Chapter 50
"Hmmm." John felt perfectly warm and... cuddled. The sunlight was already falling into his room, but he was lying with his back to the window, so it didn't bother him too much. Good thing he didn't need to work today. Sherlock wouldn't let him go anyway, the way he was clinging to him, spooning him. Wait. Wait, wow. Sherlock wasn't supposed to be there. There wasn't some part of the previous night he had forgotten, was there? God, he hadn't felt so relaxed in weeks.
Carefully, he turned around, even though he didn't actually want to move. "Sherlock?" he said quietly.
Sherlock grunted and then blinked a few times. "What?" he muttered. Then he caught up and was suddenly wide awake. "Oh my god..." he stammered. "I'm so sorry."
John hadn't quite remembered how beautiful Sherlock looked when the softness of sleep still lingered on his face. He put a tentative, warm hand on his cheek. "Don't be. I'm glad you're here," he admitted quietly.
Sherlock blushed and closed his eyes for a moment. "I didn't mean to... I mean, I didn't mean for you to find out. I just wanted to hold you for a moment."
John couldn't suppress a soft smile, but kept himself from pulling Sherlock against his chest. If they were going to talk about this now, it was better not to have influence from a too-pleasant embrace. "Sherlock... I think we've both been fools. We've had an argument, but that's what couples do. We shouldn't have made it the end of the world."
"But John," Sherlock admitted, still keeping his eyes closed. "Fighting with you was the end of the world. I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't face you. The things I said..."
"We've both said terrible things," John sighed. "And I'm really sorry about that. I miss you."
Sherlock opened his eyes and looked at him. "I miss you too."
John bit his lip and shifted a little, not really knowing how to continue. "I... I think that we..." He cleared his throat and made up his mind. "Listen, I want us at least to be friends again. Life without mysteries, without excitement, without you just... just sucks, okay? And if you want to try to save our, our relationship, then you're more than welcome, but it's all fine. It's up to you." He took a deep breath.
Sherlock frowned. "I don't think I could ever be your friend again, John," he muttered.
John's face fell. "Oh."
Sherlock nodded. "I think we saw the proof of that last night. I can't be your friend, because when I'm around you, I will not be able to resist the urge to touch you. To kiss you. To..." he smiled a little sheepishly. "Well... you were there..."
"Yeah. Fortunately." He tried a small smile, but he simply needed to know. "So, what are you saying? Does this mean you can't be around me, that you want to leave?" Somehow he managed not to sound desperate.
"I can't be around you without wanting to be with you," Sherlock said, feeling very exposed, not knowing what John wanted. He just couldn't tell. He had never been able to read John, when it came to things like this.
"Even after everything I've said? Even though I'm a distraction to your work? I mean," he added quickly, "I don't want to blame you for what you said there, that's not what I mean. It's just that you had a point there, and... I don't want to obstruct what you are doing. I want to work along with you, not against you."
"John, I can't work without you. I've tried. For weeks I've tried. I solve the cases but that's it. There's no thrill, no excitement, no satisfaction, when I can't turn around and look at you at the moment when everything falls into place and I see the pride in your eyes. There's no point in it all without you." Sherlock had to force himself to stop. He just wanted to pour out all his thoughts and all the pain of life alone, but if he did, he would probably never be able to stop. So instead he leaned forward and kissed John.
In surprise of the words and the kiss, John's hands went up to cup Sherlock's face, desperately kissing back. Sherlock's whole body trembled with relief, as he finally let himself believe that John wanted this too.
"God, I love you," John sighed when they broke apart for air. Sherlock had ended up half on top of him. "Don't ever leave again." This time he allowed the question, the plea to sound in his words.
"Never," Sherlock said. "If you are sure that you really want me, I'll never leave you again."
"Good," John said, and then his lips were on Sherlock's again, pulling the other man against him as if he would fall apart if they weren't touching over their whole bodies.
For a moment Sherlock returned the kiss hungrily. Then his hands began tugging frantically at John's clothes. "I need you," he muttered. "I need to feel you."
John groaned, pressing a kiss to Sherlock's jaw as he let his hands slide under Sherlock's shirt.
Sherlock moved one hand down John's pants and began stroking him slowly. He let out a shaky sigh, overwhelmed with how amazing it was to be so close to John again. To be able to touch him.
John moaned, tugging Sherlock's shirt over his head to throw it away, so he was free to explore once again. While his hands roamed Sherlock's back, he kissed along his clavicle, thrusting into his hand.
Sherlock began pulling John's pants down with one hand while he continued stroking with the other.
"Wait," John gasped, gently pushing Sherlock's hands away.
"What?" Sherlock frowned at him.
"Make this last." He held Sherlock's gaze, then rolled them over and made short work of their remaining clothing, before smoothing his hands all over Sherlock's chest.
Sherlock smiled and then kissed John. "If you want to," he whispered against his lips.
John nodded, then kissed down his neck.
Sherlock let his hands explore John's body slowly, teasingly avoiding the places he really wanted to touch.
John hummed and slowed down his kisses over Sherlock's sternum, stopping when he arrived at his stomach, but only to flick his tongue over one of his nipples.
Sherlock sighed. "How did I ever go so long without touching you?" he muttered.
"No idea," John smiled gently, before continuing to worship Sherlock's body with his mouth.
Sherlock lay back with his eyes closed and hummed with pleasure, enjoying John's touch.
"Tell me what you want. Let me hear your voice again," John said.
"I want you to touch me all over. I want you to use your mouth on me. And then I want to ride you," Sherlock said, his voice instantly finding its familiar low level.
"God, yeah." The words were barely more than a breath. John took Sherlock's right hand and pressed a kiss to his palm, before bending again towards his hip, kissing down to the outside of his thigh.
Sherlock smiled and writhed a little in anticipation. "I want to feel your hands and your lips on my body," he purred. "I want to feel you inside me."
John teasingly kissed his knee, smirking up at him. "Patience, love. After all you wanted me to touch you everywhere." He sat back and lifted Sherlock's right foot, pressing a kiss to his ankle and then his calf.
Sherlock chuckled. "Yes," he said softly. "Everywhere".
John smiled and put Sherlock's leg back down on the mattress, then turned and started licking up the inside of his left leg, till he arrived high on his thigh, teasingly slow.
Sherlock hummed with pleasure and twitched a little when John passed a ticklish area.
John's tongue wandered further up, reclaiming him. Sherlock was so gorgeous. It was so strange that they hadn't done this in ages, because he still knew every spot of Sherlock's body and the way he would react. Still, there were some unexplored areas. He gently pushed Sherlock's thighs up and ducked between his legs to lick behind his balls.
Sherlock gasped. "John..." he stammered. "Fuck..."
Feeling smug, John continued his path, slowly licking between the cheeks of Sherlock's arse.
Sherlock moaned. "Oh god, John... That's... " Though he couldn't find a word to describe just how amazing it felt.
John experimentally went further, revelling in the smell and taste of Sherlock and sex. He gently lapped at his hole until he felt him relax and worked the tip of his tongue in, holding Sherlock's hips to keep him close.
Sherlock moaned and tilted his hips up, needing more of John. Now.
John pulled back and worked a finger in instead, his lips seeking out Sherlock's sack.
"John," Sherlock moaned. "I need you... "
John kissed the side of Sherlock's shaft while working him open, his own cock twitching at the sounds Sherlock was making. "I want you so badly."
Suddenly Sherlock pulled away. He sat up and pushed John down on the bed. "I want you inside me," he said, his voice so low it was almost a growl. "Now." He moved to straddle John.
John whimpered as he was treated to the sight of Sherlock's cock hard against his pale stomach, while he was lowering himself over him. "You're so gorgeous," he said breathlessly.
Sherlock smiled at him. "I love you," he whispered as he sank down, taking John in, in one long fluid motion.
John gasped and fell back, his whole body on fire as his cock was enveloped in Sherlock's warm tightness. "Fuck."
Sherlock paused for a moment, as he rediscovered the overwhelming sensation of being so completely filled by John. Then slowly he began to move, keeping his eyes on John's.
John finally remembered to breathe, moaning as Sherlock was watching him so intently. He thrust up, struggling to keep his eyes open and fixed on Sherlock, while pleasure waved through him. "I want to kiss you," he managed to say hoarsely. He wanted the other man closer, to have their skin touching everywhere while he was moving deep inside him.
Sherlock leaned down and kissed John deeply, resting against his chest as he kept moving slowly. His hands began to caress John's neck and face, as if trying to take in everything that was John, all at the same time.
"God yes, that's it," John whispered, pulling his legs up so he could thrust even deeper, his arms around Sherlock's back. He kissed him again, passionately exploring his mouth with muffled moans.
Sherlock groaned. "Yes," he muttered. "Just like that." He kissed John again, but had to pull away as he was growing short of breath. He rested his head on John's shoulder gasping. "Oh god... Don't stop."
"Not planning to," John answered breathlessly, resting his hands lower on Sherlock's back as he sped up his thrusts and made them more forceful. "You feel amazing."
"You are amazing," Sherlock gasped as John continued to hit the spot, hurtling him towards his climax. "I can't..." was all he managed to say, before he came hard, clenching around John as he cried out his name.
"God, Sherlock," John moaned, his whole body shuddering. He thought of rolling them over, but he was too close, and a few more thrusts tipped him over the edge, clinging to Sherlock as he came inside him, his face buried in his shoulder.
As soon as Sherlock had regained his senses he began kissing John urgently, only pausing long enough to draw in quick breaths and whisper: "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I love you... I'll never leave you again... I love you."
John sloppily answered every kiss, threading his fingers through Sherlock's hair and feeling boneless beneath him. Eventually he cupped Sherlock's face, keeping him away from his lips just long enough to get a word in, smiling. "I love you too, Sherlock. And I'm not letting you go again either." He gently rubbed the nape of Sherlock's neck with his fingertips and pulled him in for another, slower kiss.
Sherlock sighed and surrendered to the kiss, finally truly believing that the nightmare was over, and he was home.
They stayed in the warm bed for some time longer, exchanging kisses and cuddling until John was almost giddy with happiness. "Let's have a shower," he suggested, knowing that Sherlock didn't like feeling sticky for too long.
Sherlock smiled and after a final kiss got to his feet, hauling John after him. "Great idea," he said as he headed for the stairs.
John chuckled. "I hardly have any other."
Sherlock paused and kissed him. "Well, I seem to have had a few good ones lately too."
John smiled. "Climbing in my bed, for one."
"Yes, that was rather brilliant, wasn't it?" He chuckled. "Falling asleep before I could sneak away, that was just dumb luck."
