Author's Notes: I do not own Once Upon A Time or Wicked, where I think the former missed the opportunity to use some songs from the latter, especially when we could have had Rumple sing "What Is This Feeling?" to Zelena and then the people of the town should have joined him in the chorus. Anyway, thank you for the reads and reviews, sorry for the delays but I did mention the NBA Finals and my Spurs won. Yay! Anyway, please let me know what you think and happy reading!
Last Fall
Storybrooke was quiet in the time since Beatrice and Emma's birthday by necessity. The visitor to town disappeared every day and did not show any sign that he was tired of taking pictures of foliage, even as it began to fall off the trees. Halloween had been a source of contention with various witches barred from fully celebrating and the few scattered incidents of magic were kept quiet. Storybrooke went about its business.
As did Belle. She was in the library poring over the possible choices for the December book group and Merlin quietly sorted the returns.
Merlin looked at Belle.
"What?," she asked with a smile.
"I was just wondering when we were going to discuss Beatrice's stalking."
Belle smiled. "She wasn't stalking. She just didn't know how to talk to him."
Merlin eyed her.
Belle nodded. "Yes, that is the definition of stalking."
"Good to see she has inherited her father's social awkwardness."
"At the party, Tinker Bell had the idea that Beatrice ought to use her birthday wish so that her True Love would come to her. Then he showed up."
"You think it worked?"
"Maybe. The Blue Fairy never told you what she did with him or even what land she sent him to."
"You're a terrible liar."
Belle giggled. "I believe in Beatrice's magic. I don't think there's anything she can't do."
"Then she'll have to speak with him, won't she?"
"She might."
Beatrice was not stalking.
She was just having pie.
Two or three times a day in a place that happened to be where someone else was eating or walking through back to his room.
She wasn't a stalker. She was a compulsive over-eater.
Ruby was flirting with him again. She couldn't blame her. The eyes, the adorable dark hair...
The eyelashes.
But then again she could.
Beatrice snapped back, trying not to get into Regina George territory.
Or worse yet Regina Mills territory.
Her phone buzzed. It was Jamie texting.
"Is that Mr. Bannister?," asked Gold.
Beatrice looked up. Gold sat down in the booth across from her.
"He wanted to know if I can come see a movie or something this weekend."
"No, you cannot."
"What? It's Hunger Games."
"The one where the children fight on television?"
"Yes!"
"People wanted to see a sequel?"
Beatrice did find it slightly bizarre that her father came from a world where there was literal heart ripping out, but The Hunger Games seemed to disturb him.
"Dad..."
"If you would like to see the film with Miss Wahidi, that would be acceptable."
Beatrice rolled her eyes. Mahnaz's dad was the only one whose own level of caution matched her own father's. "Jamie asked me."
"I am unmoved."
"Do you have a better idea?"
"Excuse me?"
"Do you have a better idea than resigning myself to a life without True Love? Lots of people seem to live just fine, in fact, most of the planet. I could just go out with someone because we have things in common not because fate and pixie dust has decreed that I am destined to be with him."
Gold stared at her.
He finally spoke. "You deserve so much more than what the people of this realm settle for."
Today
"So you're not from the Enchanted Forest?," asked Merlin as they walked through Storybrooke Cemetery.
"No," Joseph answered.
"Then what the hell are you doing here?," asked Regina as they approached the vault. "More importantly, why are we tolerating you?"
"Why indeed?," Joseph shot back.
Regina opened the door to the vault and the others walked inside.
"When did you give up on the cane?," Regina asked Gold.
"I didn't know you cared, dearie."
"I'm just wondering what you're going to beat people with."
"I'll manage."
Regina waved her hand and opened the door to the vault. She motioned at the casket.
"There she is. See for yourself."
Merlin lifted the lid. "Indeed it is. Death hardly seems to have altered her. Devoid of feeling as ever."
Joseph stood next to the wizard. Merlin watched as he went over the body, lifting her hands to examine her fingers.
"Do you mind?," asked Regina. "That's my mother."
"No, I don't mind," said Joseph, undeterred. "She's missing a lock of hair."
"What?," asked Regina.
Joseph pointed. "See there, she's had her hair restyled to have her fringe conceal it, but right there."
Merlin looked at Gold. "A lock of hair from the darkest of souls. I think Cora fits that description."
"Sorry?," asked Joseph.
"Once upon a time, a sorcerer created a Dark Curse," said Merlin. He then turned to Regina. "He then manipulated an Evil Queen into casting it."
"Where's the heart?," asked Gold.
"I don't know," said Regina.
"You don't know."
"It's not here," Regina said through gritted teeth.
"Well, have you checked your little collection?," asked Merlin.
"Collection?," asked Joseph.
Merlin nodded over at the cabinet of glowing squares. "Go on. Have a look." He continued speaking as the newcomer began his explorations. "This is a moot point anyway. Regina did not recast the Dark Curse."
"Thank you," said Regina.
"No one who knows Cora that well could possibly love her enough to make her worth sacrificing."
Regina scowled and approached Merlin. "That is my mother you are talking about. Show some respect."
"Respect?," Merlin asked with a grin. "Show respect for that social-climbing manipulator who was just a middling witch at best?"
"Middling?!," demanded Regina.
Joseph walked over and pulled open a drawer. The sorcerers were surprised when he simply plucked the heart from the drawer and held it with no trace of revulsion.
"This looks like a heart."
"It is a heart. Be careful with that!," said Regina, her attention diverted. She walked over and took it out of his hand.
Joseph simply turned and opened another glowing drawer. Then another. And another.
"Stop that!," said Regina.
"What do you keep them for?"
"When a sorcerer takes a heart, it becomes enchanted," said Merlin. "You can use it to control the victim or crush his heart when the mood strikes your fancy."
"You don't seem to have a filing system," said Joseph.
"No."
"Then how do you tell who they belong to?"
Merlin smiled, looking at Regina. "How do you tell who they belong to, Your Majesty?"
"I don't know," said Regina.
"You have a curio cabinet full of hearts that you intend to use to control people and you have no idea who they belong to?," asked Joseph.
"Put my hearts back," said Regina.
"I don't think they're technically yours," said Joseph. "No telling who they belong to really."
"Any contributions, sunshine?," asked Merlin.
"When I hear something worth responding to, I will," said Gold.
"This Dark Curse. Did it take away our recollections of the past year?," asked Joseph.
Gold looked at him in annoyance. "No. Any memory potion could do that."
"Then what does it do?"
"It was meant to bring the inhabitants of the Enchanted Forest to this land."
"Who else could have cast it?"
Regina scoffed. "No one."
"This curse it has ingredients, doesn't it? Like any good crime, you just need someone willing to put the pieces together. Like a heart. The heart of something precious..." Joseph smiled. "All we need to do is figure out who's capable of that."
He smiled as he walked out.
"Who the hell is he?," asked Regina.
"No idea," said Merlin. "I think I like him, though."
"What are we doing?," asked Beatrice as they walked into Granny's.
"We're meeting a friend of mine," said Belle.
"Belle, I don't think I have time today," said Mary Margaret. "I have a whole curse to deal with."
Belle looked at Mary Margaret. "I don't think you have time to wait."
They entered Granny's. A petite woman with shoulder length brown hair stood.
"Mary Margaret, this is Leigh," said Belle. "I'm so sorry. I never bothered asking what you go by here."
The woman smiled. "Leigh when I can get away with it. Regina gave me the name of Clementine. I wonder what I did to her sometimes." She shook hands with Mary Margaret. "So nice to meet you."
"I'm sorry," said Mary Margaret. "You've caught me in the middle of a busy day."
Leigh nodded in understanding. "I know the feeling. I awoke to a list of patients that I don't remember meeting before today." Leigh looked at Beatrice. "We meet at last."
"At last?"
"I was supposed to deliver you," said Leigh. "It would have been quite a feather in my cap I imagine, delivering the Dark Princess."
Belle caught Beatrice's quizzical glance. "I wrote her from the Dark Castle before I was imprisoned. Leigh was the best midwife in Avonlea and I would guess Storybrooke."
They finally sat at the booth.
"I was surprised not to have a file for you," said Leigh, pulling out some empty forms.
"Why?," asked Mary Margaret.
Beatrice caught on. "Because you're friends with Mom and Mom would have recommended her."
Leigh nodded. "No matter. We'll soldier on as we must."
Last Fall
"Beatrice," said Belle.
Beatrice looked up from her iPad. She had been at Granny's for an hour now, hoping for a chance meeting but not with Belle. "Mom."
Belle sat. "What are you doing here?"
She tried to think of something other than stalking the new guy.
"I was just hungry..."
"How's the pie?," asked Belle. She took Beatrice's fork and had a bite. "It's good. Don't you want any?"
"I am full..."
Not that she had been at Granny's for ages or anything, wondering if Joseph might come through.
"Belle?," an excited voice asked.
"Leigh!," said Belle, getting up to give the woman a hug. "It's so good to see you. I'm so glad Rumple could find you."
"Well, it was quite a surprise to hear from him, but it wasn't about the rent so that was all good," she said, sitting down across from them in the booth. "This must be her. The Dark Princess I didn't get to deliver."
Belle smiled. "Sorry." Belle turned to Beatrice. "Leigh was the best midwife in Avonlea and I assume Storybrooke."
"You would assume correctly, though business was a bit slow during the Curse," Leigh said with a smile.
"What did you do?," asked Belle.
Leigh shrugged. "I read. I took up knitting. I watched a lot of talk shows, then Oprah went off the air and I was very bored for a few years."
"Why do you need a midwife?," asked Beatrice.
Belle shook her head. "For Mary Margaret, silly. She is supposed to be meeting us here."
"She was so traumatized for a moment," Leigh teased.
"Well, she does like having three hundred years between her and the next sibling," Belle admitted.
"I don't care what you people do..." said Beatrice.
"Squeamish, is she?," asked Leigh. "Your mother never would have stood for that."
The door opened. Beatrice looked up to see Joseph walking in. He flashed one of his quick smiles.
And she was with her mother and a midwife.
Awesome.
Before Beatrice could come up with a convincing opening line, Joseph had taken a seat at the counter. Ruby was quick to come over, nearly knocking over another waitress in the process.
"So, how was your nature walk?," asked Ruby.
"Very good. Tea, I think."
"Hot?," asked Ruby.
"I should think so."
Beatrice wanted to scream. Of course he wanted the tea hot! If he was talking to her, she would be doing a much better job.
Oh, who was she kidding? She had no idea how to make tea.
"Have we lost your interest?," asked Leigh.
"Sorry. What were we talking about?"
"Mucus plugs."
"Oh, God. Ew."
Belle giggled.
"I was only joking," said Leigh. "We were wondering where her highness might have gotten off to."
"I'm so sorry she's late," said Belle.
"Oh, no apology necessary. It was lovely to catch up with you." Leigh's phone beeped and she looked at the screen. "Oh, dear, one of my patients just went into labor. I must be off. We'll reschedule?"
"Of course," said Belle.
"Lovely to have met you, Beatrice," said Leigh.
She left as Beatrice got distracted again. This time Ruby had proudly returned with a cup and tea in a bag. Joseph didn't comment, but it did not seem to be a hit with him. Ruby leaned forward.
"Do you have any plans tonight?," asked Ruby.
He looked up at her.
"Because I was thinking of heading over to the Rabbit Hole for a drink."
"He's cute," Belle whispered.
Beatrice froze. She forced herself to look away.
"What?," asked Belle.
"Nothing. I never said anything."
The brave thing would be to talk with him," said Belle.
Beatrice shook her head. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Belle eyed her. "Really? That's your story?"
Beatrice squirmed.
"Sweetheart, it's okay to have a crush on someone," Belle whispered. "I hope you feel like you can tell me these things."
Belle hurried to follow Beatrice out.
"I think you should talk to him again."
Beatrice stopped and turned. "What?"
"You obviously find him attractive- he's not my type-"
"Clearly," said Beatrice with a shudder.
"You've hardly spoken to him, though. If you talk to him, you can find out if there's anything else you like."
"Why would you tell me to do that? He's probably in college, he's from another country, he's not a fairy tale character... This is some irresponsible parenting!"
Belle grinned. "Telling you to talk to a boy you like is irresponsible?"
"Yes! You don't know what I could get into! Don't you watch Dr. Phil?!"
"I know you. I know you are not the type to jump into bed with someone just because he was nice to you." She smiled at Beatrice and took her hand. "I trust you."
Today
Belle and Beatrice had just finished eating when Merlin and Gold arrived back at Granny's with Joseph in tow.
"Was she there?," asked Belle.
"Yes and just as friendly as she ever was," said Merlin sitting at the booth. "I think I prefer her company dead."
"Why would anyone want to bring over Cora?," asked Beatrice.
"The question is what she had to do with this new curse," said Gold.
Beatrice walked over to Joseph.
"That woman has a vault full of hearts," Joseph announced matter of factly.
"Yeah," said Beatrice.
"This Dark Curse," said Joseph. "At the meeting, you mentioned something about the hearts of the things you loved most?"
"That's the most important ingredient," said Beatrice. "You have to sacrifice the heart of the thing you love the most."
"Anyone missing anyone?"
Beatrice hesitated. "My brother is missing."
"Well, it wasn't your father."
"You know that?"
Joseph nodded. "Your father created a Dark Curse, but he had someone else cast it which means that he is a very clever manipulator and also unwilling to sacrifice. Certainly not his own child."
"And you have no idea why you're in Storybrooke?"
"I had never heard of Storybrooke before I woke up this morning."
"Where are you from?"
"London."
"London," Beatrice repeated, nodding with approval.
"I had just finished a case."
"A case?"
"Well, it's a bit of a hobby, really."
"Here you go," said Ruby, leaning too far over. "Let me know if you need anything else."
"Thank you," said Joseph, taking the hot water and tea bag. He placed it inside with disdain.
"She is Little Red Riding Hood," said Beatrice. "And the wolf."
"Good to know," said Joseph. "Your father is Rumplestiltskin. Your grandfather is Merlin. I take it your mother is the Belle from Beauty and the Beast?"
"The library is a pretty big hint, right?"
"And who does that make you?"
"Nobody."
"I don't think so."
Beatrice shook her head. "Nope. Nobody."
He leaned forward to whisper. "The way they looked at you at the meeting. They were afraid, not really of you but of what they thought you could do."
"Should we be worried about Venus?," Belle asked Merlin.
Merlin shook his head. "A year has passed. My mother has never stood still for that long."
Belle looked at Gold. "Rumple?"
"I'm going to work at the shop tonight, to see if I can find a way to strengthen the locator spell."
"And when are you going to sleep?"
Gold ignored her, nodding towards where Joseph spoke with Beatrice. "What do you suppose that is?"
Merlin glanced back.
"I think he's a cute boy and she's interested in talking to him," remarked Belle.
"How old is he?"
"How old are you again, sunshine?," asked Merlin.
"She is only sixteen-" said Gold.
"Seventeen," Belle corrected.
"Seventeen," said Merlin. "That's almost eighteen which is- I believe- the age Belle was when she took up with you."
Belle tried unsuccessfully to hide a smirk as that statistic made Gold squirm.
"I'm going over there," said Gold.
"Rumple," said Belle, putting her hand over his wrist. He reluctantly squirmed in his seat. "If I went to live with you, certainly Beatrice can be trusted to talk to a boy across a diner from her parents and grandfather."
Beatrice walked past the window of Granny's a few times.
He was there, sitting at the counter. Ruby didn't seem to be in there.
"Do the brave thing," Beatrice muttered, even as she rolled her eyes.
Willing herself not to think, she opened the door and walked into the diner. She caught the old woman's tsk-ing look as she walked away. Beatrice sat down in the empty chair at the counter next to him.
"What car?," she asked.
"Excuse me?"
She swallowed again. "When we met you said you wondered where the car was."
"Oh. That. Well, if you were turning sixteen, your father would have gotten you a car, wouldn't he? That's why your Volkswagen is the one that would have been newest in the showroom in October of last year."
"You didn't see my car, though."
"No, exactly. If your father had given you a car, he would have made a production of it and done it in front of everyone at your party."
"Maybe he doesn't like to show off."
Joseph shook his head with a slight smirk. "His rings, his watch, the gold tooth, the cufflinks, the two thousand dollar suit with a silk tie and dress shirt? Not to mention the jewelry your mother had on which I assume were all gifts from your father on one occasion or another. It's not just that he enjoys making conspicuous displays of wealth, it's a compulsion. He grew up poor, he came into money later in life. I think when your brother was a teenager."
"Um, how did you come up with that?"
"He's not comfortable with the money. Also, your mother is clearly a second wife, probably just a few years older than your half-brother, if that."
Beatrice frowned. "Did you just call my mom a gold digger?"
"Hardly. You're seventeen which means that your mother's relationship with your father is the one that's taken up probably her entire adult life. Fortune hunters get in and get out. Also, they don't take jobs as small town librarians. No, she's devoted to your father and he to her, but that's obvious."
"Is it?" She shrugged. "So, you've just been hanging around town, watching everyone."
"Observing. Then there's you."
"Me?"
"You're attractive, clever and rich. By all rights, you ought to be queen of the social circle, but you're not. There were no teenage boys at your party, no teenage girls for that matter. You're an outcast."
"Maybe I want to be."
He shook his head. "No one wants to be an outcast. You only do it because you have no choice." He looked at her necklace. "Then there's that."
Beatrice held her pendant, trying not to touch the stone.
"A gift from your mother. Family heirloom."
"Yeah," said Beatrice. "You're really good at this."
"Beatrice."
Beatrice turned to see her father standing in the doorway. He had Martha by the leash.
"Aren't you forgetting someone?"
"No dogs in my diner," Granny called.
Gold turned to look at her. "Really, dearie? Are you sure you want to go down that particular road?"
Granny scowled.
"I have to go," said Beatrice.
Today
Belle entered the kitchen to see Gold was quietly at work. Martha padded around him, hoping for handouts.
"Rumple?"
He looked up at her trying to disguise the piece of egg he had just given the dog. "I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No, of course not," said Belle. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. "Any luck?"
"None. I suppose I'll have to sort out where everyone else has been disappearing to. Perhaps that's where Bae went."
"You'll find a way. I know you will," said Belle. "I'm glad you're home. We were both worried about you."
"I wanted to make Beatrice breakfast."
"Such a good papa..."
He grimaced.
"What, Rumple?"
Gold returned to his puttering around the kitchen. "She has... Have you noticed... In the year that's passed... Physically..."
Gold winced with disgust. Belle smiled.
"You mean how she's blossomed," said Belle.
"For lack of a better word."
"That is the word, Rumple. It was a year, she's becoming a woman."
"Oh, don't say it... Not to mention that young man."
"She spoke with him."
"When has she spoken with a young man?"
"He walked up to her and said he had no idea what he was doing in Storybrooke or that any of this was real. Any compassionate human being would have spoken back."
"She was flirting."
Belle opened her mouth in a mocking gasp. "A seventeen year old girl flirting with a boy! We should call Doctor Hopper."
"Don't mock. I bet you never flirted."
Belle rolled her eyes. "I only had Gaston to flirt with and we were engaged when we met. Why would I bother?"
Gold shook his head "I don't want her to get hurt."
Belle wrapped her arms around him. "It's love, Rumple. If you don't get hurt a bit, it's not worth it."
Beatrice never had many chores. When she had lived with her mom in Manhattan, she had to help with some dishes and make her own snacks, but Belle dealt with the housekeeping, maybe harkening back to her time as a Rumplestiltskin's maid on some subconscious level. She however still preferred books to reading and so most cleaning fell to the wayside. Moving to Storybrooke had only lessened Beatrice's responsibilities since her father was the one to cook and the one to clean up after. A cleaning lady, Pearl, who was formerly one of Cinderella's mice did the dusting and so forth.
Gold had finally decided to give Beatrice one task. Six days a week, she drove out to the field where the dwarves had helped Tiny plant the magic beans. She was to use blood magic to open the lock and recast the invisibility spell, then went about her day and drove back to reverse the process. Tiny did it on his own most of the time and Beatrice took any harvested beans to put up back in the safe at the shop. The Charmings hadn't been thrilled with the plan, but they decided it was better than scorching the whole field which had been Gold's other proposal. They also hadn't been thrilled when he reminded them that possession was nine-tenths of the law.
Beatrice pulled up.
"Good morning, Tiny," she said, getting out of the car.
"Good morning, Beatrice," he said. "Here, I made you some strudel."
Tiny then proceeded to hand her a dish the size of a large pizza pan wrapped in plastic film.
"Wow," she said.
"They came out sort of small."
"Is this supposed to be one?!," asked Beatrice.
"I know. It's pathetic."
"Tiny, it's three times the size of my head! Thanks, though. I'll just snack on that throughout the school day..." She put the strudel on the hood of her car. "Okay, let's do this."
She walked over to the border of the cloaking spell and had just raised her hand when...
"Good morning!"
Beatrice froze. She and Tiny turned to see Joseph walking up towards them with a camera with a giant lens and a deerstalker cap.
"Good morning..." said Beatrice. She turned her head toward Tiny. "He's not from here. Don't say anything weird."
"What do you mean weird?"
Beatrice then remembered she was talking to a giant who used to live up a beanstalk in the Enchanted Forest.
"We're doomed," said Beatrice.
Joseph walked over. "I'm surprised to see anyone out here. What brings you out here?"
"Well, this is Tiny and he just does some gardening for my father on this property that he... owns."
"Gardening?," asked Joseph. "In a wood?"
Tiny nodded, game to play along. "I'm the gardener. I garden."
"It's forest."
"It's a carbon offset thing," said Beatrice.
"Does your father often have you handle his business or just the green ones?"
"No, I was just..." Beatrice realized that she did not quite have a great excuse. "I was just checking on how the offsetting was going."
She turned to the grass and trees to give an appraising gaze.
"Yeah, good job, Tiny. Keep up the good work. I'll see you later."
"But what about-"
"I will see you later," said Beatrice, lifting up her huge strudel and going back to the car. "You know, after you go home."
Beatrice walked into the pawn shop.
Her father appeared to be marking a ledger. She put what was left of the giant strudel on the counter.
"What's that?," he asked, not looking up.
"That is cherry strudel. Tiny made it. There's about two pounds left."
"Did anything else of interest happen at the field today?"
"Not really..."
Gold sighed and put his pen down. "Beatrice, I find that you use the phrase 'not really' to cover up the opposite of what I believe the true meaning of it is. Did your nature photographer pop up at the field?"
"He's not my nature photographer. He was out photographing nature. I just happened to be in it."
"Charming as he may be," Gold said, contempt dripping for that first word, "he is an outsider. There are many things in this town that he should not see, such as a field of magic beans."
"He didn't see it."
"You know we must be cautious, particularly after Greg and Tamara."
"I know. He didn't see anything. It's invisible. He couldn't have seen something that's invisible, that's what invisible means."
"I think you ought to limit your contact with him."
"Oh," said Beatrice. "No problem."
"Good," said Gold. "I trust you."
Beatrice knocked.
Joseph opened the door, wearing a robe over his clothes. "Beatrice."
"Good morning."
"Do come in."
He stepped aside to reveal piles of shredded paper on the floor. The wall had pinned up pieces of paper, some of which were taped together.
Beatrice surveyed the mêlée then eyed him. "Are you insane?"
"Not legally."
Beatrice shrugged. "Good enough."
"I am attempting to reconstruct the last year of my life." He motioned at the floor. "Someone has made confetti of those. Apparently, I arrived at Logan Airport in October. Any idea what I might have been doing here in October?"
"Not unless we had a thirtieth anniversary of the Dark Curse festival," said Beatrice.
"What's that?"
"Late October. It's the only things I can think of happening, thirtieth anniversary of the Dark Curse, Emma's birthday and my birthday."
"Someone doesn't want us to remember what's happened for the past year," said Joseph. "If we could figure out what that was, we could easily decipher who it was."
"Didn't you tell anyone you were coming here?," asked Beatrice.
"Probably."
"Probably?," asked Beatrice.
"I rang my brother, but he is not answering."
"He hasn't answered?," asked Beatrice.
"He will, I just don't know that I would have told him I found myself in a town full of fairy tale characters." He took the robe off. "We need to get out."
"We can't leave town," said Beatrice.
"Yes, about that, why not?"
Beatrice shrugged. "Curse rules? Three of the dwarfs are missing and they were last seen at the town line."
"That sounds like an excellent place to start," said Joseph.
Beatrice shook her head. "Why are you helping?"
"Why did you come here?"
"Because there are so few people capable of rational thought in this town."
"It just so happens that I excel at rational thought," he said, picking up his coat.
Beatrice walked down Main Street, wondering how much longer she would have to avoid Joseph.
The problem was solved when he walked up to her.
"You weren't at Granny's yesterday."
Beatrice turned. "Oh, hey."
"You're usually there."
Beatrice shrugged. "I didn't feel like hamburgers."
"I wanted to ask you something."
"Oh?"
"Yes," he stepped closer. "Have you ever heard rumors of anything unusual happening in the woods?"
Beatrice shook her head. "No, I can honestly say I haven't heard rumors of anything unusual happening in the woods."
"Well, someone's living out there."
"Oh?" Beatrice tried to run through her head who was out there.
"He looked like a wooden man."
Oh God. Was that where August had gone off to?
"Of course he's not a wooden man," said Joseph.
"Right. That would be ridiculous."
"Cosmetics or some kind of tattoo. All sorts of strange fetishes in the world. You don't know anyone like that, do you?"
"No."
He smiled. "Too bad. I was hoping to procure an introduction. I thought it might make for some interesting photographs."
"Yeah," Beatrice agreed. "Well, gotta run."
Beatrice hurried off, leaving Joseph in the dust.
Martha rode happily in the passenger seat of Beatrice's Volkswagen.
"Basically, the plan is that we need to go find August and get him to come out of the woods until Joseph's gone. Which I don't know how long that will be, until the leaves fall off, I guess?"
Martha didn't respond, she just continued to happily hang her head out the window.
"I mean, we can't let Dad do it because then he'll give him a memory potion and send him home like Adi and we'll never see him again. Not that there's much of a future in this anyway. I would just prefer not to have his memory wiped away."
Martha just began to pant.
"I mean, not that I care."
Martha was just not interested in the conversation.
"I know I can't let him find out we're all magical because of outsiders, though I don't know what they would do to us. Do you think it would just be tourists or would we get locked up like some sort of X-Men gone wrong? Or would the Disney company just own us outright?"
Beatrice parked the car and looked to her dog.
"Okay, if Joseph is out here, we are on a walk."
Martha did nothing.
"Just come on," said Beatrice, grabbing the leash.
They walked out.
"Okay, Martha," said Beatrice, "you don't know how to sniff out wood, do you?"
Martha broke free of her leash and Beatrice went after her.
"What are you doing?!," she shouted. "I can't run in the woods all day! Who do you think I am?!"
When she caught up with Martha, she found that her dog had stopped at a silver retro looking trailer. She looked in amazement at the pleased Dalmatian.
"I knew magical puppies were a thing!," exclaimed Beatrice.
She carefully made her way up with Martha by her side.
"August?," called Beatrice, opening the door to the trailer.
He was waiting and yeah, August pretty much did look like a stiff wooden puppet.
"So," said Beatrice, "how's it been?"
August didn't say anything which Beatrice found troubling since the whole wood thing was making him difficult to read.
"Beatrice, what are you doing here?"
"I sort of need you to come out of the woods."
August shook his head and turned away.
"I can't go back. Not like this."
"Yeah, well, I can't leave you out here like this."
"Everyone will know what happened. I didn't do what the Blue Fairy told me to."
"Right, well, Mother Superior is gone."
August turned. "What do you mean gone?"
"She's alive. She's just mortal and sort of living in Olympus. Apparently being mortal there sucks or something."
"Olympus?," asked August.
"Yeah, it turns out all that mythology stuff is real and Venus is my great-grandmother and the Blue Fairy had a thing with my grandfather..."
August stared at her. Not that he had many expressions, but Beatrice began to feel it was a stare of blank incomprehension.
"Merlin. Not Peter Pan who is my other grandfather."
August didn't say anything.
"Also, I can make it snow."
He still didn't say anything.
Beatrice motioned at Martha. "I got a dog."
"The Blue Fairy is gone. No one can help me."
Beatrice shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, Merlin's good at stuff. My dad-"
"Your dad wants me dead."
"Right, well, I don't know, I do stuff a lot-"
"Has your father been teaching you magic?"
"Yeah..."
August didn't say anything.
"What?"
"Mother Superior tried to tell me about you."
"Are you kidding me? August, she's been trying to kill me."
August didn't say anything.
Beatrice shook her head. "I don't have time for this. There is a photographer out here from the real world and I have got no way to explain you which is not good because if he finds out... well, I would rather not, so have you got a hoodie or something?"
"I'm not going back there," August said with dogged determination.
Beatrice sighed. "Look, I've got easy and I've got hard and I don't have all day so-"
Things went black.
"Who was Cora?"
Beatrice glanced over as she drove. "Regina's mom."
"Your father and grandfather seemed to have a history with her."
Beatrice shrugged. "She dated my dad or something. Actually, I get the feeling that it was sort of a messed up relationship. Kind of a Lifetime movie thing."
"The miller's daughter?"
"What?"
"The story. Rumplestiltskin and the Miller's Daughter. Is that what happened?"
"Something like that, but Merlin says it ended with her ripping her own heart out."
"She turned herself into a sociopath."
"Well, I don't think she was all that stable if she ripped her heart out to begin with," said Beatrice.
"Touche."
She stopped the car. They got out to see David, Hook and some others milling about the town line.
"Beatrice, what are you doing out here?," asked David. "It's not safe."
Beatrice motioned at Hook. "What are you still doing here?"
"Lovely to see you as well."
"Come on. I remember us coming into the dock after Neverland, you said you were out of here."
"It would appear fate had other plans."
"Does my dad know you're here? And not dead?"
David pointed at Joseph. "Who's he?"
"He's Joseph."
"We wanted to see what was happening at the town line," said Joseph, walking closer towards the line of orange spray paint.
"I wouldn't," warned another man.
Joseph looked the man up and down. "Let's see, a bow and a quiver. You're obviously the leader of these..." Joseph smiled. "Robin Hood."
"And yet we haven't been introduced."
"No, we haven't," said Joseph. "Then again, there's only so many fairy tale characters to choose from. What are you all standing around here for?"
"One of my men disappeared when he approached the town line," said Robin.
"Disappeared?," asked Joseph.
"He was taken away by a giant winged creature of some sort," said Robin.
"A giant winged creature?," asked Beatrice. "A dragon?"
"Why would it be a dragon?," asked Hook.
Beatrice turned to Hook. "Seriously, don't act like I'm stupid for guessing dragon, Captain Hook."
Joseph turned to the line. "Well, there's one way to settle this."
"What are you doing?," asked David.
"I think I'm crossing the line."
"Joseph-" said Beatrice.
As soon as his foot went over the line, a great beast flew out of the sky and towards him. At the moment it looked as if the beast had Joseph in its grasp, Beatrice instinctively raised her hand and froze it in a giant ice cube.
"See?," said Joseph. "It's much easier to look at now."
"You didn't know I could do that!," Beatrice shot back.
"I assumed you could do something."
Hook turned to the ice cube as the Merry Men began to marvel at it. "This isn't a bird," he proclaimed.
"Brilliant bit of detective work there," Joseph said to Hook. "No, it would seem to be a monkey."
"A monkey with wings?," asked David.
Beatrice's phone rang, but the most thing about it was that she had neglected her choice in ringtone until now.
What is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame, does it have a name? Yes!...
Loathing, unadulterated loathing...
"What is that?," asked Joseph.
"That is Wicked," said Beatrice. She looked up at the winged monkey in the ice cube. "That is a Flying Monkey."
"I've never heard of such a beast," said Robin.
Joseph shot him a glare. "We need to get it back in town. I need to examine it."
"The Wicked Witch," said Beatrice. "We're up against the Wicked Witch."
Beatrice opened her eyes to find herself in the hospital, across from Martha sprawling on a neighboring bed.
"Strange hospital," said Joseph. "You come in with a head wound, you don't get so much as a second glance. Then again the nurse was going on about someone falling off a wall. Apparently, all the doctors are trying to put him together again."
"You brought my dog in," said Beatrice.
Joseph shrugged. "I decided against leaving her in the car. Besides, once I said she was your dog, no one seemed to object in the slightest. Exactly how much of the town does your father own?"
"I don't think he owns Regina's house."
Joseph walked over. He looked at Beatrice's head.
"The doctors here are shockingly incompetent," he remarked as he held her head.
"You're still not one."
"My brother's in medical school."
He walked to a tray of neglected instruments and took a pair of tweezers out of its wrapping. He walked to Beatrice, used one hand to hold her chin and took the tweezers to the cut.
"What are you doing?"
She winced as he pulled something and held up the tweezers triumphantly.
"There's a splinter in your wound," said Joseph.
"That's weird."
"There was nothing wooden in the trailer, not the floors, the furniture was cheap plastic..."
"Well, it's not like a wooden man hit me..." said Beatrice.
The door opened. Gold and Belle burst in.
"Sweetheart, what happened?," asked Belle.
"Where is he?," demanded Gold.
"Rumple, not now," Belle said quietly. She looked back at Beatrice, checking the wound. "Does it hurt?"
"She lost consciousness," Joseph added.
Gold looked at Joseph. "And what were you doing there?"
"I wasn't there. I was nearby and Martha found me. The dog seemed anxious and I was of course curious as to what she was doing so far out in the wood. She led me back to the trailer where Beatrice was. I roused her and brought her to hospital."
"Thank you," said Belle, signalling Gold to keep his cool.
"Excuse me," said Gold, storming out.
"Well," said Joseph, "you're in good hands now. I should leave."
"Thank you again," said Belle. "We'll have to find a way to repay you."
Joseph shook his head. "Nonsense. I'm only happy I could help."
Joseph left. Belle looked back at Beatrice.
"Emma and your brother are looking for August," said Belle. "Did he say why he did this?"
"Someone else on the Blue Fairy brainwashing team, I guess."
"I can't believe this." Belle shook her head. "He was our friend for so long."
"I can," said Gold. He walked over to Beatrice and took her chin in his hand. "He is going to be ashes."
"Ashes? Dad-"
"You could have died."
"No, I had my magical Dalmatian who apparently does Lassie things," she protested as she motioned at Martha.
Belle shook her head. "No, that's just all dogs in the Enchanted Forest."
"Really?," said Beatrice. "Is Lassie from the Enchanted Forest?"
Gold took his other hand and Beatrice felt the tingle of magic over her wound and her head became clearer.
He looked at Belle. "Drive her home."
"Rumple, don't do this," said Belle.
"He impersonated my son. He kept my children and you from me. Now Beatrice has been hurt. How much exactly am I expected to tolerate from a puppet?"
"Rumple!"
At Belle's behest, he stopped and turned.
Belle approached carefully. "Promise me you won't kill him."
"Why?"
"Because Beatrice is fine and it won't solve anything. Promise me you won't kill him."
"I promise I will not kill the wretched puppet boy," Gold seethed, as if he was chewing on glass.
Gold finally stalked out. Whale came in.
"So, what do we have here?," he asked.
Beatrice rolled her eyes. "Already done with it because apparently this hospital is self-service now."
"Okay then," said Whale, walking out.
"Seriously," said Beatrice. "Worst hospital in the world."
Belle combed her fingers through Beatrice's hair.
"So," she said.
"So?," Beatrice repeated.
"Your knight came to rescue you."
"So not my knight," said Beatrice. "Besides, let's give Martha some credit, not overlook her like her namesake."
Belle turned to the Dalmatian. "My apologies, Martha. You behaved heroically. Well done. There might be some chicken for you at supper."
Martha jumped off the bed and eagerly walked towards the door.
"All dogs in the Enchanted Forest?," asked Beatrice.
"All of them," confirmed Belle.
