Conversations

Hey, folks! Sorry it's been a few days, I'm waiting for Netflix to deliver me the rest of season 6 to watch and write about. Though after that we'll see what's left. This chapter is based on Tuesday's episode, Endgame, and Ziva's bitchiness after Tony got into Tim's motivational CD kit. I would say this happens between that scene and the bathroom scene with her and Tony. Read on...


Gibbs stood in the doorway of the breakroom, watching Ziva stretching in the corner. She'd been doing this frequently since her return, and even more often since the temperature had dropped. He usually tried not to hover, but today he could tell from the tension in her face that she was dealing with more than aching muscles.

She threw a few practice punches.

"Feeling motivated to hit someone?" Gibbs asked lightly, leaning against the door frame.

Ziva smiled at him, dropping her hands and shrugging her shoulders up and down in circles as she turned to him. Then she rolled her eyes. "I cannot imagine how anyone would be motivated by that program."

Gibbs frowned at her. "If McGee likes it, what's wrong with it?"

She straightened. "The whole idea is that you cannot change, that you may make choices but who you are born is who you will be."

He shrugged. "It's just a CD, Ziva."

Ziva pursed her lips, irritated. "Tony kept calling me an assassin today."

Gibbs nodded, understanding her objection. "You believe you can change yourself."

"Change is hard, but it can be done, Gibbs! You showed me that, when I was new here."

He smiled. "I remember."

She looked away, self-conscious of her next question. "Do you think Tony believes it? The CD?"

"I don't think Tony thinks that hard about what he believes unless the situation forces him to," Gibbs answered drily. "I think he decided to entertain himself by playing with McGee's toys."

Ziva nodded thoughtfully.

Gibbs studied her. "Do you really care what Tony thinks of you?"

She blushed, still staring off at the wall.

"Ziva?" he asked worriedly.

"In Africa," she said softly, "he said...he said he couldn't live without me." She looked up nervously at Gibbs, waiting for his response.

"He killed Rivkin," Gibbs pointed out rather harshly.

She flinched at his tone and at the memory.

"You really think you could still have real feelings for Tony?"

Ziva took a deep breath. "Gibbs...this summer. What happened. Have you ever traveled somewhere, in a day, and by the time you get there you feel so far from where you started that it seems almost like a dream, even though you never slept?"

He shrugged, accepting the idea.

"My life before Somalia," she continued, "it doesn't feel real, not like today. And I no longer blame Tony for the events of last spring. So...perhaps. Perhaps I can have feelings for him." She looked away, whispered, "either way, I cannot quite imagine having feelings for anyone else."

Gibbs hesitated, unsure if encouraging her would lead to anything good. But secrets never did. "He lost it when we thought you'd died," he said abruptly.

Her eyes snapped to him.

"We all grieved, Ziva, we all missed you. But McGee, Abby...even me. We kept going. Tony couldn't."

She was hanging on his words. "So you think he does believe I can change?"

He shook his head, rolling his eyes at the both of them, "I think he loves you whether you change or not."

"He doesn't care if I am like Kai?" she asked urgently.

Gibbs shook his head gently. "You're nothing like Kai."

Ziva grimaced. "Pretty ladies and assassins, I believe Tony said. It is true." She looked sad as she stopped speaking.

"Look at me, Ziva," Gibbs said firmly. "I made the point to Ducky that Kai had no family, had never been loved or loved anyone herself. Now, I can't say I'd want your family, but you at least had a mother and a brother and a sister who loved you. And I've seen you myself. You connect to people. You connect to me." He looked away. "So stop it," he finished gruffly.

She smiled.

"And don't forget the rules!" he shook finger in her face for emphasis, but when she kept smiling, he let his face relax in feigned anger and waved her past him back to the bullpen. He watched her walk, saw Tony stand from his desk in excitement as he noted her approach. Gibbs stopped before Tony could see him, watching the two agents greet one another in their elaborate dance. HE couldn't help a flicker of sadness. If these two could come back from so much, perhaps he and Jenny shouldn't have given up so easily.