AN: I'm going back to school in a week, so I'm trying to update as much as possible before updating will slow greatly. I'm excited to go back to school though.


Journal

Sam's POV

First, let me just tell you that this whole assignment is stupid. What? You don't like what I'm saying? Well, too bad. You, the teacher told us we could write whatever we wanted in these stupid journals, so I'm going to write whatever the hell I feel like. It's bad enough we have to make at least one entry a week for the entire month of October, and if it wasn't such a big part of my final grade and I didn't want to graduate then I wouldn't do it. But I do need to get an okay grade so I can pass this class, and maybe with some luck (or threatening) I'll graduate instead of having to come back to this hellhole next year.

I closed the note book with a sigh and started to doodle absentmindedly on the cover, while gazing at the clock willing time to go faster. The teacher had said that it had to be at least 100 words, but that was the only guidelines we were given. So, I had scribbled down 100 or so words, I hadn't actually counted them, and left it at that. Unfortunately now there was still about 15 minutes left before lunch. I shrugged and figured I could make up something about another entry and then just date it ahead.

I'm going to write about iCarly. At least it's fun. Way more fun than writing about it is. I'm the co-host of iCarly. But you probably already know that. Unless you've been living under a rock for the past four years, you've at least heard of it. Seriously, it's gotten so popular that we're recognized on the streets almost every day now. There are three other people involved on the show on a regular basis. There's my best friend Carly – see, Freddie named the show after her, and we all thought it was catchy, I like being the sidekick, believe it or not, that's an okay spot for me, I don't want the entire spotlight, just a little piece of it. Freddie's the tech producer and as much as it pains me to admit it, he's the best at what he does – he's also my friend, my enemy, and my boyfriend all wrapped up into one. It's crazy, that I thought I hated him, and yet I still like him, so crazy I once checked myself into a mental hospital. Then there's Brad, our intern, he makes awesome fudge. Oh, and Gibby does weird things on almost every episode… but I don't really consider Gibby a person. Who does?

The bell rings just as I close the notebook again, and I hastily stuff it into my bag and go to satisfy my hunger or at least to try and satisfy my hunger.


I don't think about the book again until hanging out after dinner at Carly's one night. She mentions how she can't believe how fast this month has been flying past and that it will be the 30th the next day. I leap up and run over to my backpack digging deep into it to find the stupid notebook.

"What's up Sam?" Carly asks as I place a foot long ham sandwich beside my bag and continue my search.

"Project due tomorrow, stupid journal thing, can't find it, AHA!" I finally pull out the book and a pen, before moving back to the couch, but I also grab the foot long.

"Never thought I'd see the day where Sam Puckett was worried about handing something in late," Freddie teases gently.

I stick my tongue out at him and say, "You're the one who wanted me to be in the same graduating class as you,"

I open the notebook and place my pen over it before realizing I have no idea what to write about. I whine that to Carly and Freddie and Freddie laughs saying, "Write whatever you want to," which is pretty useless consider I don't know what I want to write.

Carly has a better idea at least, "Why don't you write about iCarly?"

Too bad I've already thought of it, "Great minds think alike Carls, but I already did,"

"Lots of people write about their families," Freddie says hesitantly.

"I need 2 more entries and I'll save that for becoming desperate, any other ideas?" If only I didn't need this grade. I'm becoming increasingly frustrated and Freddie gently lays his hand on top of my free one.

"You're assignment should be honest, maybe write about a time you were really upset, or angry, or happy, just anything that has meant a lot to you," Carly suggests.

"Hmm, faking three dates but an honest entry…" I mutter but start to write anyway.

Carly just said I should write about something that has meaning. Something that has emotion, so maybe I'll write about one of the worst times of my life. It was a few years ago now and it seems so stupid when I think back on it, but it was awful then. Carly and I were fighting. Of course all friends fight, Freddie and I have a fight at least once a day, and Carly and I've had a few fights ourselves, but nothing like this one. We both said awful stuff we didn't mean and we swore we would never be friends again. I feel a little bad now because Freddie hates when we fight, and I've always thought he would've stuck with Carly not matter what, but even back then, he refused to choose between us. Anyway, Carly and I were fighting we weren't friends anymore. And life at home wasn't great either. I clung to the one person who had started the fighting in the first place, a pair of friends name Fleck and Dave, I hung out with Fleck and Carly hung out with Dave. They don't really matter too much, what does matter is that Carly and I both nearly died that night. Thanks to Carly's big brother's quick thinking and whole lot of luck we were both okay. But I'll never forget the moment when I thought Carly was going to fall to her death. And I'll never forget that it was partially (mostly) my fault.

I don't realize that I'm shaking until my pen makes a squiggly line off the edge of the notebook. "Sam, are you okay?" Freddie asks.

"It's Carly's fault," I mutter, shoving the notebook away, "She's the one who suggested writing about something that made me upset."

"Can I see it?" Carly asks reaching toward the notebook.

"No!" I shout, ripping it out of her reach just before her hand closed around it.

"Sam!" Freddie scolds me, "Why won't you let Carly see it?"

I have two reasons I don't want Carly to see it, she'll probably cry, and then she'll tell me it wasn't my fault. Carly crying is the worst thing ever and I hate to see it, and I don't want to be the one to make her cry and it was my fault, nothing will ever change my mind about that, "My teacher wants to be the first to read them," I say thinking quickly .

"Oh, okay, I guess I can look at them after, if it's alright with you," Carly says, with a smile.

I nod, thinking that I'll have destroyed the notebook once I glance to see if I received a passing grade. "I still need one more entry…"

"Write about something happy this time," is what Freddie recommends and I roll my eyes at him.

"I think I will actually take your earlier suggestion and write about my family." I shrug, and both Freddie and Carly's mouth drop open. They know that my family is not really a happy topic for me; in fact, I rarely talk about it, except to complain about my mom. Still, I start to scribble again.

My family, my immediate family, consists of me, my mother and my twin sister Melanie. Don't ask me about my Dad, I don't know where he is. I like to pretend I don't care where he is. Melanie is my complete opposite, straight As, perfect attendance, neat hair, polite, and dull as a board, but I still love her. In that way you have to love your family I suppose. She goes to a boarding school far away from here. I don't really see her that much. My mom is real piece of work, but I love her. And since therapy starts I know she loves me too, she had to raise two kids all by herself. She's done a great job with Melanie and maybe not such a bad job with me either. But that's just my blood-related family.

My family also consists of Carly and Spencer. Carly's more than my best friend, she's practically my sister. She lets me borrow her clothes and is always there for me, no matter what. I love her a lot and I know she loves me too even though, even though I'm not very lovable. Spencer is Carly's big brother is fed and housed me almost more than my own mother. He's always there for us no matter what. He's goofy and silly, acts like a kid most of the time, and sets things on fire. But he is responsible, he's raised Carly and hell, he's pretty much raised me, all by himself, and we're not even his kids. I know he cares about me and I'd do pretty much anything he'd ask me to do for him. But Spencer's never asked me to do more than pose for a sculpture for him, and he never will because he's way too nice. Then there's Freddie, and I know we're not supposed to be in love or be together forever because we're so young, we're in high school, and we shouldn't even work out in the first place. But the thing is, Freddie's also my best friend, he and Carly know me better than I know myself. And we'll always be friends, even if we fall out of love. But I don't think I will, and I hope he doesn't. I can hardly believe we survived dating each other for a week, let alone how long we've actually been together. So, yeah, my mom and my sister are my family and I love them, but Carly, Freddie and Spencer are my family too, I got to choose them, and they chose me as well, and in that way, I love them all the more. This is four times longer than what we were supposed to write, I should get 4 bonus marks.

I finish writing then, and close the book for the final time but this time a smile is on my face and Freddie looks surprised. I toss the book to Carly and say, "You should read it, especially the last entry,"

"But I thought you said your teacher…" Carly begins.

"Yeah, but since when I have followed the rules?" I shrug and lean back against Freddie who's now grinning at me, "You should probably let Freddork read it too, and I think he'll be impressed."

Carly's already engrossed in my first entry, her finger pointed under the line she's reading moving across the page. Freddie laughs, "I'm already impressed that you finished an assignment on time."


AN: R&R!