Author's Notes: "I hate myself" is a phrase from my high school's marching band. If I recall correctly, I think I mentioned this last year when I volunteered for them as well. Either way, I'm thinking that right now as I type out a certain character's speech pattern. Arghhh!

Also, brain fart on what to chapter this title.

Oh dear goodness, that was such a horrible typo, I couldn't backspace it. I meant, "brain fart on what to title this chapter."

Yeah, my brain's fried from college and sick and other miscellaneous stuff.

Chapter 51

Three's a Crowd

The Crimean army were walking back to camp after that long battle. Petrine was being held prisoner and her soldiers were either killed or surrendered.

"Forsooth! Hold your noble steeds, young army!"

I heard it. It was a royal, majestic, and utterly annoying voice. Ike and I turned around to see a man standing there with the most ridiculous look there was. He had long, blonde hair that was held in a ponytail or braids or dreadlocks or whatever the hell you call it. His outfit was outlandish, even for a mage. There are some things words cannot describe; this would be one of them. He had a stupid, dorky looking mustache.

This had to be Bastian.

"Pray, do tell where do ye swiftly travel so solemnly like judgment hath been passed. 'Tis a glorious day in that thy army swiftly captured a Daein general with the swiftness of an eagle pouncing on a mouse."

Yeah, definitely Bastian.

"What?" Ike and I asked in unison with matching dumbfounded tones.

Due to Bastian's outlandish appearance, I failed to notice the pair of bo—er, his traveling companion. Yeah, his outfit and looks were so horrendously bad that I failed to notice a girl.

... oh damn, don't I have someone already? I guess that'll kick in when we, well, actually play the part instead of playing the part of incestuous sisters.

Poor Haar.

Ah, but I'm rambling.

This girl was definitely cute and around my age, I'd say. Maybe a bit older. Her long, sky blue hair flowed down to her rump... or her waist. Kinda hard to tell from this angle. Oh well, I guess she doesn't have much junk in the tr--

Damn it, focus!

Her outfit is hard to describe as I am not too well-versed in clothes.

Uh, she's wearing white. It looks nice. She's wearing white hooker boots, as my good friend Lexi would put it. It looks odd.

Why is she wearing heels? Seriously? How does a speedy swordmaster wear heels?

Maybe that's why she sucks and no one really likes using her?

Well, anyway, glad to see those two showed up. Ah, what was her name?

Oh, I know! It was--

"Lady Lucia!"

... damn it, I don't call her that. Just Lucia will do.

I think that I think too much sometimes. Then again, we have to ponder the world's great mysteries. I mean, why was the platypus created? Who came up with the game of strip poker? Why is Boyd such an idiot?

They said Boyd was pretty smart in school. Yeah, I bet one of his supposed perfect score tests is one of the seven great wonders of this world.

"Your royal highness," Lucia replied. "It is good to see you again."

"It bring joy to my heart to see both you and my lord Bastian alive and well," Elincia said. I winced at the title "my lord" even if it wasn't addressed to me.

"Alas! My heart flutters like the wings of a hummingbird at the sight of thee, your majesty, but my soul knows my feelings dwarf in comparison to the feelings my lord Geoffrey would feel upon observing thy royal beauty in person once again. Thy radiance will bring a light upon his face if thou hath choose to come back to us," Bastian said.

You know, I think the world would have a headache if we heard a conversation between Bastian and Nephenee. I don't think I can take any more of this. While Elincia and Ike and Lucia and Titania and Soren and all of them were talking, I slunk away back to the camp.

Thank Ashera. I had to be away from that blubbering madman.

"General Sophi—er, Commander John?"

I looked over to see a young, enthusiastic boy bouncing nearby.

"Yeah? That ain't my title anymore, by the way," I replied.

"Would it be okay if I join your company? I saw the way you battle, both with weapons and with magic, and I would be honored to work alongside you," the kid said.

"... kid, you look rather young. How old are you?" I asked.

"Thirteen, sir!" he replied.

"... and how do you know who I am?" I asked.

"During one of the last battles, I was one of the reinforcements assigned to your group in Daein when you were Commander Sophia. I also served under you in Petrine's camp when you were Commander John a while ago," the boy said. I didn't know what was weirder. The fact that an eager, hyper Daein soldier was willing to join the army just to fight alongside me or that he didn't seem phased by the fact I was cross-dressing to be a spy.

Or the fact he served under me more than once.

"Wait... you mean, during the battle we rushed forward to help Petrine get to the Greil Mercenaries?" I asked.

"Yeah! I'm the only one who survived that battle out of the reinforcements that Petrine assigned to you," he said. Poor kid... his group was wiped out in that battle and he was alone.

"Sure, I can talk to General Ike. We always welcome new people into our ranks. I don't see how this could be any different," I replied. "What's your name?"

"Phoenix, sir! Phoenix Apollo Irving!" the boy chirped out. God, he was too hyper for his own good.

"Phoenix, eh? What kind of weapon do you use?" I asked.

"I'm an archer, sir, but before that I used to ride wyverns. They said my riding was superb, but my skill with an axe was horrible, so they pulled me off that and put me as an archer. I've been shooting ever since," he said.

I looked him over. He was about five foot, two inches I estimated. He wasn't terribly strong looking, but I could tell he was quite an agile person. I kinda remember him in that one battle we were in together, now. He had short, blonde hair that was spiked up in tufts. He had green eyes that reminded me a bit of a green screen from home. He was dressed a bit like Rolf, except he didn't have the shoulder guards and his outfit was a dark purple with dark blue shorts.

"Hey, why can't you shoot as an archer from the air riding a wyvern?" I asked him.

"General Shinon believed that it was undignified for an archer to be off the ground, whether it was riding a horse or riding a wyvern," Phoenix said.

"Well, hey, if we have spare wyverns... I don't see what's wrong with a riding archer. It would help deal with Daein's wyverns immensely if you were closer to them," I said, thinking to myself.

"Do you really mean it, commander?" he asked me.

"I'm simply John. That's all. No titles necessary, needed, or desired," I replied.

"Do you really mean it?" he asked.

"Of course. I'll talk with Ike when he gets back from talking to a blithering madman," I said with a snort, rolling my eyes in the process.

"What?" Phoenix asked with a curious, innocent look on his face. Hard to imagine he was a Daein soldier formerly.

"Follow me," I said. The kid nodded and tagged along with me as I returned back to camp.

I walked back into camp and looked around to see a few of the soldiers running around.

"JOOOOOOHHHNNN!" I heard a shout from a familiar female voice. Bracing myself from a tackle from the front, I was knocked face forward into the ground as I felt a mass collide from behind me.

"Are you okay?" I heard Phoenix say. I would answer but my face is in the dirt and I did not trust myself to open my mouth.

"Of course he is! How're ya doin?!" she exclaimed.

Again, face in the dirt. Does that concept not answer why I'm not saying anything?

"Get off him," I heard a rather authoritative female voice say.

"Y-you're..." I heard Phoenix say.

"I'm what?" the voice said.

"You're a laguz. I'm so honored to meet you," I heard Phoenix say. Nino, please get off.

"John's my horsie today! I'll be a mage knight, just like Ursula!" Nino exclaimed.

You know, I realized that not only I can't open my mouth, but since my nose is in the dirt, I can't breathe.

"He is unable to breathe. Get off him," I heard the female say. I know now that she's a laguz.

I felt the mass release from my back and I got up. I brushed the dirt from my face and took a breath.

Oh, hi Lethe.

"Thank you," I said to her meekly.

"You should've been a bit stronger. You could've pushed her off," Lethe said, swishing her tail.

"I would've hurt her," I replied.

"Gah, whatever," she said angrily with a hiss. With that, she walked off.

Well, that was my first encounter with a laguz. She's just how I remember her from the game. Thank goodness she calms down eventually. Eventually.

"My lo--"

"I can already hear the voice and I already know what to say to that," I interrupted. I turned around to see Elincia standing behind me.

"You! You're the princess," Phoenix stuttered out. He looked rather awkward and started staring at his shoes.

"Yes I am, my lord... what is your name?" Elincia asked.

"Ph-Phoenix, your highness," the boy answered while still facing his shoes.

"Chin up, kid. She's not going to hurt you," I said.

"Why would I hurt him?" Elincia asked.

"She's harmless," I said to him, somewhat ignoring what Elincia said.

"... what?" Elincia asked me with a confused look.

"Prove to him you're harmless and a really nice person," I said to her. "Please, your highness?"

I added the last part in a hurry as I realized she's still my employer and princess, even if we were on friendly terms. She walked over and hugged me. Phoenix looked up and saw her hugging me and smiled a bit.

"Oh, that's so awesome!" Phoenix said.

"What is?" both of us asked, still stuck with her embracing me. That's enough now, please.

"I did not know royalty in Crimea could court commoners," Phoenix said with a smile.

"Royalty..." Elincia began.

"Could court..." I mediated.

"Commoners?" both of us finished and looked at each other.

"No! No, no, no!" I said quickly as Elincia let me go.

"My lord Phoenix, you are mistaken. We are not courting," Elincia stated regally.

"Besides, Princess Elincia is... um..." I began.

"I am what?" she asked me.

"You... are... um," I struggled to say something that could get me out of this situation.

"My lord, John, answer my question," Elincia said slightly forcibly.

"You are my employer," I concluded. It was the first logical thing that came to mind that worked.

"You are also with someone else, as I have heard already," Elincia said in a regal tone.

"Oh. Yeah, that's right," I said, putting my head down. Why isn't that clicking in?

I don't get it. She was my favorite character in the entire series and just meeting her back when I first got here, I got giddy over it. I never thought in a million years I'd actually be with her. Yet, it doesn't seem to have as much of an impact on me now as it would have back then. What's going on with me? I mean, yeah, I was an immature idiot when I first got here and I've kinda changed but... I couldn't have changed that much... could I?

I'll have to think this one over.

With Jill at my side. I cannot doubt myself now.

Lapses in self-confidence are what shoots down every other relationship.

Calm down and think slowly. Just stop and think.

"My lord?" Elincia asked, concern in her voice.

"Yes, your highness?" I replied.

"You seem to be slightly distracted. Shall I take my leave?" Elincia asked.

"Huh, oh, er, um... if you want to," I said, my mind still lingering on my recent ramble.

"Very well, my lord. It was an honor meeting you, Phoenix."

"You too ma'am!" I heard the reply. I saw General Ike walking past in front of me.

"There's the general," I said to Phoenix encouragingly.

"Okay! I'll talk to him. Wish me luck," he said with a smile.

"Good luck, kid," I said to him with a smile.

After I saw him walk to Ike, I walked to a certain tent in the camp. There was something I just had to do, even if it was against my better judgment and logic to do so.

I walked inside to see the guard look at me.

"Name and rank?" the guard asked.

"I'm John of the Greil Mercenaries. Um... I don't have the faintest idea what rank I am," I said.

"Oh, you're one of them. Come right in," the guard said.

"Thank you," I said to him. I walked in straight to the back.

It was a small enclosure, closed in by metal bars enhanced with properties of anima, light, and dark magic. I could sense the powerful magic making sure the bars held their prisoner in there.

"Good afternoon, General," I said.

Petrine looked at me with a look of utter hatred.

"You couldn't have given it a day before you started gloating?" she asked me.

"Whoever said that's what I'm here for?" I asked.

"Well, what are you here for?" she asked me back.

"I'm here just to talk with you," I said.

"I'm not giving you any information about the army," she replied in a proud voice. I bit my tongue at the wisecrack that nearly slipped out.

"I'm here just to talk with you. As I always have tried to since I arrived here on Tellius. I never wanted to fight you, I never wanted to do this... after you took me in, all I wanted was to help you out," I said.

"Hah! So, you put me into this cell to let me rot for the rest of my life," she said sarcastically.

"Why don't you fight for Crimea?" I asked.

"Why didn't you continue fighting for Daein?" she counter-asked.

"... because even back when you first... rescued... me, I knew Daein was going to lose this war. That's why I'm trying to save the lives of as many Daein soldiers as I can by recruiting them. There's Duncan and his entire battalion, which, I must admit would've been wiped out since no one sent reinforcements."

"We're losing because you're helping rip our forces apart," she spat.

"I could even not exist in this world and this war and Crimea would still win. I'm doing this to help save lives and bring a swifter end to this damn war. All this fighting is pointless!" I said, my temper getting the better of me.

"Pointless? Dog's breath! You're an idiot. There can be no change in this world without some way of catalyzing it. King Ashnard wishes for a perfect world, but if no one will share that dream, he'll just have to use force to bring this world to his view. When the world shares the same view, everyone will be happy," she said.

"There's no such thing as a utopia... and everyone believing the same thing is something called brainwashing. Are you happy right now?" I asked her.

"No," she replied.

"Okay, then there's something wrong here. Why aren't you happy?" I asked.

"... if you're going to be as stupid as that, we're done here," she said forcefully.

"You're not in charge anymore, you know. Right now, I technically outrank you and can use that on you. I won't, though... I just want to talk. I see you're not going to help," I said.

"Whatever. Why are you so persistent? Do you want to kick me lower? Take away my pride as well as my army? Utterly destroy me?" she asked.

"None of that. I'm here to keep you company, since I'm pretty sure no one else here is coming to visit you," I said.

"Why?" she asked.

"... you want to talk now? I could've sworn you said we're done. I'm heading off. If you really want to talk, ask the guard there to get me. I do enjoy these conversations, Clarice," I said with a small smile.

"... Clarice?" she asked.

"It's nothing... simply a reference back to my home," I said.

"Your home? Begnion? You're from Begnion?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "Goodbye, general."

Before she could say anything else to change my mind, I got up and walked to the exit.

"Guard," I said tentatively.

"Yes, sir?" he said, saluting me.

"If she asks for me, pray, do tell me about it," I said.

"Will do, sir!" the guard said with a salute.

"I am not... oh, nevermind. Have a good day," I said, smiling on the way out.

"I figured you were in there."

I looked at the voice to see Mist standing nearby.

"Hello, Mist!" I said with a smile. She did not return it.

"Can we... talk...?" she asked me.

"Um, sure, okay," I said to her.

"Outside of camp," she said.

"Er... okay," I said in an unsure voice. What's going on Mist?

She lead me outside of the camp and sat down on a rock. She motioned to another rock nearby and I sat down on it.

"There's something you have to know..."

"What is it?" I asked Mist.

"Well, Ranulf told me something... and I wanted to confirm it with you."

"What is it?" I asked him.

"The Black Knight. He's..."

Author's Note: Yeah, great place to cliffie. Don't hate me too much! Anyway, hope y'all have a nice day! And yeah, I didn't know how to name this chapter, still.