Chapter 53: What I want


Author: This is thy author speaking, so bow and listen. Just kidding. Anyway I'm back. So the reason I'm up here this time is…..listen to the song: "Mad World" By Gary Jules when you listen to this...I actually think that song fits this 'story' in general, tel me if you think it does or not. Love ya.!


'You know what they say right? When Life gives you lemons, you make lemonade….well when Life gives you something you can't handle….do you go insane?' This was the only thing that I asked myself as I stood there in the haunting whispery dark. The grass was black, the trees were black; everything in this world was dark; besides the moon. It was the only thing that bright lightness but even that light seemed cursed.

'Do you go insane?' The question seemed to be murmured throughout the dark as I walked down the graveled path that seemed to be set and waiting for me.

I couldn't think of anything to cheer me up...the only thing that came to mind was a song...a single song that I began to hum to as I walked.

"All around me are familiar faces…..Worn out places, worn out faces….Bright and early for the daily races….Going nowhere, going nowhere….." My lips trembled as the breeze cut across them with vengeance literally leaving tiny slits across the thin skin.

I stopped walking as the moonlight glimmered and the wind rose even higher, it whipped things around me tore at the trees causing me to cover my ears kneeling to the ground to wait for the end.

When the wind was over I opened my eyes a slit to see and they widened as my hands dropped from my ears. I felt my skin numb at the sight. Everyone I had ever known stood between the bushes on each side of the path. Everyone was there, even the man who asked me out at my work so long ago. Everyone from my childhood, every teacher. And then my newest people, the task force, Watari. I stopped next to the ghostly figure of L whose eyes glanced at me warily.

"It's almost like when someone dies in a movie, they have their life flash before their eyes….is that what is going on?" I was so confused, I felt tears rise to my face.

"Their tears are filling up their glasses….No expression, no expression….Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow….No tomorrow, no tomorrow….."

Slight tears dripped from my face as I continued on walking even though I felt L's eyes on my back. I stopped dead still as I passed by the last of the task force. In the middle of the walkway stood my Mother and sister.

"Mom? Elizabeth?" They stared at me as I took the last remaining steps, Elizabeth smiled at me. I couldn't help the small chuckle at her grin and sweet face, finally after all the horrible dreams of her telling me she hated me...and here she was smiling up at me.

"And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad…..The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had…..I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take….When people run in circles its a very, very Mad world, mad world."

I brought my hand up to caress her cheek but it ghost through, my hand trembled and shivered as it had just been soaked with ice. Elizabeth's eyes widened and then she faded away.

"NO come back LIZZIE!" I cried looking around desperately but she was nowhere to be seen, I felt saddened at the loss of her once again.

"Children waiting for the day they feel good….Happy birthday, happy birthday…..And I feel the way that every child should…...Sit and listen, sit and listen….."

I turned slowly to Mother whose eyes remained in front of her; she didn't look at me or smile like Elizabeth had. So as my hand reached up to see if she'd leave to, I stopped it and walked past her trying to choke down the sorrows that burst through me.

"Went to school and I was very nervous…..No one knew me, no one knew me…..Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?...Look right through me, look right through me…"

"Hailey," my blood turned ice cold at the voice, I knew that voice. I knew it well, to well. I turned dreading that voice, dreading my sight, dreading it all.

Father stood there smiling in all his infamous pathetic glory. "So you finally came to join us." He gestured tiredly towards the other spirits.

"I don't understand….what do you mean. Some of the people here aren't dead….so this can't be Hell or Heaven." I looked over his shoulder to still see the spirits standing where they had been.

"This is neither Heaven nor Hell, it is a dream world where you never have to wake up. No one from the human realm that has journeyed to the world of 'Death Note' has ever touched the notebook itself. You are special. So everything you see here can be yours. You can stay here and hug your dear sister who you've missed dearly. Your mother and I are sane here so we can be a family again." He held his hand out towards me in a kind gesture, if it had been anyone else I knew they would have followed him. But I knew him, I remember every little thing he made me endure, every day was hell. I couldn't stop the chuckle that rose from my lips causing my Father to pull back his hand slightly as he stared at me.

"And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad…..The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had….I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take….When people run in circles its a very, very...Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world...Mad world…."

"You really think I'd ever want to stay here? Especially with you? I would never give you a second chance!" I spat angrily as I shook my head. "This place is fake, it's neither heaven nor hell, it's just a dream. A dream where nothing is real." I turned to see my Mother and Sister standing there waiting for me gesturing for me to come; I felt myself falter only for a second.

"And yes it would be great to hold my sister once more…...but NOT if she's a fake." I said swinging a backhand towards my Father knowing it would go through but got a surprise when he caught my hand with his own.

"You would chose the real world where everyone you know and love is dead, a world that isn't even your own?" I tried to pull away but his grip tightened painfully causing it to go numb from the pain.

"Yes." He glared down at me.

"Why?" I smiled at his question.

"And I find it kind of funny, I it kind of sad….the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take...When people run in circles its a very, very Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world….Mad World…."

"If you guys had come to me months ago when I was back in the normal world I would have said yes to this in an instant….but now. I have people that care. I LOVE someone Daddy. I want him more than anything you have to offer…." I smiled allowing the tears to fall. "Please Daddy, believe me. If you are different than what you used to be like then you should be happy for me...so please let go!" I tried to pull my hand away but it was still tightly held in his grip, I could feel his nails digging into my hand.

"You dare to defy your own Father?" He asked angrily bringing up his ghosted hand and swung it towards me. My eyes widened before I closed them and waited for the strike….it never came.

I opened one eye to find my Father's hand being held back by Mathan who was not a ghost; he was completely flesh and blood.
His orange eyes flashed with anger as he shoved my Father back. Father growled angrily as he took in Mathan.

"Mathan!" I turned to see my ghost-like Mom staring straight at Mathan who turned to look at her, his eyes flashed sympathetically towards her.

Mathan turned away from her and placed a hand on my shoulder causing me to flinch slightly but I shook it of.

"Come on we need to leave, this is no place for you." He placed one arm around my shoulders and the other clutched my hand in his as we walked away. "Close your eyes and cover your ears, don't listen to them." He muttered bringing her head to his chest covering my ear with his hand while the other pressed into his jacket.

Before closing my eyes I saw the ghost of L walking up to us saying something to Mathan who felt like he nodded.


"You can open your eyes now." Mathan said as he sat me down on what felt like to be a rock. I opened them to meet his eyes. We were still in the woods but we were no longer surrounded by ghosts.

"H-How are you here?" I asked shaking from the experience of turning down the love of my family.

"All people who are sent to other worlds have some abilities, I was luckily able to follow you in but….you'll have to get out yourself." I stood there staring at him wondering exactly what he mean.

"How do I get back then? Do I go that way?" I pointed down the path that led off into darkness. Mathan sighed placing his hands on his waist.

"You can go that way if you want, it doesn't matter which way really, the result is the same." He placed a hand on my shoulder smiling at me lightly as he knelt down to become eye level with you. "Are you ok Hailey? I know that was very traumatizing for you but the longer you stay here the more you wound your mind. You need to leave as soon as possible, so I'd start walking." He traced my face with his ring finger causing me for some reason to smile.

"I'm sorry that I didn't come in time." He leaned forward and to my surprise, hugged me to his chest. It was true I had met Mathan a few times….but a hug? I wasn't sure how to think about it.

He pulled back and smiled before taking a few steps back, the mist dripping around his receding form.

"WAIT!" I called to him jumping from the boulder, my leg's buckling to the ground, knees hit the gravel of the road as I tried to grasp his arm but he was already vanishing.

"Get out, now Hailey." His voice became the wind and then he was gone.

I sat there shivering as fear overrode my senses, I brought my scratched up knees up to my forehead and sat there looking around with frightened eyes. The mist was surrounding like a pack of wolves.

"They wanted me to stay...how could I say no? This was my big chance to have my family back? To hold Elizabeth, tell her and Mother how sorry I am. To no longer worry about dying or living…...Why!" I whined slightly wrapping my arms around my head which began to ache considerably hard. My arms and legs began to ache as the questions swam through my head over and over causing my to think twice about my choice.

I had stood up as if in the middle of trance and had begun to walk back the way we'd come, the way I knew where my family was. They wanted me, they needed me, and I wanted them more than anything.

"Hail?...Hailey?" I stopped at the voice...it sounded familiar but whose voice was it? "Hail please wake up." The voice seemed to be coming from above the trees filling the entire area...but I couldn't see anyone. "Hail." The voice was more forceful now, it was so familiar but I couldn't tell who it was...blast it who was it!?
"Hailey." I felt my body warm as whoever it was said my name. What was this warm feeling...had I ever had it before? And suddenly I saw an image in my head of random pieces like a puzzle, I picked them up and began to piece them together...it was a person, a man with messy black hair as black as a crow mass of feathers, black eyes to match with a lighter ring surrounding it, pale skin like it had never seen the sun, a slouched form. I stared at the image in my head trying to put the pieces together to form the face correctly. And when I was done I was staring at a young man….a very familiar looking man. Those eyes that stared back into mine, the one's that couldn't read my soul…

L.

L. Lawliet.

The name crossed my mouth and tasted sweet upon my lips as if they were meant to be there. He was the reason I had chosen to stay, he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. He was the one I would ever want. That was why I had not chosen my family.

"L."
"Hailey?" The voice asked again.

"L!" I screamed as I ran down the road, through the mist begging with my entire being to see him again, at least one more time before I died. My feet flew across the ground as I continued to push myself, but before I could go any farther I ran into a wall. I fell backwards crying in pain as I landed on my hand.

I gasped twitching a few fingers to make sure it wasn't broken. I then looked up to see what I'd run into, it was a wall of see through glass. On the other side I could see me sleeping in a hospitable bed with L holding my hand leaning over me saying my name a few more times before pacing around the room looking at me every second.

I smiled and pushed myself up from the ground and slammed the palm of my hands into the glass. "L!" I screamed beating on the glass.

I saw my body tremble back in the other world causing L to come back to stand by the head brushing some hair from my face.

Growling I brought back my one hand. "There is where I want to be, I want him, I want that life while I still can." The desires flashed through my hand as I swung my fist.

"L!" I screamed as my fist connected with the glass, the glass sliced through my knuckles as my hand went through. the glass shattered around me and I fell.

Down and down into the rabbit hole, the blackness filled my ears and mouth causing me to go limp.


Author: Well then, that was an extremely interesting chapter. I personally had no clue what I was going to write when I began. I was like we are just going to jump to the scene with L and her in the hospitable...but as I began to write I turned on the one song 'Mad World' and began to write….and this is what I got. It's quite good actually :) Hope you enjoyed it.

And thanks to all who review! ( And no Hailey isn't dead….yet :