Chapter 55 Miserable

It was like Cho's heart got broken together with the mirror. And the first part was, that she did it herself. Now she could think clear again she realized Cedric must have felt just as horrid and now they had lost the only way they could communicate and Cho had the feeling those mirrors weren't just for sale everywhere. Now she had to wait for his letter. Which she didn't even know if it would come. Maybe he was so angry or so disappointed with her that he wouldn't seek contact for awhile. Now Cho felt like throwing up again.

'Hey Cho, can we sit here?' Hermione Granger smiled friendly at her. Harry and Ron as well.

'Oh of course,' Cho made some room for them and they came sitting next to her. Harry took place at her right side and his hand touched hers for a brief moment. Cho pulled it back in a reflex. Laying her hand on the table so it would show the ring obviously.

'Well there goes Malfoy again,' Ron huffed.

'I told you so,' Harry said.

'Oh boys please,' Hermione rolled her eyes.

'What?' Cho asked confused.

'Harry thinks Draco is a death eater,' Hermione said cynic.

'Isn't his father one too?' Cho asked.

'Yes, but I mean he is sixteen, it's pretty impossible, what would you-know-who want with him?'

'It could be anything Hermione! Just think about it!' Harry said.

Hermione sighed.

'Cho would you like to go to Hogsmeade with us?' she asked to change the subject.

'Oh you want me to come?'

'We would like that,' Harry said. Ron looked meaningful at him.

'Oh that I gladly want to,' Cho smiled, glad she had found some distraction.

'How is Cedric doing? I heard from dad he is in the order now, that is so cool! Any idea what he is up to?' Ron asked, subtle as always. Hermione gave him an elbow.

'Ron!' she hissed. Cho turned her head away.

'Let's go to Hogsmeade shall we?' Harry said swiftly and they stood up.

'That was so impolite,' Hermione muttered to Ron behind her.

'What? I thought I just ask,'

Cho looked sideways at Harry. He shrugged apologetic. Cho smiled the slightest. They all went for some butterbeer in the three broomsticks and Cho found it ironic how much fun she had. It was easy to talk with them, even though she liked Ron's questions that much she still enjoyed their company and the fact how she could talk with them about Voldemort who was returned.

'Harry? Did you ask Dumbledore about that…matter?'

The three of them looked at each other. As if they already knew more about 'that matter'.

'Yeah I asked.' Harry said finally.

'What did he say?'

'I euhm…' Harry looked at his friends for support. Cho saw how Hermione almost unnoticeable shook her head.

'He would answer me later…'

'Oh, alright,' Cho said, a little bit suspicious though.

'Gee, I've had it here, it's too cold, let's go back to Hogwarts,' Ron said. Again his try to change the subject was so obvious that Cho was sure they were hiding something for her.

'For crying out loud Ron,' Hermione whispered to him. They left the three broomsticks and Cho spotted Katie walking ahead of them together with her friend. Apparently they were fussing about something.

'I will be right back guys!' Cho smiled and wanted to run towards Katie but at that moment she screamed and rose up in the air. Cho was gasping in pure shock and she heard the other three do the same. Katie's friend looked at them in horror and cried out: 'I told her not to touch it! I told her!'

At that moment Katie fell down.

(...)

'Will she be alright?' Cho asked worried. If David heard this. He would came running right over here. Cho cringed at the idea that played through her mind several days already. If she would get hurt, would Cedric come over in that case?

'We don't know,' Professor McGonnigal said. 'She will have to go to the hospital, this was a piece of dark magic,'

'I know who did it,' Harry said right away. Hermione looked at him annoyed.

'Then who did it?' the professor asked.

'Draco Malfoy.

'That is a serious accusation Mr. Potter,' she said shocked.

'I'm sure of it!' Harry said.

'Harry,' Hermione whispered.

'May I contact David please?' Cho interrupted them. 'Please?'

'Go ahead miss Chang,'

Cho walked out of the room. Katie. Everyone she loved seemed to disappear around her. What was the fasted way to send a message? An owl, would that take too long? Why had she broken that stupid mirror! She swiftly scratched a note but she had to do it over again because of the tears that fell on it. Why wasn't Cedric here?

That night Cho couldn't sleep. Staring at the ceiling and wishing she had been Katie today so that Cedric would have come to visit her in the hospital. She pictured him sitting next to her bed and holding her hand while he would say he would never leave her again. She kept turning and her bed was to warm and nothing felt right without him. So in the end she simply cried herself tired till she slept. The next morning Cedric's letter would arrive. It was twelve pages long. Twelve pages long of an apology. Twelve pages! Cho read some parts again. That instead of making her feel better only made her feel more guilty.

I know you disappointed in me and I'm making this absence and distance between us so much worse, but please believe me when I say I love you so much and being away from you is killing me every second of the day.

Cho read the letter but didn't actually understood the words. They were empty for her. Meaningless. Meant to hurt her, though she knew that absolutely wasn't the case. They were meant to comfort. But Cho could not accept that when he didn't follow his own advise. Was this the marriage they would have as well? He would work all day? And she would wait home? Just wait till he had time? Was that their future? Normally Cedric would have seen her face now. Asked her what was wrong and kissed her just as long till she would spill. Then he would have reassured her that nobody on this planet would be as happy as them. But now Cedric wasn't here and her mind kept spinning in panic. With nothing else then a twelve paged letters with words that didn't get to her.

Cho knew she was being horrible. Three days had past and she still didn't write back. Just because she didn't know what to write back! She was sure Cedric was still comforting himself with the thought she was answering his letter just as long but when he wouldn't get anything from her tomorrow that he would freak out. And maybe secretly it was where she was playing at. Forcing him to come here. To see if she was alright. If she still wanted him. Of course she still wanted him. She always would. But if she just could get him here. But after almost seven years Cedric knew her better then she knew herself. And as the fourth day passed she received a letter from him again saying that he couldn't come over even though he badly wished he could. That it would be Christmas in a few days and that he had to make preparations for his 'mission'. That he knew she was angry or at least confused and that he probably wouldn't be able to write letters or receive them for the coming too weeks once they were gone. If she could please just write something. Cho did write. Three words. And it never cost her more trouble to write them. But he had to do it with those three words the coming two weeks. Her 'I love you' had to be enough answer on those twelve pages. His reply was even shorter than three words. His 'thank you' wasn't enough for her. He should have sent her back four words. And Cho was dying inside from the wrong wrong reply. She had torn it in little pieces, put it in an envelope and sent it back. She didn't regret it, even not when she calmed down again. She had received a invitation from his family to spend Christmas with them but Cho had thanked for it. She was staying at Hogwarts. Harry was staying too. The day when all the students were leaving. The day before the holiday, she received one more letter from him.

Cho, I'm sorry. I was angry at your lack of response. I was angry at myself for not sending you back the four obvious words, that I love you too, my everything. I am angry for having to go on this mission. I'm angry for having to miss you again. I'm angry on everyone and everything and I can just picture you sitting there reading this. Your mind spinning. Hoping that I will show up as some surprise and it is killing me I can't do it. I can picture you trying to reply my letters but just not knowing what because you're tongue-beaten by the fact I can do this to you. I know you Cho. And I understand you. And I know you well enough that you're considering awful things as well if they can just bring us together. Don't Cho. You read that well? Don't you dare to do anything to yourself. Don't you dare. Don't do that to me. Cho Chang, this year will be over soon and then we will be together forever. You will be my wife. You understand that baby? Soon enough nothing can tear us apart again. And I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Be safe. Promise me you keep yourself safe.

Yours and yours alone, Cedric.

Cho's reply was again two words: I promise. And she prepared herself on the most miserable Christmas of her life.

She stayed in bed all day. Nobody was here anyway. Harry had left with Ron after all. And Cho had never felt so alone before. She had a few presents. From Cedric's family. And Cedric himself. She didn't open them. Except one. The one from Charlie and she didn't know why, but for some reason she thought that of all people he understood her the best right now. And indeed. The music box that he gave her played her emotions flawlessly. It was exactly how she felt. And she continued to play it the rest of the two weeks.