If It Meant Living - Chapter 49
"The End of the World"
Six Months Later
Shepard gazed impassively at the Defense Committee.
…or at least as impassively as she could muster. Five-plus months on, it was getting nigh impossible to keep a neutral expression in the face of their sheer stupidity. As she waited for them to say anything worth hearing she reached up absently and tucked her hair behind her ear. It was a tick, a habit; her hair didn't need tucking anymore. Over the last six months she had let it grow out considerably. It now fell just below her shoulders, and had grown darker and richer in color.
She cringed inwardly; such vanity was probably below her. Especially in the Detention Center, where no one was ogling her. Especially with the Reapers coming, when no one would be ogling anyone or anything. Kaidan had stopped trying to see her months ago, so he wouldn't be ogling her…exactly as she had intended. All according to plan. Terrific. Splendid. Fucking wonderful. Nonetheless, she liked the longer hair, and that would have to be enough.
"We might be in a position to make a final determination soon. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to contact the Hegemony in several weeks…"
That was worth hearing. "You haven't been able to contact them because the Reapers have already destroyed them."
"Now, there is no evidence to suggest that – "
"Are you kidding? The Batarian Hegemony never passes on an opportunity to complain. Loudly. If they are off the grid then that means nothing good. The Reapers were already in their cluster when I destroyed the Relay six months ago. I'm sorry, sir, but they are dead. Or worse."
"Perhaps. We will inform you when we require your presence again."
"Right. Of course. Sirs."
She made an effort not to storm out. As the doors closed behind her though, she turned and punched the wall in frustration. Vega was on her in an instant, grabbing her arm and pulling it back.
"Commander!"
She turned to meet his stare, bearing an icy expression that would have invoked terror in the fiercest enemy. He dropped her arm and instinctively took a step back.
"We are all going to die, James."
She turned from him and strode rapidly down the hall, leaving him staring after her, the look on his face a mix of confusion and sudden dread.
A few minutes later she stepped inside her…Quarters? Cell? Home? The same as every night the last six months.
Yet tonight was different – for tonight she knew one thing without a doubt. The Reapers were coming, and they were coming now.
She was up half the night – going back through files and data, reading news of the confused reports coming out of Batarian space, pacing back and forth in the small room, slamming her head back against the wall, muttering in frustration to Kaidan's picture on her desk – where it still sat every night despite her best attempts to put it away forever.
The last six months had lived up to her expectations – they had been a nightmare. A long, slow-motion, slideshow nightmare. And now it seemed they would end with a Reaper invasion and the death of everyone.
She had been locked in, cut off, disarmed, disabled, rendered powerless. She had nonetheless spent nearly all her evenings scouring the extranet for signs of the coming invasion – and in the last weeks had begun to see them. She had spent countless hours pouring over her and Liara's old files on the Protheans, looking for clues, information, anything that could point to a way.
But there was nothing. Nothing new, nothing to give hope, nothing to provide direction. And when she finally lay down and closed her eyes that night, there was only Sovereign's voice.
We are eternal. Before us, you are nothing. You exist because we allow it. And you will die, because we demand it. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. We are the end of everything.
She dreamed of blood and death and the ruin of the galaxy.
... ... ...
She stood at the window idly watching a young boy play with a toy fighter in the park below – though her mind was elsewhere – when Vega knocked at the door…but then entered immediately. Interesting.
"Commander, the Committee needs to see you. They say it's urgent."
Do they now.
When contemplating the coming war the night before, she hadn't actually realized that "now" meant now. She was going to need a gun. Or an amp. Preferably both. A ship. A crew. A miracle.
She turned away from the window and nodded decisively. For all that despair had threatened to overtake her the night before, in the morning light she knew that no matter what…she would fight.
"Let's go."
She glanced over at Vega as they walked quickly along the corridor. "Do you know what this is about, by chance?"
"Couldn't say, ma'am."
Anderson came around the corner then. She smiled in spite of herself, but noted his purposeful stride and serious demeanor.
When he reached her she shook his hand, then turned slightly and met his stride. "Is it time?"
"Probably. We've got reports from the early warning system of massive signatures at the edge of solar space, but no word from the fleet. Something big is coming our way, but we don't know what."
She stopped cold. "Of course we know what."
He looked back at her and closed his eyes for a brief moment. "Maybe not. Maybe…"
She dropped her chin and gazed up at him. "Anderson, I wish like hell it wasn't…but you know it is. Zero Hour. Judgment Day. Whatever the hell you want to call it. Time's up."
He was still for a time, then finally nodded. "Yeah. And we're not ready."
She resumed walking rapidly beside him. "Face it, we were never going to be ready. At least thanks to you and Hackett we're a little more ready than we were before."
He glanced over at her as they turned the next corner. "We'd have been more ready if you had been out there. I'm sorry, Shepard."
She gave him a genuine smile and a quick hand squeeze. "It wasn't your fault. It's time you stopped apologizing." He found a startlingly honest smile for her in return.
As they entered the Command Center Vega stopped to take up his post. "Good luck, Commander."
She turned to shake his hand. "Are you ready for the big show, Lieutenant? Because it's coming."
"I'm ready to kick ass if kicking ass is required, ma'am."
She grinned. "Good. We're going to need a lot of that. We're going to need – "
"Shepard?"
The voice sent shivers down her spine. She turned to it instinctively, without thinking, without preparing.
"Kaidan…"
He stood opposite Anderson down the hall. Though she had been following his career via the extranet, knew he had been promoted, again, this was the first time she had seen him in person since the Citadel. Dressed in fatigues but as crisp and composed and strikingly handsome as ever, he was the picture of Alliance Military. They should put him on the fucking posters; the recruitment lines would be out the door and around the corner.
She stood with her guard down the hall. Though he had been following her Inquiry since the day he heard about Bahak, when he had frantically tried to reach her only to be met with inexplicable silence, this was the first time he had seen her in person since the Citadel. Dressed in fatigues but more beautiful than a queen in an evening gown, she radiated determination, defiance, life. The Reapers should bow down before her and beg forgiveness while they still could.
For the briefest second their eyes met, and they held…everything. She nearly gasped at the intensity of the emotion flowing back and forth, one to the other.
But then his jaw tensed and the veil behind his eyes shuttered. Then she remembered she had shut him out, cut him off, turned him away. She blinked, an action that seemed to occur in slow motion, an eternity to complete that one simple act. When her eyes reopened, her face was a stoic, aloof mask.
The Aide to the Committee saved her from a fate worse than death, that of having to talk to him, here, now. "They're ready for you, Admiral."
She quickly caught up with Anderson, which required passing Kaidan. She was so weak, she couldn't look at him. If she looked at him… Through a supreme act of will she kept her eyes straight forward.
Then she was inside. She had never thought the Committee chambers would be so welcome – yet had to fight the overwhelming urge to turn and run back into the hallway to him. She gritted her teeth and turned her attention to the scene at hand.
The room was in chaos. Officers and aides of varying ranks scrambled around in circles, typed frantically at terminals, or just stood staring in disbelief. The wall of monitors running the length of the room were lit up like Christmas. Each one displayed a different video feed, but they all showed the same thing…
The end of the world.
For all that she had expected it, warned of it, seen it in her visions and in her nightmares, she was still not prepared for the carnage and destruction playing out along the wall. Seeing it happen to the Protheans in visions was one thing – seeing it happen live and in living color to her own people was something else entirely.
She pressed her palm against her forehead and let out a quiet sigh, then turned to the Committee, chin raised, wearing an expression of righteous defiance. Commander Fucking Shepard, at the beginning and the end…even if she wasn't entirely sure which one this was.
"Shepard – it seems you were right. You have our apology. Now you know this enemy better than anyone – what do we do?"
She stared back at them incredulously. "What do we do? We choose to fight. Get up out of your goddamn chairs and fight!"
Through the floor-to-ceiling windows behind them, a Reaper descended into the harbor and began drawing it's deadly beam across the landscape and towards them.
"Um, now would be good!" Anderson grabbed her arm and they turned to run. The room exploded in glass and fire.
... ... ...
Vega stood just outside the Command Center doors, his posture relaxed but alert. Around him people hurried in all directions, purpose and panic in their steps. All of them except…out of the corner of his eye he idly watched Major Alenko lean hard against the side wall, shoulders sagging as he closed his eyes and massaged his temples wearily.
It didn't surprise him in the slightest that Shepard could drive a man to such a state in under ten seconds. She was a sight to behold, a seeming force of nature even when merely sitting at her desk, much less when moving. She sucked all the oxygen out of any room she entered, then disarmed everyone in it with that damn mischievous grin of hers. He had spent enough time with her in the last six months to recognize that she was human, just like the rest of them…but he was pretty sure he had never met anyone like her.
He felt a little sorry for the Major. He probably should be more suspicious, seeing as Shepard surely had a good reason for refusing to see him – but in his very limited interactions with the man he had seemed a sincere, genuine guy. Still Brass of course and thus inherently suspect, but a good enough guy.
Oh well, not his busine–
The wall behind him exploded.
... ... ...
" –oreau, wake up please. Jeff, you need to wake up."
Joker startled awake in the pilot's chair. Damn, he must have dozed off – no doubt thanks to the endless boredom of the retrofits going on around him. That and it was so damn dark in here now…he hadn't particularly cared for Cerberus' obsession with steel and chrome (though he did care for their obsession with leather), but the Alliance's affinity for low lighting made the ship feel like a dungeon in comparison.
He sighed and started to stretch. He had been having the best dream, too…a tropical island, a couple of bikini-clad young ladie– wait, EDI had called him 'Jeff.' She hadn't done that in six months…
"What is it, EDI?"
"The Reapers are here."
He sat bolt upright. "WHAT? Here? As in…here? Now?"
"Yes, Jeff. They have begun a coordinated attack on Vancouver in addition to other cities around the planet."
"Shit…"
... ... ...
James slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times as he tried to clear the disorientation…how long had he been out? Satisfied he could at least see well enough, he was lifting his head off the cold floor when a hand extended down to him.
"Lieutenant…Vega, right? Come on, we've got to get out of here."
He took the Major's offered hand and stood. When he turned to look behind him his eyes widened in shock. Where the Command Center had once stood, there was nothing but a pile of rubble ten feet high. The dust-choked air smelled of ozone and the faint taint of blood.
"But sir, what about the people inside?"
"We can't help them. We need to get moving."
"But what about Shepard? Anderson?"
"They're okay, for now. Anderson reached me on the comm, they're finding another way out. Now we need to go, Lieutenant."
He took one last look at the rubble, then turned back to the Major. "Go where?"
Kaidan gave him a grim smile. "We're going to the Normandy."
... ... ...
"Shit, EDI, what am I supposed to do? We don't have any command staff on board!"
"Planetary communications are heavily damaged. I am attempting to reach Alliance Headquarters as well as any officers affiliated with the Normandy, but connections are sporadic and unstable. I would suggest – "
"Normandy, do you ready me? Come in, Normandy?"
Joker hit the comm. "Alenko? Is that you?"
"Yeah. We're headed to your location, ETA ten minutes. Get ready to get airborne ASAP. We – " The connection broke up in static.
Joker let out a long sigh. "Alrighty then." He leaned forward and opened the general comm.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, get to your battle stations and prepare for departure. And if I were you, I'd do it quickly."
... ... ...
Samantha Traynor looked up from the CIC terminal in surprise. Battle stations? She didn't have a battle station. Why on Earth…
"EDI? Is this some kind of drill, or just a prank Joker is playing?"
"It is not a drill, Ms. Traynor, nor is it a prank."
Her eyes widened in disbelief. "Then who are we going to…battle…against?"
"The Reapers."
"The Reap…" Her voice trailed off as she looked around in panic. She didn't have anything with her, she was just at work for the day, damn it! She didn't have any clothes, or her pictures, or…she didn't even have her toothbrush…
... ... ...
James climbed out of the wreckage of the HQ entrance and into a world in chaos.
The sky was marred with gigantic black creatures – like Sovereign, he realized immediately. Alliance jets and copters zoomed through the air, dodging red laser beams coming from what were quite obviously the Reapers. Buildings lay crumbled or falling in every direction. Across the harbor a high-rise exploded in a ball of fire. If he looked at the ground he could see bodies strewn, flung in every direction. The sound was deafening – terrifying deep growls from the Reapers mixing with jet engines, sonic booms, crashing metal, and screams.
He stood frozen in the face of the destruction. "Shepard was right…"
"Of course she was right. No time to stare, we've got to move. Lieutenant!"
He shook his head roughly. "Right, sir. Ready."
They picked their way through what used to be the park in front of HQ, climbing over fallen trees and sliding down what used to be stairs. Suddenly a fireball from the sky slammed to the ground thirty feet in front of them. From the debris emerged…creatures…
"What the fuck!" Both their weapons came out immediately. He opened fire, watching as the Major threw two of the creatures off the ledge then unleashed with his surprisingly powerful pistol. In seconds the remaining two things were dead.
"What the hell were those things?"
Kaidan stared at the corpse lying ten feet from him for a moment, then resumed moving forward on their intended course. "Batarian husks."
Vega rushed to catch up to him. "Sir?"
Kaidan glanced over at him as they skirted around the charred remains of a personal vehicle, not wanting to look to see who might be – he cringed – have been inside. "The Reapers can turn organics into Husks – zombies with Reaper tech in them. These have four eyes, so…Batarian. Makes sense, the Reapers came in through Batarian space. I'm guessing they brought an army with them."
They rounded the corner and the Spaceport spread out before them. Ships were taking off in every direction, in some cases only to be shot down within seconds. Craters dotted the surrounding area. Mercifully, the entrance area was relatively protected and thus far intact.
"Come on Lieutenant, we need to hurry."
... ... ...
Joker glanced over his shoulder to see Alenko running up the bridge to the cockpit. He was covered in dirt and grime and sweat.
Kaidan grasped the back of the pilot's chair. "Is she ready to go, Joker?"
"Yeah – wait, where's Anderson?"
"We're going to pick him up."
Joker reached for the controls, then stopped and looked back up at Kaidan. "What about Shepard?"
Kaidan stared at the floor. "She's with Anderson."
Joker sighed with relief. "Okay, good. Um…where?"
"I don't – " At that moment his comm squawked to life.
" –aidan, do you read me? Is anyone there? Kaidan, please come in."
Even through the static, her musical voice wrenched his heart. He closed his eyes, his mind flooded unbidden by memories of other, far happier times when she had said please –
"I'm here. We made it to the Normandy. What's your location?"
"By a downed gunship in the harbor. Anderson's activating its distress beacon. We'll try to hold here, but Kaidan – hurry."
Anything for you, my love. Except that wasn't true, was it?
She doesn't want you, Alenko. Better get that through your thick skull once and for all if you want to have any hope of making it through the next hour.
But…what was that look then, in the hallway? For the briefest moment… He shook his head roughly. No. Merely an echo of what was gone, of something long ago and far away.
He turned back to Joker. "They're next to a downed gunship. Look for its distress beacon."
"Shit Alenko, there are over a hundred active distress beacons in the area right now! How the hell are we supposed to find theirs?"
"They're by the harbor…they'd still be close to HQ."
Joker looked up questioningly. "EDI?"
"I have it."
Joker activated the general comm again. "Okay everybody, strap in – it's going to be a bumpy ride!"
As the Normandy lifted off into a sky at war, Kaidan gazed out the viewport. He watched the SSV Gettysburg swoop over the Reaper in the harbor, guns and missiles blazing, only to be blown to smithereens. As they swung around towards HQ, the North Shore Mountains beyond came into view. They looked so pristine, peaceful. Beautiful.
Mom, Dad, please be okay. Get out of town. Hide. Be safe.
He reached down and patted Joker's shoulder. "I'll get down to the cargo bay and get ready to grab them. Lower the bay door as soon as we find them."
Joker grunted through clenched teeth, hands flying over the controls. "Assuming we don't explode first…"
... ... ...
Shepard tossed the empty pistol aside and scrambled into the wrecked gunship, frantically looking for more guns or thermal clips. She threw aside overturned crates, ignored the bodies at her feet, broke open lockers.
"Anything?" Anderson shouted from behind her, his voice heavy with exertion.
"Here!" She tossed him a rifle followed by two thermal clips, then climbed back out. "That's the last ones." She collapsed against their makeshift cover in frustration. "All I need is a damn amp…"
"We just need to hold out a few minutes longer…" He leaned around the crate and opened fire on the Batarian Husk lumbering their way, cringing instinctively as the encroaching Reaper let out another teeth-rattling growl.
High above them the windows of an office building blew out from a helicopter careering out of control. Shepard covered her head as glass rained down upon them. When it was over blood trickled down her fingers from a dozen tiny cuts.
She scowled at the Reaper lumbering through the water with pure loathing. "Goddamn motherfucking machines, I swear – "
A fireball exploded at the Husks' location, and at first she thought reinforcements had crashed in. They wouldn't live through another full wave. Not with no guns, no clips, no explosives, no biotics, no weapons beyond their fists…
As if an answered prayer, from the smoke the Normandy emerged.
The Normandy had always been a beautiful ship. The sunlight caught her broadside, and she sparkled like a star. Shepard smiled to herself at the sight of the blue Alliance emblem. Thank god all that godforsaken yellow was gone…
Immediately reinvigorated, she turned to Anderson and grinned. "Our ride's here."
Without looking back she ran, vaulting over debris, hitting the "ramp" created by a fallen structure as the Normandy's cargo bay door opened. The angle wasn't perfect, the Normandy could only get so close. She reached the edge of the ramp at full speed and leapt –
– into Kaidan's arms.
She was transported back in time, to another Normandy, to another impossible fight, to a moment by the lockers that had changed everything.
The universe shrank down to the two feet encompassing them.
She pulled back – but just enough to be able to look into his eyes.
The universe shrank down to a few inches. She couldn't breathe; there was no air.
She felt his arms around her, smelled sweat mixed with his familiar scent, heard his heartbeat pounding in time with her own, sensed the rhythmic hum of his biotics spike at her touch. But this time when she looked into his eyes, instead of seeing desire and hope…she saw only pain.
He blinked and pulled away.
She blinked and turned around.
Anderson had reached the top of the ramp. She shouted down at him. "Come on!"
He slowly shook his head. "I'm not coming."
She glared at him incredulously. "Like hell you're not! Get your ass up here!"
"Get to the Citadel – convince the Council to help us. Bring back an armada. But somebody has to stay here and pull together the survivors. Someone has to lead them, give them hope and direction."
"Then why all this? Why the fight to get here?"
"For you. You can do this, Shepard. Now get out of here and get to work."
"Not without you – "
"That's an order!"
She smirked at him. "I don't take orders from you anymore, remember? Now come on, get on board and help me."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out something that gleamed in the sunlight.
"Consider yourself reinstated, Commander."
He tossed the object up to her, and she reached out to grab…her dog tags. She stared silently at the symbol – of so much – resting in her palm. Though she knew all that she was could not be contained in two tiny strips of metal…she had twice felt lost without them, and home once she held them.
She looked back at Anderson and nodded in understanding.
"I'll be back for you. For all of you. Don't die."
He nodded brusquely, then turned and hurried down the ramp and into the war.
She hit her comm. "Whoever's piloting this thing, you are clear to depart. Get the hell out of here – now."
"Nothing but the taillights!"
"Joker?"
"You were expecting someone else?"
She rolled her eyes in seeming exasperation but actual relief. "Of course not."
As the ship rose away from the harbor and the bay door began to close, she gazed out at the end of the world – and vowed to find a way to save it.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of two shuttles hurrying survivors aboard. From around the building, a young boy ran out and hopped clumsily aboard – it was the boy she had encountered in the vents.
He had mustered up the courage to find a way out. She was glad.
The shuttles lifted off, low and fast. Not low and fast enough. The Reaper dominating the harbor unleashed an attack on the main HQ building – and just happened to catch both shuttles with its beam on the way. They exploded on impact.
She looked on in disbelief, her heart dropping to the pit of her stomach. So much pointless death.
Her eyes drifted over to the Reaper raining down its destruction, narrowing as she glared at it in the smallest act of defiance.
She was going to kill them all.
