Hi so it's a little short and a little late :l Sorry. Btdubbs I think I'm probably going to round this off within the next five chapters, hope you enjoyed the story :)

Disclaimer: Don't Own

Chapter 53

"Do you have a bad feeling about Halloween this year, honey?" James asks, spreading out on the couch, his favourite spot on a boring, rainy afternoon.

The rain used to be so inspiring, constant rushing, a fresh scent, a cool breeze.

"Just because Dumbledore has your cloak doesn't mean this Halloween is going to be bad," I roll my eyes as I stroll in, rocking Harry gently in my arms.

But when you're a bird in a cage, the rushing is relentless, the scent can't get indoors, the breeze never reaches you.

"There's no need to be so snappy about it," he mutters, gazing dully at the ceiling.

"I'm not being snappy about it!" I snap, dropping Harry into his cot a little more roughly than usually before immediately regretting it and stroking his little head to sleep.

"There you go again," James says, not budging an inch.

"Look, you can just shut up and stop being so unappreciative!" I snap, stalking up to him. "I don't have the power or time to let you out of this place and I have to look after Harry, okay! I'm just saying something, there's no need to tell me I'm being snappy!" My voice rises both in octave and volume. "Why don't you just get up and help me clean up Harry's mess? All you're doing is sitting there groaning and moaning!"

"I am not! And I helped you get his socks the other day!" James insists, sitting up, indignant. "There's no need to overreact, honey."

"Don't you honey me!" I yell back, and I can't understand why I'm being such a *censored* but my head is spinning and there's an unbearable heat in my throat although the atmosphere is almost dripping with intangible icicles. "I hate being here! Do you think you're the only one?! I'm stuck in a little house with a listless husband and wailing baby. I can't do anything. I'm bored to tears. I'm terrified for my life. I'm terrified for your life, and Harry's life! I hate this! Okay? I'm so tired, mentally. I don't know what to do. It's like… waiting here in a slaughterhouse and the morning brings death, and I can see the sun peeping over the horizon. I don't know what to say, what to do, what-what-anything! I don't know, and I'm scared!"

For a moment I stand there and regard James' alarmed face before I release a breath and stomp out, locking myself in the bedroom and plopping onto the bed.

I love staring at the ceiling. Calm. Meaningless. Silent.

My head turns to the door as it vibrates slightly.

"Hey," James whines. "If you want me to come after you and comfort you – which I know you do – at least don't lock the door! My wand's in there, you know."

"Go away!" I yell hoarsely, though for some reason I want to smile.

"Lileeeee," he whines, reminding me immensely of Rosalie. I wonder how she's doing. "Let moi eeeeen!"

I hear a very obviously fake baby's crying.

"HE'S CRYING, LILY," James calls, punctuating his words with fake crying. "YOU HAVE TO COME OUT NOW."

"You're a terrible actor, James!" I reply, biting a knuckle to choke back a laugh.

Then I hear a true-blue wail of baby annoyingness.

"Ah crap."

James scurries downstairs and I run nimbly (as in I nearly skidded on the rug and bashed my hip against a table corner and let loose a deluge of unnecessary profanity) to the door, my ear pressed to the wood.

"Oh Harry," I hear a muffled voice softly cooing and my travels down to the floor. "Mummy's being real grumpy right now. Sometimes, Harriez, Daddy wishes we didn't have to be in here. I like it that I get this whole house to just you, me and Mummy but sometimes it's like being caged up. Mummy gets so frustrated sometimes. I wish she wouldn't. I wish I knew how to make her happier. But I'm a guy so I don't know. You'll understand in the future, buddy. Just hope you'll get as wonderful a woman as Lily. She makes my day, you know. Even when I'm sad and she's angry. She just… brightens everything, you know? No, you don't. But you will one day. I love her so much. It's just an unexplainable attraction. Like it was meant to happen, like we've been falling in love for many lives. You probably don't understand. But you will one day. What am I saying? Ah, you should sleep, Harry. You're going to survive this. I promise. We all will. It may not seem so but I promise… we will pull through this nightmare."

I quietly unlock the door and roll onto the bed, covering myself in the fluffy blanket.

Nightmares.

The bleeding photograph of me, of James, of Harry. I haven't told James yet, haven't told him how I know we won't pull through. How we're going to slip away and leave little crying Harry behind.

Oh Harry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. Everything is my fault. I continuously obsess over this, I know, but I can't get rid of this eternal, coiling guilt, how I'm condemning you to a life of such pain.

The door creaks and James wraps an arm around my waist, snuggling into the nape of my neck.

There's no need for words. We know there's love. But I really wish that I had said the words, those three words that I knew meant so much, beca-

There's only his words in my head.

My wand!

Downstairs on the couch.

James'?

His too.

I'm shoving away cardboard boxes, kicking away chairs. Running. Aimlessly. Anywhere. Away.

But I'm trapped. We're trapped. I'm so sorry, Harry. I'm screaming. You're crying. I hear a thud, and I know what lies lifeless on the floor. There are tears in my eyes. I can feel the dread drawing closer. I push past a door, and another. I mustn't stop, I mustn't give up. I mustn't let him hurt you. The monster. I'm sobbing as I cradle you in my arms. I can feel you flailing. You're so scared but you don't know what's happening. If only you knew, darling. I fling the door shut behind me and now there are only walls. I lay you in your crib. I hear him coming. There are tears trailing down my cheeks. I can feel their warmth. I look at you. One last time. You've stopped crying, miraculously. You look up at me. I smile at you. One last time. You giggle. I let out a soft chuckle. One last time. I swoop down. I place my lips softly on your forehead. One last time.

And I say those three words.

"I love you."

One last time.

The door bangs open.

And I know that I have to be brave.

One last time.

I jerk up, my head spinning. It's warm under the blankets, and I throw it off me, pushing back hair from my sweaty forehead. I heave, sitting on the edge of the bed. It's tranquil. Quiet. Peaceful.

"Lily darling?"

James slides a warm arm around my waist, burying his head sleepily in the small of my back. "You okay, baby?"

Outside is a shimmering stretch of dark velvet. A sliver of silver hangs, motionless, in the sky, shining with a soft, flawless radiance.

"Baby?"

I look down at James' half-lidded eyes as he yawns and hugs me closer, curling around me like a little child, looking up at me with sleepy concern.

"I'm okay, darling," I say softly.

"Ok," James lets out before snuggling back into me and falling asleep again. I look out. Something is eluding me. It's too calm. Too peaceful. Too happy. Like I'm in a void, and outside chaos is erupting.

But somehow I don't know what.

The nightmare that haunted my sleep moments ago has slipped away.

There is only calm now. And I can feel that this calm will go on for a long time.

And suddenly I'm possessed by a strange determination.

That in another dimension a world is in flames, but I have escaped that world.

And with James I will rebuild my life here.

An aching feeling of elusiveness clamps onto the back of my mind.

It begins the rain.

The rushing is freeing. The scent is renewing. The breeze wraps around me.

The rain washes away all fear, all unhappiness.

It washes away that elusiveness.

And I forgot everything in a brand new world, of which I will rebuild everything that has been torn down.

I will begin again.