I wanted to slay the Iron Fucking Bull. Just murder him.

Okay I'm being melodramatic, but I just wanted to punch him, repeatedly over and over until I got my frustrations out. And that's no way to take out your frustrations with someone like the Iron Fucking Bull. Especially when there are far more pleasurable ways of taking out your frustrations. One of which, he's offered. Several times actually, ever since learning Alon and I are no more.

Either he was coming on too strong on purpose or he had an agenda. Or both. Or he just really wanted to fuck because he's been stuck on the Coast for who knows how long and I'm the only one responding to his winks and chuckles. Or maybe he just likes fucking with me, or wants to fuck with me. Either way I was not having a good time, because it was so tempting. Tell me what fangirl wouldn't be curious? Even Josephine says it!

I mean I could be having a good time but I felt that cinching terrible feeling approaching. The bad times of the month for every woman. So even if I had wanted to take up the Bull on his many…many offers, I wouldn't. How would that even work anyway? We'd have to find a stream and then there is the matter of his size. Would he fit?

What was I thinking!

I'm not going to ride the Bull! Pretty sure I wouldn't be able to take his weapon much less want to because well. It's been what a few days after Alon and I split. I mean… I might eventually ride him, if he keeps up the looks he sends me.

Maybe… eventually. Possibly soon.

That grin, the way his eye roved over me and the way he wielded his weapon in battle. Years of swinging it around left his muscles rippling.

Woah, okay chill, Mercy. Holy fuck hormones on rampage what the hell was happening? You've been away from Alon for less than a week and already you want to fuck the next piece of eye candy? Damn girl… you promiscuous minx! I shook my head as Brig and Frail set up the tent.

We had left the Blades encampment right after we broke our fast. Said our goodbyes, thankfully none of them were teary. If Alise had been there, I probably would have cried so instead I had written her a letter for Alon to give her and one for Mira and Jany of course. We set out afterward with the Herald, who had a newer and better map of the coast now. Kost took care of the remaining rifts, which let me tell you was fun to watch happen. I was the dedicated Healer whenever they went to take care of a Rift. Demons dying quickly and I rarely had to do anything because holy fuck these guys are efficient when it comes to killing demons.

Apparently killing demons don't count in the "prefer not to kill" department for Kost.

I did remember to warn Kost of the potential Despair demon in that one rift in the cave. And I said there might be something of elven origin there, to which Solas, who had mostly been ignoring me after our interrupted Fade dream gave me a look. He knew what I was talking about, or should know.

It got around to the group that I'm essentially a Seer of sorts. Bull was the only one who snorted and rolled his eye when Kost began asking me what I knew of certain areas, both as a person who lived here and explored and as a Seer.

"So this is what it feels like for my information to be valued." I mused one night at camp to Frail, to which we both cackled to ourselves.

The others in the group looked at us curiously but I could barely breathe to explain so Frail had to explain why I was so peppy whenever Kost took my advice seriously. All the fighting I had to do with Emeric and here was Kost who simply listened and considered it seriously instead of writing me off completely.

It felt nice, really nice. I could give Kost a big hug, if I wasn't scared he might take it the wrong way or blush himself to death. Because whenever Iron Bull made a dirty joke my way, he'd blush and look at me to see my reaction, which was always in stride. Oh just because I myself blushed at Bull's advances didn't mean I didn't give as much as he gave. Varric loved my responses to Bull as well.

"Hey Mer, need help with that staff?" Bull called out as I dragged my staff behind me, too tired to lift it after using it as a makeshift shield against a Shade demon that managed to break across the line of warriors and scouts and mages who could actually fight, unlike me.

"Only if it's hard, wet and ready." I had quipped back unabashedly while mishearing staff as shaft. There was a beat of silence as I realized my mistake and frantically looked back to see Bull grinning wickedly.

"Oh it can be, especially for you, Mer."

Kost made a choking sound as he stepped past us and Varric howled, leaning against a tree. "Oh Mercy… that one is going down in the books. You and Tiny,,,." He chuckled and pulled a small book out and a black stick of sorts. "Rivaini is going to love these. The Seer and the Qunari Spy…"

I groaned but then grinned at Bull and sent him a wink. "I wonder if smutty literature about a threesome between Bull, me and the Arishok would be good bedtime fodder for her. What do you think Bull?" I slyly looked up at the Ben Hassrath who gaped at me, his mouth opening briefly before that wolfish grin came back. "Because I hear when the Arishok was just a Sten, him and the Warden had a pretty close relationship. I wonder just how close…"

Both Varric and Bull were quiet and then looked to each other as I continued forward. "I wonder if I would be able to contact Solona and find out exactly how big are Qunari weapons?" I winked at Bull "Or I can just one day find out myself…" I called out and then sauntered the way back to camp, barely containing a giggle and then collapsing against Brig who shook his head at me.

"You should stop goading him." Brig signed.

"Relax, it's all in good fun." I signed back to Brig whose lips broke into a full toothy grin.

"You should see how he looks at you though." Frail stepped up, signing and I went to look back but Brig stopped me. "Like he wants to eat you… in the fun way."

My brows rose at that and then I looked back to Bull who slumped against a fallen log, Slip- Irondog at his side and he was petting her then started sharpening his Edge. He did look up at me, a slow grin as he caught my eye. His hands slowed and he rubbed the shaft of his weapon down and then shifted. I felt my cheeks heat at the thought of what he was actually packing and turned away and joined Brig and Frail for watch.

That was another surprise. Brig and Frail. They hadn't been told to join the Inquisition just for me but also because they were more experienced with dealing with the neighboring Avvar, Brig especially as he often took this route with Emeric to go trading with the nearby tribes. So Brig and Frail were discussing with the Herald about the possible routes to take to avoid the Avvar. Well Brig was signing and Frail translating for Adaar.

And every night, thus far, Brig and Frail and I would share a tent. We were comfortable with each other. I knew Brig held no carnal desires and I also knew Frail was pining after Brig, unsuccessfully. It was still cold at night and they welcomed my warming runes which I liberally used. Though there were some odd moments.

Like the first morning after sleeping in such close quarters, I found Brig pressed close to me with his arms around my waist and Frail cuddled to my belly, his head smooshed under my breasts like a child. When I woke up I looked to each of them bewildered because, well that was new. A little odd but just new.

"We've just missed you is all. Alon hogged you all to himself and now we've got you back." Frail explained and Brig nodded as we packed away our tent.

"Okay but… like there was no space between us. I was a little afraid one of you would wake up with a hard on or something." I exasperated as I military style rolled up our blankets and stored them in my bag.

Frail chuckled and looked to Brig who shook his head and waved his hand to mean "Never."

"Okay… but the moment you do. I sleep on the outside. You got it?" I told both of them. They nodded obediently and I frowned.

Our sleeping arrangements were weird to the others apparently. Because they only ever had two to a tent but Frail was so much slighter and smaller than me and I was shapely but much smaller than Brig. Maybe it was because I slept between two men. That rose some eyebrows but no one said anything.


"You okay, Sights?" Varric questioned. Varric was working on a nickname for me. How unbelievably amazing was that? Varric Tethras coming up with a nickname for you specifically?

I crinkled my nose at him and shook my head. "Other than that poor attempt at a nickname, I'm good." I said as I stretched my legs. They were beginning to ache actually. I rarely ever had to walk this far or for that long without breaks. The coast was relatively small compared to how far we had to go. We were at least now on the Imperial highway. The trees were thinned around us and we were following the path downward along Lake Calenhad. However, the distance was killing my feet, or rather these boots.

These boots were not made for walking. I gave a snort and giggled as I pulled my heels off the supports of my boots to take the pressure off.

"What?" Varric was curious. "What's so funny?" We were settling down for the night. Supper was being made by the Inquisition scouts so the others were off doing whatever they did. Bull was off with the chargers. Kost was hiding away. Frail and Brig were off hunting with Lyna. And Solas… well Solas was Solas. He just disappeared at this time of night. The tents were already up. So it left Varric and I alone to relax.

Varric of course was writing in that little book of his with the occasional chuckle. Speaking of…

I smirked conspiratorially. "Just a joke I thought of. I'd share it but it has a whole song and dance to it..." I trailed off and then eyed his book and then fluttered my eyelashes exaggeratingly. Varric caught my attempt to get a look at the book. He narrowed his eyes.

"Can't a writer keep his books ideas to himself?" Varric closed the book, and in mock offense stuck it in his jacket but pulled it back out when I kept my expression up and had a laugh. "What's this about song and dance? Is there a long story to it that involves you explaining the joke?"

"Maker no. That'd defeat the purpose of a joke! But I meant… like an actual song and dance." I admitted and appraised him. "I'd be willing to teach you the song though. You might like it. It's downright raunchy when paired with the dance. Worthy to make even the naughtiest of patrons of the Blooming Rose and the Pearl combined, blush!" My face felt like it might crack with my smile. I know so many more dirty songs than just this.

"Oh now you've got me intrigued. But I'd still would have to hear this song before I showed you anything." Varric shuffled closer but kept his book closed.

But why settle for his new book? When I could get something much much better for this little ole song. "Actually, you know what… nah. I don't want a look at your scribbling now. I'd much rather get something else out of you, Varric." I purred his name and leaned toward him in an overly sexual manner.

"Sorry blondie, the only woman for me is-"

"Bianca. I know. But what I want isn't your crossbow… it's your deliciously long…hard…" I paused for effect just as Varric's brows rose high and he opened his mouth to rebuff me but I had other plans. "…in Hightown series. Signed if you please." I snapped my posture back and gave my largest shit eating grin and Varric choked with laughter, body shaking with laughter he had to contain or else alert everyone.

"Oh Rivaini is going to love you." Varric chuckled once he composed himself.

"Oh and also… one more thing." I composed myself and placed a more serious expression on. "If you could… when you've the time anyway, to help me with my written common?"

"Done. Now let's hear this song."

I taught him the song and he asked for parts of the melody of which I hummed to him and he pulled another book out of his bag and wrote a few things down. This repeated well until supper was ready and the others were returning to eat.

"You know, I can't help but think this isn't nearly as raunchy as advertised." Varric tapped his chin as he reviewed the notes he'd taken. "Swindler…" he narrowed his eyes.

"You do recall I said when paired with the dance, right?" I leaned back smug. "Which if you want to see that it'll cost ya more." I examined my nails uninterestedly. I was hoping to get the rest of his book series, also signed.

"How much?"

I grinned.

We agreed I would show him after supper over some drinks, so that I could build up my courage. Seeing as how the Lake wasn't too far, Lyna, Dalish, Skinner and I, along with the few other female Inquisition scouts took a break to bathe. It was a relatively quick affair and I was welcome to it because I knew for a fact my womanly time was coming, if the cramps were any indication but I was prepared.

Now the routine thus far has been that everyone typically retired for the night to get an early start on walking, which was what was killing my feet. There was a shift of who took watch and it alternated every day but there was always two people on watch. I had a four hour watch with Frail last night so tonight I got to sleep through the night uninterrupted, so I was looking forward to that.

I walked back to the fire and eyed the fact everyone was there. Kost was drinking and playing cards with Varric, Bull, and Krem. This was a change.

No. Not a change. This was deliberate.

"Mercy!" Varric called me over and I frowned just as Frail and Brig both sat down around the group playing on the makeshift board on logs that I had seen Stitches use for making potions. "Care for a game of diamondback?" He grinned.

I clucked my tongue and slid into a seat there. "If you think you're getting…" I eyed Bull, Krem, and Kost and glowered at Varric. "…what we agreed on now, you've got another thing coming."

"I'd never force you to do what you didn't want to do." Varric snickered and dealt me in. I had a coin purse on my belt that was much lighter than everyone else's here but I dropped in two silvers to start off, to which Bull and Kost matched.

"Got room for one more?" Frail sat next to me after a few rounds and pushed a wooden mug to me. "For you. I know how you hate ale. It's wine."

"Oooh. Wine." My eyes sparked as I sipped at the mug and grinned as the sweet aged taste rolled around my tongue before I swallowed. I licked my lips lasciviously as I made eye contact with Bull and he gave me an amused grin.

"Now how can anyone hate ale?" Varric looked affronted.

"Ale is piss water to me. Much too weak for me." I dropped in four silvers, a little worried over my disappearing purse. Gambling was so much fun but I'd need to earn some coin if I wanted to keep up with Varric and Bull, who kept calling my bluffs. Kost was doing just as badly as I, if not worse but he had a much bigger coin purse.

"Weak huh? You do know that's Tevinter Wine?" The Ben Hassrath watched me. "Now if you want something with kick, I've got some-"

"Maraas-lok?" The words flew from my tongue and I looked at him patiently as he grumbled. "Actually, I wouldn't mind tasting dwarven ale one day. May actually be worth getting into. Wine and brandy seems expensive." Varric snorted and coughed.

"Oh girlie, dwarven ale is even more expensive than wine, depending on what brewery you're buying from." Varric tutted and I grinned.

"Well, I was hoping I may charm it out of a roguish, storytelling dwarf." I blinked innocently at him.

"Not a chance. Not until you deliver on our previous arrangement anyway." He smirked at me over his cards and I pouted.

"Hmph." I called Kost's bluff and he sighed. "Don't worry Kost. You'll get better. I'm not complete shite at this game." I purred at Kost and he gulped looking at me and then at Bull.

"You could give me a few pointers…in-in private. Maybe I could match your game." Kost replied, stuttering only a little and then he was gulping down his ale and avoiding eye contact.

I froze. Varric froze. The whole table froze and we looked at the Herald in astonishment.

"Did he-"

"Why I believe he did-"

"Nice…" Bull smirked admirably at Kost and laughed jovially and slammed his ale mug down once he downed it.

"Aww… am I corrupting Kost into flirting." I bit my lip and he snorted.

"Hardly…" He muttered and then slapped a hand over his mouth, looking aghast.

"My my… does this mean Kost here is not as innocent as I was led to believe?" I dropped my voice into a Southern belle accent and I channeled my inner Scarlet. Not that any of these guys would get it. "My sensitive female sensibilities are affronted by your carnal words, Mister Adaar. I say… my daddy will be very displeased with you if you spread me right across this table here and had your way with me!" I went to lay my head down and then paused. "What… was in that wine?"

"Now… I'm curious what was that from because it sounded far too rehearsed to be a joke." Varric questioned, placing his cards down.

"It's a play from my home world, where in a woman lusts after her cousin but ends up marrying a - hey… what the fuck was in that wine?" I sniffed at my mug and frowned at it bewildered.

"I told you. It was Tevinter wine." Bull said again and snickered. "It's really strong but you seem to be handling it well."

"Though you look a bit flushed. Are you okay?" Kost was looking at me worriedly, the small bout of confidence he had gone. "I'm sorry…Varric dragged me into it."

"But…" I turned in my seat to look at Frail who was turned away, his shoulders shaking. "You… oooh you traitor…"

Frail turned his mirthful gaze to me and then guffawed loudly. "I'm sorry… but even Alon couldn't get you to sing another song. I figured Varric might be luckier… And I'm curious… this one has a dance too?"

I glared at Varric who was staring at me slyly. "Don't bullshit a bullshitter, Girlie."

"Oooh Lesson learned, Master Tethras. Lesson Learned." I grit my teeth. "You know what… I hope you got the instruments down, Varric. Because CHALLENGE ACCEPTED." I raised my hand up and stood up, no doubt drawing stares from others. I gulped more wine down, feeling it heat up my throat and stomach pleasantly.

"Oh don't you worry about me." Varric whistled and I heard footsteps and managed to turn, seeing Stitches bringing up a lute, or it looked like a lute.

"Huh…well show me a preview of that while I get ready." I turned in my seat and stretched my leg out, curling up my trousers to reveal my legs.

"Get… ready?" Kost asked as Varric chuckled but the beginning of the beat strummed from the lute.

"If I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it right. I didn't take drama class in secondary school for nothing." I muttered as I laced up my trousers and made them look short. It would hold with the laces I wrapped up and over and tied off.

"Mercy…" Frail hissed. "Your legs are on display." He went to push my trousers back down and I frowned at him.

"Oh puh-leaaasse. I've been to a nude beach before and strutted my goods on display for no less than fifty men along with my entire art class." I worked on the other leg as my head bobbed to the tunes Varric produced from the lute. It wasn't terribly off course considering it's a lute.

"Nude beach?" Bull perked up at that.

"Oh yeah… my home world… loads of nude beaches. Women go to them so we can get an even tan across our tits." Mercy, uncensored. I snorted to myself. "Ya know it's a good base but it's missing something." I tapped my lips and then eyed Kost and the small pile of winnings. I leaned over the table and grabbed two sovereigns from the pile.

"Hey! Those are mine!" Kost went to grab them from me but I dropped them into my breast band and grinned wickedly at him.

"Come and get them." I said huskily and he balked, face turning scarlet. "Because you know… you hurt me. Here I thought…I've been much too forward. Messing with poor innocent wittle Kost. So cute and handsome and blushing at every dirty thing I say." I reached into my breast band and pulled the coins out and plopped them into my empty mug. "But here. I just need to you tap the mug to this tune."

I taught Kost the tune, he nodded obediently and soon it was an adequate sound that I could already feel in the base of my spine and made me anxious. It was the closest I've gotten to music from home and it made my heart ache but I was now alive with drink and wanted to dance.

"You going to show us or stall some more?" Varric teased. I glowered at him and then stood.

"Two more things." I grinned and dipped my hands into my shirt, to my back and slipped my breast band up and off. Kost's face was so red I was a bit scared he was having a stroke. Bull was now fully intrigued and Varric was choking and wheezing. "Like I said, I'm going to do it right." I faced Frail who now looked guilty as he watched me drop my breast band in Bull's lap, my fingers tying the tunic up underneath my breasts with a large knot to make them pop up and using the laces to keep it closed.

"You keep saying you got something for me. Uh…" The timing was slower due to Varric not getting the concept of faster songs so I intended to draw out as much sexual energy as I could. But as I sang I moved to Kost who watched, still tapping the mug to the tune and trying very hard not to look at anywhere below my chest. "Well officer I don't mind to say you do." I turned my back to him and then leaned down pulling the bend and snap move. Oh El Woods, you are one wise woman.

"Now you're looking right where I thought you'd be looking…Legs come handy when laws in front of you…" I shimmied my hips and rolled my stomach, knowing their eyes would be following.

"These boots are made for walkin and that's just what they'll do." I stomped my feet loud enough to tap to the music. "One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you…" I was really feeling the music in me. I could almost hear Jessica Simpson's sultry voice in my ear and guiding my steps.

I sashayed toward Bull and he turned in his seat when I twirled my fingers. "You believe you've stopped me for a reason…" I turned and bent down so my backside was in his lap only I slowly rolled my hips and brought myself up, tossing my hair back and adding a little booty shake toward the end just for kicks. "Now I'm pretending my bendings just for fun. You keep playing where I got you playing... These double 'D' initials work to run."

Bull's growl was unmistakable even as his hand traced up my leg to cup my bottom but I moved out of his way and turned cupping my breasts teasingly.

"These boots are made for walkin and that's just what they'll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you." I did my little stomp dance further into the clearing, letting me see them all.

My breath was heavy and I felt a little sweaty but I continued. "I'm the girl with the good boys who don't mean you no harm. This gotten way with Hazzard County charm. There ain't no crime in havin' a little fun." I giggled.

"Swerve my stride. Bat my sexy eyes. Where my boots at…" I broke and giggled madly and nearly tripped but caught myself just as I knew the most difficult part of the song came. "Strut ya stuff, come on!" I howled into the night air and really began the stepping dance.

"Hey ya'll wanna come and see something uh-uh-uh-uh. Can't touch, can I get a hand clap for the way I work my back." I swirled and did each step, swung my legs and jutted my hips to the tune to each side. "Tick tock all around the clock drop it. Push ya tush, like that…" Each word became accentuated with a breathy flair and I twirled coming face to face with Brig who gripped my arms and held my chin up. He squawked upon seeing something and his face became pale.

"Briiig. I'm singing and dancing-sing." I giggled and couldn't stop. But Brig yanked me away from where I had been showing off and into the tent where it was cooler.

When did it get so hot? "Briig I wanted to finish it." He pushed me into the bed.

"Sleep. You've had too much to drink." I barely understood him signing but nodded.

"I do feel kinda sleepy. Tuck me in Baby Brig?" I cooed and he pushed me under the covers even more and I didn't even have to try to fall asleep.


Notes: The song Mercy sings and dances to is These Boots were Made for Walking, particularly the cover done by Jessica Simpson.

SleepiPanda: Oh yes. Mercy is a fangirl after all, she would have followed the fandom and would know some of the hilarious things we call our favorite characters. I'm trying to keep that to a minimum or else its gets too campy or she may just insult someone.

5 Coloured Walker: I would love to write from the view point of a Qunari Kossith but there isn't nearly enough information about Par Vollen, because if I did take up that project I'd want them to land in Par Vollen. It would be interesting. Who knows maybe I'll find a way to supplement the lack of information and make stuff up, but we'll see.