Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Author's note: I found a very moving musical piece for this chapter. It's "Girl Rising Main Theme" by Lorne Balfe (He scored a bunch of video games, including Assassin's Creed III). Listen to it as Bella recounts the past.


"You jumped," Rosalie whispered.

Bella nodded and never took her eyes off of her mate. "I jumped."

It was hard to recount this story and not feel deeply ashamed. Jasper surely felt it emanating from her in waves. But...he wouldn't realize that Bella's shame was equally divided between choosing to end her life...and for surviving after all. She hoped, anyway, that his gift wasn't so discerning that he would understand why she felt what she did...

"I jumped," she repeated. "And I fell."

The family sat riveted in their spots, watching her and waiting for her to finish. Of them, Alice was the only one who looked any degree of serene. She must have seen this part of the story too.

"It took 17 seconds to reach the bottom," Bella whispered. "And for the first 15, I had no regrets." She paused to squeeze Rosalie's hand which lay num on her lap. "There was nothing to see on the way down...no way to gauge how far I had left to go or my speed. The only thing I could feel was the wind. It was lovely. Peaceful. I don't think I thought about anything. No mom and dad, no deaths, no Sarah. There was only...peace."

Bella closed her eyes, remembering more vividly those few life-altering moments. Free-falling in the dark...the smell of the desert...the deafening yet quiet sound of the rushing wind...the feel of it gliding over her body. Anyone else would be overwhelmed with panic at the loss of control but Bella had welcomed it. Not until the last 2 seconds of her fall, when impact was imminent, did anything change.

"As I got closer to the bottom, I began to see some details," she explained. "I saw the reflection of stars in the river. I saw the reflections end at the bank. And I saw chunks of metal and wiring - the remains of Sarah's car. It happened in a flash..."

She tapered off, and Carlisle, who hadn't spoken at all until then voiced what everyone else was thinking. "Wind?" He asked.

Bella nodded. "I changed my mind," she whispered. "In those last two seconds, I decided I wanted to live. The ground was rushing up at me. It wasn't dark anymore down there and the rocks... I panicked when I understood that I had literally a second left to live. I closed my eyes thinking this was it. Then...I stopped falling. When I opened my eyes I was floating 10 feet above the ground."

If the events preceding that moment weren't so tragic Bella might have laughed out loud due to her situation. She was so shocked she could hardly utter a sound even though her body was on the verge of screaming. Finding yourself literally standing on thin air is the stuff of dreams, even more fantastic to Bella than the spontaneous combustion she had grown accustomed to.

"I barely had time to feel shock when I fell again," she sighed. "Whatever spell stopped me was broken and I landed in the canyon. None the worse for wear..."

Bella was doing a poor job masking her shame and anger with herself from Jasper, that much was clear, because the boy next to her looked up and gave her a long, searching look. Bella quickly looked away and chose instead to pick some more at Rosalie's jacket. What could she say to make him understand? How do you reconcile a love for life - because she did love living and breathing with Rosalie and the rest of them - with the belief that she should have died that day four years ago? Suddenly Bella felt overwhelmed with emotions that were not her own. She gasped and fell back into Rosalie's embrace, who quickly moved to support her limp body. Jasper was flooding her with...relief, sadness, love, hope, but mostly relief as solid as the boulders strewn around them. The emotions were coming from the family. Jasper was forcing her to feel what Carlisle and Esme, Alice, Emmett, himself and Rosalie felt about Bella...Bella alive, Belle here walking and talking with them now.

"You've made your point, Jasper," she whispered warily. He eased up, though the look he gave her made it clear he wasn't through with her yet.

After she caught her breath and was able to sit up again on her own, she continued. "There was fresh water in the river and I was full from dinner. I ended up staying in the canyon all through the next day working with the wind, trying to make it happen again. It was much easier than fire," she smiled wistfully. "I flew for the first time that night, away from the canyon. You can guess how much easier everything became after that. I rarely ran as fast as I could go because it was so risky. But flying...that put no one in danger but me. Flying meant I could go deeper into the wilderness."

And deeper she went. The period that followed, though until then she wouldn't have believed it could be possible, was the most solitary of Bella's exile. She levitated small amounts of food from sleeping campers and hauled bigger stashes from lodges, cabins, and stores catering to tourists peppered throughout the state and national forests she inhabited. And at night, she was able to fly to libraries and be back with a new stack of books by morning. No human being laid eyes on her at all during that time.

Sarah Black was her last victim.

Bella opened her mouth to say more, but stopped. Her mouth felt dry and raspy; she had never spoken so much of her past in one sitting.

"What will you tell Jacob?" Alice asked, tentatively.

Bella sighed and fought off the fresh tears that were threatening to show themselves. "Nothing..."

Esme furrowed her eyebrows. "Sweetheart -"

"I'm not going to tell Jacob I killed his mother," Bella interrupted. "Don't worry, I'm not that stupid. I'm...I'm not going to see him anymore."

All of them looked up in surprise. It was Bella's turn to give each of them a piercing look.

"The Quileutes know about you. They know what you are."

Bella was far too used to her vampires to miss the tension in their postures. Carlisle looked visibly uncomfortable.

She pushed on. "Billy Black was especially vocal about how dangerous you are. I tried to act like I barely knew you but he didn't buy it. Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

The silence was so thick you could slice a knife through it. Bella continued to look at each member of her family and saw that after they broke their gaze with her they each turned to glance at Carlisle.

Carlisle shifted nervously in place. "Bella," he said sounding apologetic. "We honestly can't talk about it. We want to, believe me...but we just can't."

Bella stared right back at him. "Because of the treaty?"

Esme gasped. "How did...?"

"Jacob told me an interesting story about the 'Cold Ones.' I'm guessing it's much more accurate than he believes. He thinks it's just a ghost story. It's not, is it?"

Carlisle actually looked like he was about to break out into sweats.

Jasper growled deeply beside her. "We have to tell her," he said angrily to his adopted father.

"We can't," Carlisle insisted. "We do and it voids the treaty."

"I don't care about some stupid treaty!" Emmett yelled. "She's a part of this family. She has to know!"

"It could start a war," Esme tried to side with her husband but it was clear even she was wavering.

The family proceeded to argue about what they could and couldn't tell Bella. Bella, whose head was already pounding from her emotional state from the evening, leaned further into Rosalie, the only one not speaking. She turned to her and quietly asked, "this is the real reason you didn't like me going to La Push?"

Rosalie nodded. She looked so downcast it tore at Bella's heart. "I'm sorry I couldn't be honest with you. I wanted to tell you...but Carlisle's right...it would void the treaty and we'd all be in danger, including you."

Bella smiled her first real smile of the night. "It's ok," she said. "I haven't exactly been generous with my secrets, have I?"

Rosalie gave her a strange look but didn't ask her to elaborate. Instead she hugged the girl closer and kissed her gingerly on the forehead. Bella sighed and tried to ignore the hushed arguing around her. She inhaled Rosalie's scent and waited.

"Enough!" Alice shouted. Everyone stared at her. The diminutive girl rarely raised her voice unless it was in response to a really good sale.

"We seem to have forgotten that Bella already knows most of it," she talked to them like they were kindergartners...slow and direct. "The treaty says nothing about someone figuring it all out on their own."

As if experiencing whiplash, everyone turned to look at Bella.

She sighed, exasperated. "I don't think I care anymore. I don't need to know."

"No," Carlisle said, surprising them all. "Alice is right. And so is the rest of the family. You have every right to know, Bella. And you do already have most of the facts."

Bella closed her eyes and counted to ten. "Fine," she whispered, and ordered her exhausted mind to put two and two together.

"They know you by name. You especially, Carlisle," she started. "This isn't the first time you've come to Forks?"

"No," Carlisle answered. "We purchased our property in 1936."

"So the five of you," she said looking at everyone except Alice and Jasper, "were there. You met the tribe elders."

"Yes," Rosalie replied.

"Jacob said you weren't like the cold ones from before," Bella continued. "They saw that you were different and made a treaty with you."

"Our eyes is what convinced them," Emmett added. "Human-drinking vampires have red eyes."

"And they would know that from their stories," Bella said. "But what exactly does this treaty entail? Aside from not revealing it to anyone else? And what do the Quileutes gain from the secrecy? You're the ones who have to hide, not them."

Silence.

"Think, Bella," Alice whispered. "What else do you know?"

"What else have you observed the last few weeks?" Rosalie added.

Bella paused, the gears in her head grinding. "You've been going bananas every time I've gone over there..."

"Yes," Rosalie nodded. "Keep going."

"You've been obsessed with getting me in the shower," Bella continued. Don't blush, she told herself. "The whole 'possessive vampire thing' was a ruse, I presume?" She asked, looking at Rosalie but also at Alice whom she remembered was the one who first offered that ridiculous explanation.

"She wasn't entirely wrong," Rosalie interjected quietly. "But yes, for the purposes of this discussion, Alice made that all up."

"Sorry, Bella," Alice said bashfully.

She nodded, distracted by the mystery before her. Bella's scent after visiting with Jacob truly bothered the vampires. Why? To her knowledge, all humans smelled like dinner. Unless...

"Why would you be in danger?" She asked softly. "If they find out that I know, what on earth can they do to harm you? You're vampires."

They didn't answer.

"How did they fight off the human drinkers?" That was obviously the right question to ask, because Rosalie squeezed her hand tighter as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

But still, none of them answered.

"Bella," Jasper started gently. "What did Jacob say about the legends?"

"He said -"

Her breath caught in her throat. Her mind churned, playing back everything Jacob had said.

"Werewolves?!"

"Smartass," Emmett grinned.

"I believe the treaty will remain intact," Carlisle smiled. "Well done, Bella."

"Werewolves?!"

"Minus the 'were'," Esme said. "They consider themselves shape-shifters. And they have nothing to do with the full moon."

"Very few people in the tribe have the ability. It's genetic, if I understood it correctly," Carlisle explained. The relief in his voice and in his whole countenance was so obvious. He didn't like keeping this from Bella anymore than the rest of them. "Long ago, human drinkers made their way to these lands and slaughtered their villages. From what Edward managed to glean from their thoughts, a few men in the village were able to shift their physical forms into that of the wolf."

"Not your average wolf either," Emmett added. "Those guys were huge. As big as a car. Man I would've loved to fight them!"

Rosalie whipped her head back and growled at him. "This isn't a joke," she stressed with emotion. "You've never fought anything more challenging than bears. They'd kill you one on one."

Emmett knew his wife well enough to not push the matter. "I'm sorry, babe. You're right."

"So they can really hurt you?" Bella asked fearfully.

"There were too few of them then," Carlisle tried to soothe her fears. "The five of us could've easily fought them and won if we had that sort of inclination. I think Ephraim Black knew that. He was a wise chief."

"Ephraim Black...so Jacob has this gene?" Bella asked, her heart sinking.

Esme nodded sadly. "Yes, sweetheart. We could smell it every time you came home. He's starting to change."

Bella closed her eyes. "He has no idea..." She whispered. "He thinks it's all crazy stories. What's going to happen when he..."

"Phases," Carlisle supplied. "That, we never learned. But I imagine his father has some idea. If he believes so thoroughly in what we are then surely he knows something of what his son will soon go through."

"How long does he have?" Bella asked.

They all looked to Carlisle who, unfortunately could not answer. "I honestly don't know, Bella. I'm sorry."

Was it painful to transform? Would Jake have to deal with some form of what the vampires called bloodlust? Are there others who can help him? Bella resolved to end her budding friendship with the boy but her heart still ached thinking of him having to deal with this. Were there other wolves already or would he be alone? And afterwards...what then? What would be expected of one of the rare Quileute shape-shifters?

"Honey," Esme said tentatively. "I don't think you should throw away your friendship with Jacob so briskly. The smell aside...he's been good for you."

Bella exhaled loudly. He has been good for her. Bella's experience with friendship was so limited, she'd be an idiot not to see how valuable he'd become to her. He has been good for her. But was she good for him?


Rosalie followed Bella under the covers of her small bed. She didn't change her clothes, for though she possessed limitless energy, tonight she was honestly just too tired to do anything but hold the younger girl. So that's what she did. They lay in the dark, facing each other and as close as two people could possible get.

"Rose, you shouldn't be here," Bella whispered. "It's Emmett's turn tonight."

"I'm here on his orders," Rosalie smiled truthfully. "His exact words were 'Rosie, if I see you in this house before 6am I swear to god I'll bash all the headlights on all your cars.'"

Bella chuckled softly. "He's really one of a kind, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is," Rosalie said fondly with a smile. "And he's crazy about you. I'm almost jealous."

Bella too, smiled before her eyes betrayed her. "I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any of you."

"Yes, you do," Rosalie replied firmly. Please, she prayed to whoever would listen. Please make her see. "Bella I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did. And I'm so, so sorry that so many people had to die. But the way I see it, you were dealt some shitty cards - the worst cards a person, a child could draw - and you did everything you could and then some to keep people safe. You -"

Rosalie stopped, overcome with the desire to kiss the girl. So she did, with every fiber of her being. It was a chaste kiss compared to their usual fare, but Bella's lips on hers felt no less powerful than their most heated of kisses.

Their lips were still touching when Rosalie spoke again. "You asked me to see myself the way you see me, a long time ago. You've always seen more in me...from the very start. Bella, I need you to do the same for yourself. Please...please when you're feeling like this, please try to see yourself the way I see you. Please."

Bella nodded slowly. "Ok," she whispered.

"And...I think Esme's right about Jacob," she added, not quite believing what she was saying but knowing in her heart it was right. "I don't think you should quit seeing him because of this."

"You're the one saying this?" Bella asked incredulously. "His smell drives you nuts!"

"Don't worry about me," Rosalie brushed the issue off though she resigned herself to more bouts of insanity if Bella did indeed see more of her furry friend.

"Rose..."

"You're my mate," Rosalie said softly. "I can see you planning how to end your friendship with him and I can see that it's making you miserable. It's hard enough watching you go through everything else. He's been a good friend to you, even if he smells like wet dog. This could all become moot for all I know but...I don't think you should make any decisions right now. Just let things happen as they will."

Bella sighed. She saw the obstinacy in her eyes but at least she didn't outright say no. That was something. Ten minutes later, Bella still hadn't uttered a word but Rosalie was ok with that. Before she could shut her eyes and drift to sleep though, Rosalie had to say one more thing.

"Bella?"

"Hmm..." Bella replied sleepily.

Watching her carefully, Rosalie asked the question that had been on her mind all night. "How many times?"

"Huh?"

"How many times have you tried to kill yourself?"

Bella opened her eyes. Her heart sped faster in her chest, and Rosalie's own heart fell as Bella's reactions confirmed her inkling was correct.

"That many?"

Bella looked at her with hollow eyes. "It was a long time ago, Rose. I'm not that person anymore."

Rosalie, behind her impassive golden eyes, felt as though she were being stabbed. Over and over again. The imaginary knife seared through her flesh as she pictured her Bella in a dozen scenarios...each different but each ending the same way, with her dead on the ground, her lifeless eyes open and fixed upon nothing at all.

"Promise?" She asked roughly.

"I promise," Bella said gently. "I don't want to die, Rose."

Then live! Forever, with me! Rosalie wanted to scream. Bella pulled at Rosalie and held the older girl close to her chest. Rosalie relished the warmth of her body surrounding her and took a deep breath. Try as she may however, she could not ignore the thunder from Bella's heart or the irrefutable ebb and flow of her pulse point...


Hours later, when Rosalie could no longer keep herself from shaking, she finally stepped out of the shed for some fresh air. Not a moment after her nose caught the scents in the air, she sensed Esme in the area.

"Esme?"

"Hello Rosalie."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Esme walked up to her. "Alice said you might be stepping out. I...I didn't want Bella to be alone if you did."

Had she been anyone else, Rosalie's protective instincts might have put up a struggle against allowing the woman into Bella's home. But this was Esme. The two of them had some horrible things from their human lives in common, a fact that had quickly cemented their bond when Rosalie was first turned. Most vampires forgot their human life when they were turned, and though Rosalie unfortunately retained her most powerful, most painful human memories, she had forgotten much of her old family. Her biological mother and father were long a distant, weak recollection. Esme, only eight years her senior, had nonetheless filled the role of mother in every sense of the word for her. There was nothing Rosalie could deny her.

Besides, she and Bella now had something else in common.

"Thank you," Rosalie said slowly. "That's...that's a good idea. I need to hunt anyway."

Esme couldn't hide her surprise fast enough. Thankfully she had enough tact not to say anything, but Rosalie knew what she was thinking anyway. Rosalie had gone hunting only a week prior. Even with the proximity to Bella, she shouldn't have needed to hunt again for another week.

"Charlie's still awake," she pointed to the light in his bedroom window. "So don't use her door."

She ran off before Esme could answer...before Rosalie could change her mind, storm through the tiny shed and sink her teeth through Bella's jugular like she wanted to now more than anything else.


Earlier that night:

"Chief, I'm telling you. This was no accident."

"Of course not," Charlie sighed. "Because we can't just have a straightforward case anymore can we?"

"I don't make this stuff up, sir," the Fire Commissioner said. "There were two zippos found where we think the area of origin was. Nobody in that family smokes and none of them recognize the lighters."

Charlie sighed. "Go on."

"We know paint was the main accelerant but according to Jim, they repainted the living room two weeks ago. That should've been more than enough time for the chemicals to dissipate. Chief, Molly swears those paint cans were in the garage. Yet we just happen to find them in -"

"In the area of origin?" Charlie finished for him.

"Now, once I might've been inclined to think Jim's trying to collect on the insurance - they've fallen on hard times, you know that. But this is the third fire this month. And the pattern is unmistakable. First all those fire alarms from nowhere. Then Old Stevens...he kept trying to tell us it wasn't him. I think you and I were both wrong there, Charlie. And now this."

Charlie gritted his teeth as he tried to look anywhere but at the flames. As a law enforcement officer, he's seen countless fires since the one that claimed his wife. So why did this one leave him with a bitter taste in his mouth?

Maybe it was because damn near half the town was watching. They'd managed to rescue the family whose home was now ruined and that had provided entertainment for a population that was otherwise bereft of such excitement.

Damn it. "Hey kids! That barrier is there for a reason!" He shouted. Kids? This group was Bella's age and they were behaving like kindergarteners. "Miss Mallory. Miss Stanley. Please stay back."

"Sorry Chief," Jessica at least had the sense to look embarrassed. "The crowd keeps pushing forward. This isn't something we see everyday."

"Please be careful," he dismissed her gently as he walked up the line securing the rest of the barriers. He caught golden eyes and stopped, thinking he should greet Carlisle.

"Car - oh, I'm sorry. Er," Charlie tried to remember the boy's name. He'd seen him only a couple of times and neither was enough to provide a lasting impression, much less a name. "Edgar, is it?"

"Edward, sir," the boy replied smoothly.

"Ah, right," Charlie flustered a bit. "Hello. Is your family out here with you?"

That would certainly be unusual. The Cullens generally kept to themselves as far as he knew. Aside from the hospital and the grocery store, he'd rarely seen Carlisle and Esme, much less the kids, wandering about town. Then again, this fire was a pretty extraordinary event.

"No," Edward replied. "They are otherwise engaged."

"Oh, well. Ok then. Ah, be careful out here."

"Yes, sir."

Charlie walked away feeling rather odd. Twenty seconds with that kid were enough for him to conclude that he didn't like him. A bang from his right startled everyone in the crowd - everyone but Edward, he noted - and told him the staircase had collapsed in the house. Flames spewed out, Jim and Molly cried as they watched their home disappear, and the crowd stood transfixed by the sight. Charlie had a lot on his plate at the moment yet he couldn't help the stray thought that swam through his brain as he looked at Edward one more time.

I'm glad Bella didn't choose this guy.


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