AN: What's poppin' guys? :D
YHS
xDelfin
44.
The world had become a brittle piece of plastic under the heat of a violent sun. With ever step Leon took out of that house, he felt compromised and grounded to the earth, but to one that was unstable. He made it to the car, his eyes glazed and unseeing. I got high last Christmas. And it was as though he were looking at the world with vision such as then. However this time, there was a very subtle underline of rage. He drove out of that neighbourhood in a blind rage, speeding past stop signs and forcefully rolling over a curb every few turns. Leon hit the highway and didn't look back further than the rearview mirror would allow.
Cloud. Cloud, how could you - Leon gripped the dark grey steering wheel, trying not to lose his head completely and swerve into the railing.
He was having an affair. Cloud Strife, his husband, his partner, the one wearing a ring identical to the one on his fourth finger, cheated on him, lied to him, deceived him, had sex with another man forChrist'ssake!
Leon's teeth grinded audibly over the whirring of the car's engine. He let himself think the worst, knowing it was probably all true and no matter when it would hit him, it wouldn't change. Cloud had been naked with another man. Had let that man see his body. Had let that man touch his Cloud's body. His.
Cloud was his, godfuckingdamnit. There was a motherfucking gold band on his damn hand. That meant something fifteen years ago. It should have damn well meant that Cloud... that Cloud... Fuck. Shit. Son of a b- Leon panted hard. Cloud had been having an affair for one month. It wasn't a one night thing. He hadn't claimed to be forced, drunk, drugged or anything. He fucking wanted it.
An image of Cloud screaming and writhing under the man he'd known as his neighbour since the twins had been two and he did swerve off the road. Fortunately, there were no railings in sight, and instead left his tire marks across a wider expanse of grass.
He felt violated. Since Cloud had bore his body to another man, the past touches Leon had initiated during that entire month, (especially throughout that very day), and basically all this time he hadn't known, affected him as well. It was as though the very hands he'd touched Cloud with, burned and prickled with the impression of his betrayal. He hit the wheel hard and threw his head back, screaming hoarsely enough to scratch his oesophagus. Cloud! Twenty years! He couldn't get over that one bit. Twenty years. What happened to it all? It's gone. Destroyed. I'm such a fool.
The seat belt he failed to put on snapped against the door when he wrenched it open and slammed it shut. He walked to the front of his car and leaned back against the hood that was still hot from the engine he neglected to turn off. He looked down at the defined shadows of the grass under the white and orange headlights but without seeing them at all. I am such a fool. A month. It'd been going on for a month. How could he not have seen that? I must have really slacked off to not notice a change in my own spouse. I should have seen something. But he'd so busy keeping an eye on Roxas and Sora lately, he thought they'd been on the same page, and whatever weirdness he might have seen and not registered was because of that shift. But still… How did I not see it?
The next thing he noticed was the sudden presence of a white car pulling up next to him, the letters spelling 'Police' in bold blue across the hood.
"Yo, slick."
_
The traffic officer ... was chill. And for some reason, being close to his break, offered to buy the obviously distracted Leon a cup of coffee. After, of course, making sure there was nothing harmful about the situation.
Leon followed slightly older man into a small diner not far from the freeway Leon had stopped at. Leon wasn't the type to rant to strangers about his personal life, but life was throwing curveballs at him the whole day, so frankly, he didn't really give a fuck. To match, the officer did listen openly at the story, two cups of coffee on the counter in front of them.
"I don't understand how this happened." Leon shook his head. "After all this time, this was the last thing I would expect to go wrong. I mean how could he do this?"
The officer shrugged, shaking his head as well. "I dunno."
"I might be able to understand that maybe he got tired of it. Maybe. Possibly. A little. That's something that you can't control. But I didn't even know that there was a problem he was compensating for. Why didn't he tell me? Why keep it a secret? We could have worked it out. Maybe," he growled. "I don't even know."
The man on the stool next to him took a sip before saying, "Sometimes... We keep secrets because secrets keep us alive."
"It wasn't like I was gonna kill him. I hit him, sure, but it was one backhand." Leon crouched over his folded arms on the counter. "That was all."
"I'm talking about a different sort of life and death," he grinned. "And I'm going to pretend I didn't hear about potential domestic violence. That's not my field." He lifted the thick mug to his lips.
Leon sighed harshly and ran his fingers through his hair. "What am I gonna do now?"
He stared at the wall. What was he to do now?
Cloud Strife
Best friend at fourteen.
Scraped his knee and both elbows trying to skateboard down the staircase in front of city hall
Only eighth grader to have a black eye for graduation
Successful in making a pristine high school uniform look rebellious
Dyed his hair a pure green in sophomore year
Peed on door handle of a bitch-secretary's car
Never got caught
First relationship at sixteen
Gave his virginity three and a half months later
Lost the floppy look and started spiking his then fully blond head of hair in grade ten
Kissed a guy friend on a dare
Corrected his teachers
Made fun of jocks
Laughed at enemies of his friends and bitches who were jealous of his girlfriend
Made friends with computer geeks and science nerds
Bought his first used car at 17
First brawl with friends against football team. One of two left standing, back to back, outnumbered against quarterback, halfback and 2 guards, smirking his ass off.
Got drunk for the first time in the basement with all his friends
Pierced his ear with Leon
Endured a hangover for the first time in the basement with all his friends
Scraped by history with a 54
Gave a 'dangerously sexy' scowl on picture day
Aced a unit test in math
Started wearing leather on civies days
Threw up in Leon's mom's rosebushes
Offered to marry impregnated girlfriend
Got turned down by impregnated girlfriend
Broke up with impregnated girlfriend; on good terms
Pushed a wank down a flight of stairs
Tattooed his bicep at eighteen
Purposely duked his own grades to miss honour roll by .1 percent
Became father to Sora and Roxas
Compared answers with Leon during a final exam
Skipped school days with a grand total of 62 days
Tied stole of graduation gown around neck like a bow tie
Took a full time job at an autoshop
Dated Leon
Bought and dubbed his new motorbike Fenrir
Moved out of parents house
Promised his life to Squall Leonhart
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Cloud asked, ducking his head away from Sora's grabbing hands. Even with his feathery spikes, the little boy's chubby hands seemed to always grab just enough to yank his head in every sort of direction.
"Duh," Leon deadpanned, little Roxas, curled up in one of his arms, yawning widely for a moment before going back to his nap.
"But- ow, Sora.." He took back a chunk of his sidebangs from the one-year old's toothless mouth and switched shoulders for him to drape the boy over. "I have Roxas. And this one!" He jerked his upper body to readjust his hold.
Leon looked down at Roxas still swimming between sleep and awake. A soft smile. "I know."
"So then- AH! Sora!" The little hands found it's way around his earring and succeeded in having Cloud follow the tug as to not have his ear ripped out. He heard Leon chuckle and Sora stopped pulling when Leon scooped him up into his other arm. How his partner could manage to do that despite how big the boys had gotten, Cloud merely stared at. "If you haven't noticed: they're a handful."
Sora blew wet raspberries towards him, until the father face fell at the sight, so then the brown-haired little boy turned his head to make similar noises into Leon's stiff neck. Leon didn't seem to mind the fresh drool pooling on his collar. He merely leaned in closer to Cloud and whispered, "I know" before chastely kissing his boyfriend of ten months. The next thing Cloud registered was Sora's entirely happy laughter and Roxas' cheeky giggles.
Leon came home and Cloud was sitting in their bed, the grey blanket clutched in his hands pressed up against his forehead. His fists were white against his knees. The room was completely quiet, but he was crying. Leon could tell. He looked up eventually and the red contrasts on his face verified it. He saw him. And his mouth curled into another silent sob, behind the crumpled bedding.
He cried differently than last month, when we were downstairs discussing the feud between him and Roxas. Then he'd only scrunched up his eyes, forcing the tears out. Now it seemed, he'd let go of any sort of effort and fell in on himself. Like where his heart had been, the space had imploded, and everything relying on it was destroyed. Cloud hid the lower half of his face in his knees and they both waited.
Family had been the most important thing to Leon. Cloud had made that happen. He'd given him a family; a place where he belonged, a house he worked to maintain, and sons he loved. And with Cloud cutting the picture between them two, what did Leon have left?
Now Leon couldn't hold him and be the one to say the comforting words that would have Cloud gain a little more perspective. He couldn't wrap his arms around him and tell him that no matter what, he'd be right there alongside him, facing what ever came out of that situation. He couldn't be the one to help him like he'd done for the twenty years of knowing each other. Because now Cloud was saying that he wanted someone else to do that. Cloud didn't want Leon to be his partner anymore. Cloud didn't want Leon to be the one holding him for the rest of his life.
It made Leon wonder why between the two of them, it was Cloud who was crying. And as he did so, Cloud was sniffling and wiping his eyes, seemingly done, with the presence of someone else watching him. Leon also wouldn't be the one Cloud would let see him cry.
Cloud softly cleared his throat, but it was Leon who spoke.
"Was it something that I said?"
The sound of his voice, though it was the same as always, made Cloud's body shiver. He shook his head.
"I thought we understood each other. Did you get tired of me?"
"No."
"Why'd you do it?"
"I have no excuse," he said honestly. "I... wanted him."
"You had me."
"I can't explain it."
"You have to!" Leon insisted, harshly. "You owe at least that to me."
Cloud couldn't think of the words under the pressure of Leon's complete presence. All this time of thinking how to break it to him, he'd never thought of what to say after that. Idiot.
"Maybe if you had told me about it early on and left it at that, we could have worked it out, but you don't even look sorry!" the brown-haired man accused. "You've gone as far as to tell me you want a divorce. It's clear you don't want me anymore, so something had to have happened between now and two months ago. Something that hadn't happened before that and after we got married. I demand to know what it is, Cloud." His voice dropped to a soft, yet pronounced murmur. "I'm begging you to tell me what it is."
"I love you." There was no point in thinking about it. "...I just can't be married to you anymore."
Using what little intuition that could have been applied to this moment, that had been similar in the past, he dissected his words and tone, and found it to be guilt behind those words. So he revealed the stretched part of his limits and bore it plainly for Cloud to acknowledge. He would stretch himself that far, break his very belief system, morals and self-alignment. In one moment, in one sentence, he said: "If you wanted to, we could forget this ever happened; If this about already having done it, and seeing this as a one way, no u-turn street, I am prepared to let that go." He said it all quickly, beating the catches in his throat to perform the words. They rushed in his mind, but his mouth spoke only quickly enough. Leon was a capable man. He was used to control and he had never lost to his body. He was undoubtedly a competent man, fully in control of his self.
"Just say the words, and we could go back to the way things were."
They both knew they would try to make it seem that way. But Leon was saying it out of childishness. Speaking a child's hope. You can't just take this back. And Cloud had lied enough. This would carry another lie on. "I'm not going to make the same mistake again." A hopeful glint appeared in Leon's eyes. "This is not something we can go back on. It would destroy us, if we filled ourselves with the thought."
Once you smash a mirror, even if you put the pieces back perfectly, the image will never be the same and the pieces will forever distort once another. They will never again act as a whole.
"No, Leon. I need this divorce."
There were so many things they wanted to say aloud, but no longer could. Nothing was stopping them, yet an entire fortress made of their past stood solid between them. 'I love you.' 'I'm sorry.' 'Please forgive me.' 'You're hurting me.' These had come up in the past and serve as the concrete building blocks of the abstract structure before them, each copy -each repetition- varying in height, weight and position based on past circumstances. They've become instrumental in keeping the fortress standing and shaping it to the way it stood proudly and firmly. But repeating any one of them now, under these circumstances, detached as they were and more harmful than ever before, would make the whole thing crumble, crushing each block to the base of it all. All were that threatening and that detrimental to their very hearts.
Alternatively, saying nothing, separating, changing, would make it disappear. The tree would fall and no one would be there to hear it. The cat would be assumed dead, and eventually be true. The explosion would be unheard and die out before anyone bothered to look up beyond the sky.
Implied closure. Unspoken, unheard of, but understood.
All that lay in their hearts: pride, guilt, love, anger, pride. They were saved, for now.
Next few days passed by in silence. They never actually had needed to talk. Speech to them, had become another kind of affection. They knew each other too well to have to talk at all. They knew each others' schedules, routines, whatever they would do at particular part of the day. There was no love in their actions anymore. Though Cloud poured Leon his coffee, though Leon handed Cloud the business section of the newspaper, though they sidestepped each other when either one of them had an armful of things and needed to get through, it was all done out of instinct by now. The air suddenly became so empty, they could never have realized how much of a difference a couple of words had made. They also never realized how painful it would be to carry on as though nothing had happened, with the only casualty being their complete absence of communications. They had had no idea.
End of Monday
