And then the reviews began!
Keldeo The Critic- Pokemon Duels of Destiny Ordeal with Orichalcos by MewLover54
(Keldeo's point of view of course)
Okay, Chapter 5: The Seal and the Rabbit. The Legendaries are all talking about the chosen duelists when all of a sudden.
Suddenly a huge screen appeared showing a cloaked figure just standing in the middle of a half constructed Pokémon Center. "Well that's new."
What gets me angry is that we skip to Pikachu and Chimchar. Yeah, that mysterious figure can wait! We need to see Pikachu and Chimchar talk about there crushes some more!
Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-Test Complete
So, it turns out Buneary ends up in some. . .weird place in Pallet Town. Okay, I've got a problem here. Buneary ends up in a strange location with no explanation.
With Buneary
"Urg...Where am I?" Buneary asked, getting up to see she was somewhere else in Pallet Town. Upon closer inspection, she saw that she was on the new construction area. This was where they were building a new Pokémon Centre.
I'm guessing she got knocked unconscious, I don't know, you could've had a scene explaining this. In fact, the first time I read it, I thought I skipped a scene. But nope, she's suddenly in the weird construction site from the screen in the beginning. Which still is not explained.
"You are exactly where I want you!" She heard a familiar voice say. She looked around and saw that it was the Riolu that duelled Pikachu some time ago.
"Hey! Why did you bring me here?" She asked. Then she heard a voice she never wanted to here again. She turned and saw her father...
...The King of Games.
"Hello there run-away. Did you really think you could get away from me? I made it very clear that until you can duel properly. You can't leave me. However if you wanted to go you had the alternative option of finding a mate. So chose, you can either become mates with this very strong Riolu or you can come home with me?" Lucario sneered.
"What makes you think you can make my decisions for me?" She then went quiet as her father raised his palm up and flinched at the memory of the scar on her right leg.
"So make a decision. Me or him?" lucario said again.
"What do I do? Either way I'll be unhappy." Suddenly a yellow blur charged with electricity came by and smashed into Lucario screaming "VOLT TACKLE!"
"Pikachu!" Buneary exclaimed but then frowned to see her duel disk force activated.
"To think. If you just became my mate I wouldn't have to take your soul."
"Fine! If you want to duel! Let's duel!" Buneary responded, still a bit confused at the talk of losing souls.
(Buneary lp.4000 hand:6)
(Riolu lp.4000 hand:5)
Thank you for using a Pokemon move, Pikachu! And yeah, I'm gonna call the Lucario Not-Yugi from now own. So Buneary duels Riolu, and he activates the Seal of Orichalcos!
"I'll start with Limit Success. Due to this card the size of our hands can't exceed four!" "Now he can't summon Exodia!" She thought to herself. "Next I summon Obnoxious Celtic Guardian in attack mode!" An elven warrior appeared wearing green armour and stood next to Buneary. (lv.4atk:1400def:1200)"Turn end with a face down."
"I draw!"
(Buneary lp.4000 hand:6)
(Riolu lp.4000 hand:5)
"I activate the Seal Of Orichalcos!" Suddenly a luminous green ring appeared around them and formed a sort of pentagram shape in the middle. "Now I summon Dark Blade!" a monster wearing black and silver armour appeared and a smaller looking seal appeared on it's head. (lv.4atk:1800-2300def:1500-2000)
"The Seal of Orichalcos gives all my monsters a five hundred attack point boost. Now attack that wimpy monster with dark slash!" The dark warrior attacked the guardian. However the Obnoxious Celtic Guardian was still standing after. "What!"
"Forgot to mention that my guardian can't be beat in battle by monsters nineteen hundred or above." Buneary stated with a grin.
"Well you'll still take damage!" Just then Dark Blade turned and struck Buneary causing her to scream in pain.
Meanwhile, Pikachu and Not-Yugi are fighting when,
With Pikachu and Lucario
"Aura Sphere!" A ball of white energy was shot at Pikachu.
"Oh please I've thought Lucarios before IRON TAIL!" With a flick of the tail Pikachu flick the ball right back at Lucario as he was just over whelmed with the force and thrown back into a tree in which Pikachu heard a sickening CRACK!"Oh Arceus! I didn't mean to kill ya." Lucario, however, just started laughing.
"I've been wanting to die for a while child. I guess I knew hunting Buneary down was a death wish. Don't let this effect you. You're a good kid. Like you said it was an accident." Pikachu nodded and Lucario coughed up some blood. "But you should check on her." They then heard a huge scream.
"BUNEARY!" Pikachu ran as fast as his legs would take him towards the sound of the distressed bunny.
"Keep her safe..." Lucario said quietly to Pikachu before his hand fell limp. And lifeless.
(Keldeo rubs his eyes and rereads the passage. He looks overcome with disbelief)
Wow. . .I mean. . .wow. . .there are tons of things wrong with this scene.
First, how does Not-Yugi die that easily? What, did he spend all his time dueling so his physical body deteriorated? That's pretty stupid.
Second, how is tracking down your own defenseless daughter a death wish?
Third, why would you put blood on Pikachu's paws?! I don't want to read about Pikachu killing somebody!
Fourth, if Not-Yugi is this world's version of the King of Games, then wouldn't have been more spectacular to see him, oh, I don't know, maybe DUELING! How about Pikachu defeating him to defend Buneary? How about Buneary defeating him to earn her freedom and pay him back fro his evil.
Fifth, if you wanted to kill Not-Yugi off, why not have the Orichalcos take his soul instead of getting his spine snapped by one attack! According to this, Pokemon should be dying in battles everyday! Chimchar got more abuse from Paul's Ursaring!
Sixth, if you want us to feel bad for this character, you have to build up his back story. Why does he want to die? Did he feel remorse or guilt for what he did? Apparently not because he still appeared to be the spawn of Satan 3 minutes ago? Was he insane? Crazy? Possessed? Corrupted? On drugs? I don't know! What the heck is wrong with him?!
And seventh, what do you mean "keep her safe"? Not-Yugi didn't care about her safety! He gave her a huge scar, threatened to make her his punching bag again, and tried to force her to mate with some random guy who's a jerk! This was the most poorly written character I have ever seen in my entire life!
With Buneary
Buneary sat there clutching her side that was struck by the blade that the warrior wielded and to her horror she felt something wet...
...Blood.
"What the?" She said weakly before Riolu started laughing.
"Forgot to mention that the Orichalcos has an ancient magic that turns the monsters real!" Riolu said, mocking her from her earlier comment.
"What?..." She replied, weakly.
"Buneary!" Pikachu came running in and to his horror he saw that she was bleeding from her side and there was blood on the Dark Blade's sword.
"Damage is real Pikachu..." Pikachu's eyes widened as he went to get closer to Buneary to help her with her wound. But then hit into an invisible wall.
"What's this?"
"That would be there to stop anyone from interfering with our duel. Two go in one comes out. The loser loses their soul." Pikachu then tried futilely hitting the invisible wall with Iron Tail.
"I WON'T LET HER GET HURT!" Suddenly Buneary collapsed. "BUNEARY!"
"Hmp...The Seal doesn't take the weak so I'll let you both go for now." The Seal then faded allowing Pikachu to scoop Buneary up in his arms. "I'll be back. With friends. So be ready!"
"Pikachu..."
"Buneary! Are you okay!" she just put her arms around him while Pikachu ran off with her to find some help.
Wait, you're just letting her go? I would've liked to see how the duel would turn out. And don't you need a Orichalcos Stone to use the Seal? Oh well, I guess things work differently in the Pokemon world.
So in Chapter 6: Close Call, Pikachu gets Buneary some medical attention, and he goes to find his friends and tell them what happened. He runs into Chimchar, but then they're stopped before they can get back.
"Buneary was attacked by her father and the Riolu you made me duel earlier on in the week and then Riolu used this Spell that made monsters real and he ordered an attack from Dark Blade and now she's being treated by Chansey!" Pikachu said really quickly, without even taking a breath. "Come on!" Pikachu then turned around to run off. But a maniac type of laughing stopped him.
"Don't think you're going anywhere!" Then out of the forest came a blue Pokémon that had the same characteristics as a deer. He then shot towards the exit that Pikachu was about to take. "You'll have to beat me first!"
"And who are you?" Piplup asked. The creature the cackled wickedly again.
"I am Cobalion! One of the original seven!" Chimchar then had a look of realisation.
Hey look! It's Coballion! He's in this story-
Wait.
Why is he laughing evilly?
"Hey I know them! They tried to overthrow Arceus but had their butts handed to them by Mew and Giritina!" Chimchar stopped when Cobalion took a threatening step forward.
"I was taken by surprise! Anyway. Let's Duel!" Suddenly! Pikachu's duel disk activated on its own.
(Keldeo had a look of disbelief on his face)
Cobalion's a villain?
The author made Cobalion a villain?
(Keldeo sucked in his breath hard and clenched his teeth, his face contorted with anger)
He had the GALL, to make one of the most brave and honorable Legendary Pokemon of all time into a VILLAIN!?
NO!
NO!
THAT'S WRONG! THAT DOESN'T WORK! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
30 minutes later
I'm sorry about that outburst, it was over the top and. . .well. . .you understand. I don't like it when the Swords of Justice are displayed as. . .
THE VILLAIN? DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING? WHO IN THERE RIGHT MIND WOULD DO A THING LIKE THAT!
1 hour later
(Keldeo's hair is messed up and he looks very grouchy)
Alright already, I'm fine, let's get this scene over with.
"My move then!" Cobalion then smirked, which Pikachu knew was a bad sign.
(Cobalion lp.4000 hand:6)
(Pikachu lp.4000 hand:4)
"I activate the Seal of Orichalcos!" Pikachu's eyes widened as the same pentagram kind of shape appeared below them. "Now I summon Marauding Captain in attack mode." A fearsome yet battered monster came to the field and the same pentagram came to that monster's forehead. (lv.3atk:1200-1700def:400-900)
. . . . .
SLANDER THE SWORDS OF JUSTICE, WILL YOU? YOU WILL PAY! YOU WILL ALL PAY!
(Keldeo suddenly sprayed water on his face. He gasped and shook it off and breathed in and out a few times)
Okay, we're getting through this!
So (grrrrrr) Coballion summons the Earth Bound Immortal Whale- okay, you know what? Why don't you go all the way! Why not give him Hook the Hidden Knight, or maybe a few Mech Lord Emperors. . .Oh! I know! Give him the Millennium Ring! Oh my gosh, why is the author vilifying Cobalion like this! Not-Yugi was bad enough, but this is just insulting! He's a Sword of Justice! USE! BULBA! PEDIA!
"PIKACHU!" a female voice screeched. Pikachu then saw Buneary and everyone else he knew come out of the forest behind him and then they all stopped at the sight of the Earthbound Immortal.
"It's too late for them to help you. I activate Earthbound Force! Now my Immortal's Attack points and my life points will raise by five hundred. And if I discard three cards off the top of my deck to the graveyard to boost his power further." He carried out said action as the Whale boosted in power. (lv.10atk:3400-4400def:2900)"Now finish him!"
"NO!" Practically everyone shouted as the whale hit him head on and he flew back against the barrier that they where in. They all heard a bunch of cracks. As did Pikachu.
"Dam! That was almost all my bones! I can hardly feel my limbs!" Pikachu bit his tongue back as to not give him the satisfaction of hearing pain.
Uh, then you shouldn't be able to move. . .
(Cobalion lp.2900 hand:0)
(Pikachu lp.0 hand:4)
Wow. . .so . . .I guess it's up to Buneary and Chimchar to save the world. I didn't this this fanfic would pull something like this but-
"Ah...It feels good to get a soul for the Leviathan." Cobalion said as the Seal then got smaller and surrounded Pikachu.
I'm sorry, I can't let this go. This is like Pinkie Pie in Cupcakes, Rainbow Dash in Rainbow Factory, Celestia and Luna in Ask Princess Molestia, and EVERYONE in Friendship is Withcraft! Yeah. . .I went there. This crude caricature of Cobalion is a cruddy disgrace.
"NO!" Everyone called again. Cobalion stopped laughing at a sudden realisation.
Yellow, green, yellow, green, yellow, green...
"What's with the light show?" Cobalion demanded to know. Chimchar then snapped his fingers.
"Guys there's hope! When Morphtronic Lighton is in defence mode and its controller's life points hit zero. It spins roulette. And if it lands on a green light his life points will recover by one hundred." As he said this the roulette kept spinning until it landed...
...on GREEN!
Lighton then turned towards Pikachu and shone a sparkling light.
(Cobalion lp.2900 hand:0)
(Pikachu lp.100 hand:4)
"My turn!" Pikachu shouted drawing his card.
(Keldeo shrugged)
That's Yu-Gi-Oh for ya! They always have cards with abilities that seem like cheating.
(Cobalion lp.2900 hand:0)
(Pikachu lp.100 hand:5)
Suddenly the Pink tail mark on his arm began to shine before a card was produced. Pikachu then smirked. He had the requirements on his field. "Now I'm giving Power Tool a TUNE UP!"
Lighton then became one green ring that went right over Power Tool. Weakening his metal.
"Strength of life. Break free from the prison of steel. Rise with courage and strength. Evolve! LIFE STREAM DRAGON!"
A golden Dragon broke out of the yellow armour and out came a monster with four wings, a blade on it's left arm, that had a lot of similarities too that of Power Tool Dragon. "Now his ability activates! If my life points are lower than two thousand. They become two thousand!"
Golden stardust then rained down on him and even some of the crowd. When Pikachu stood up afterwards he saw that all his bones where healed.
He then looked to the crowd and saw that Buneary's cut was sealed up completely.
Now that was a Dues Ex Machina!
(Cobalion lp.2900 hand:0)
(Pikachu lp.2000 hand:5)
"Now attack him directly! Healing Shock Roar!" Life Stream threw his head back and fired a wave of yellow energy which finished Cobalion off.
(Cobalion lp.0 hand:0)LOSE
(Pikachu lp.2000 hand:5)WIN
And so, in Chapter 7, Visit From Mew, we say goodbye to the most out of character character since. . .all those examples I previously mentioned.
The Seal then became much smaller and surrounded Cobalion. "NO! How could I have been defea..." He did not get time to finish his rant his rant as a green light enveloped him and he fell on the floor in a heap...
Not breathing.
Wrong! When the Seal takes someone, the body is still alive. However, the body's only an empty shell.
So, the Legendaries decide to pay our heroes a visit. Also Pikachu and Buneary finally confess their feelings.
"Is it just my duelling skills that your interested in?" She asked. Pikachu then shook his head furiously.
"Heck no! If that were true we wouldn't last that long! You're just an amazing person! You're smart, fun, caring, determined and beautiful!" Pikachu held a massive blush after his little rant which was now very visible. Buneary then looked into his eyes for any deception in his words. When she found none, she smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist.
"Good cause if you were toying with my emotions I would have to Dizzy Punch you." She said back half teasingly, half threateningly which Pikachu found quite weird until Buneary kissed him.
She got him by surprise but still managed to recover before kissing back. Both of them were extremely happy to be in this position until they heard someone clapping, slowly.
"Ah...So I was right." They both broke apart and turned to see the Riolu from before. "It's a shame I have to cut this short." Pikachu then got in front of Buneary and spread his arms out protectively in front of her.
"What are you doing here?" Pikachu shouted at him. He just laughed.
"What do you think? I've come to claim your soul!" He said.
Wow, he's an idiot. Riolu lost to Pikachu already! Why does he think he stands a chance this time?
"Now hang on!" They all heard another voice say. "You already caused them harm. So you'll have to go through me!" Suddenly a bright light flashed and Pikachu held a really big smile to see a very familiar pink kitten that he has seen on many occasions.
"MEW!" Pikachu shouted relieved. Mew smirked.
"The one and only!" Mew said dong a flip in the air. Then he turned towards the Rilou. "Now then. Let's duel!" Mew shouted, activating his duel disk.
"Yes let's!" Riolu shouted back. Buneary just looked shocked.
"You know Mew!" Then she thought again. "Actually. Never mind you've seen a lot of Legendaries."
So Mew has Yusei's deck, and Riolu now has Gorzoburro Kaiba's deck, complete with Exodia Necross. However, I always thought that card was stupid. Why summon a strong monster by discarding Exodia pieces when you can win automatically just by holding all five pieces in your hand?
Anyway, Riolu activates the Seal and summons Exodia Necross, which is obviously bad news for Mew. You know, you could have just attacked Riolu? Like a Pokemon? Isn't Mew supposed to know every move?
Then the full black Exodia appeared and smirked at his opponents as the Orichalcos emblem appeared on it's forehead. (lv.4atk:1800-2300def:0-500)
"What is that thing?" Buneary exclaimed in fear. Pikachu hugged her to try and comfort her. But he was just as scared of the monstrosity as she was.
"This is the element of the legendary Mew's defeat!" He declared and started cackling like a maniac.
"Mew. I hope you have a plan." Junk Warrior said to his controller.
"I wish I did Junk Warrior! But this thing looks tough! I better step my game up, or I may never duel again!"
Oh yeah, and Mew can talk to Duel Spirits, I guess.
So, in Chapter 8:Unwanted Explanations, Mew performs a strategy so awesome, so clever, you have to see it for yourself.
(Mew lp.4000 hand:0)WIN
(Riolu lp.0 hand:4)LOSE
The Seal then got smaller around Riolu as he glowed green before falling limp on the floor. Mew turned towards the spectators and smiled. "And that takes care of that!" He said cheerfully.
"Whoa!" Pikachu said. "That was awesome! You'll have to duel me soon!" He then went on to say. Mew chuckled.
"You bet dude!" Mew sad happily. He then got serious. "But for now I need everyone to be here or another, larger area. I need to talk to you all." Buneary looked at him confused.
"What about sir?" Buneary asked. Mew laughed awkwardly.
"Don't call me sir please. It makes me feel old. And I'll tell you when everyone's present."
"Alright the field is a much larger area than here. Let's go!" Pikachu said. Leading the other two to the field where all the Pokémon usually are.
Well, the author got Mew's gender right, so there's that.
With everyone in the field
"Oh my Arceus! It's Mew!" some of the Pokémon in the group exclaimed, shocked to see the Legendary ancestor Pokémon just floating there casually.
"Alright I think everyone is here." Pikachu said to Mew who, in turn, nodded back to him looking anxious. "What's up?"
"I'm just waiting for the other Legendaries." Mew said calmly. This surprised Pikachu.
"Wait! All of the Legends are coming here?" As if to answer his question a huge flash was seen. When it cleared it showed all thirty seven other legendaries. Alicia then saw Mew and pounced on him.
"DADDY!" She squealed in a high pitched voice. Pikachu looked at him oddly.
"Your a dad? Since when?"
"Since a few days ago." Celebi the flew over to hm.
"You'd think that I would be use to the stupid and reckless stuff that you do. But I guess I'm not." Mew was going to apologize but then Celebi stopped him by kissing him. Se then broke off and smiled at him. "But that's what I love about you." Mew smiled back. They then heard giggling and looked down to see Alicia looking up at them.
"Ew...Kissy face! Daddy's got cooties!" Alicia said before jumping up and doing a twirl of happiness in the air.
Ha-ha. It's funny because. . .cute little child?
"Aww...She's so cute!" Piplup squealed. Alicia giggled at this.
"Can we get to the topic please?" Arceus announced. The others immediately grew silent and looked towards the god Pokémon. Some in wonder, some in anticipation and some in just plain boredom. "Alright Latios! You tell them what's going on." Pikachu then looked shocked.
"Whoa! I thought you died!" He then checked his words. "Sorry."
"It's quite alright. I'm use to people saying stuff like that now." Latios waved off. "Now then..." He then went on to tell them everything from the previous chapter.
Okay, on one hand, that was funny. On the other hand, do you mean book one of this Pokemon/Yu-Gi-Oh trilogy? And what if we didn't read book one? How are we supposed to know? I guess you gotta read the first one!
So, now that they're filled in, the chosen Duelists are ready to fight the Orichalcos in any way they can! Also, they get some new cards! And some heart to heart!
With Uxie and Chimchar
"Okay now. Why do ya' need to talk to me?" Chimchar asked. Uxie sighed.
"It's about the Kadabra you duelled the other day." Chimchar knew exactly what he was talking about. "I'm sorry." Now Chimchar looked at him oddly.
"Why are you sorry? It wasn't your fault."
"Yes it was. He was a follower of mine. I didn't want a fan club. Especially one that thinks I only use my knowledge in duelling. I take risks as well as you. I guess I wanted to show them they were wrong about me by giving you that mark." Uxie explained. Chimchar then sighed.
"Look dude. You're beating yourself up too hard. It wasn't your fault that they thought that about you. I mean, I can see where they got that assumption from. But it isn't your fault." Uxie looked at him and smiled.
"Thanks I guess. And there is another reason I wanted to talk to you. I had to use a substantial amount of energy for this but I want you to take this." Uxie then handed Chimchar a card.
Red Nova Dragon.
"Other than Red Dragon Archfiend. This is my strongest card." Chimchar then did something unexpected.
He hugged Uxie.
Thanks for helping me beat Kadabra. If it weren't for you. Who knows what would have happened?" Uxie smiled and got a strange feeling.
"Is this what it might be like to be a father?" He wondered to himself.
With Pikachu and Mew
"Accelasynchro? What's that?" Pikachu asked. Mew scratched his head.
"Well it's sort of a more powerful synchro summon. Oh yeah and you'll need these." Mew then handed Pikachu two cards.
Formula Synchron, Shooting Star Dragon.
"Now don't lose those! Those took forever to duplicate!" Mew warned. Pikachu nodded and Mew smiled at him. "You know. How about I duel you in the centre field where we just were? After all of this is over. With everyone in the Hall and in the Lab watching. It'll be fun!" Mew exclaimed, doing a flip in the air.
"You bet! I can't wait to really put Life Stream to the test!" Pikachu exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air.
"Well that's all the more reason to finish the Leviathan off!" Mew said.
"Yup now you better go! Celebi and Alicia are waiting after all." Mew then snapped his fingers.
"Oh right!"
"Congrats on the family anyway. It makes me think what t will be like when I get there." Pikachu said. "Is it as hard as they say?"
"Oh yeah. It's defiantly tough." Pikachu frowned at this but then Mew smiled at him. "But the difficulties are worth it to see my little girl smile." Mew said.
I like these two scenes a lot. There's good character interaction, good character development, and good build up for some awesome duels in the future. So, things seem to be going smoothly, and I'm expecting good things from this story. . .
. . .but I have this feeling. . .that something's gonna happen later on in this story that will really get me mad. . .
Maybe it's from that scene with Cobalion, I don't know.
. . .or maybe it's because of a certain piece of bad news I received about Season 2 of Keldeo and the Swords of Justice!
Speaking of which, I need to have a talk with Matthais. I'll be right back.
We'll be right back!
The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.
