Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or this world. I just like to be a part of it sometimes

Author's Notes: This is all A/U, but I would say everything we've seen up to the finale of 5A applies.

This was only lightly beta'd, so any mistakes you find are completely my own.

Also, the next prompt is REALLY specific, and asking a lot, so I might be a tad late getting that one up. It requires a little more writing to get it done.

Prompt: Since Duke is always third wheeling I would love a story about Duke tagging along with Audrey and Nathan a lot and interrupting sexy times so Audrey and Nathan set up a dating profile for him to find him a girlfriend. (Courtesy of Guest)

Summary: Without his own distraction, Duke was somehow always able to interrupt Nathan and Audrey at the worst possible moment, so something needed to be done.


The Dating Profile

It was well past 5pm on a Friday, their iced teas had already been spiked, and the warm buzz flowing through their veins combined with the cool salty air of the sea, had their inhibitions scattering across the back deck of the Grey Gull. The two Adirondack chairs situated towards the back of the Gull, underneath her balcony had originally been chosen out of need – they were the only chairs left – but as the night wore on, and people started filtering around, the chairs were a godsend, because they allowed for as much privacy as a public place would allow. Almost enough to keep the gossip train of Haven from discussing the make out session of two of Haven PD's finest.

When the barrier of the large armrests of the chairs became too much, Audrey shifted from her chair to Nathan's lap, reveling in the feel of his warm body against hers. And just as she was about to suggest to Nathan he go upstairs while she go in and pay their bill, a very unwelcome voice filtered through the haze of lust.

"There you are! I've been looking for you all night!"

The only reason she didn't blush from awkwardness, was because of the alcohol buzzing through her system. Audrey sighed, licked her lips, and looked into Nathan's eyes, before reluctantly turning to the man standing in front of them. "What is it, Duke?" Audrey could hear Nathan sigh as well.

"People kept saying they saw you two here, but when you never came to say hi, my feelings got hurt."

"We were a little busy, Duke." Nathan's voice came out like a growl.

Completely ignoring Nathan's tone, Duke barreled on. "Why don't you both come inside? I've got a half price special on Dark and Stormies."

If only to get Duke to move on, Audrey answered right away. "We'll be right in, Duke."

Audrey watched as Duke tipped an imaginary hat in her direction before walking away. As soon as he was around the corner, she could feel Nathan's arms encircle her tightly once more, and his breath was hot on her neck, causing her to shiver.

"It's like that guy has radar out for when I finally get you alone. Come on, let's go upstairs."

Taking a deep breath to try to steady herself and her flaming blood, Audrey pulled back a little bit. "We should really go in there. If we just go straight upstairs, you know he'll be knocking on the door, and interrupting something more than what he just did."

With the way Nathan was looking at her, Audrey almost decided right then and there to go upstairs and try to ignore the inevitable knocking on her door. But, she was pretty sure Duke had a spare key, and their lives were such he might use it because of a worry for her safety if she didn't answer the door.

Puffing out a breath, Nathan reluctantly nodded. "Alright, but only one drink. We have something to continue here."

Audrey stood up and held her hand out to Nathan. "Agreed."

As they walked around the Gull towards the side door, Nathan tucked Audrey into his side and kissed the top of her head. "We really need to figure out a way to distract Duke so he doesn't keep interrupting us."


"I'm not so sure this is a good idea."

Not even looking at him, Audrey answered while still focused on her computer. "Nathan, you said yourself we need to figure out a way to distract Duke. This is perfect."

Nathan shook his head and got up from the couch to get a glass of water. Apparently they were fully interrupted, and it would be awhile before he could distract Audrey again. Once she focused on something, there was no tearing her away. And, if he could properly think through the haze of Dark and Stormies, he knew this project would ultimately benefit him as well, so, he should really support this effort. Taking a deep gulp of water, and refilling the glass, Nathan walked back to Audrey, who immediately stole his glass and downed half of it. "What's the next question?"

"Best location to meet."

"Somewhere secluded where business can be done."

Audrey slid her gaze over to Nathan. "If I didn't know that was a backhanded comment about Duke smuggling, I would almost say you sounded down right dirty, Wuornos."

"Maybe that's what I was going for."

Audrey cracked first as the two of them stared each other down, and smirked before turning back to her computer. "Yeah right. Ok, we don't want Duke knowing we set up this dating profile for him, so maybe this is a good spot to tell the women to be mysterious."

"Mysterious?"

"Yeah, like, 'meet me at the Grey Gull, and pretend like you never saw this profile. The mystery really turns me on.'"

Nathan narrowed his eyes at Audrey. "You sound much too knowledgeable about this."

"Do you want this to work? Or not?"

Huffing out a breath, Nathan looked back at the computer. "Fine. Put it in."

It took them about an hour, but the two of them were able to finish Duke's online dating profile, and celebrated the completion with the conclusion of their earlier tryst.


Nathan reached across Audrey's desk to give her her morning cup of coffee, and rocked back on his heels. "So?"

Not even looking up from her computer, Audrey answered. "Ok, I may have a fallback job of creating online profiles, because I have dates set up for Duke each night this week. They're all going to meet him at the Gull, and have all agreed to not mention the online profile at all."

"You don't feel guilty in the slightest for impersonating Duke?"

Looking up, Audrey held up her cellphone. "Nathan, I have three texts from Duke asking to meet us for dinner tonight."

After blinking a few times, Nathan nodded. "Ok, then. When's the first date?"

Grinning, Audrey looked back at her computer. "It's tonight, so I figured I would tell Duke we would meet him there for dinner, and…Annie will just stroll up to the table, and then we suddenly have the rest of the evening free for ourselves."

Nathan shook his head slightly. Audrey always seemed to have a solution for everything. "God, I love you."

Just then, Audrey's phone started ringing, and she mouthed "I love you" to Nathan as she answered. "Hi, Duke! Yes, Nathan and I would love to have dinner with you tonight. At the Gull? Perfect. We'll be there."

As Duke followed Annie out the door to the outside patio, Audrey sat back and grinned. "I knew it would work."

Nathan shook his head in disbelief, but couldn't help his grin. Never in a million years would he have thought this would work. But, as usual, Audrey made it happen. As he locked eye contact with Audrey, he swallowed the last of his beer. "You were right." Nathan stood and pulled a few bills out of his pocket, dropping them on the table to cover their tab, then reached his hand out towards Audrey. "Come on, let's go enjoy a full evening to ourselves."

The glint in Nathan's eye was unmistakable, and Audrey could feel herself shiver in anticipation. Placing her hand in his, she stood and led the way to her apartment, reveling in the knowledge she would have a solid 12 hours of Nathan without being interrupted.


Upcoming Prompt: After a fight with Audrey that leaves both angry, a trouble sends back to 1928 where he briefly meets one of his ancestor who he notices shares his trouble. Maybe a female ancestor. And he meets a persona he only becomes friends with. Nathan helps her on a case and she encourages him to resolve the argument. How will Audrey deal with his absence? (Courtesy of Guest)