Thanks for all of your recent reviews. I'm sorry that some of you are no longer enjoying this fic but I've genuinely never had a plan for this story. The chapters just kind of happen however the mood takes me. I certainly never expected it to carry on past 50 chapters.
Chapter 51
Sat in her office at home, Arizona tried hard to focus on the screen in front of her. She had taken the day off from work and had chosen to catch up on what she could, locked away. She hadn't taken the day off to be with Callie, no, she had taken the day off because she couldn't bare to be around people right now. Last night she had given Callie a piece of her mind, and today, she was feeling better and lighter for it, but also a little anxious to see how the day would play out.
She believed it was what her fiancé needed to hear. She needed to know how much she had hurt Arizona, and if that meant she had to suffer, then so be it. Arizona would no longer tiptoe around the brunette. There were two people in the relationship, and the blonde was finally beginning to put her foot down. She wouldn't put up with the accusations or the attitude any longer. If Callie had issues, then she should deal with them like an adult. She should speak to her fiancé about her worries, and they could deal with them together. Worried that it was too late for that now, Arizona had locked herself away. She had spent the last four hours bolted into the small space and she was now desperate for coffee.
Removing herself from her seat, she took a deep breath and unlocked the door. She knew Callie was home. The brunette had made it clear every time she slammed something down on the work top. Make your coffee and come back in here. It's as simple as that. Turning the handle, she made her way down the hall and straight into the kitchen.
Blue eyes dropping to the floor when she found Callie sitting on the couch, she went about her business as quickly as possible. She didn't want to avoid her fiancé but she genuinely had nothing to say to her, and she wasn't about to strike up a conversation for the sake of it.
Pulling out a cup from the cupboard, she poured the black liquid and took in the scent as it hit her. She had been desperate for a little caffeine relief for some time. Closing her eyes and giving herself a moment, she picked up her cup and made her way around the kitchen island.
"Are you going to lock yourself up all day?" A quiet voice caught her attention.
Shrugging, she continued through the living room.
"How can we ever fix this when you won't even tolerate being in the same room as me?" Callie questioned.
Turning to meet the brunettes eyes, Arizona gave her a knowing look. "Callie."
"We have to work through this." Brown eyes pleaded as Callie's voice broke. "Please, Arizona."
Stepping closer to her fiancé, Arizona gave her a sad smile. "Can you see what you've done, Callie? Can you see how you made this worse last night?"
Giving a slight nod, the brunette dropped her gaze. She had realised what she had done the moment the words fell from her lips but the damage was done by that point. "Yes."
"Honestly, though?" Blue eyes narrowed.
"I should never have said what I did. I know I've messed up, Arizona, but please, I can't lose you."
Blue eyes glistened as Arizona's heart broke at the sight of the woman in front of her. She desperately wanted to make things right with Callie, but she wasn't sure what to even say.
"Maybe you could drink your coffee out here? You don't even have to talk to me. I just want to be around you. I need to be around you."
"Okay." Arizona agreed. Maybe sitting with Callie would give her some sort of indication as to what she wanted or needed right now. Truthfully, she was at a loss.
"I don't want you to lock yourself away. I feel like I'm just existing here."
"Yeah, you're not the only one." Arizona sighed as she took a seat on the kitchen stool.
Desperate to be close to Arizona, the brunette too pulled herself up at the kitchen counter and began fiddling with her own empty coffee cup. The silence was unbearable but she didn't want to give Arizona any reason to leave right now. She couldn't give the blonde any more reasons to not want to be around her. Afraid that she may say something she shouldn't, Callie sat quietly and prayed to God that this moment would last a little longer.
The blondes profile taking her breath away, she closed her eyes and tried hard not to let her tears fall. She didn't want to cry anymore. She just wanted things to be at least a little okay. She had spent the entire past night sat outside her fiancé's room in case she decided to leave in the night. She couldn't let that happen.
Startled by the sound of Arizona clearing her throat, brown eyes opened to find the most heartbreaking blue staring back at her.
"I feel like you don't trust me anymore." Arizona's voice was cold. "I can't spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't trust me."
Unsure of whether she should speak up, Callie gave a slight nod in acknowledgement of the other woman's words and held her gaze. She did trust Arizona, she trusted her more than she had ever trusted anyone else in her life, but it wasn't as simple as just telling her that.
"Do you trust me, Calliope?"
"Yes." The brunettes voice was small and she wasn't sure Arizona even heard her.
"Can you trust me unconditionally?" Blue eyes narrowed. "Can you allow yourself to be happy, with me? Forever?"
"Of course I can. I do." Callie spoke up. "Please believe that I trust you."
"What happens when you go back on tour?" Pale shoulders shrugged as Arizona sipped on her coffee. "How do I know that you aren't going to be on the phone every day accusing me? Suggesting things that aren't true?"
"I'm not going back on tour." Dark curls shook.
"So you don't trust me?" The blonde laughed as she tried to remove herself from the stool. Feeling her fiancé's familiar touched, she froze.
"I'm not going back on tour because I don't want to be away from you. I don't want to travel the country and not know when I'm going to see you or speak to you again. I can't, and I won't do it."
"You will. It's who you are, Callie, and I'm not going to be the one to stop that." Arizona stated. Shaking off the brunettes hand, she removed herself from the kitchen island and topped up her coffee. "You just have to figure out if you want me to still be here when you come home."
Watching her fiancé walk away, her stomach dropped. "Please don't go."
"Take the afternoon to decide what you want from our relationship. Or at least to give yourself an idea. The ball is in your court right now, Calliope."
"But-"
"That's all I have to say right now." Arizona turned back to face her fiancé. "Maybe we could have dinner tonight. Discuss what you want."
"I just want you, Arizona. I don't care about the rest."
"Dinner, tonight," Arizona stated as she turned and made her way back down the hall and into her office. Deciding not to lock the door, she simply closed it over and returned to her work.
Moving around the kitchen, Callie felt a little hope for tonight. She knew that this mess she had created wouldn't disappear overnight, but she hoped that she could begin the clean up during dinner. Dinner, with Arizona. It was a strange feeling to look forward to something so consistent. Something they did almost every night together, but this wasn't a regular dinner. This was a dinner that could erupt or a dinner that could mend what she had broken.
Arizona had told her to think about what she wanted, but Callie hadn't thought about it whatsoever. She didn't need to. She knew what she wanted, and she knew who she wanted. Arizona. She wanted her more than anything, and if the past few days was anything to go by, it had only made her realise just how important their relationship was.
Yes, she was insecure and worried about being left. It's what her life had consisted of, but she had to realise that Arizona wasn't a part of her past. She wasn't an ex, she wasn't her parents, and she wasn't her sister. She was the love of her life. The woman she truly believed was made for her. That was something she was certain of and it was something she would continue to remember when times got tough. She couldn't allow her own doubts and insecurities to ruin any more of their relationship. She couldn't allow it to push Arizona away. She needed her, and she had no problem telling her that.
Was it weak to need someone so desperately? Was it weak to think that she wouldn't be able to live without her? She didn't care. She knew that being away from Arizona would be hard, but she had to face it head on. She had to stop living her life in constant worry of what the future may bring. Being in the present was what mattered right now. It was all that mattered because that is where Arizona is. In her present. She knew that neither of them was promised tomorrow, and she knew that at any moment her entire world could be taken from her. So, she had to live for now. She had to be in the moment.
Unaware that Arizona had been watching her for the last ten minutes, she continued to think hard about what she would say at dinner. She couldn't afford to make anymore stupid comments or comparisons. This could be the last time they had dinner together, and she had to make it count.
Turning to plate up, Callie was startled at the sight in front of her. Almost dropping the casserole dish, she quickly placed it down and gave herself a moment to breathe.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Arizona stated as she pushed away from the doorframe. "Dinner smells good."
"Um, thanks. I-I just didn't expect you to be standing there." Callie closed her eyes and sighed. "I wasn't sure you even still wanted dinner."
"I told you we would have dinner, Callie. I'm not going to go back on my word."
"O-Okay." Suddenly feeling the nerves creep in, Callie dropped her gaze and shifted her weight from left to right before trying to find words to break the uncomfortable silence. "I-I'm scared, Arizona."
"Of what?" The blonde furrowed her brow.
"The thought of this being the last time we could share dinner together."
Swallowing hard, Arizona hadn't thought about that during her alone time. Callie's features unreadable, she wondered if the brunette had come to the decision she wasn't hoping for. Is she leaving me? Internally chastising herself for the comment she had made earlier in the day about Callie deciding what she wanted, she felt the panic set in. "Is that what you want? This to be our last dinner together?"
"What? No." Callie stepped closer to her fiancé "But I don't know what you want. I don't know how you feel having sat alone all day."
Breathing a sigh of relief, Arizona gave a slight nod and took a seat at the dinner table. "I know that I didn't want any of this," Arizona spoke as Callie began plating up their food. Watching the brunettes body begin to shake, she herself turned away as her own tears threatened to fall. "Please don't cry."
"I-I, I just can't believe how stupid I've been." Callie sobbed. Placing her palms flat on the counter in front of her, she tried to steady herself. She couldn't fall apart right now. She needed to be strong for the talk that they were about to have. "I'm so sorry, Arizona."
"Come and sit down." The blonde sighed. "Please."
Joining Arizona at the table, Callie placed their dinner down at took a seat. "Callie, I-"
"No, please just listen." The brunette cut the other woman off. "I really need to say what I need to, and then you can do or say whatever you like."
"Okay." Arizona gave a nod.
"Arizona, I am so madly in love with you, and it terrifies me. I have never felt this way about anyone in my life, and I know that what I done was wrong, so wrong, but I swear, I trust you. I trust you with everything I have. My life has been a mixture of what I thought was love, and people leaving me, and I know that I shouldn't have compared us to any of that. I never planned on comparing us, or you, to any of that. Maybe I'm having some sort of meltdown, maybe I'm just crazy, I don't know. What I do know is that I cannot and I will not live my life without you."
"Cal-"
"You have been more than I ever imagined, and you will always be enough for me. You are all I need in my life. What you have done? Calling Aria? That was amazing. No one has ever done something like that for me before, and sure, you shouldn't have had to do it, but you did. For me." Callie gave a sad smile. "The way I've treated you lately is horrible, and I never intended for any of this to happen. I never wanted to treat you that way. I just wanted to love you and be happy with you, and I've messed that up. Maybe you cannot forgive me, and if so, that is something I will have to deal with, but please, please think about this before you decide." The brunette took a breath.
"I don't want anything other than you. I don't need anything other than you. I just, I had a moment of uncertainty but I swear that wasn't anything you did. It was me. My own fears and insecurities got the better of me and instead of talking to you about it, I tried to battle with it myself. I realise that was the wrong thing to do, and I will never, ever keep things like that from you again. You mean the world to me, Arizona, and I'm sorry."
Wiping a stray tear from her jawline, Arizona gave her fiancé a smile. "I wish you would have just told me, Callie. I'm not a monster, I'm going to tell you to go off and deal with your issues yourself. That's what I'm here for, or at least I thought I was. You hurt me, and I'm still struggling to believe that you even accused me of being unfaithful. I would never, ever do that to you. You have to know that. I love you like I've never loved anyone else, and I know that this isn't going to go away overnight, but I'm here for when you need to talk. If I have to sit up until the early morning listening to your worries, I will."
"I know you wouldn't." Callie sighed.
"This has to stop, though, Calliope. I will not stay in a relationship when we can't even communicate with each other. I know you believe you have been communicating, but you haven't. The songs? I love them, they are what brought us together, but they have to stop. Not because I don't want to hear them. That's not true. I could listen to your voice forever, but if you are replacing your words with your songs, then I don't want them. I don't need them. What I need is you, your words, your thoughts, from your mouth… in a sentence. Like this."
"Okay. I just, it's always how I've always dealt with my emotions. It's the only way I've ever been able to explain my fears." The brunette shrugged. "When you met me, I was a mess, and that is was drew you to me."
"I know, but that wasn't the only thing." Arizona smiled. "Your voice may have caught my attention, but your eyes, Calliope, your eyes told me that I would spend the rest of my life with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Sobs racking her body, Callie held her face in her hands. "Oh God."
"Callie?"
"I thought you were going to tell me that you were leaving. I truly believed that we were done." Uncontrollable tears fell.
"I want you to schedule your next tour," Arizona stated. "I want you to call Darryl and tell him you are ready."
"No." Dark curls shook. "No, Arizona."
"Yes, Calliope." The blonde smiled. "This is us fixing the problem."
"How?" Callie scoffed. "How is this us fixing things?"
"Because if you truly trust me, and believe that I'm going nowhere, you will go on tour, and then you will come back home to me."
"But what about the wedding?"
"A wedding isn't going to fix this, Cal. Think of it as a band-aid."
"You don't want to be my wife?" Brown eyes narrowed as fresh tears fell.
"I do. More than anything, but it isn't what we need right now. The first time you proposed? It was because you messed up. The second ring you bought me? You'd messed up then too. I don't want to marry you because you've messed up a third time. I want you to marry me because you love me and we are happy."
"I do love you, Arizona."
"But we aren't happy." The blonde gave her fiancé a sad smile. "A wedding won't fix this."
"Why are you so desperate for me to go away? On tour?"
"Because it's who you are. Your life is about your music. Look how well you have done from your first album? The world wants to hear your music, Callie, and I want you to do what makes you happy."
"You make me happy," Callie stated.
"So why are we here again? Like this?" Arizona raised an eyebrow. "I want you to go back on the road, and trust that we are going to be okay. I need you to do this for the both of us."
"I, um, I'm not so hungry anymore." The brunette pushed her plate away and removed herself from her seat. The bile rising in her throat, she shook her head and left Arizona sitting at the table. "Excuse me." Making her way down the hall, she retreated to the bathroom and locked the door.
Sighing, Arizona pushed her own plate away and sat back in her chair. She hadn't expected their conversation to turn out this way. She hadn't even expected to talk so much. Her plan had been to listen to what Callie had to say, eat dinner, and the retreat back into her office, but she couldn't do this any longer. She couldn't leave everything up in the air with her fiancé. She wanted them to work, and to do that, she truly believed that Callie going back on tour would show the brunette that Arizona not only supported her but believed that they were stronger than the music industry and its tough schedule.
Removing herself from her chair, Arizona made her way through the kitchen and down the hall. Knocking lightly on the bathroom door she waited for a sign that Callie was willing to listen to her. "Callie?"
"I'm okay."
"No your not." The blonde responded. "Please come out and talk to me." Hearing the doorbell, Arizona groaned. "Someone is at the door, I'll get rid of them and then we can continue this talk. Please, Callie?"
"Okay." The brunette unlocked the door but didn't come out. "I'll be out in a couple of minutes."
Making her way down the hall, Arizona flicked the switch for their porch light before unlocking the door. Turning the handle, she found the door to be forced open, throwing her back and across the hardwood floor beneath her. "What the-" The most intense sensation shooting through her body, she gasped for air.
Feeling like she was outside of her own body, she brought her hand up from the left-hand side of her stomach and found it to be covered in blood. Lay back, she squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to think of the pain. Callie? Where's Callie?
Mouth moving but no sound, Arizona tried to call out for her fiancé. Her body feeling colder by the second, she needed Callie. No sign of the person who had just taken a blade to her stomach, she lay back and closed her eyes.
Fixing up her mascara, Callie checked herself over in the mirror before cutting off the bathroom light and opening the door. The sound of clattering bringing her out of her own thoughts, the brunette froze. "Arizona?"
…..Nothing.
"Arizona, I'm sorry, I just needed a minute to take in what you had said," Callie explained as she made her way to the bedroom. No sign of her fiancé, she moved to the guest room. "Who was at the door?"
Unable to find Arizona, the brunette made her way down the hall and glanced around. The front door open, and her fiancé's legs visible from behind the kitchen island, Callie felt her blood run cold. "Arizona?"
Rushing to her side, she felt tears forming at the sight of her fiancé's blood pooling on their floor. "Oh God."
"C-Call-iope, I-I'm cold-d." The blonde spoke breathlessly.
"Baby, you are going to be okay. I need to call 911." Callie stated as she tried to keep it together. She had to keep it together. For both of them. "Arizona, I'm here." Pulling the blonde up into her lap, Callie tried frantically to remove her cell from her pocket. "Damn it!"
"J-Just hh-hold me."
