Title: Hello, Goodbye

Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: Law & Order: SVU

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack (and his family) have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: A shadow from Olivia's past shows up on her doorstep and offers the opportunity for her to take a very different direction in her life. This story exists outside of the universe that my other stories are happening in.

Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 13/14 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.

Olivia gave Benji a little smile as she got down onto the floor next to him where he was again sitting behind the couch and working at building something with his few Duplo blocks. She didn't think she'd ever had reason to even consider sitting on the floor in her apartment before. Now she felt like she was spending at least 60 per cent of her time in the place either sitting on the ground, crawling around on the ground or picking things up off ground.

It had taken the better part of a week – but she'd finally managed a day where she did actually get out of the squad around 5 p.m. It had made all the difference in maintaining her and Benji's sanity levels so far that evening. She was definitely finding that even for her it was just feeling a little less overwhelming and exhausting.

The week had just been so fucking busy. In addition to dealing with him, she was also trying to get everything Mark needed in order: background check, criminal record check, fingerprinting. She'd called a broker and now was dealing with the emails, texts and phone calls from her as the woman tried to set up viewings for her. She'd tried to express that she really didn't want to do more than a few and that she wasn't going to be overly picky – two bedrooms, clean and in good repair, preferably the same neighbourhood and a specific price cap. Hell, she'd almost prefer if it did just end up in the same building – make it as easy as possible. It was just a lot above and beyond what had become her normal routine of … well, just going to work and staying at work. She knew it was a good change and a change she wanted. She was just struggling with how exhausting it was while she was trying to find a workable routine for her and Benji too – and deal with his anxieties and issues.

It was the first night she'd managed to go and retrieve him before the daycare was readying to roll up the doors. The first part of the week had been pretty miserable for both of them. With picking him up at 7 p.m. – it meant she wasn't getting him home until 7:30 or 8, which really should've been when she was trying to get him to bed. Instead she was trying to get some food into him and to spool him down. He had himself so wound up when she picked him up each night – traumatized that it was dark and she wasn't coming back – that it had taken an extended amount of time and reassurances to calm him. He was wailing enough as she carried him down the street and home each night, that she'd earned glances from other passersby, likely wondering what sort of strange torture she was putting the child through. And, then the fact that she was getting him home and settled so late – it just meant he was going to bed later, which meant he was getting less sleep, which was just making him even more exhausted for the next day. It'd been a bit of a vicious cycle.

She'd struggled with finding a balance in terms of her home-time and parenting while Calvin had been in her care too. But at least with Calvin she could leave him alone for a while – and he was such a nighthawk anyway. She'd never really found a true routine with Calvin – she really hadn't had him long enough - but at least she had a bit of leeway with him. She didn't really with Benji – that was becoming abundantly clear quickly.

She was going to need to figure out a way to have him home by dinnertime most nights and to be able to be starting him into bedtime routine by about 7 p.m. – not picking him up at daycare at that time. And, really, that was likely going to be a challenge because she knew there were going to be a lot of nights where even getting out of the squad by 7 p.m. was going to be unrealistic. She'd been very lucky so far. It wasn't always going to be like that. It was another reason Jack needed to get onboard – she needed his help to be able to do this. Who the hell else did she have to call when she got tied up at work?

Benji was fairing much better that evening, though, with them arriving home in time for her to make him a real dinner. She'd never really been very good at cooking for one. Who wants to put all that time and energy into the cooking and clean up for just themselves? But she really didn't mind doing it for other people. She really had tried while Calvin was with her. But he was a picky eater and unless it came out of the freezer section and involved punching some numbers into the microwave to get it ready – he would turn up his nose at it. More points for Vivian's parenting abilities, she'd thought with some disgust. Benji turned up his nose at just about everything she put in front of him too (unless it was toast and peanut butter), usually accompanied with a rejection of "Not veg-tab-bulls 'gin 'Livia!" and then he ate it anyway. And, he usually ate all of it. Not that she was putting heaping helpings in front of him – but still. She was surprised at his appetite. Maybe he was going through a growth spurt. He certainly looked like he had room to grow – even compared to some of the other kids at the nursery school. Getting a little healthy weight on him likely wouldn't hurt him either, she thought. She'd already noticed that his complexion had improved over the month where she'd been responsible for the majority of his meals. He was always going to be a fair-skinned child but at least he didn't look as waxy and pasty as when she'd first met him.

She was generally feeling a lot more comfortable with how that evening was going for both of them. It wasn't even 7:30 yet and she'd fed him, got him through bath-time and had him in his pajamas. She was letting him play a bit and she was pretty confident she'd have him read to and into bed by 8 p.m. She'd actually manage to get some time to get some things done or catch up on work before she passed out herself. She'd decided adding a child to the mix was a pretty good cure from her insomnia. Dealing with Benji and all that entailed after dealing with work all day left her more than ready to grab some sack time most nights it seemed.

"What you building sweetheart?" she asked him, after he hardly acknowledged her arrival at his level, he was so absorbed in his construction project.

"Steps," he informed her matter-of-factly.

She allowed a small smile and shook her head. "Steps?" For once what he was making out of the bricks was actually recognizable as what it was supposed to be. Not that steps seemed like an overly exciting thing to build.

He just nodded at her, though, still completely focused on the task at hand.

"What are the steps for, Benj?"

"Flame needs them."

She smiled again. "Why does Flame need them?"

"To jump off."

"To jump off?"

"He need to learn to fly. So first he jump."

"Ah," she allowed and again tried not to laugh at Benji's imagination. "Don't you think he might hurt himself if he jumps off the steps?"

"Skaters jump off steps all the time, 'Livia," he told her like she was pretty stupid.

"Do they ever fall?"

He shook his head. She didn't believe him. "They fly."

"They fly?"

He nodded.

"Hmm. I might have to see that."

He nodded. "It very cool."

She let out a little noise of humour at him – but he didn't seem to notice. "So is Flame going to skateboard down the steps?"

"NO 'LIVIA!" Benji protested finally looking at her. "He jump and then he fly."

She again tried not to laugh at him and nodded in agreement. "Ah."

She watched him for a few more minutes. He seemed determined to use every one of the bricks in his little collection to build his steps. It looked like Flame was going to have a long way to fall to learn how to fly. Fortunately she estimated that the dragon was about as tall as Benji's creation, so she thought the toy should likely survive the little boy's imaginative efforts.

"Hey, Benj, I've got something for you," she told him after observing for a while longer. She pulled the shopping bag she'd put behind her out into his view.

He looked up and examined her and the bag questioningly, if not a little suspiciously. Benji seemed consistently hesitant of anything new being presented on the scene – especially if it was something being given to him. He seemed to really struggle with the concept of receiving things – it was such a foreign idea. He was consistently asking if items cost money and informing her they couldn't afford it and they 'could do free, it OK'. So rather than jump at the opportunity to see what was in the bag – like she would've expected most four-year-olds to do – he turned back to his project.

"Wazzit?" he asked cautiously.

"Well, why don't you look in the bag and see what it is, Benj?" she tried to encourage him.

She wasn't sure Benji and presents really worked – or would. Even picking clothes with him had been a challenge – him being given the opportunity to pick the police cruiser and Flame had been even more extended affairs. A gift where it was an unknown – a present – that seemed like it would be an even harder concept for him to grasp. He'd already directly informed her that Christmas was for rich people and that he was not rich – closely followed by Santa doesn't exist, adding that Santa had not ever visited him in his recollection.

She hadn't tried to argue with him about it either way yet. She wasn't sure how she wanted to deal with Christmas. Part of her really wanted to get to do a Christmas – especially with a little kid on the scene. But she didn't want it to be a stressful or traumatizing experience for Benji. Getting him to accept a single toy took enough convincing, getting him to look into a bag with an unknown in it was taking coaxing. She imagined convincing him to open presents and that they were actually his would be a little overwhelming, if not downright confusing for him.

But not doing something for him over the holidays seemed wrong too. Maybe she should just be focusing on the paperwork and routine and everything else, though, and not worrying about a one-day-a-year thing. It just seemed like such a defining part of childhood and it made her a little sad he hadn't experienced it. It'd be one thing if he was able to spout off some talk that made her think the family had been more religious than she thought and he had 'Jesus is the reason of the season' notions to project at her. But, instead, it just sounded like more of the Lewis family being in shambles in Benji's formative years so he had missed out. She didn't really think that that meant he should continue to miss out – and that she should continue to miss out too. If things didn't work out – this year could be one of her only chances to ever get to do a 'normal' Christmas, as abnormal as it might be to 'normal' families. It could potentially be the most normal Christmas she'd ever had.

She pushed the bag a little closer to Benji. "You want to take a look, sweetheart?"

He glanced at her. "Wazzit?" he asked again.

"You want me to take it out of the bag for you, Benj?" she asked.

He scrunched up his face in thought at that and added another brick to his steps. But then he got up on his knees and gazed into the bag. He looked up at her again.

"You can take it out of the bag, sweetheart," she assured him. "It's for you."

He sat on his heels in front of the bag like he had to consider that. Everything was a consideration with Benji. She kept having to make sure that everything had extra time ahead of it – not just preschooler get-ready time but Benji maul-things-over time, which seemed to sometimes take a rather extended period. It didn't matter if the decision was if he needed to take a pee, if he wanted a glass of milk or water, or what book he wanted from the library. It all seemed like it had to go through a series of checks-and-balances in his little head before he decided how he wanted to proceed. She was trying not to rush him. She wanted him to be secure in knowing that she respected his decisions – and that she wouldn't get upset with whatever he decided, or how long he took to decide. He was safe with her was the message she was trying to get across.

So she waited - on the cool, hard hardwood floor. It had her thinking she really needed to add some sort of rug for behind the couch, where he seemed to favour playing, to her ever growing list of things that she needed to make her apartment more suitable for a child. When she'd have the time or the extra income on her pay cheque to run out and get some of those things was another story. Though, she supposed after she did manage to find somewhere to move she was going to have to go on a bank-breaking shopping spree to get him some furniture for his bedroom. Or at least a bed. She supposed she could get a way with just a bed to start – maybe – assuming she didn't end up having to do a home study. Somehow she doubted a room with just a bed in it would earn her parental-material points.

Thank God for having near no life for 14 years, she supposed – at least it meant she had savings to put towards some of this stuff. Still, she thought she could've lived a little more frugally. She'd actually decided that after she had realized how much in-vitro would cost and then factored that expense into the cost of just raising a child and then the cost of raising a child in New York City, especially if she wanted to stay in Manhattan on a cop's salary. Even then – she could've dealt with putting more away with each pay cheque, she was quickly realizing with Benji. Start-up costs of getting him established were adding up. Nursery school was a small fortune. But for once at least she had something meaningful to spend the money on.

Benji finally leaned forward again and pulled out the stuffie and hugged it too his chest. He'd clearly figured out what it was before he'd taken out of the bag, because he gazed at it in complete fixation, before starting to play with its ears.

"It Mommy Fox," he said quietly.

She gave him a little smile. "It is."

She reached out too and stroked the one ear of the toy as well, before reaching and brushing at his hair. She hadn't done a very good job at toweling it dry that night. It still felt damp and with how Benji wringed about the cold, she thought she might have to give it a second try before she put him down. Though, if she didn't, she might save them both the effort of getting it to stand on end 'right' in the morning.

"I know you've had a pretty rough week at nursery school, sweetheart," she told him, "and I thought maybe if Mommy Fox goes with you to keep you company, it will be a little easier for you to be brave after it starts to get dark."

He looked at her and wrapped his arms around the stuffie tighter.

"Mommy Fox wouldn't leave Little Fox after waiting for him for so long, right?"

Benji considered the toy and then looked in the bag again. "But where Little Fox now 'Livia?"

She gave him a small smile. "You're Little Fox, Benj."

He looked at her again at that and then back to the stuffie. "Mommy Fox lonely for Little Fox," he said, again repeating back the lines of the story that she'd read for him an endless number of times that week.

She nodded. "Until Little Fox comes home," she agreed. "So she's not lonely anymore. Now she just wants Little Fox to be as happy as she is. So I think she'd like to go to nursery school with you – and see everything you get to do there. See how smart you are."

Benji nodded and kept looking into the toy's dark beaded eyes. Mommy Fox might beat out Flame in the tag-along department for a while, it looked like.

She tugged at his foot until he glanced at her again.

"Sweetheart, there's something else I want to talk to you about," she told him, trying to get him to keep the eye contact, but he was far more absorbed in holding the toy at that point. She wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing for this discussion so she'd just have to see how it went and adjust with how it goes. "You're going to live with me for a little while, Benji."

He glanced at her. "I aw-ready live with you 'Livia," he informed her.

She smiled. "I know, sweetheart. But now you're officially going to live with me. I talked to Jack and he said it's OK."

"Becuz Peedg do not like me no more?"

She shook her head. "No. Because winters are very cold and very lonely and I told Jack how much I would like your company so it's not as cold and lonely."

"Like Mommy Fox and Little Fox?"

She nodded. "Like Mommy Fox and Little Fox."

"But then Peedg be lonely and cold," Benji lamented.

She shook her head again. "No. Jack told me he's going to be soooo busy this winter. He has so much big boy schoolwork to get done. But he'd still really like to play with you and visit. I thought maybe we should call him before story-time and tell him good night."

"But maybe he hate me still," Benji said and examined his new toy some more.

"I don't think he hates you, Benji," she told him. "I think he really, really loves you. He just made a big mistake and I think he is very sorry and would really like to tell you that."

"He left and he not come back," the little boy informed her.

She nodded. "He did. Do you want him to come back, Benj? Would you like to play with Jack?"

He gazed at her at that and again made his thinking face. "He yell?"

"No, sweetheart, Jack isn't going to yell at you."

"Maybe he yell and swear 'gin."

"If he does, Mommy Fox and me are going to be there to protect you," she promised him.

"Maybe he make me go 'gin!" Benji said and shot her his big blue eyes at that.

She shook her head at that. "No, sweetheart. You're home now. You are staying here with me and Mommy Fox. Jack signed a piece of paper that says you can live with me for six months. And I'd like you to stay so much I'm talking with people to try to make sure you can stay for as long as you want – much longer than six months."

Benji looked at her like was trying to process that. She didn't blame him for not being able to wrap his little head around it.

"I'd like you to live here with me, Benji," she tried again. "If that's OK with you."

He considered that more. "Forever?" he asked after a long pause.

"Right now – for six months. Until winter is over and it's spring and warm again."

"You don't want me forever?"

"I'd like forever very much, Benji, and I'm working really hard to make sure this is going to be your forever home."

"With Mommy Fox?"

"With Mommy Fox, sweetheart."