The niceness of the human female irritated Karkat to no end, and by the time he reached Boston, he swore that he was going to throw up his brain and go insane. Out of all things, she even offered to drive him to his doorstep! This was almost as serious as the threat for the end of the world some five years ago.

"Thanks, Karkat! (ohmygod Karkat Vantas from Homestuck was actually in my car)"

"SO IT IS. JUST REMIND ME TO FUCKING EAT HOMESTUCK PRINTED IF I EVER MEET YOU AGAIN." Karkat dropped his usual insult.

"Swoon." The girl pulled the window up and drove away. Scoffing at the experience, Karkat decided that he needed something to cool himself after the experience, and that something had better be not related to Homestuck in any way.

That was when he felt something long and angled in his pocket. He pulled it out and realized the same Toblerone case was still there, complete with the Pesterchum memo address.

Knowing there would be nothing better to do, Karkat walked back to his dorm, plopped his bag of experiences down, and booted up Pesterchum.


CTG: 1988
CTG: john enter
CTG: thump thump
CTG: these thump thumps are essentially meaningless
CTG: and johns dad is a dick for baking so many cakes
CTG: and then simply aiming to throw them at his beloved son
CUU: the ritUals of the egbert family will always go over my head...
CTG: the rituals of the egderp family are a piece of shit
CTG: thats my conclusion
CTG: alright is this how much john and co have read
CGG: im pretty sure it is!
CTG: so then its time for a summary
CTG: johns a fuckin dimwit
CTG: im cool as usual and just lmaopalmin at his stupidity
CTG: that is totally a word i made up now in case you want it in the oxford dictionary pronto
CTG: im responsible for like half the english words already so
CTG: yeah
CTG: rose is
CGG: helpful towards her friend?
CUU: reasonably edUcated?
CTG: cold
CUU: cold?
CUU: cold as in cold-hearted?
CUU: from what i've observed, this is not the case!
CTG: cold as in were playin the hot cold game
CTG: and the cold hearted statement gets it warmer
CTG: but actually i meant that she is impartial for egderp and only wants to play sburb herself
CTG: now thats the fuckin core of the sun
CTG: and jade
CTG: jades nonexistent
CGG: im pretty sure i exist :/
CTG: yeah in act fake million probably
CTG: and thats it
CTG: round of applause and now we can hit on john being full on homestuck fans
CTG: ...
CTG: homestuck fans need a name asap
CTG: kind of like there are superwholockians and all
CTG: *8)
CTG: until further notice they will be homestuckians
CUU: i don't Understand yoUr smiley...
CUU: is the glare supposed to be oUtside the sUnglasses or is it jUst a limitation?
CTG: latter
CTG: man a keyboard is stupid for expressin things like that
CTG: mental note to get a tablet or somethin
CTG: #mental_note
CTG: just in case
CTG: no thats not a memo name thats a fuckin hashtag note stop clickin
CUU: we are not clicking! chill oUt.
CTG: did you just tell a coolkid to chill out
CTG: am i not chill enough
CTG: if coolkids are actually cold call me queen elsa
CGG: queen elsa im sure that youre forgetting something
CTG: shut up anna
CTG: anyway
CTG: whats next to be done
CTG: quick brainstorm
FUTURE canceroGeneticist [FCG] 1:00 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: HELLO SHITSTAINS.
CTG: fuck
FCG: GUESS FUCKING WHAT.
FCG: I ASKED SOLLUX FOR HELP, AND HE HELPED ME REINVENT TIME TRAVEL AS WE HAD IT ON ALTERNIA.
FCG: AND WHOOP DEE GODDAMN DOO GUESS WHO'S HERE FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
FCG: IT IS FUTURE KARKAT VANTAS, SPEAKING TO YOU FROM THE GODDAMN FUTURE.
FCG: YOU WORTHLESS HUMANS ARE WELCOME.
FCG: HELLO, FUCKBALL, SO TO SAY.
CGG: so YOURE karkat vantas? ? ?
FCG: YES, HUMAN I'VE NEVER MET.
FCG: NEXT QUESTION?
CTG: whats the future like
CTG: have you got hoverboards
CTG: ...
CTG: oh COME THE FUCK ON
CTG: times flyin so fast and 2015 is already past
CTG: and back to the future 2 references already sound lame
FCG: BASICALLY, DYSTOPIAN.
FCG: THERE WAS A METEOR STRIKE FIFTY MINUTES AGO.
FCG: THAT IS TO SAY, THERE WILL BE ONE TEN MINUTES FROM NOW.
FCG: NOW THE WORLD IS IN CHAOS.
FCG: FOREST FIRES ARE EVERYWHERE, AND PEOPLE ARE ALREADY DYING FROM SMOKE.
FCG: BECAUSE THE METEOR STRUCK A POWER PLANT, ELECTRICITY AND TELECOMMUNICATIONS IS SEVERED EVERYWHERE.
FCG: THE GOVERNMENTS OF THE WORLD HAVE ALREADY COLLAPSED.
FCG: MAFIA GANGS ARE GATHERING OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AS I'M WRITING THIS.
CTG: now i know youre bullshittin me
CTG: if telecommunications is severed how are you typing
FCG: WAY TO BE GULLIBLE, FUCKSUCKER.
FCG: JUST... TRY USING YOUR HUMAN THINKPAN FOR ONCE.
FCG: HOW MUCH OF THE FUTURE CAN HAPPEN IN SIXTY MINUTES? ? ? ?
FCG: THE ANSWER IS NONE.
FCG: THE ANSWER IS THAT THE FUTURE IS ESSENTIALLY THE GODDAMN PRESENT.
CTG: haha that was sick
CTG: awesome
CTG: karkat vantas for president 2020
CTG: i mean as far as presidential candidates go you just cant get worse than trump thats a fact
FCG: NEXT UP?
CUU: why are yoU so rUde all the time for no apparent reason?
FCG: I CAN BE ALL THE RUDE THAT I FUCKING WANT TO, HUMAN.
CUU: i am *not* a hUman! U:
FCG: FUCK
FCG: ARE YOU CALIBORN IN THAT CASE?
FCG: NO WAIT CALIBORN WOULD ALSO SHOUT, LIKE ME.
CUU: no, caliborn is my brother!
FCG: HOW
FCG: BROTHERS AND SISTERS IS A HUMAN THING, NOT A GREEN SKULL NOT-TROLL ALIEN THING.
CUU: it is also a cherUb thing!
CUU: as far as my knowledge of my species goes, which i admit is pretty limited.
CUU: hello karkat, i am calliope!
FCG: WAIT I JUST REALIZED
FCG: I AM SUPPOSED TO BE ANSWERING QUESTIONS, NOT ASKING THEM.
FCG: IN THAT CASE, LET'S GO FUCKING ON.