A Second Thought
On that extraordinary August day in Portwenn – the day of Louisa Glasson's long-awaited wedding – she pauses on the bottom church step and looks about for Philip. It is then that she sees Susan Parsons walk away from the courtyard while taking a mobile from her bag. Good friend of so many years, Martin wants to hear of Louisa's marriage to Gordon only from Susan. Not from Chris, not from Aunt Joan, but only from Susan. He thanks her, and she responds "We'll see you on Sunday, Martin."
When Susan calls, he is at Imperial working through a stack of cases before a holiday with the Parsons clan. Tomorrow morning he will fly to Truro and take a hired car to collect Philip from Aunt Joan's farm. From there, father and son will travel to Salcombe for what Susan can't wait to experience: Martin Ellingham on a family beach holiday. Daniel and Jean Parsons have long thought of Martin as their fourth son and now consider Philip another grandchild. Jean and Susan have finally persuaded him to join their summer gathering.
Even with the raucous Parsons family, Martin is actually looking forward to the time away. Having a week with Philip is what he needs after this last year. Now two, he is a bright child and mirrors Martin's behaviour in ways he could never imagine. He recognizes as well the influence of a loving mother on Philip: he thoughtfully plays with his toys, jabbers happily at his picture books, sings and smiles. Martin may have done these things with his nanny, but certainly not with his mother.
A month ago, Gordon phoned Martin to schedule a dinner and discuss the practicalities arising from his marriage to Louisa. When Martin arrived at the restaurant, Gordon was awaiting him. As they shook hands, he felt no tension in Gordon, nor did the man register any emotions. "Good," he thought, "I trained him well."
During the three years Gordon was on the Ellingham team, Martin was relentless in making him manage patients and surgeries with no emotions. It was the source of many arguments between them and the reason Ellingham still refers to Gordon Day as an ass. It is also why Gordon Day is an exceptional surgeon, why he drove Louisa to Portwenn, why he defends Ellingham and why he made Louisa decide.
Martin nearly smiles at the irony. Dr. Varga-Nagy made him uncover his emotions, and he made Gordon suppress his. Now Gordon will marry Louisa, a very emotional woman in Martin's opinion. At first he was shattered by the thought. However, after intense discussions with Teodora, he finally admitted to her and then to himself, that he does not love Louisa. They could continue together through the end of Philip's dependence on them and "then what," the psychologist asked? Eventually, Martin realized that they simply were not right for each other. They both tried so, but he could never get it right with Louisa.
He will always be grateful to Dr. Varga-Nagy for helping him manage his haemophobia, but more importantly, for gently telling him that he could find love with a woman other than Louisa. As always, the psychologist was brilliant. Following their holiday with the Parsons, Martin will drive to Torquay so that Noelle Giffen may meet Philip. Initially, he was not keen on having Noelle involved, but Teodora counseled him that it would be helpful to Philip. Noelle is part of his life and some day could be part of his son's life.
After the strange beginning to their relationship, the two have found a level of comfort Martin never knew with Louisa. It could be their medical training, their analytical minds or even their phlegmatic natures, but they seem suited to each other. For the moment, they get on well and will see what the future holds. With his new post at the medical school in Plymouth, he will be much closer to Philip as well as Noelle.
This week, Martin will tell Chris and Susan about Noelle, although he expects Chris may have heard rumors through the PCT gossip mill, which rivals that of St. Thomas's, Imperial and Portwenn.
Portwenn, a place he never liked but stayed only because of Louisa. After their bust up in London, he realized there was no need to remain in the village. Even after their baby's birth, he could not bear to do more than visit the village and see the only three people he cared about: Philip, Aunt Joan and Louisa.
The night of Holly's wedding, he thought nothing of canceling his dinner with Louisa as he had done before in Portwenn. While he was dining with Lieder and the visiting doctors, Freia Manning rang saying she had just met Louisa with Gordon Day. He thanked his former protégé for keeping him informed, and quickly phoned Louisa to arrange lunch the next day. Finally, he must put a stop to Day's interference in her life.
000
After ringing off with Martin, Louisa hears Samira calling after her as she makes her way to the avenue. Gordon told her that Louisa left, and she has asked Nasim's driver to fetch the car and take her where she likes. It is difficult finding a taxi on Saturday night.
"Oh, Samira, that's very kind of you, but I'll be fine. I'm sorry we didn't have a chance to chat, but thank you for inviting me tonight."
It was clear from Gordon's mood that things had not gone well with Louisa, so Samira only nods and urges Louisa to take the car. The day has caught up with her, and she is very tired. Not wanting to stand on a busy street waiting for a taxi, she accepts Samira's offer.
As they walk to the courtyard, Louisa asks about the auction, and Samira describes it as a ridiculous event. Nasim's role is to ply parents with good wine so they will buy bad art at high prices in support of the school. Louisa mentions her school's fair, and that the parents have so little money not even wine would help her fundraising efforts.
Midway along the crescent, they see Gordon approaching. He is carrying Charlotte and holding Evelyn's hand. Louisa turns away, but Samira takes her arm saying: "He's fine. Let's go on." As Gordon passes a lamp post, his face is illuminated. In it she sees the love and concern he has for his daughters as he leads them home. This is the look she sees on Martin's face when he holds Philip or even glances at him across the room.
Then Gordon notices Louisa and smiles as he did each time they met. Even with his anger tonight, he initially looked at her in this way. He could not mask his feelings.
This is not what she sees in Martin's face. There she sees the same pain, frustration and confusion that she knows Martin sees when he looks at her. Louisa walks toward Gordon asking: "May I come with you?" He nods, and they bid Samira good night. Then the four of them continue on to Gordon's house.
There he sees the girls to bed, while she finds her way about his well-organized kitchen to make tea. Sitting at a round table they talk about serious and not-so-serious matters. First, his hair is longer because Amelia is marrying Richard Seidel in a few weeks. Gordon will do a reading, and she asked that he grow his hair longer for the ceremony. Afterward, he will return to his surgeon's shear.
Cecily and her husband, David, have moved to California for two years, and she has changed her visitation arrangement. Charlotte and Evelyn will travel to the States for two weeks each summer, and Cecily will see them in London for Christmas week. Following Amelia's wedding, Gordon is taking them to California for five weeks where he will be a visiting scholar at Stanford Medical School. Charlotte and Evelyn will stay with Cecily the first two weeks, then Margaret and her children will be with them and Gordon the remaining weeks. Gordon is very upset about their limited time with Cecily, but he cannot force her to see their daughters more often. Perhaps when they are older she will find them less bothersome and more enjoyable.
Making no apologies for what he said earlier, Gordon repeats his question: "What about Ellingham, Louisa? Look me in the eye and tell me one way or the other. I have to know something from you."
Hesitating for only a minute, Louisa begins: "Gordon, we care about each other and both of us love Philip. We've tried so for him, but we simply aren't right for each other. I could go through the motions with Martin for the next 17 years as I have done since Philip was born. I'm not miserable, but I'm not happy. I suppose being not happy is manageable, but that's not the best way to raise Philip. Martin has a great sense of duty, and he could convince himself that he is with me out of love. And it would be out of love, but for Philip, not me.
"Much as I want to raise Philip in a home with both parents, it would be so difficult with Martin. Even his psychologist said we seem very unsuited to each other. She said we must work hard to avoid the problems we've had in the past because we are so very different. I don't want a relationship where every day is an effort to behave in a certain way, to always watch what I say and do. And I miss laughing. Martin rarely smiles and then only with Philip. There is no humour, no lightness, no ease - everything is literal.
"Gordon, I told you how I felt in Plymouth and meant it. But I don't expect anything from you. There's no need for you to rescue me. This decision is for me, not because of you."
Looking into Gordon's eyes, Louisa proclaims: "I am finished with Martin."
Gordon has a sip of tea, pauses and exhales loudly: "Well, then, Louisa. What should we do about all of this?"
Not averting her gaze, she reveals the tiniest grin: "A kiss would be very nice."
Leaving his chair, Gordon takes Louisa's hand, pulls her to him, kisses her softly and then kisses her again. "Is this what you want Louisa?" She shakes her head no. Laughing, he says: "Even with all your bloody candy bars, it's a lot easier getting my arms around you now than that first time in Plymouth." And then he kisses her, and she returns the kiss and awaits the question she wants him to ask: "Any reaction, Louisa?" "Yes, Gordon, I still love you."
Louisa makes another pot of tea while Gordon prepares sandwiches with chicken, chili mayonnaise and spinach. When they finish the oddly-delicious meal, he produces a tin from a high shelf containing the sweets he allows the girls. Louisa selects a packet of chocolate biscuits which Gordon admits are his favourite and the actual reason he keeps the tin out of sight.
They continue with their tea and biscuits and talk easily about serious and not-so-serious things until nearly midnight. Then Gordon phones for a taxi to take Louisa to her hotel, and one appears much faster than they would like.
Before tucking Louisa into the car, he kisses her and then rubs her shoulder saying: "Please call me in the morning."
As she is undressing in her hotel room, her mobile rings. It is Gordon.
"I thought I was to call you in the morning."
"I couldn't wait that long to talk to the woman I love."
Continued . . .
