Diamond
Diamond
Pokemon-
Monferno (Punchy)
Buneary (Hoppy)
Hippowdon (Sandy)
Honchkrow (Poopy)
Darkrai (It's not really his pokemon. It just lives in his shadow… literally)
Diamond's bad at nicknames…
Pearl
Pokemon-
Prinplup (Humpy)
Ponyta (Brokeback)
Staraptor (Orgy)
Dawn
Pokemon-
Turtwig
Shellos
Drifloon
Happiny
Jack
Pokemon
Chatot (Jesus?)
Riley
Pokemon
Gallade
Rhyperior
Regigigas
Lucario
Machamp
Heracross
Salamence
Dragonite
Tyranitar
Marley
Pokemon
Crobat
Arcanine
Sceptile
Cheryl
Pokemon-
Milotic
Drifblim
Alistair
Pokemon-
Ambipom (Virtuoso)
Chatot (Fiona)
Torterra (Terra)
Smeargle (Leonardo)
Alex
Pokemon-
Quagsire
"Hello gentle listeners!" Alistair exclaimed into the microphone. "This radio station is now under new management!"
"In other words, we hijacked this place and-." Alex began to say. Alistair slapped his hand over Alex's mouth hastily.
"Shh! Shut up dude! They don't need to know that…"
"Right. Sorry…"
"Anyway… We run this bitch now! I'm Alistair and from now on you may call me Glue Face-."
"And I'm Alex! And I go by the name of DJ Mop Head!"
"And from this point on, this radio station is now called 'Kick Ass FM 98.3'! We feel so sorry for you people. You're forced to listen to bullshit artists and bands while the truly awesome (Alex: US!) ones get ignored or have to stay in underground music circles. Well not anymore! We play only the awesome-est of the awesome! So… Do any concerned listeners have any questions about this new regime change?" Almost immediately, dozens of buzzers went off at the same time. Alistair and Alex groaned and covered their ears.
"Aww, look at what you did now you fucking bitch!"
"Suck it Alex!" Alistair reached under the table and pulled out a phone. He put it to his ear and said, "Hello caller! You're on the air with Glue Face and Mop Head, how may I help you-?"
"Yeah, Glue Face, I'm just wondering, how the hell do you get off telling people what to listen to? Who the hell are you to tell people what's awesome and what's not? I have half a mind to call the cops on you-." The disgruntled caller was cut off by Alistair hanging up on him.
"Okay… Can we get another caller? Preferably a less prick-like one…" The annoying buzzing sounds went off again. Alistair snatched the phone up almost immediately. "Wassup caller? You're on the air with Glue Face and Mop Head!"
"Hey Luigi (Alistair and Alex: Luigi?), can I have a large pizza with pepperoni, clams, potato chips, zucchini and-." Alistair hung up on him just like with the first one.
"Um… I think that's enough for one day, don't you agree Mop Head?"
"Oh God, just make it stop…"
"I'll take that as a yes… Anyway, remember everyone. Kick Ass FM is brought to you by P.I.H.G.S.S!"
"Pigs?"
"No. It's P.I.H.G.S.S."
"… Exactly, pigs!"
"It's not pigs! It stands for People for the Incineration of Hot Guy Sex Studios!"
"That's right! Hot Guy Sex Studios is run by stinky doo-doo heads that require people to have gay sex with them in order to get a record deal! They smother kittens, they jizz in the city's water supplies and worst of all… They spread AIDS! You hear that people? AIDS! SCARY SCARY AIDS! Each record you buy from them gives you AIDS! Don't buy from them ever again!... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! AND DICK CANCER!" Alex ranted into the microphone. Alistair patted him on the back and gave him a dog biscuit.
"That'll do Alex. That'll do…"
Meanwhile at Hot Guy Sex Studios…
Mr. Spooge-Drinker was having a meeting with his two cronies, Ringo and Dingo, y'know just another average, every day business meeting (with some gay sex at the end perhaps). He reclined back in chair and took a sip of his coffee lazily. Suddenly, a sharp pain hit his heart. He coughed uncontrollably before weakly falling out of his chair.
"BOSS!" Ringo and Dingo cried. They each jumped out of their seats so fast that they knocked them over and ran to Mr. Spooge Drinker's side.
"Boss, are you alright?" Ringo asked.
"What's wrong?" Dingo asked.
"I-I don't know… I just had this strange feeling that-that an albino kid and a kid with a head like a mop are presently using the influential power of the radio to tell people that our company gives people AIDS and dick cancer…" Ringo and Dingo each cocked an eyebrow at the other. Dingo took a look in Spooge-Drinker's coffee cup.
"The hell's in this coffee…?"
"It might not be just the coffee…" Ringo said. "Boss, didn't you kick out two boys that match that description earlier today?"
"Y-Yes. I think I did… You don't think...?" Putting on a stern look, Ringo flipped open his laptop. He gasped and nearly dropped it onto the floor.
"What's wrong?"
"Nearly thirty percent of our stockholders just gave up their shares!"
"Damn them!" Mr. Spooge-Drinker roared through gritted teeth.
"Uh oh… The boss is having another acerbic rage…" Dingo whispered to his partner.
"UNACCEPTABLE! THOSE BOYS NEED TO BE STOPPED! I WANT THEM DEAD! I know what we have to do…"
"And what's that boss?"
"We have to nuke every radio station in the country!"
"… Uh… We don't have any nukes boss," Dingo said.
"And even if we had any we wouldn't be able to use them. It's against the law and human nature, you see-."
"Damn it you two! I'm a record producer for Ryan Seacrest's sake! I am above the law!"
"But boss-."
"I AM ABOVE THE LAW! Now, if you numb skulls want to keep your jobs, go and destroy those kids! But first let's go fuck some male Puerto Rican prostitutes…"
"Yes sir!"
Meanwhile in a dimension not of this Earth…
As you may or may not recall, we left Pearl and his new friends Ivan and Lucirce-
"RTJ! RTJ! OVER HERE!" Pearl shouted to get my attention.
What do you want? Can't you see that I'm telling a story here?
"I wanna be the narrator today! Please RTJ?"
No! I'm the narrator around here!
"Aww come on! You let Diamond be the narrator all the time! I only got to do it once!"
I let Diamond do it because he's the freakin' main character Pearl!
"But I'm everyone's favorite character! Diamond can't hold a candle to the indelible sexiness that is my visage!"
"I'm going to kill you one day Pearl…" Diamond whispered.
"What'd you say?"
"Oh nothing…"
Pearl is partially correct I guess… Fine. You can be the narrator. But only for today!
"YES! YAYNESS! You won't regret this RTJ!"
Back at Hazard Park…
"Shadow Ball!"
"Water Gun!" I watched (with little interest, I might add) as Ivan Lucirce's battle unfolded. Ivan's Espeon, Umbriel fired a globe of black energy from the jewel on her forehead. Hazel counterattacked by spraying a stream of water from her mouth. They were momentarily in a stalemate but once I saw the smirk on Umbriel's face (which looked a lot like the one on Ivan's), I knew that this 'stalemate' wasn't going to last long. The Shadow Ball suddenly surged straight through the middle of Hazel's water gun, splitting it in two. It went on to hit Hazel directly in the face and sent her flying over Lucirce's head. Oh and by the way, one half of the split Water Gun kept going until it hit me in the crotch… -.-
"Oh god damn it! Look what you did you guys! Now I look like I pissed myself!" I complained. Neither of them seemed to pay any attention to me and continued on with their fight. Hazel got back up almost immediately and fired an Ice Beam at Ivan and Umbriel. They dove out of the way and let it freeze the ground behind them. "Ah screw you fags!" I said before storming away angrily. "Where the hell do they get off ignoring me? I'm fucking Pearl! I should go back there and kick their asses- woah..." I hadn't walked more than twenty feet when I saw it. Sitting on a shelf in the back of one of the game booths was a skateboard. I felt my jaw drop at the very sight of it.
"HOLY CHUCK NORRIS' PELVIC BONE! A SKATEBOARD!" I said ecstatically. I leaped over the counter and snatched the skateboard off of its shelf. In case you haven't noticed by now (if you haven't then you're an idiot), I absolutely adore skateboards. "Oh my god… I haven't ridden on one of these babies in ages!" I inspected the board over appreciatively, like how an aficionado looks over a beautiful work of art. It was mostly scarlet red with pitch black outlines and flames scrawled across it. A solitary black wing adorned the top of it as well. On the bottom were the words 'Morbid Angel' and 'Azathoth' scribbled in blue marker.
"Azathoth? Isn't that a band? Or a reference to the Blind Idiot God, Azathoth of H.P Lovecraft lore? Eh… I'll just call you the Morbid Angel then. Sounds sexier anyway!" I jumped back over the counter and was just about to take a ride on my stolen skateboard when I heard a voice call out to me.
"Pearl! Stop!" I looked around but didn't see anybody.
"WTH? Who's there? Is it-Is it you Diamond?"
"Sort of. Since you don't have a conscience, I'm forced to be your conscience instead."
"But aren't you getting your ass kicked right now?"
"Yeah."
"So how the fuck are you in my mind right now?"
"I don't know. You should know by now that the laws of physics mean nothing here…"
"True. So what do you want already? Don't you see that I've got some serious shredding to do?"
"That's what I wanted to warn you about. You can not, under any circumstance, ride that skateboard!"
"What?! Why not?!"
"Because the last time you rode one, you tried to skate down a flight of stairs!"
"So?"
"You ended up breaking your neck, my pelvic bone and the face of twenty orphans with terminal illnesses!"
"…Your point?"
"…I hate you Pearl… Don't come crying to me when your testicles are split open and your thumbs are in the Philippines!"
"Suck my dick!" I said. I finally got on the Morbid Angel and kicked off. "Oh yeah! This is fucking sweet!" I leaned my weight to the left so I began to turn in circles. After the fifth rotation, my momentum was too much for me to handle, causing me to slip off and land on my back. "Ugh… Okay, so I'm a little rusty…" I groaned sitting back up.
(Rusty, eh? I have just the remedy…) Another unknown, disembodied voice hissed, making chills go down my spine. I looked to the left and to the right and didn't see anyone. A sharp metallic something tapped on my shoulder twice. (Up here…) Reluctantly, I looked straight up to find the Hazard Drapion staring malevolently right back at me…
"Aw shit…" I groaned as Drapion raised a claw over its head, getting ready to strike me down…
RTJ's Corner
Hehe, sorry Duel Soul. I thought Lilly was a typo so I changed it to Lily instead. Like you said, it doesn't really matter either way but I'll call her Lilly from now on. Oh and speaking of Lily, I don't plan for her to be unconscious the whole time while Diamond and Darkrai are doing all the fighting. I'm not gonna say anything more than that but lets just say that it's going to be pretty crazy...
I've also realized that I haven't done anything with Vivi and Emmy yet. I think I'll include them in the next chapter, maybe with a few other characters in waiting too... Anyway, R&R or you'll get a collective nine inches of Ringo, Dingo and Mr. Spooge-Drinker up the ass! Hehehe... They have small dicks...
