Okay so maybe I lied in my A/N about this repost being about 60 something chapters. It's clearly turning out to be longer than that! I wasn't joking about this fic being the length of three actual books. In fact I did actually think about converting it into a trilogy seeing as it breaks up quite evenly but ended up deciding to just leave as is so people could still find it. This isn't only a story about romance, it's also about character growth and change, and the journey two people have to make to get to happiness both with themselves as well as with each other. I did the rushing in thing with Infernal Question and I'm Back so this is a slow burn kind of a story to mix it up! Don't forget I'm still learning as a writer! (Although technically there was Samcex in chapter 2 so maybe it doesn't really break with type quite so much...)


First of all there was Sam's offer which she was still musing over. She genuinely didn't know how to respond. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. Sure he'd said she was being asked because of her talent but there was a large part of her that still felt he was only doing it out of guilt for ruining any potential of a career that she might have had before she became pregnant. What he didn't know is Shane had already put paid to that. And not only was he right when he said her face and body didn't 'fit' the industry, there was also the fact that her life had changed. A music career wasn't what she dreamed of anymore. Her dreams were tied up in her daughter now and she was more than content with that. The last thing she wanted was public attention. On the other hand, to perform, on stage, a real proper theatre stage... Just once... Surely that couldn't hurt? Of all the things she'd have loved to achieve by the age of thirty, that one had been well and truly crossed off a long long time ago. But to do it, just once, after years of being flung aside… years of being pushed to the background in her music club so that others with more 'drive', 'visual acceptability' and 'perceived talent' could elbow their way to the forefront… It would be so wonderful to show them that they were wrong. The world is way bigger than just high school. Maybe she should go ahead and perform. Then again, it would expose her, not just musically, but to the prying eyes of others. Was she ready for that kind of attention yet?

then there was work. She didn't need to work but she wanted to. It was her one foothold on reality from the amazing wonders and changes that had happened around her. But it was also really stressing her out. Thankfully she'd booked time off for Chey's Thanksgiving break and was not looking forward to going back. She'd never liked the job but it was a means to an end. Having stuck with it for a really long time, it was only now dawning on her that she didn't actually need to stick with it anymore. She didn't have to work at all. She did it because it was part of her routine and she still used that income for the day to day living costs of and pocket money for her and Chey, but she didn't need to do it anymore. The reason she was sticking with it was to dignify herself. She'd said from the start that she'd never become a kept woman and she meant that with all her heart. On the other hand, it was only just occurring to her that it didn't mean she should stick with a job that she hated with an employer who didn't appreciate her and insidiously looked down on her whenever she needed to take leave for her child. Yes she wanted to work but she didn't need that particular job. What was stopping her from finding something that she really wanted to do? What was stopping her from finding a job that actually challenged her brain and that didn't regularly leave her alone in a room with an employer who would only address her breasts rather than her face when speaking to her?

Why exactly was she sticking this out? Could she really say it was for her pride if she really wasn't enjoying what she was doing, and which didn't actually make her feel proud? The world was her oyster now! She now had choices. She could search for the jobs that she really wanted to do. She could take courses and train herself up with new skills. She could do… whatever she damn well wanted! Maybe it was time for a change. Maybe it was time to stop sticking with something when she wasn't giving it 100%!

And speaking of sticking with something when she wasn't giving it her all… There was Moe. Was it wrong that she was relieved that George had come round to speak to her about him and advise her that he was being investigated for financial irregularities? Was it wrong that she didn't feel at all bad when he'd said that it was in her best interest not to have any connections with him? The more she thought about it the more it almost made sense that there was something not quite above board going on. He never quite fully explained what it was that he did for work and he was always suddenly disappear off 'on business'. And the fact that he hadn't even bothered to reply to her breakup text obviously indicated that he had other things going on in his life that were taking a higher priority. If he wanted a relationship with her then he'd have to prove himself and fight for it but he'd done neither prompting her to delete his phone number. Besides, she'd be speaking to Sam in a couple of days about it and was really looking forward to some reassurance from him that none of Moe's mess would end up sticking to her. She was never actually officially his girlfriend so hopefully would be immune to what was happening. But yes, the reassurance would definitely do her good.

Sure she'd miss his company and after a couple of days she was already missing the fact that the man had jokes. Plus she didn't doubt at all that he was or at least had been fond of her, but those warning signs of him having traits of ugly were something she sure as hell was never going to put up with again. Letting him worm his way into her life had been easy. Things were a lot more straightforward in her mind about him when Sam wasn't there. She'd managed to push all foolish thoughts of anything non platonic with the green eyed charmer aside and moved on to enjoy the first real male attention in years. Sure she'd been on a couple of dates previous to that, including the ones with George, but they'd all been set up. This was the first time that she'd actually been pursued and asked out by someone. A man had seen her, paid attention and wanted to get to know her. And it was all well and good while Sam's back was turned, while she needed a distraction as she sorted through her emotions. It was so much easier to settle for something which wasn't her dream but as was as near to it as she was ever going to get. But then before she knew it Sam was back. And damned if he wasn't also newly single and highly flirtatious to boot! It was impossible to deal with!

Why did Sam mess with her mind so much? If she didn't know better she'd say that he was intentionally messing with her head, dropping hints and saying things that were a step beyond the casual nature of their co-parenting relationship. It was like he enjoyed the tease, pushing that little bit too far and being overgenerous with compliments. Not that she hadn't played up to it on occasion herself. She'd be lying if she denied the fact that when she got dressed for her date with Moe she'd also wanted to see what Sam's reaction would be. And she liked to think that he too had been left just a little bit stunned over it. She knew for a fact that it wasn't just Moe who was staring when she'd walked past to say goodnight to Chey. Sam's reaction excited and scared her at the same time. On the one hand she was disbelieving and in denial that someone like her could have any effect on him. And on the other, she knew damn well that she was playing with fire and was happy to go on fanning the flames. It made her feel- dammit, it made her feel. Period.

But why was she even bothering? It's not as if someone like her would ever have a chance with Sam. He was a good guy, generous, caring and thoughtful but none of those things were outside of his basic nature. And she sure as hell didn't want to be like one of those girls who developed stupid crushes and fell in love just because somebody did something nice for them. Men like Sam Evans didn't follow up girls like Kirsten Kane with someone who looked like Mercedes Jones! It was one of the harsh but true facts of life.

But to have Moe suddenly ripped out of the equation made everything seem that little less harmless. Next time they meet and he flirted, he'd be single, she'd be single and there would be no defense for her actions. But then the chances of him flirting were zero anyway. He'd probably come back from London with a hot British girlfriend in tow.

Her week of decisions was suddenly made easier on the following Monday by an emergency text message from Stacey. Holly had suddenly gone into labor and was asking for her. It was her first day back at work after the Thanksgiving break and she'd only been in the office for forty-five minutes yet without hesitation she had grabbed her coat to leave. Her boss stopped her at the door and when she had explained that her friend had gone into labor he simply shook his head unsympathetically and told her she was going nowhere. Not immediate family so not his concern. Mercedes had no more leave or personal days left for the year so unless she was sick and needed to go home she had to stay.

Mercedes was disbelieving. "And if I go?"

He looked her square in the eye. "Then don't come back."

"And if I stay?"

"I'll let you leave an hour early out of the goodness of my heart."

She knew for a fact his heart contained no goodness. He just didn't want a lawsuit. Kissing her teeth she slowly turned back to her desk, painfully aware of his eyes following her as she slowly unbuttoned her coat. She wouldn't break down. Not now. Holly needed her. And Holly was more important to her than this stupid stinking job! She'd held on to it for nearly three years and hated everything apart from her colleague Janice who she shared a desk with. Janice didn't mind the job so much and now that her son was at school full time could do with a few more hours.

Suddenly the choice was surprisingly easy. Instead of undoing the last button she redid the ones she'd just opened. She then took the photograph of Chey from her desk and put it into her bag together with the novelty pen holder that Artie had bought her before turning and smiling at Janice. "Enjoy the extra hours. I'll text you later."

Janice's eyes widened with shock as it dawned on her what was about to happen. "Good luck," she whispered in reply.

Straightening her spine and fixing her smile firmly on her face, Mercedes headed for the door a second time, well aware of her employer's stare as she did so.

"Mercedes Jones, where the hell do you think you're going?"

"My friend is giving birth and being there for her is more important to me than this job is!"

She could tell he was taken aback. Not everyone lived and breathed this job like he did. To her it was simply a means to an end. An end she could temporarily find elsewhere until she found something she truly liked.

"Mercedes you do understand that if you continue walking through that door your employment will be terminated with immediate effect and I will not be supplying you with a reference?"

She stared him straight in the eye. "I understand. I also understand that if I walk through this door I'll no longer be subject to your continually addressing my breasts instead of my face with immediate effect. That alone makes this worth it."

With a smile she walked through the door, pulling it with a satisfying slam behind her before squealing as she skipped down the stairs to hand her security pass to the receptionist as she exited.

Nearly three years.

No reference.

Didn't give a shit!