Channels (Cartman&Wendy)
by John
"You gotta be fuckin' kidding me, ho!" roared a fat, gelatinous blob in brown hair and a blue-and-yellow cap. His eyes narrowed, "Seriouslah here!? I am not sitting through any of this shit! This is fucking child abuse! I won't stand for it! I will sue you!" declared Eric Cartman, wearing a red jacket over a green shirt.
"Eric, if you play nicely with Wendy, I'll take you to KFC for dinner, okay hon?" said the kindly, pretty Liane Cartman, known for her countless spreads in Playboy, Hustler, Crack Whore and more recently Motherly Monthly. She currently wore her normal blue sweater and red pants which masked her true form, wearing a kind motherly expression, hair in a bun.
"All right, fine." Cartman crossed his arms, sitting on the couch next to the raven-haired girl in a pink beret, wearing a purple jacket and a yellow skirt. She was not giving this fat bastard the light of day, and was far more concerned with finding her favorite channel. Although she was not happy with the arrangement, she did not plan to whine about it the way Cartman was.
"All right Samantha, let's go talk." Ms. Cartman and Mrs. Testaburger went down the hallway to have a very serious discussion. Cartman, meanwhile, turned his attention to the TV screen,
"Awh, what? CNN?" Cartman said in disbelief, "No fuckin' way I'm watching some old geezer in suspenders interview some guy in a business suit."
"Well Eric, since you asked *so* nicely, I'll change it, but Larry King left a little while ago." she shot him a glare, Cartman rolling his eyes. Thought she was so fuckin' smart...
"Oh come on, Mythbusters, Discovery Channel, you call this fuckin' television?"
"Look Eric, I have the remote, I am in charge of the television, okay?" Wendy said, "Look I'll go through a couple of channels, and I'm sure we can find something we agree on, okay?" she changed it.
"Oooh, the Learning Channel! Awh dude, it's that Sarah Palin chick, she's kinda hot." Cartman said.
"Eric, that's disgusting!" Wendy's jaw dropped.
"What? She is!"
"But she's a Republican!"
"...I don't care if she licks pubes."
"What?"
"You said she's a re-pube-lickin, right?" Wendy simple facepalmed and change the channel.
"WAAAH! SNOOKI WANT SMOOOSH SMOOSH!"
"CHANGE IT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHANGE IT!" They grabbed each other and fumbled for the remote, quickly changing it. "The Learning Channel! Come on!" Cartman her for the remote. Wendy quickly overpowered him, pushing the fat tub of lard down. Cartman's arms flailed under her and next thing Wendy knew, she was laying on top of him. There was a pause of several moments,
"Help! I'm suffocating under the folds of fat!" came a muffled voice sounding almost like Kenny as Cartman pushed Wendy off.
"Pffft, you wish you could have my sweet hockey body." Cartman huffed. Wendy rolled her eyes and changed the channel...
"Awh just when I thought you didn't have taste." Cartman said, "I love this show!"
"I've been watching it since it premiered. It's such a cutting edge satire..." Wendy smiled.
"And it's so fuckin' funny..."
"Say Katie?"
"Yes Terrance?"
"What did the Tea Partier from Arizona say to Barack Obama?"
"What Terrance?" There was a loud ploot, then the sounds of the laughter of Terrance, Katie, Phillip, Katherine, Cartman, and Wendy.
