan turned up a corner of his mouth. "You better make it worth my while then."
"Oh, I will. You just wait," He cocked his eyebrow suggestively at Brendan before he walked towards the door and opened it. He winked at Brendan and closed the door behind him. He could hear Brendan's warm laugh follow him towards the bathroom.
xXx
Brendan was making scrambled eggs when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. He didn't look up, until he felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Steven looking over his shoulder to the stove. "It looks better than last time," Steven concluded.
"Yeah well, I've got a good teacher." Brendan smiled down at Steven, as the younger man's face lit up. Steven moved forward and placed a soft kiss on his jawline. Then he walked towards the coffee machine and poured himself a coffee. "You want some?"
Brendan cocked an eyebrow and Steven grinned back at him, while saying: "Why do I even ask." He poured another mug and walked with the two mugs towards the table and sat down. "Have you seen Cheryl yet?" Steven asked from his seat. Brendan could hear the soft sound of toast being smeared.
Brendan took the frying pan of the stove and walked towards Steven, while answering: "No, but I think she'll be down in a sec. I don't think even she can sleep through your crowing under the shower just minutes ago."
"I did not crow," Ste argued, looking slightly offended.
Brendan laughed at that, putting scrambled egg on Steven's plate and then on his own. "It's okay Steven, not everybody can sing as well as I can."
This made Steven laugh out loud: "You're even worse than me."
Brendan tried to look offended, but he knew Steven saw right through him as Steven's smile turned wider.
Brendan shook his head lightly as he grinned back at Steven before he walked back to the kitchen and put the frying pan back on the stove. He walked back and sat himself down at the head of the table. Steven handed him some toast and butter without saying a word and Brendan just smiled to himself. They were so used to eating together now, it was unbelievable how in sync they were.
"You're nervous?" Brendan asked, after a quiet moment.
Steven shook his head lightly before he took a sip of his coffee to wash away the remains of his food. "Not really, just wanna get it over and done with."
Brendan nodded his head in understanding as he took a few sips from his own coffee. It was almost three months ago, when Steven had come to him and had told him he wanted to sell the deli. Brendan had immediately known why, but he had listened anyway when Steven tried to explain himself. The biggest reason of course, was because of Douglas. Brendan knew very well that Steven didn't want to work at the place where he had worked with Douglas day in, day out. To be reminded every single day that Douglas was no longer there. Brendan knew that Steven still grieved his death and even though Brendan had disliked him, he knew better than anyone how it felt to lose someone you had once loved.
They both still grieved. They both couldn't tell anyone the truth about what had happened. It was bittersweet. They had to live with a lie, but somehow that lie had made their bond even stronger. They had promised each other they would never tell anybody else what had happened. They would take their secret with them to their graves. Brendan knew it was hard for Steven, not being able to talk about it with anybody else but him, but they also knew that if they kept being honest to each other and kept talking about everything that bothered them, they would be fine.
But losing Douglas wasn't the only reason Steven wanted to sell the deli. Steven had told him he didn't want to waste his life anymore. He wanted to do what he had always wanted to do, be a chef. Brendan couldn't blame him, wanting to live his life to the fullest. They both knew too well that life was too precious, that it could be over in a split second. So Steven had put up the deli for sale a little over two months ago. There had been a few potential buyers, but today Steven would finally sign the papers over to a new deli owner or whatever that person wanted to do with the place.
"So, you're free after then?" Brendan asked, draining the last of his coffee before he started with his breakfast.
"Yes Bren, for the hundredth time, I am," Steven replied, his tone sounding like he was talking to a child, his lips curling up in a half-smile.
"Just wanted to be sure," Brendan answered casually, ignoring the tone in Steven's voice.
"You could just tell me where you want to take me, you know."
"I could, but I won't."
Steven pouted, making Brendan grin evilly. "Why not? I wanna know."
"Of course you do. You're nosey like that."
"I am not," Steven stated, sounding slightly offended.
"Yes you are. That's why I won't tell ya. It's a surprise. And now I can watch you squirm, trying to get me to tell you what it is," Brendan said teasingly.
Steven glared at him, making Brendan grin even more. "I hate you," Steven said grumpily.
"You're sure about that?" Brendan asked, his eyes brightening.
Steven still glared at him, which made him look very young. "I hate you now."
Brendan moved his face towards Steven's, placing a soft kiss behind his ear. "I don't think I believe that Steven." He licked over the sensitive skin between Steven's neck and collarbone.
Steven hummed softly, leaning into the touch. "You're playing unfair," Steven stated, a little out of breath. Brendan smiled lightly and moved his lips to Steven's jaw.
"I'm not the one saying I hate you." Brendan sucked on the skin between Steven's jaw and neck, making Steven squirm.
Steven moved his head, so Brendan had to remove his lips from his neck. "And you should stop sucking on my skin like that. You know it would be awkward if I have to explain a hickey to my appointment."
"I do," Brendan leaned back in, waiting for Steven to do the same. When he did, Brendan kissed him, his hand grabbing the back of Steven's head. His tongue asked for a way in and Steven parted his lips for him. Steven grabbed Brendan's forearm, while he moaned softly, making Brendan's blood rush south.
"You two seriously need to get a room."
They pulled back at the same moment and looked in the direction from where the voice had come from. Cheryl was standing next to the stairs with a devious smile on her face. Steven turned slightly red, while Brendan just rolled his eyes.
Cheryl walked towards and past them to the kitchen to make herself some tea. When she had put the kettle on, she turned back around and leaned against the counter. "Or even better, you could get your own place. Honestly, it's quiet depressing, being single and seeing you two making all hearty eyes at each other all the time."
"Aww Cheryl, you know you love it, seeing Brendan all loved up," Steven said teasingly, his eyes focused on Brendan.
"Shut up Steven," Brendan commanded, a smile playing around his lips.
Steven just grinned at him before taking a sip from his coffee.
Brendan returned his attention back to Cheryl when he heard her voice again. "I think I do," she stated, smiling at Brendan and then at Steven.
"And about that moving out part-" Steven started.
Brendan glanced at Steven for a moment, his eyes darkening. Steven looked back at him, his eyes twinkling. Then he continued eating the rest of his, now cold, breakfast. Brendan grunted, his voice sounding as if to make a point: "We're working on that."
"Yeah, it's hard to find the right place, you know," Steven chimed in, his eyes still twinkling mischievously.
"I know. I'm just teasing. I love having you around. It will be so quiet when you two leave," Cheryl said, a bit weary.
"Yeah well, if Brendan wouldn't be so picky-" Steven started.
Brendan raised his eyebrow, knowing exactly where this was going and interrupted: "I'm not the one being picky here, Steven. You're the one with all the demands."
"I don't have any demands," Steven argued back.
"You didn't like the last house we looked at."
"Because it didn't have a-"
"See? I told you, demanding," Brendan stated.
"You didn't like the one before that," Steven shot back.
"I had good reason for that," Brendan returned.
"No, you didn't. Your argument was total bullsh-"
"No it wasn't. Yours on the contrary-"
"What's wrong with wanting a garden?" Steven argued, frowning.
"What's wrong with wanting a study?" Brendan fired back.
"You don't need one. You have an office at the club."
"That's not-" Brendan started, but Cheryl interrupted. "You two sound like an old married couple, with your bickering." Her voice sounded playful.
Brendan shared a long look with Steven, they both started smiling at the same moment. Brendan winked at him before he started eating again.
"Bren, you want some more coffee?" his sister asked. He just nodded his head, his mouth full of food. "Ste, you too?" Cheryl asked.
"No thanks. I need to go, actually." Steven stood up from his chair and walked to the coat rack, collecting his coat and putting it on. He took his keys from the coffee table and walked back to Brendan.
Brendan had just swallowed his food as Steven reached him. "I'll see you later. I'll text you when I'm done so you can pick me up for that surprise of yours." Steven reached down and gave him a light peck on the lips.
Brendan nodded once, before saying: "Good luck."
"Thanks. See ya later, Cheryl."
"See you later, love," Cheryl replied. A moment later the front door opened and closed again.
Cheryl poured Brendan another cup of coffee and she sat herself down in the chair opposite of the one Steven had been sitting in only minutes ago. "I hope he will be fine," she commented.
"Of course he'll be fine, Chez," Brendan answered, his eyes still resting on the door. He'd asked yesterday if Steven wanted him to come with him, but Steven had told him he needed to do this on his own and Brendan had respected that. Now though, he started to feel worried that maybe this business transaction would be a major setback for Steven's mental state. For the last four months Brendan had been trying to help Steven, to help him make sense out of what had happened, to deal with all the emotions, to be there for him with everything he went through. But now Brendan couldn't be there for him, which gave Brendan a slightly unnerving feeling in the pit of his stomach. The same feeling he had felt the first time he had woken up to Steven tossing and turning in their bed, having a nightmare. He had wished so many times he could take the pain and the grief away from Steven.
He had seen Steven struggle the past few months. Brendan had tried to be there for him, just as Steven had been there for him. Brendan knew it had made them stronger. They talked more about things that bothered them. Brendan had even opened up to Steven about what had happened in his past. He hadn't told Steven everything, it was too hard for Brendan to put it into words, to tell Steven all the horrifying details. But Steven knew enough to know how terrible his childhood had been, why he had become the person he was today. In the beginning it had frightened the life out of Brendan to open up to Steven about it. He had concealed the truth for so long. He hadn't been able to shake the feeling that if he would talk about it, he could never undo it, that he had to face the truth himself. He had felt vulnerable and terrified. That had been the exact reason why he had lashed out at Steven that awful afternoon. When he had left the house, he was sure they were over. Steven had told him a few times that if Brendan ever tried to hurt him again, they would be over. He hadn't hit Steven this time, but he hadn't known if he wouldn't next time. He had tried to walk it off, but when he had returned to Cheryl's house he could feel the anxiety in his heart and the slight trembling of his hands as he had opened the door. When he had seen Steven sitting in a chair, his heart had faltered and water had clouded his vision. As he had sat himself in the chair opposite of Steven, he could see the tears on Steven's cheeks and the terrified look in his eyes. He had apologized. He had tried to explain why he had lashed out like that. Steven listened to him, but Brendan had seen the hurt in his eyes.
Steven hadn't been able to let Brendan hold him that night, before they fell asleep. It was also that night the nightmares started again, after being away for four days. Brendan had never felt as guilty in his life as in that night. Steven had broken down that night, after Brendan had woken him up. He had cried silently in his pillow, his back towards Brendan. When Brendan had noticed, he had pulled Steven against his body, not letting go when Steven protested softly. Brendan had whispered sweet nothings against Steven's skin. After a few minutes Steven had calmed down, holding Brendan's hand in his. Brendan's heart ached the same way it had been doing for weeks.
They had eventually worked through everything that happened between them, every bad moment, every sad, hurtful and terrible moment. Brendan knew he still had a long way to go, to becoming a better person, but he also knew that no matter what would happen, Steven would always be there for him, having this absolute faith in him that Brendan would be able to become a better man. Brendan had learned in the past few months how to trust Steven, how to console in him when things got the better of him, to talk to him when he felt down, scared or angry. Steven was the only one who knew every little aspect of Brendan. All the bad sides and the good ones. Steven was the one who could calm him down, who could make him laugh or open up about his past, the only one who wouldn't judge him. He was the only one he had no secrets for. Brendan knew Steven felt the same way. Brendan had found out relationships were hard work, but he also knew their relationship became healthier by the day.
He was startled out of his thoughts by Cheryl. "You're coffee is getting cold Bren."
Brendan pulled his eyes away from the door, where he had been staring at for the last few minutes, to look at his sister. She was looking at him with an all knowing smile. Brendan shook his head lightly before he took a sip from his, now lukewarm, coffee.
Cheryl touched his arm lightly. "You said it yourself. He is gonna be okay, Bren."
Brendan looked at his sister's hand on his arm before he met her gaze. "I know. He's just been through so much. I just got this feeling that I need to protect him."
"You've been there for him, since Doug died, more than anyone."
"It just never feels good enough," Brendan answered truthfully.
"You love him more than anything in the world. I think that's enough."
Brendan smiled lightly and nodded. He grabbed her hand for a moment. "Thank you."
"That's where you've got siblings for. Now I'm gonna take a shower. And you, stop sulking."
Brendan laughed at that. "Yeah, yeah. Go on then. I'll clean up."
Cheryl chuckled softly and got up before she walked past and up the stairs, disappearing from sight. Brendan stood up, collecting the plates, cutlery and mugs and walked back to the kitchen. He threw away the remains of his coffee. He let water run in the sink, so he could do the dishes. He could hear Cheryl softly humming upstairs and he smiled lightly. His sister had been amazing those last few months. She had let them stay at her place, kept an eye on Steven when Brendan had to work and had left the house when she had noticed Steven and he could use some alone time. She had gotten over the death of both her parents rather well. And although she still claimed to be single, Brendan knew she was seeing someone called Nate. It was quite early days, but Brendan knew she was falling for him. Brendan had met the man once and he seemed like a nice enough bloke. He had warned the man, because that was what he did. But he seemed to make Cheryl happy and in the end, that was all that really mattered.
Cheryl didn't know about what had happened. She only knew Doug had died and she thought that that was the reason Steven had had such a hard time. She didn't know Anrai had been alive for all those years and Brendan liked to keep it that way. He wanted to spare her all the heartache he still felt over the loss of his brother. Steven had grudgingly agreed. Brendan knew it was hard for Steven to keep all those secrets, but Brendan also knew that Steven understood why he wanted to keep the awful truth from his sister. She had been through enough, with her parents' death. Brendan didn't want to ruin her good memories of her father or her brother. He wanted her to live in peace and ignorance. He wanted to keep his sister safe.
Brendan was startled out of his mind again, this time by a key in the lock of the front door. Lynsey appeared and she closed the door behind her.
"Good morning, you're up early," she said, her eyes twinkling.
"I could say the same about you," Brendan replied, turning his attention back to the dishes.
"Yeah, well Cheryl invited me over,"Lynsey said, pulling off her coat and walking towards Brendan. She took a cleaning cloth and started to dry of the dishes.
"Do I wanna know why?" Brendan asked.
"Wedding stuff, of course."
"Of course, why do I even ask," Brendan answered dryly.
Lynsey rolled her eyes at that. "Please don't start."
"Don't look at me like that Lyns. I warned you about making Chez your wedding planner." Brendan let water for the dishes drain and dried off his hands.
Lynsey pouted lightly. "Well I didn't know it would be this bad."
Brendan smiled lightly. "You'll get through it."
Lynsey had to laugh at that. "Don't really have much choice, now do I? Where is Chez, by the way?"
Brendan leaned against the counter, folding his arms. "Upstairs showering."
"And Ste?"
"Had that meeting for the acquisition of the deli today."
Lynsey nodded in understanding. "How is he doing?"
"Good. He's doing good." Brendan realized, when he said those words, how true they were.
"You two are still coming to the wedding then?" Lynsey asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but with a pleading look in her eyes. "I wouldn't get through the day without you."
Brendan smiled. "Wouldn't miss it for the world." He kissed Lynsey's forehead before he moved away from her. "I'm gonna take a shower as well. The moment Cheryl hears you're here, she won't know how fast she has to come downstairs," Brendan said teasingly.
Lynsey made a face and Brendan laughed at that before disappearing to his room.
He was happy for Lynsey. She deserved some happiness. He didn't see much of Lynsey these days, she was living with her fiancé nowadays, in an apartment not too far from Hollyoaks. She would marry him in two months and after her marriage they would be moving to London because her fiancé had found a job there. Cheryl and he would miss her like hell, but she would always be one of their best friends, no matter how far away she would live.
Lynsey was the only one we knew some parts about what had happened to Brendan and Ste. When they had gotten back home she had taken one look at them and nodded her head as if she understood that some things could better stay buried. She had never asked them about what had happened and Brendan had never told her. The only acknowledgement he'd ever made about it was when Lynsey had asked if it was over and Brendan had told her that it was. They had never talked about it again.
Brendan looked around his room for a moment. The bed was still unmade, a few socks and some T- shirts from Steven were scattered around the floor. If there was one thing Steven was bad at, it was cleaning up after himself. It was something which frustrated Brendan from time to time and it had let to a few arguments in the past few months, but right now it just made Brendan smile. Brendan collected all the dirty laundry and lay it down next to the door so he could pick it up later. He made the bed and walked to the closet to get some clean clothes. He walked back into the kitchen, winked at Lynsey, who was sitting at the dining table with a cup of coffee, and walked up the stairs. "Chez, you're ready yet? Lynsey's here."
"I know. I'm in my room already." he heard the exciting tone in Cheryl's voice, which made him shake his head, smiling lightly.
Brendan opened the bathroom, which was still vapoury because of Cheryl's shower, and closed the door behind him. Once he was standing under the warm water, his mind started to wander off to his brother and Gary. Steven had given him details about how Gary had looked and Brendan had tried to form an image of his nephew in his head, but he never managed to create a clear picture. The thought of Gary was a strange concept, Brendan knew about his existence, but he had never met him and never would. It was strange to think that he had had an actual nephew, that his brother had raised a son. His brother had harmed so many people in his life, but to Brendan the worst thing his brother had done was raising Gary the way he had. After everything he and Anrai had been though with their father, Anrai should have known better, should have raised his son the right way. But he had done the exact same thing their father had done. He'd destroyed Gary's life and every hope of a bright future. He'd sent his own son into a death he hadn't deserved. When Steven had told him about Gary, Brendan had felt actual hate for his brother for the first time. This hate had helped him move on from the horror of his brother's death. A man like that didn't deserve to live. Nowadays Brendan still grieved, but more about the brother from his childhood, than the man he had come to know only recently.
Brendan had made a memorial stone for Gary, it had seemed the right thing to do. He had gone there once, it had been painful and it had seemed strange to say goodbye to someone he hadn't even known, but it had helped him to put Gary's death and suffering behind him, no matter how much it left Brendan with the regret about never having met his nephew.
Steven hadn't been with him that day. He had said Brendan had had to do that on his own. But Brendan had also known the memories of Gary and what he had done for Steven, were still hard for Steven to deal with. But Brendan would take Steven there someday, when he was ready.
He just left the shower cabin, when his phone started ringing. He put a towel around his hips and picked up his phone. "Hello?"
"Hello dad."
Brendan leaned against the washstand. "Declan, hey."
xXx
Ste looked at the deli, while he waited for Brendan to come downstairs from Cheryl's house. Ste had never thought he would sell the deli like this, not having Doug at his side. But it somehow felt like a relieve, like he could finally let it go, let Doug's death go. Ste pulled the collar of his coat up against the cold. It was only early March and it was still cold outside. He put his hands in his pockets as his eyes wavered to Chez Chez. Brendan still worked there and Ste couldn't blame him. He loved that place. It was the place where they had properly kissed for the first time and done so much more. That club had been and always would be a part of his life with Brendan. He looked up when he heard footsteps descending from the stairs. Brendan's leg had healed rather quickly after he had been stabbed by Jeremy and now Ste couldn't even see that Brendan had ever been stabbed. He could walk just like he used to. Brendan walked straight up to him and kissed him softly on the lips. "You've been here long?" Brendan asked, while his hand came to rest on Ste's shoulder.
"No, no longer than two minutes," Ste answered.
"Good. Well, come on then." Brendan put an arm around Ste's shoulders and guided him towards the place where Brendan always parked his car. It was fascinating how unbelievingly easy it seemed for Brendan to be himself around Ste nowadays. Brendan had had to get used to touching Ste in public. In the beginning Brendan had had the feeling people were watching when he showed any kind of affection towards Ste. But as the months passed by, so did Brendan's shame. Now he could touch Ste without even thinking about it, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Ste's hand grabbed the soft material of Brendan's coat. He was wearing the long, black coat, with fake fur on the collar.
"So how did the meeting go?" he heard Brendan ask. Ste could hear how Brendan's tried to keep his voice light, but he could hear the slightly worried tone underneath.
"Good. Everything is signed. I am no longer the owner." Ste tried to, but he knew he failed, to keep the bitter tone out of his voice.
Brendan, of course, immediately noticed and stopped walking. He put his hands on Ste's shoulders and looked him in the eye. "You're okay? If you regret it, we can go there now and ask if they are willing to sign it back over to you."
"No. No, it's not that. I'm glad to have gotten it over and done with. I even feel a bit relieved to be honest. It's just-" Ste sighed lightly, looking down at the ground before he looked back up at Brendan. "I just wish it would have been under different circumstances."
Brendan just nodded in understanding and pressed a soft kiss to Ste's temple, like he wanted to reassure Ste that everything would be alright. "Come on, there's something I wanna show you," Brendan whispered in his hair. Brendan pulled Ste back against his body and they walked on. Ste basked in Brendan's body warmth as they neared the car.
Brendan opened it and Ste got in on the passenger side. Brendan sat down beside him, behind the wheel. They drove away and after a few minutes Ste could see the road he had always taken home. He remembered walking that road while he and Brendan had been texting each other all those months ago. He could just see the flat before Brendan turned right and the building disappeared out of sight. Amy had promised he and Brendan could come by later, to see Leah and Lucas. He missed his children when he wasn't with them. He tried to spent as much time with them as he could, but since he wasn't really living with them anymore, he didn't see them as much as he used to. Thank God Amy had warmed up to Brendan. Their little trip to the zoo had been the first step in the right direction. Their mutual love for Ste and for Leah and Lucas had made their acceptance of each other just that bit easier.
Ste tried to see his kids as much as possible, but he knew it would never be the same as it used to be. In addition Amy had a new boyfriend, James. It was a nice bloke and as far as Ste could tell, things were starting to become very serious between them. James seemed to really love Leah and Lucas and Ste and James got on rather well. Even Brendan seemed to tolerate him.
"Something wrong?" He heard Brendan ask.
"No, just thinking about Leah and Lucas. That's all."
Brendan grunted, falling silent for a moment. Ste let his eyes waver over Brendan's face, waiting for Brendan to continue, almost seeing the wheels turning in the older man's head.
"Steven?"
"Hmm," Ste hummed softly, already knowing what Brendan was about to say.
"If it's too soon for you to be moving in with me, you could tell me. I'll understand. You don't wanna lose your kids. I don't want you to lose your kids." Ste could clearly hear the insecurity in Brendan's voice and Ste smiled lightly.
"I can see my kids anytime I want, I'll be there for them when they need me. I'm never gonna lose my kids, like you are never gonna lose yours. Besides I am already practically living with you. You're stuck with me Brendan Brady, whether you want me to or not."
Brendan smiled lightly as he glanced sideways at Ste before he focused his eyes on the road again. "I talked to Declan on the phone this morning. He asked if he and Paddy could come over this May. I said yes."
Ste grabbed Brendan's hand, which lay on his knee and squeezed it lightly. "Of course you did," Ste said as if it was the most normal thing in the world. "Wouldn't want you to say no."
Brendan squeezed back before he let go of Ste's hand.
"Can't wait to meet Paddy," Ste commented, really looking forward to finally meeting Brendan's youngest son.
Brendan's eyes started to twinkle at Ste's admission. "Me neither."
Ste smiled at that, before he asked: "And how did he sound? Declan?"
"Good. He told me he has a crush on a girl in his class. Wanted my advice."
"You're serious?" Ste chuckled, which gained him a warning look from Brendan. "What? It's not really your area of expertise, now is it?" Ste teased.
"Shut up, Steven," Brendan grunted, but Ste could hear the laugh in Brendan's voice.
Ste chuckled softly. "So what did you say?"
"That he should just tell her because honesty is the most important thing in the world." He glanced at Ste again, a meaningful look in his eyes, his lips curled up into a smile.
Ste smiled back, his eyes twinkling. "Too true."
Brendan's smile turned wider, while he drummed happily with his fingers on the steering wheel, Ste completely understanding Brendan's good mood.
"So Eileen decided to let you see the kids," Ste said, looking outside wondering where Brendan was taking him.
"Apparently yes," Brendan answered.
"Well then, maybe my little chat with her did help after all."
Brendan smiled. "Yeah looks like it."
Ste smiled lightly. He had called Eileen last week, trying to convince her to let Brendan see his kids. They had talked for more than twenty minutes, but at the end of the phone call she hadn't changed her mind about it. But now she apparently had.
His conversation with Eileen had been completely awkward. She couldn't get used to the fact that Brendan was in a relationship with another man. And that was the reason she had been so reserved to let the kids stay with him, Ste had the idea that she wanted to protect the kids from them being gay. Which was completely ridiculous as far as he was concerned, but with Brendan in mind he'd managed to keep his mouth shut. Now that Brendan was used to having Leah and Lucas around, Ste could see he was really great with them and Ste was sure Brendan would be even better with his own kids. In addition it would make Brendan very happy if he could see his kids more often.
When Brendan had found out he had called Eileen behind his back, he had been angry, not willing to listen to Ste's reasoning. Later that day Ste had apologized for going behind Brendan's back, but had tried to explain to him that he had only done it because he loved him and wanted to see him happy. Eventually Brendan had understood why and they had made up their usual way.
"Thank you, Steven. For calling her."
Ste looked up at Brendan. "No need to thank me. You would've done the same for me."
"Still, I shouldn't have gone off at you like that."
"No you shouldn't, but it's okay, I'm used to us fighting about things like that," Ste said teasingly.
Brendan huffed out a laugh, which made Ste laugh out loud. His laughing decreased when he noticed Brendan had slowed down and now they were standing still. "We're there already?" He asked, looking out of the window. It looked slightly familiar, but he couldn't really tell why.
"Yes. Come on Steven, get out." Brendan had already opened his door and stepped out of the car. Ste followed his example. Brendan reached him, just as Ste closed the door of the car.
Brendan took Ste's hand in his own. Ste felt a warmth spreading through his body. He still felt flustered when Brendan touched him, skin on skin. Even after all these years since they first met, Brendan could still make him ache for his touch. Brendan pulled him towards the other side of the road, until they were standing in front of a house. But it wasn't just a house.
It was the place they had looked at two weeks ago. The one Ste had loved at first sight. The one with the beautiful garden. The house was build out of sandy coloured brick, with a white front door and window frames. The garden was filled with plants which would have beautiful blooming flowers in the spring. It also had a small patch of grass, on both sides of the path which lead to the front door.
Ste looked up at Brendan, who was still looking at the house. "What are we doing here?"
Brendan shrugged. "Just wanted to take another look around. Come on, I got the key from the real estate agent." He pulled Ste towards the house. Ste looked around the garden, he could imagine himself living here. He sighed lightly, he wished Brendan would feel the same way. Ste knew he didn't, Brendan hadn't said much about it, but he knew Brendan well enough to know when they disagreed on something. The only thing Brendan had said about it, was that he didn't understand why Ste needed a garden. He had told Ste he definitely was not going to work in the garden. They had argued about it a few times.
Ste followed Brendan inside, after Brendan had opened the door. The kitchen and the place for the dining table were on their right and the place where Ste had pictured the living room was on their left. A white wall divided the living room from the kitchen, but from the place they were standing, they could look into the living room as well as into the kitchen. The staircase was right in front of them, placed against the white wall. It was made out of the same wood as the floor.
Ste walked towards the kitchen and let his hand glide over the countertop. The kitchen was very modern, with a cooking island in the centre. There was a large window on the right side of the kitchen and two smaller ones above the countertop. The kitchen cabinets were painted in a light greenish colour. Ste didn't really like it, but he could paint it over. He could already imagine making breakfast for Brendan and the kids every morning, them sitting at the dining table, while the sun just rose.
Ste smiled sadly at himself before he looked at Brendan. Brendan was staring intently back at him. Ste tried to ignore Brendan's gaze as he made his way to the living room. There was a fire place against the wall, he could almost imagine Brendan and him sitting before the fire place in wooden rocking chairs, both old and grey. There was a wooden door on his right, which led to a smaller room in the back. Ste had pictured Brendan's study there, with a laptop on the desk and papers scattered all over the place.
Ste huffed out a laugh, he hated it that his imagination had placed himself here, living in this house with Brendan. A part of him wanted to leave, but another part of him wanted to stay here as long as possible. He moved past Brendan, who was leaning against the stairs, and he made his way upstairs.
There was a bathroom on his right and as he walked on there were two bedrooms on either side of him. He didn't stop to look inside though, he walked on, into the master bedroom. It was his favourite room of the house. It wasn't too small, but not too big either. He walked to the window, already knowing what he would see if he looked outside. He looked down upon the garden. He could see Brendan's car parked on the other side of the road, just a bit from the right. He loved how the sun shone into this room, the white of the walls seemed even whiter in the light.
He stood there, in the sunshine. He closed his eyes, as he leaned against the window frame. Brendan had picked a good day for this trip. It had been raining for days, this was the first sunshine Ste had seen in what felt like ages. He opened his eyes again, looked down at the garden one more time and descended the stairs. He looked around and discovered Brendan before the fire place. He heard the soft crackling of fire. He walked towards Brendan and noticed Brendan had made a fire in the fireplace.
"What are you doing? You can't just make a fire. What if something goes wrong and the house burns down?"
Brendan stood up straight, a ghost of smile around his lips. "Always with the trust, Steven."
"Sorry," Steven mumbled under his breath. He looked into the flames. He had seen too many fires and explosions for a lifetime, but this fire seemed gentle and warm.
"Sit down. I've brought some blankets with me. I'll be right back." He walked towards Ste and kissed him softly on the lips, before leaving the house, closing the door behind him. Ste sat himself down, took off his coat and waited for Brendan to return.
When he did, Ste didn't turn around, but kept looking into the flames. He could feel the outside cold settling in his clothes, before he heard the door being closed and something being placed on the ground. Then he felt a soft blanket being placed around his shoulders. He looked up when Brendan placed a blanket on the ground and sat himself down next to him. Brendan pulled off his coat, revealing his long sleeved, black shirt. He didn't put a blanket around his shoulders though.
"Why don't you have a blanket?" Ste asked.
"You're the one who's always cold Steven," Brendan answered, turning up a corner of his mouth.
"Gee, thanks," Ste mumbled sarcastically.
Brendan's smile only turned wider at that, before he pulled something towards him. Ste noticed it was a bottle of champagne and two champagne glasses.
"Where do you need that for?" Ste asked, curiously.
Brendan handed Ste the glasses, while he said: "Thought we could celebrate."
Ste raised his eyebrow. "Celebrate what?"
"Being together for four months. Never would've guessed that we would still be together."
Ste laughed at that. Brendan uncorked the bottle of champagne, while Ste held up the glasses so Brendan could pour it in. Ste handed one to Brendan and they clinked their glasses.
Ste took a sip from his champagne before he asked: "So this is your surprise? Drinking champagne in front of a fire because we haven't killed each other yet?"
Brendan smiled. "Funny Steven and yes a part of the surprise was this."
Ste raised his eyebrows. "A part?"
Brendan seemed a bit hesitant, when he answered: "Haven't you been wondering why I brought you back here to this place?"
Ste frowned. "Yes of course I did. But you said, that you wanted to take another look at it so I just assumed…" Ste moved his hand vaguely in the air.
Brendan put his glass down and stood up. Ste bit on his lower lip, set his glass down too and stood up as well, the blanket gliding from his shoulders. He felt like he was missing something important here.
Brendan was looking at him, with that same intent look upon his face as he had had in the kitchen. Finally Brendan opened his mouth.
"I wanted it to be a surprise. I knew you loved this place the minute you laid eyes on it. I could see that twinkling in your eyes as you walked from one room into the next. I want to spend the rest of my life with you Steven. And after everything we've been through I think we deserve that." Brendan cleared his throat. Ste could just look at him, not knowing what to say, Brendan's words touching him more than he could ever say.
"Four months ago you said you wanted to move in with me. You wanted to live with me. So I'm asking you now, Steven, if you still want to. Do you want to live with me?" Brendan's eyes never wavered from Ste's as Ste could only look into the deep pools of Brendan's eyes. And somehow, something just clicked inside Ste's mind. "You mean, here? If I wanna live with you, here?"
"Yes." Brendan looked slightly nervous as he said that.
"You bought this house?" Ste couldn't keep the shocked expression from his face, as a happy bubble started to spread through his stomach.
"No, we did." Brendan put his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans as he gazed at Ste.
"But I thought you hated this place." Ste heard how his voice climbed up a few octaves.
"I didn't. I just didn't wanna get your hopes up. It wasn't easy getting this place, but it's a done deal now so…"
"So I can't really say no now, is that what you're saying?" Ste raised an eyebrow. "And what if I told you I changed my mind?"
Brendan looked a bit shocked for a moment, frowning his forehead, before he said: "Did ya?"
Ste looked at Brendan, before a smile broke free on his face. "No way," Ste jumped forwards and Brendan had just enough time to pull his hands out of his pockets so he could catch Ste. But because of the sudden impact of Ste's body, Brendan lost his balance. They were both laughing out loud as he and Brendan landed on the ground. They were still laughing, as they laid side by side, Ste's whole body shaking with laughter. When Ste's laughing decreased he turned his head so he could look at Brendan. Brendan was already looking at him intently. Ste could feel his cheeks turn slightly red under Brendan's piercing gaze. He could read the love in Brendan's eyes. Brendan turned on his side and crawled over Ste's body until his lips were only a few inches from Ste's. Ste looked up at Brendan, his eyes shining with love for the man on top of him. Brendan smiled vaguely, as he traced his thumb over Ste's lower lip, making Ste shiver with heat. "So I can take that as a yes then," Brendan mumbled against his lips. It was more a statement than a question, but Ste answered anyway.
"Yes you can." Ste was a little out of breath, as Brendan eyes scanned over his body before he looked back into Ste's eyes. "Good," he mumbled against Ste's lips, before he captured Ste's lips in a lingering kiss.
Ste pushed himself up onto his elbows, pushed against Brendan's shoulders to make him turn around and climbed on top of Brendan's body, his legs on both sides of Brendan's hips. Brendan wrapped his arm around Ste's back and pulled him down into his body. Ste slowly coaxed Brendan's mouth open as to deepen the kiss.
Brendan's hands found their way underneath Ste's shirt and Ste shivered as Brendan's hand caressed his bare skin. Ste pushed himself upright and pulled his shirt over his head. He leaned back down and captured Brendan's lips in another kiss. He rubbed their lips together and moaned as Brendan's pushed his tongue into Ste's mouth.
When Ste pulled back, he traced kisses down Brendan's neck till he'd reached the edge of Brendan's shirt. He made Brendan sit up slightly so he could pull Brendan's shirt over his head. Brendan grabbed his head to pull him down for another kiss before Ste kissed his way down Brendan's chest till he'd reached his jeans. He unbuckled Brendan's belt, all the way smiling at Brendan, who was watching him intently, and opened Brendan's trousers. Brendan lifted up his hips so Ste could pull down his pants. Brendan helped Ste get rid of his shoes, trousers and socks, all the while not breaking eye contact with Ste.
Ste crawled over Brendan's body and kissed his warm mouth. Ste smiled into the kiss as Brendan wrapped his arms around his back and pulled their bodies flush together.
Ste kissed the corner of Brendan's mouth, his jaw, his neck, placing kisses all the way down Brendan's chest till he'd reached his cock. He glanced up at Brendan through his lashes and smiled smugly. "I promised I would make it worth your while," Ste purred before he took Brendan's cock into his mouth till the base. Brendan moaned loudly as he bucked upwards into the heat of Ste's mouth. Ste gagged and pulled back from Brendan's cock.
Brendan almost looked ashamed. "Sorry," he murmured. Ste was pleased to know that Brendan was so far gone that he'd forgotten everything but his pleasure. "That's okay," Ste reassured the beautiful man laying beneath him. He moved his head back down and licked the sensitive underside of Brendan's cock. Brendan groaned and grabbed Ste's hair almost harshly. "Steven, come on," his voice sounded hoarse.
"So impatient," Ste teased, smirking. He took Brendan's cock back into his mouth and started sucking him off properly. He used his tongue and a lot of spit. He tried to supress his gag reflex as to take Brendan's cock as far inside of his mouth as he could. Brendan panted roughly above him, his words turning incoherent and breathy until all that left his mouth was a stream of moans.
When Ste was sure Brendan was close to coming he pulled back. "Steven," Brendan groaned, breathless. He tried to push Ste's head back down, but Steven grabbed Brendan's wrist and pulled away from Brendan's hand. "No, not like this," Ste whispered as he placed a kiss on Brendan's stomach, "I want you to come inside of me."
Brendan growled at Ste's words. "Well go on then. Prepare yourself for me."
A shiver of pure want ran up Ste's spine at Brendan's words. He stood up to get out of his pants and retrieved the lube and a condom out of the inside pocket of Brendan's coat. Ste grinned in amusement. "Always prepared."
Brendan leaned up onto his elbows to grab Ste's wrist and pull him back down. "I just hoped that you would like your surprise."
Ste sat back down on top of Brendan's body, placing his legs on the sides of Brendan's hips. "I do," Ste said as he opened the tube and coaxed his fingers with lube. He moved his hand to his arse and circled his hole before he carefully pushed inside.
He slowly fingered himself open and he threw his head back to moan when he hit his prostate. He quickly added a second finger all the while feeling Brendan's eyes on him. Ste scissored his fingers against the walls of his hole and slowly rocked his hips back against his fingers, breathing heavily. When Ste opened his eyes to look at Brendan, he found the older man looking at him with unbound desire and want. His eyes dark and his lips parted.
Ste pulled back his fingers and groaned at the empty feeling it left him with. He picked the condom wrapper and ripped it open with his teeth. "Can't wait to have you inside of me," Ste murmured as he slowly rolled the condom onto Brendan's cock. He lifted himself up till the head of Brendan's cock pressed against his hole. He slowly lowered himself down till he was fully seated. He moaned at the pleasure of being filled so completely.
Brendan's hand ran up Ste's chest. "Beautiful," he whispered, he sounded awed.
Ste smiled down at Brendan as he started moving his hips, Brendan's cock moving inside of him as he slammed down. Brendan's hands came to rest on Ste's hips. He started to move his hips in time with Ste's movements and together they found the perfect rhythm.
Ste moaned, sweat dripping down his body. His hips were trembling with the effort to keep moving. When Brendan hit his prostate, Ste groaned and his rhythm faltered for a moment before he picked it back up. Soon they were on the brick of an orgasm. Ste was almost delirious with pleasure and Brendan's tight grip on his waist would certainly leave bruises later.
"Look at me Steven," Brendan demanded, his voice low and husky.
Ste blinked open his eyes and his orgasm hit him unexpectedly when he met Brendan's lustful, dazed gaze. His muscles rippled with force of his orgasm as his sperm coated Brendan's belly. Suddenly Ste was hit by fatigue, but he kept on moving his hips in the same rhythm till he felt Brendan coming inside of him.
He fell down on top of Brendan's body and panted against the side of Brendan's neck. Brendan wrapped his arms around Ste's torso and held him tightly. When Ste had regained his breathing he rolled off of Brendan's body, hissing when Brendan's cock slipped out of him, and lay down next to Brendan.
He turned his head to the side and grinned at Brendan. "Was that worth your while?" he asked, unable to keep the smugness out of his voice.
Brendan huffed out a breath, shaking his head with clear fondness. "It wasn't bad," he answered.
Ste pushed himself onto his elbow and frowned down at Brendan. "That was goddamn amazing, and you know it."
Brendan hummed in reply as the corners of his mouth turned upwards into a smile.
Ste lay back down next to Brendan. For a moment they were quiet before a probing question popped up in Ste's head. He turned his head to look at Brendan, who was already looking back at him. "Do you want to live here? Because if you only did this for me, then I don't want to live here."
Brendan rolled onto his side and reached out to touch Ste's cheek. "Steven stop worrying. I wouldn't have bought the place if I didn't want to live here. Besides, I don't really care where I live, as long it's with you."
"That sounds a bit cheesy, don't it," Ste teased.
Brendan laughed softly. "It's true though. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me."
Ste pulled Brendan close for another lingering kiss. They were both a little out of breath when they pulled apart. Ste smiled up at Brendan, the love visible in his eyes. "Wouldn't want it any other way."
xXx
Much later they lay together in front of the fireplace. Steven had his head on Brendan's chest and Brendan was playing with the soft strands of Steven's hair. "Do you ever regret it?" Brendan asked idly.
Steven lifted his head to glance down at Brendan. "Regret what?"
Brendan was silent for a long time, avoiding Steven's gaze as he said: "Meeting me."
Steven blinked his eyes, clearly surprised by Brendan's words. He took in a slow breath before he took Brendan's face between his hands and made Brendan look at him. "I've never regretted meeting you Brendan Brady. Never have and never will." He smiled down at Brendan. "We survived the past few years so whatever happens in the future, we'll survive that too." Steven crinkled his forehead in that adorable way of his. "More than that we'll live and we'll be together. There's nothing more I want."
"Nothing?" Brendan arched an eyebrow. "How about your own restaurant?"
"Shut up," Steven muttered as he smacked Brendan's chest fondly. "You know that's not what I meant. And who knows what the future will bring."
Brendan grinned before he nodded. "Yeah, who knows? Maybe I'll actually ask you to marry me one day," Brendan said, the words were meant to be a joke, but as he said them he knew they really weren't. Someday, when they were both ready, he would ask Steven to marry him.
Steven's eyes widened at his words. "Ask me…You're out of your mind, you know that?" Steven said as his face lit up and the most beautiful smile Brendan had ever seen, grazed his face.
Yeah, he was well aware of that. He'd really known that for years, pretty much since he met Steven. Because that was what the boy did to him. Steven took the rationality out of his thoughts. When Steven was involved, he ran on feelings. It hadn't worked out well for them in the beginning, but with time and effort he'd learned how to properly harness that insanity into something healthier. Didn't mean he didn't still cross the line from time to time, but Steven was there to guide him. So he tried… he had a good reason, after all.
The end
