A short one. And not much of a hop. But it's important. To him.

Chapter Fifty Four

Bella

"How did you do it, Dad?

"All by yourself?

"Know what to do?

"With me?

"And how to do it?

"How did you know when I was hungry?

"Or wet?

"Know what all of the different cries meant?

"And how to quiet them?

"Soothe them?

"Me?

"And do it all when you were so tired that you could barely see?

"How did you do it, Dad?

"When it was just you and me?"

Edward

The nursery door didn't squeak when I pushed it open.

Because Bella told me it did today when I got home and I fixed it right away.

As soon as I'd given them both a kiss.

My everythings.

And because I did and it didn't, Bella didn't hear me come in.

And doesn't know that I heard her.

Talking to her dad.

I wonder how often she does it?

When I'm not around?

And I wonder if she talked to me the same way?

When I wasn't?

What I heard breaks my heart.

And what I didn't...

Will break the rest of me if I think about it too much.

The possibilities...

Of the words she might have said.

The questions she might have asked me.

Maybe the very one she asked him.

How did you do it?

Did she ask me that?

When I couldn't hear her?

When all I heard was Where are you?

And the only answer I ever gave her was Nowhere?

Did that hurt her even more?

To know that I left her for it?

And that I stayed there?

Waiting for her to ask me something else?

I heard her ask the question.

This time.

Like I heard her telling Caden this morning that she was sorry she didn't do it as good as daddy.

She always says I do everything right.

Even in that moment she said it to our son.

She was just trying to burp him.

And hadn't managed to get it yet.

And I realize now that I can't let her keep doing it.

Can't let my son grow up thinking his daddy is perfect.

Can't let her keep telling him that I am.

That I do everything right.

Because I'm not.

And because I don't.

And because I sure as hell didn't.

And someday I'll tell him...

The thing I did so wrong.

That could have cost me everything that was right.

I'll teach him to listen.

To what he can't hear.

Because I'll always remember what I did.

After I didn't.

And before.

And now.

Because I fixed the squeak in his nursery door.

That I close softly behind me.

Softly but loud enough for her to hear.

And turn to see.

Me inside.

Somewhere.

Where we'll figure it all out...

The hows and the whats and the everythings you need.

And us.

The things that matter most.

Together.

... WYCYE ...

Just wanted to share some exciting news that I got late last night... or early this morning... whichever. There are a few darlings that think my crazy brain is worthy of being shared. And I was named Author of the Week on the Twi-Fic hoors blog. I'm incredibly honored by this. And by those of you that might agree (even if only that I'm crazy) because you're still here with me. And in some of the other places you'll find my crazy words. So, thank you. It's twifich00rs (dot) blogspot (dot) com if anyone wants to see the post. (Or I linked it on my fb, if you do and that's easier.) It made me smile. Like these kids do. And theonlykyla... who does every day. xo