A/N: once again thank you for your responses. I'm glad you're enjoying the path I'm taking. Hopefully I've done this chapter justice. It was sad to write :(

Roxy was helping Tara and Chibs set up for Alvarez, grabbing towels, water, whisky, and the like, when Juice arrived back at the clubhouse. Chibs had called him back seeing as they were on lockdown.

He noticed what was going on when he arrived but Clay wanted him to head back to the warehouse with some guns, just in case.

He was getting things out of the gun safe in the Chapel while Tara left to disinfect, he couldn't help but overhear the conversation.

"Found a death threat in her car." Clay informed Alvarez.

"Death threat?" Juice repeated to himself.

"Shit." Commented Alvarez.

"What?" Clay asked.

"Been hearing rumours. Galindo lost a hit squad last week. Found em butchered and burned."

"So you're saying this could be the other cartel? Lobo Sonora?" Tig questioned.

"Nah this was some turf shit that came over the border Romeo would have given us the heads up, no?" Roxy looked to her dad as he spoke. She was sure she shouldn't be hearing this. But she just kept doing what she was doing.

Juice looked towards Roxy, panicked that she could be caught in the crossfire. Like she had said when Donna died, she would always be a target of the club and her relationship with him just kept her close.

He looked between Roxy and Clay as he spoke. "Targeting families is what drug cartels do." He knew this for a fact from his time spent working with the mob in New York. He'd heard all about their dealings with a cartel. And it wasn't pretty.

Tara walked in just as the words came out of his mouth and Clay shook his head. Luckily Chibs' phone ringing broke the awkward silence. Juice finished collecting the guns while the others talked on the phone. Chucky burst in a few minutes later to inform them of the sheriffs presence. He was wanting to talk with Tara.

Roxy followed him out of the room to talk.

"Hey baby you didn't come to bed last night?" Roxy grabbed his arm to try stop him but he kept moving, unable to look her in the eyes.

"Yeah I know. Look I gotta see what's happening." He kissed her quickly on the forehead before stepping out into the lot. A confused Roxy behind him.

Roxy stood next to her mother as Tara and the sheriff finished up.

Roosevelt turned to Juice before leaving. "Mr. Ortiz, tour PO called. Wants you to take a piss test."

Juice rolled his eyes, knowing it was just a front for the blackmail. "When?"

"Now. Follow me back." He turned to get into his car and go.

Juice turned to Clay and Chibs. "This is bullshit."

"Go. Last thing in the world we want is this prick coming back here. See what you can find out about Miles." Clay ordered.

Juice nodded and headed over to his bike. Roxy tried to catch up to him but he ignored her and rode off. Leaving Roxy standing dejected.

Clay spoke up from behind her. "Just leave him. When he gets back later you just be there for him." He patted her shoulder as he moved past.

Great, Roxy thought. Just wait around till he needs me. Doesn't matter what I need.

xxx xxx

"Your two days are up." Roosevelt barked as soon as Juice entered the room.

"Yeah... I told you there's nothing for me to sample." Juice stared blankly at Roosevelt. "So can I go now?"

"You realise I'm gunna have a talk to Clay?"

"You realise I don't give a shit."

Roosevelt sighed at Juice's tone. "We know about the Coke. Miles so much as confirmed that. But I'm gunna assume you know that? He appears to be out of town."

"Mm. Family emergency."

"Well you can go Ortiz. But stay close."

xxx xxx

Roxy was hiding out in Juice's room. The garage was really quiet and Dog was watching the office seeing as there was so much club shit going on. Clay wanted Roxy to hang around the clubhouse until Juice could look after her again. Although Clay had a feeling who put the threat in Tara's car, he couldn't be sure. So to be on the safe side his daughter was on watch as well.

There was a quiet knock at the door and Tara's small voice asked permission to enter.

Roxy sat up on the bed and motioned for Tara to join her.

"What's wrong?"

Tara sighed heavily. "This." She motioned in the direction of the clubhouse. "The cartel! Shit. Did you know about that?"

Roxy nodded slowly. "Yeah. Not in detail though. But it was a hard thing for JC to get right with."

Tara hummed. "I don't know if I can get right with the drugs Roxy."

"None of our business really."

"How can you see it like that?"

"Just do. No other way to see it. Trust me. I've tried."

Tara decided on a change of topic. Roxy wouldn't give her the reassurance she needed. Roxy would be fine to bring a family up in this life. "So what's with you and Juice?"

"I don't even know Tara. I tried to like 'be there for him' after this Miles thing but he's just pushing me away. And I'm really worried because he's letting his OCD take over now but he won't let me help him."

Tara sighed and brushed Roxy's hand with hers. "It'll come good babe. I promise."

xxx xxx

Juice went for a ride to clear his head before heading back to the clubhouse and as he turned into the lot, true to his word, Roosevelt was leaving. Juice assumed he was having his chat with Clay.

Luckily Juice knew nothing would come of it and he was safe. But what if he hadn't told the club? What if he wasn't safe? Roosevelt was playing a very dangerous game with people's lives and it just further solidified the guilt he felt over Miles' death.

Juice hopped off his bike in a foul mood, any little bit of good his ride had done was cancelled out the minute he turned into the lot and saw Roosevelt.

Chibs came over trying to talk to him about something to do with Bobby. He wasn't focussed he just wanted to go to his dorm and shut everyone and every thing out. His mind had been on overdrive the past two days and it was getting harder and harder to drown out the intrusive thoughts that came with increased anxiety. Hell, he'd had to ride back past one of the street signs twice because he wasn't sure he'd read each word properly. Then if he wasn't riding exactly in the centre of his lane he just lost it.

Chibs' voice just blended in with all the other noise in his head as he walked straight past him into his dorm. He unlocked the door and felt ready for the peace and quiet to hit him. But then he saw Roxy laid out on his bed, looking perfect as ever. He almost gave in to his heart to walk across the room and just bury his head into her neck so he could feel her warm, soft body close to his. But then his head jumped and kicked in and she just felt out of place in his room. She was upsetting the order. It was supposed to be quiet in here.

"What are you doing here?" He asked bluntly.

"Oh. I was just waiting for you. Clay told me to stay in the clubhouse."

"So you let yourself in to my room?" He stood like a statue in the door frame, unable to enter the room while she was in it. He didn't know why.

Roxy's face fell slightly. "Yeah. Sorry. I just wanted to wait for you. See how you were. Thought we might be able to have some time together."

"I don't want-" Juice's retort was cut short by Chibs' interruption.

"Clay wants to see ye boy. Chapel." He looked between the two, knowing he'd interrupted something.

Juice nodded and slowly, and silently, made his way down the hall, not saying another word to Roxy.

"Everything ok?"

"I have no idea Chibs."

"Come with me. We'll grab a drink."

xxx xxx

Juice entered the chapel and Clay asked him to shut the door and sit down. He made his way to his usual seat but Clay motioned to the one usually reserved for Tig.

"Most days this life is just riding round. Getting shit done. Some days it's more than that. Some days we ask our guys to do shit very few men could do. That's what this means." Clay slid a 'Men of Mayhem' patch over to Juice, who watched on with wide eyes. The pit in his stomach grew heavier as he let his fingers graze over the embroidered letters. "Way you handled the Russians. This hard thing with Miles. Way you look after my daughter like a real Old Man. I'm proud of you."

He couldn't feel any worse then than at the mention of Roxy. "Thanks."

"But now you need to put it all behind you. You understand me?"

Juice nodded and Clay moved to stand.

"Hey... You earned this. I love you son. You're part of my family now." Clay gave him a hug.

"I love you too." Juice mumbled into Clay's kutte as he tried to stop the tears from spilling out of his glassy eyes.

"Now head back up to the warehouse. Tacoma should be there by now. But you just keep em on their toes."

xxx xxx

Roxy had been sitting at the bar with Chibs downing shots of vodka while he had Whisky. She could see Juice and her dad talking through the window into the chapel. She couldn't see Juice's facial expressions but Clay passed something over to Juice and the exchange ended in a hug. She thought this would mean something positive but when Juice exited the chapel he didn't even look at her. He just went straight down the hall to the dorms. Roxy was going to go after him but Chibs sensed the boy needed some time alone to get his head straight. Choosing to pull Roxy away to help him tidy up the garage so Juice could have some peace was probably the worst mistake he made.

xxx xxx

Juice knew he had to get to the warehouse, and the walls in his bedroom were closing in around him, but he just felt like he couldn't move. He was fixated on the patch.

Eventually he tore his eyes away, collected his small sewing kit, and left the room. He held his breath as he entered the barroom and released it when he realised Roxy and Chibs weren't there. He moved his way swiftly past the few croweaters who were hanging around and out to his bike.

Roxy jumped up from her seat in the office when she heard a bike start up. She knew it was Juice. She tried calling out to him but he didn't even look back as he sped out of the lot. Chibs came over and placed a hand on her shoulder as she watched him leave.

"He'll be ok love."

Before Roxy could respond, Tig called Chibs over from the clubhouse. So he gave her one more squeeze before leaving her alone wondering where the hell Juice was going and why he wouldn't talk to her.

xxx xxx

Juice pulled up at the warehouse but didn't go in. He couldn't face any other people right now. His mind was still running away with him and he just couldn't stand it. He could barely focus when Clay was talking earlier, everything in his head was too loud. It was like a buzzing.

He found himself walking through the trees towards Miles' unmarked grave. He sat under the tree to sew on his Men of Mayhem patch. The repetitive nature of sewing helped him order his thoughts and focusing on making sure the stitches were even made him able to think straight.

And the thought that calmed his disordered mind was simple. A plan which would end all the confusion, the guilt, and heart rending pain. Roxy wouldn't understand. But in the end she'd be better off without his insane bullshit in her life.

xxx xxx

Roxy sat around the clubhouse as everyone but the members left. Rat was sent to watch Tara, Phil on Gemma, and Roxy was left waiting behind for Juice. He was supposed to be coming back for an urgent vote.

Waiting at the bar with Tig and Bobby Roxy could tell there was tension between the members as her dad flitted back and forth. But she just downed some more vodka and was slowly finding herself drunk. She had tried to call Juice a couple of times but both his personal and current burner just rang out. She figured if he was busy with club stuff he wouldn't answer her called ID. That and he seemed to be in some sort of huff with her.

That worried Roxy most. His behaviour had changed drastically from being in prison and Roxy knew his OCD was becoming unmanageable. She was trying to help but he just kept pushing her away. Chibs and Tig and Clay all said to give him space, but Roxy knew mental health and she knew he needed help.

Her heart started pounding in her chest when Chibs came back to the bar to let them know he couldn't get a hold of Juice either. He never showed up at the warehouse.

Tig saw the concern on Roxy's face and squeezed her leg in reassurance. Clay called VLin out from behind the bar and demanded he take Roxy back to her and Juice's house and stay with her till further notice.

VLin nodded and headed back to the Prospects' dorm room to collect some stuff. Tig took the opportunity to comfort Roxy seeing as Clay just made his way into the chapel, slamming the doors behind him.

"C'mon. He's probably at home stoned out his mind."

"I sure hope so Tiggy. He's not ok."

"None of us are baby."

xxx xxx

As Juice carried the heavy tow chain back to the tree he felt oddly at peace. He didn't count his steps or watch the placement of his feet like he had on the way there. Nor did the sound in his head seem loud. Everything was calm and quiet as he shouldered the chain and climbed the tree.

He said a silent prayer as he fixed the chain round his branch.

Thinking back to happier times with the club he smiled before his mind wandered to Roxy. His perfect girl, the girl who was paying the price for his sins, his wrong doings. He'd taken lives and there was no way he'd ever be gifted with a baby because of it. Roxy would suffer because of him. And it wasn't just Roxy suffering, Juice was suffering too. This wasn't the first time he'd considered something like this. He'd allowed fate to decide for him on more than one occasion over the years. This, however, was the first time he'd purposefully acted on his thoughts, and he felt oddly in control for the first time in a long time.

He just prayed Roxy would understand, out of anyone she knew how his mind worked, both from a girlfriend's point of view and probably a counsellor's too.

He just hoped she found the same peace he had in this moment.