Cop 1: This is your brain.
Cop 2: And this is your brain on Avatar.
Cop 1: We're just looking out for you, Samtana. We know you're a good kid. We just don't want you to go bad. We've seen it happen to good kids like you before.
Samtana: But I don't own Avatar!
Cops 1 and 2: [looking at each other] Denial.
Cop 2: It's the first sign you have a problem.
Cop 1: Look, Samtana, Avatar is addictive. Do you know what that kind of addiction can do to you?
Samtana: No, because I don't own Avatar!
Cop 2: [forehead in hand] My word.
Cop 1: Think about your family. Think about your wife and kids.
Samtana: Wife and kids? What in the world…?
Cop 2: [to Cop 1] He's already forgotten about his wife and kids.
Samtana: But I'm not…!
Cop 1: What about Godzilla? Huh? How do you think Godzilla's going to feel about this? [tearing up] Oh, my…
Cop 2: [hugging Cop 1, patting him on the back] There, there. Sh, now. [to Samtana] See what you did? Apologize to Cop 1!
Samtana: His name is really Cop 1?
On Ji: This is my Confession? Oh, crap.
On Ji's Confession
Hide draped an arm around the rigid On Ji, grinning at her through one side of his mouth as if the other side were too tired. "Hey, Babe," he cooed. "Whadaya say we go kick some puppies together after school together?"
On Ji pushed herself away. "Hide, we need to talk," she said. She was not ashamed or self-aware. She looked him right in the eyes. "I know how much you love torturing creatures smaller and weaker than you, but I think we should see other people."
The half-smile faded as Hide lost the energy to keep any muscles of his face up anymore. "But… I thought you loved kicking puppies… do you want to dump water on sleeping babies instead? We can do that! I'm flexible!"
On Ji shook her head with conviction. "Hide, I met someone while I was on vacation in the Earth Kingdom with my family. Remember how I told you I can't resist big, muscular jocks?" Hide nodded, his lower lip quivering. "Well, I met the biggest, strongest jock with the biggest, strongest muscles in the whole world." She flicked his forehead. "You're obsolete. Go kick puppies on your own."
Meanwhile the crowd at Earth Rumble fidgeted anxiously in their seats, leaning forward or standing up to see over the heads in front of them. The Boulder was being led, in metal handcuffs, off the arena by an undercover cop.
"But she told the Boulder she was 18!" pleaded the Boulder.
"Yeah, that's what they all say," said the cop, sucking on a cigarette. He whipped out his walkie talkie. "Foamy, come in, Foamy. The perv is in custody. I repeat, the perv is in custody. Over."
A static but solid voice came through the other end: "Roger that, Cabbage Man. Foamy is moving in on the bogie. Over."
"Affirmative. Careful, Foamy. Bogie is known to be feisty. You might want to call in some Ju Dee backup. Over."
"Understood. Foamy out."
"Cabbage Man out."
With that the Foamy Mouth Guy kicked down Samtana's door, charging into the room where he sat hunched over at his computer, his wide eyes bloodshot from a lack of sunlight. He struggled against the undercover officer to type the last words of his story, but
