Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy and Fox, not me.


Lucy tapped her fingers against her vanilla chai latte as the two boys sat down across from her with their coffees in hand. "What's this all about?" she asked, her eyes dancing. "I've never been asked out on a date by two gay boys before. I'm sure that there has something important about all this."

Blaine glanced at Kurt and smiled. "Do you want to tell her?" he asked.

"Tell me what?" Lucy begged.

Kurt linked his fingers through Blaine's and placed his other hand over Lucy's. "Blaine and I are dating now," he announced proudly.

Lucy shrieked happily and clasped her hands, nearly upsetting a container of sugar packets. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed. "You'll have cute babies! Just don't tell Jo!"

Blaine blinked. "Babies might be jumping the gun a bit, Lu," he said. "And also…physically impossible. For us to...you know...procreate."

"Why can't we tell Jo?" Kurt asked. "Would…would she not approve of me dating Blaine? Will she be mad?"

"What? Oh, no, baby, it's not like that," Lucy reassured him, patting his hand. "Don't you worry about Jo. I'll handle her." She took a sip of her latte. "Now, tell me how it all happened. I want to hear everything. The long version, please."

Blaine immediately obliged, but Kurt was fairly certain he could see the tips of his boyfriend's ears turning red. He's hiding something, he thought.

But he didn't get to find out what that something was until a week later, when the Warblers and the Larks met at the Dalton rehearsal hall to celebrate the Larks' win at the Ohio Valley Choral Festival. Kurt stayed in a corner armchair, trying to make himself look as small as possible.

Lucy leaned over the top of his chair, resting her chin on the top of his head. "Hiding from Jo, are we?" she asked.

"Maybe," he said. "You made me nervous, Louisa. Why can't Jo know that I'm dating Blaine?"

"Oh, well, she knows now," Lucy shrugged.

Kurt sat up straight, bonking the top of his head against her chin. "Is she going to murder me in my sleep?" he asked.

"Ow," Lucy whined, rubbing her chin. "No, she won't. She's not mad, she's just a little…"

"Territorial," David suggested, leaning over the other side of the armchair. "Jo is very territorial when it comes to Blaine."

Kurt twisted around. "Why?" he asked. "Why won't anyone tell me anything? You're making me nervous."

"Don't be nervous," Lucy said. She perched on the arm of the chair and kissed the top of his head. "You and Blaine are perfect for each other and Jo is ecstatic that you're finally dating."

"Ecstatic, and also territorial," David said. Lucy smacked him upside the head.

"But why?" Kurt complained. "Why won't anyone tell me anything?"

"Tell you about what, my girlfriend's weirdness?" Wes asked, materializing in front of them. He folded his arms. "Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me either."

"What? What doesn't make sense?" Kurt asked.

"It's weird," Wes said darkly. "A girl shouldn't be this attached to an ex-boyfriend, especially when said ex-boyfriend turns out to be gay."

"Ex-what?" Kurt gasped.

David smacked Wes upside the head. "Stupid, he didn't know yet!" he said. "Now Jo is going to kill him, and we'll lose the best countertenor we've had since 1953."

"Wait, so Jo…and Blaine…they…they really…" Kurt sputtered.

"That they did," Wes said. "For three months in the 8th grade."

"Are you serious?" Kurt demanded.

"Serious as you can imagine," Lucy said. "Well, for 8th graders. Her mom used to take them to movies and sit two rows behind them. And his mom used to have Jo over for dinner on Sunday nights. And they always ate lunch together and held hands during homeroom. So yeah. For 8th graders, they were like…practically engaged."

"But…but…he promised me he was gay! For real this time!" Kurt protested. "I'm really, really sure he's gay!"

"Don't worry, he's gay," David reassured him. "Blaine knew he was gay, even back then. He just didn't know what to do about it. Jo was just super nice and had a huge crush on him and everyone was dating somebody that year."

"Did…did it end well?" Kurt sputtered. "Because they don't really act like they hate each other."

"Oh, no, they're still best friends," Wes said.

"Blaine dumped me the day after he kissed me for the first time during a game of spin the bottle. At my own party."

Kurt swallowed hard and turned around slowly, peeking over the back of the armchair. Jo sighed heavily. "Yes, Blaine and I are still friends, no, I'm not mad that you're dating him, and yes, Wesley, I am territorial," she said. She patted the top of Kurt's head. "Just remember, darling, that if you break Blaine's heart, I break you."

"She'll do it, too," Wes whispered.

Kurt gulped.


Author's Notes:

CAN I JUST SAY THAT I LOVE WRITING KURT AND LUCY CONVERSATIONS? LURTY. I SHIP IT PLATONICALLY.

This was actually inspired by some True Life Events. When I was but a wee little eighteen-year-old, I admitted to my friend Kat that I had a crush on a certain fellow named Patrick. Literally the first words out of her mouth were "YOU'LL HAVE CUTE BABIES DON'T TELL ROSE."

It took me months to find out why I couldn't tell Rose, but it turned out they dated for a few months in high school, and he broke up with her in a manner that he realized was super stupid about ten minutes after it happened. Luckily, Rose thought Patrick and I were an adorable couple and didn't have a problem with it (unless he did something mean to me, which thankfully he did not) and she was a bridesmaid at our wedding and will be the godmother to our first son. And thus the prophecy shall be fulfilled.

Anyways.

But yeah, man, I ship Lurty like whoa.

Do other people ship Lurty? Because I'm not going to lie, Kurtcedes was such a disappointment last season. ("I'm having a bullying crisis, my dad might die, I'm hopelessly in love" "THEY TRIED TO TAKE AWAY MY TOTS, AND I SAID HELL TO THE NO.") And Kurtchel is such a love-hate thing. "you're my bffle and I love you! NOW I SHALL TAKE AWAY THE BOY YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH. ON PURPOSE. EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM."

And so I write Lurty.

I'll be hiding over here in my Lurty-shipping corner...