Chapter 45
"Hey you," Alice plopped herself down on the front step beside me. I smiled at her and nudged her with my shoulder. It was Sunday evening and her and Emmett were packing up to leave. "Can we go for a walk? Just you and me?"
I lifted an eyebrow. "Sure. I'll just let Bella know I'm running out for a bit." This was the first time all day we'd been apart. Tomorrow, her film class started and she was gathering her supplies. When I went to tell her, I discovered she was in the shower so I left a note on her desk.
Bella,
Gone for a walk/therapy session? with Alice. Be back soon. XX
I thought it over and added another line.
Miss you already. Love, Edward
Smiling to myself, I placed it on her books and left. Alice hooked her arm through mine as we started our walk. "Things are going alright huh?" she smiled.
"Great! Yeah, it's really good. It was a bit rough with the girls getting used to each other, but it's smoothing out."
Alice grinned. "Bella told me she and Rosalie had some issues. She picked the wrong girl to be bitchy with. Bella's feisty."
"She's definitely got spunk," I laughed.
"She also told me you're encouraging her to work things out with Jacob...can I ask why?"
I glanced sideways at her. Should I spill it or keep my latest anxieties to myself. Esme suddenly flashed into my mind, reminding me not to keep things bottled like my mother had. Sighing, I spilled. "Because...I've been thinking a lot lately and I'm worried that I'm isolating her."
Alice gave me a funny look. "Isolating her? Seriously? Edward, are we talking about the same girl? I thought you were really close - that you knew her."
Huh? I had no idea where Alice was going with this. "Explain please?"
"Edward, Bella is more social now than she's been her entire life! You know she skipped a grade in elementary school, so she was always behind socially. Never felt like she fit in. She's always been incredibly shy, but more than that, she's a complete loner. Like, she's actually happier being on her own. Until lately. You do know how much you've changed her life right? It's not just that she has you...which is like, perfect...but seeing her interact with the others is amazing. She's so relaxed with Jasper, like they've always been friends."
"Yeah, everyone takes to Jaz. It's his winning personality," I grinned, thankful to be able to call him my best friend. "I didn't know she skipped a grade. She seems more mature than most of my friends... and she's not shy really. Well, not with me and Jasper anyway."
"She's great with Em too. Even Rose. I expected something much different than what I saw. I think they're more alike than either realize. They'll work it out, which is totally different for Bella. Other than our friendship, she's never invested anything of herself. Ever. Do you get that Edward? You've drawn her out. She's open and honest and not afraid to let people see her. It's awesome."
I was silent as Alice described a Bella I couldn't even imagine. She'd told me that Alice and Jake were her only real friends, but I didn't take it literally. And I never stopped to think about why she only had two friends. "So, she's happier now, you think?"
"Duh!" Alice gave me a slap.
"Okay!" I laughed. "I guess she's happy with how things are. I still think she should straighten things out with Jake though. He was good to her when she really needed someone."
Alice pursed her lips. A habit she had when she disagreed. Her heels clicked loudly on the cement as we walked.
"Clearly you have something to say Al. Just say it."
"If you ask me, he isolated her. He made it so that she thought he was the only one she could ever rely on. He never encouraged her to mingle with the other kids when she went to live with Charlie. Our correspondence lessened the more time she spent with him. We'd be on the phone or texting every day when she first moved. We didn't see each other often, but we were still as close as we'd always been. Then, as her mom got worse and she turned to him more, we only spoke once a week or so."
I had to interrupt. The timing seemed off to me. "How long were they going out? I mean, he's younger right? And her mom died 3 years ago...so he was like 14?"
"No honey. Her mom died two years ago."
"She told me it was 3," I stated, confused.
"They moved to Charlie's when Renee needed full care. Maybe that's what she meant. It was a long, painful illness. We were in 11th grade when they moved. Jake was there during that time. I think the relationship changed around the time Renee lost the battle. But really, Bella lost her before that...I guess that's why she'd say 3 years. She didn't have any strength to really be a mom to Bella. And Bella was still getting to know Charlie as a day-to-day dad. So, it was Jacob or total isolation. I always felt like he liked it that way."
"That's why she had to go to a local university," I worked it out myself now. "Because when she was selecting schools, her mom was still sick. She needed to be there..."
"For when she died, yeah." Alice finished my thought. "Except she died in between. After acceptance, before grad. Bella had a huge blow-out with Charlie when he wouldn't let her switch. There was no point in her sticking around with Renee already gone. But there was Jake, urging her to stay and build a future with him, taking care of everything instead of letting her discover her own way. She was miserable Edward. That's isolation. What you've given her? Freedom and encouragement to be herself. That's love."
I pulled Alice into a tight embrace, tears welling up. It was love that I felt. Love that I gave. I did know how to love. "We don't talk nearly enough Al. You could've saved me a whole lot of anguish. Thank you."
"This was an awesome weekend," Bella mused happily as she snuggled into me. Her fingers twirled little circles in my belly hair. It tickled like hell, especially so soon after ejaculation when I was still super sensitive to touch, but I loved when she did that.
"Mmm," I mumbled in agreement.
"You're sleepy."
"Mmm," I mumbled again. "But you're not."
She flipped herself over onto her belly, well, onto my belly and kissed her way up. She stopped to nuzzle at my neck before reaching my lips. I could feel her bare breasts against me and then a stirring below. Apparently there was a part of me that wasn't sleepy.
"Want me to go now?"
"Never," I smiled as I kissed her lazily. My hands ran up and down her back. "You're so soft. I'll never get used to how good your skin feels on me. And you always smell terrific." I lifted her to obtain access to her throat, kissing my way down until I had one perfect breast in my mouth.
"I take it you weren't breastfed. You have a fetish," she teased.
"You don't normally complain." I released her just long enough to say those few words before latching on again. It was a fetish. She had no idea how much I loved sucking on her tits in particular. They were a perfect fit for what I liked most. Luckily, she seemed to enjoy it just as much.
"Fuck! Cullen, you'd better be prepared to finish what you're starting here."
I laughed as I switched sides and switched up my technique. I licked the outer edges first, then trailed my finger around it as it dangled above me. She was squirming a lot so I knew she liked it. I chuckled when she drew it closer to my mouth, presenting it to me for full service. Instead, I massaged the first one like I'd seen her do to herself and only licked the other, holding back. She moaned and cupped that one herself, urging me to take the nipple. I licked my finger and wet it before brushing my thumb back and forth across it, then gave it a small tug.
"Ugh! Cullen! You're driving me crazy!" she panted, grinding against my side as she held herself over my open mouth.
"Want me to feed now?"
"Yes! Just do it!"
I chuckled before opening wide and removing her hand. I held it while I took her entire boob in my mouth, sucked, then drew back to pull on her nipple between my tongue and teeth. She was grinding harder. I took her hand down to where she needed it and moaned when I felt her slid inside her panties. She was going to do it for me again. Sweet, sweet Bella.
The arm she was supporting herself on started shaking after a few minutes so I stopped briefly to let her collapse on me. "Is there a better position for you honey?"
She rolled onto her side and pulled me into her again. She had her leg thrown up over my hip as she stroked herself and shivered when I reclaimed a boob. "Jesus! You're good at that."
"More than happy to oblige anytime my love. Anytime," I quipped as I kneaded both of them with one hand. My other hand moved down to free myself from the fabric stretched across my boner.
"Want me to do that? You take over for me?" Bella reached for me but I slapped her away.
"We just did that. We need to change it up. Keep it interesting," I taunted.
"Any suggestions?" Bella laid out, a smile on her face.
I took in her shape, lying there completely open to me in my bed. My heart pounded. It was more than arousal; it was gratitude and appreciation. Respect and awe. And love. So much love. "Bella..." I rasped. "I..." Say it dipshit! Just say it! "God, you're so incredibly perfect." That wasn't it Cullen!
"Cullen, I want you," she murmured. "So bad."
"Mmm, baby so do I." I was getting better with my stamina. I wasn't coming on first contact anymore but I still had worries about staying power when we finally did it. "How about a practice round?" I lifted her leg on my hip again and pulled my dick out to rub against her. She enjoyed the grinding action and I knew from watching that she got as much from outer stimulation as she did from internal, so it was a good round for both of us. When she got close, I reached my fingers inside her panties to help her along while she tugged on me.
She came first this time and I felt a sense of accomplishment. I laid back and let Bella play around with my hardened tool for awhile since she didn't usually get much time with it. I took advantage of her slow, lazy movements to concentrate on endurance, always easier the second time around anyway.
"Not so shy now huh?" she teased. She was sitting back just looking at my stretched out naked form with a grin, her hands resting low on my belly.
"I'd be a lot more self-conscious if you weren't sitting there so brazenly topless," I smirked back. She gasped and crossed her arms over her chest. Laughing, I pulled her down on top of me. "Don't. You're beautiful and perfect. There's no reason at all to ever hide yourself from me. I adore every inch of you."
"Back at you Cullen," she whispered and kissed me gently.
"Hardly the same. The male body is just laughable."
"Not yours," she countered and let her hand wander back down. "Edward, do you mind me doing this? I mean, just touching, exploring - not..."
"Not at all. It's helping me get used to your touch. I don't want to come instantly you know," I laughed before continuing in a soft voice. "Besides, in a way, this seems far more intimate than having sex. I want us to be comfortable with each other. So please, explore all you want."
I closed my eyes and concentrated on her touch; how her hand moved on the shaft, how her fingers tickled and teased the most sensitive areas. She seemed to be paying close attention to all my gasps and moans. Mostly I just tried to relax and enjoy, stroking her back and hair. I became aware of her lips on my chest, the little metal ball circling my belly button; all great but the instant I felt her breath on my dick, it signalled game over. "Bella!" I hissed and jerked her away from the spray.
"Sorry, I ruined it for you." She looked up at me with her wide dark eyes, a little surprised.
"No no no," I whispered as I grabbed some tissue to wipe her hand off. "You didn't ruin anything baby. Come here." I pulled her up to hold her tightly against me, kissing her head, her face, anything I could get my lips on. I smiled gently at her. "Mmm. Do you really think there's anything you could do that would ruin any sexual contact for me?"
"You sounded upset. You're not?"
I frowned in thought. "Not at all. Sorry for making you feel that way. I just knew I wouldn't make it through..."
She broke into giggles as she realized what would've happened if I hadn't pulled her off me. When she got control, she nuzzled into my neck, just like I loved, and then kissed my chin, another Bella thing I loved. "Sometime, you'll let me..."
"Bella," I moaned, feeling my not yet flacid dick moving just the slightest bit at the thought of her tongue...there. "Christ, you're my personal Viagra. As long as you're around, I'm up," I chuckled as I mopped the sweat off my brow.
Her tiny fingers found me again as she giggled, flopping me, now half-mast, back and forth. "Need a break?"
I tilted her chin up and held it as I kissed her so very gently yet fully. "It's getting late," I reminded her.
"School tomorrow," she said ruefully, though I knew she was looking forward to it. "I'll leave you alone. For now." She winked at me saucily as she sat, fully erect on my hips, in nothing but her panties. "Think of me in your dreams." As she massaged her breasts, she tilted forward so I came into contact with her hot spot. Then she leaned in for a sweet kiss before climbing off. "I'm taking your shirt so I can be wrapped in your smell all night," she said as she pulled on the t-shirt I'd taken off early and tossed on the floor. "'Night."
"Bella..." I sat up and pulled the sheet across my waist. "Wait."
She stopped by the door, her hand on the knob and looked back. "You're not going to thank me," she teased.
"I... I love you." Okay! So it was blurted kind of randomly, but I said it!
"Cullen..." she whispered in a broken voice, staring at the floor.
"You don't have to say anything. I... I just wanted you to know."
She took her hand off the doorknob and looked at me. A tear rolled down her cheek.
"Bella? Is this a good cry?" I asked softly.
She nodded as she sniffled. "The best. You've never said that before. You've skirted around it, I know how you feel...but you've never said just those three words."
"I know." My voice was low and rough. "I needed to be sure."
"That you could trust me?"
"With my heart." I gave her a half smirk as I fought desperately not to cry myself.
"Edward?" Bella knelt on the floor at my bedside. "You can trust me with your heart, your soul, your mind and body. I love you so much."
A/N ~ HUGE step for Edward. Now, is he truly ready for that other step? Hmmm... keep reading ;) ~ SR
