Happy Monday, everyone! (And Happy Martin Luther King Day :) ). One quick note: if you get a chance, I have, at long last, posted some Twilight fanart on deviantart. (I finally found a working scanner! Yay!) Here's my page: .com

So, if you'd like to take a look, that would be nifty. (I don't think that anything there is likely to cause permanent retinal damage…) I'm rereading "Eclipse" right now, so this chapter is set near the end of "Eclipse" (a few days before the epilogue). ONLY 162 MORE DAYS!!!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight, and that's pretty dang cool.

2006: Regret

Bella's POV

I was surprised, and Charlie seemed really happy, when Edward caught a ride with Carlisle over to our house the Saturday after I'd last spoken to Jacob. I think Charlie could tell that something more was going on than what I'd told him (though my being engaged to Edward was probably too horrifying a possibility for him to contemplate), and maybe he thought he could ask Carlisle if he knew anything. As it turned out though, Carlisle himself almost immediately made this impossible.

"Like a beer or something?" Charlie offered when Edward and Carlisle had stepped inside.

"No, thank you, Charlie," Carlisle said easily, though the offer made me want to smile. I was about to ask Edward why Carlisle had given him a ride, but then he shook his head to silence me and nodded in the direction of our fathers.

"Edward was having car trouble this morning, so I thought I'd drop him off on my way out to La Push," Carlisle said, smiling at me. "Like to ride out with me, Bella?"

I froze, and fought the urge to glare at Edward, or at least look at him for an explanation—he seemed to sense my shock, because he squeezed my hand very gently, almost as if he were apologizing. He'd put Carlisle up to this, I was sure of that much, and I could guess why; Edward hadn't said anything, but knowing me, I'd probably been talking about Jacob in my sleep. During the day, I tried not to mention my best friend, but at night, there was no way I could stop myself from involuntary ramblings about the worries that haunted my dreams.

"Do you think he'll be asleep?" I asked after a moment. It would be too hard to talk to Jacob again so soon, and I wasn't sure when it might feel easy again, if it ever would, but if he were sleeping…just getting to look in on him, to see that he was healing okay, would be a huge relief. That, I guessed, was what Edward was hoping for—he knew that nothing he or anyone else could say would reassure me like seeing Jacob would.

"Almost certainly," Carlisle said, and he smiled when I relaxed my tense posture slightly. "I've got him on some pretty powerful painkillers, but if you'd like to see him anyway—"

"Sure," I said quickly, before I could change my mind. When I glanced at Edward uncertainly, wondering how he was going to occupy himself while we were gone, he smiled.

"Charlie and I can watch the game," he said, kissing my forehead. I saw Charlie make a face out of the corner of my eye, but he looked pleased when I moved past him to grab my raincoat from the hall closet—since Edward and Carlisle had arrived, it had started pouring again.

"Say hi to Billy for me," Charlie told me, and when he'd said goodbye to Carlisle, he moved toward the living room, Edward behind him. For a split second, I wondered if Charlie's good mood meant that he was holding out hope of me choosing Jacob after all, but then I decided that just my being away from Edward for a little while was enough to make him happy. As I slid into Carlisle's Mercedes, I smiled grimly at the thought of Charlie's reaction if he'd known I was spending time with my future father-in-law.


By the time we got to La Push, the rain had almost stopped. It had taken just a few minutes to get there—Carlisle drove almost as fast as Edward did.

"I'm beginning to think that it's impossible for anyone named Cullen to obey the speed limit," I said lightly, trying to ignore the edginess I felt at the thought of how soon I'd be taking that name myself.

Carlisle laughed as he parked outside the Blacks' house. "You may be right. Other than Edward and Alice though, we've all been stopped for speeding before. Rose has never gotten a ticket, however."

"That makes sense," I said, pitying any poor cop who might happen to stop Rosalie—as beautiful as she was, I imagined how threatening Rose could be when she got angry.

We were almost at the front door when I took a step into a small patch of mud and almost landed on my face. Carlisle, not bothering to move at human speed—anyone watching would already know what he was anyway—moved to my side, caught me, and pulled me gently to my feet almost before my comparatively sluggish human brain even realized I was falling.

"Thanks," I said, watching the ground for puddles more carefully now. "I'm really not going to miss that part of being—" But then I stopped talking when I saw Sam waiting in the open doorway, watching us. I was surprised to see him, and for an instant, Carlisle looked startled too, but then his face relaxed into a smile.

"Hello, Sam," he said pleasantly. "How is he today?"

"Good," Sam said, glancing at me as I stepped inside after Carlisle, his expression almost suspicious. "He's asleep at the moment."

Carlisle nodded. "Judging by how fast he's healed so far, he should be up and around in another day or two. I'll give him a smaller dose of morphine today, and then tomorrow might be the last day he needs any."

Sam seemed tense about something, but he smiled when he heard this. "Good to hear," he said simply, then stood aside for us to pass through the small living room. It felt awkward being here, and not just because Sam was still staring at me, but because it made me think of all the time I'd spent here with Jacob, and how much fun we'd had together. After my last visit, I'd known things would be different between us, but I hadn't expected to enter this familiar house and feel almost like a stranger.

There was another surprise waiting around the corner: Embry was leaning against the wall of the tiny hallway opposite Jacob's open door, and I could see Quil standing by the window in Jacob's bedroom, where I was relieved to hear snoring.

I didn't need either Edward's or Jasper's talents to know that Jacob's best friends weren't thrilled to see me. They didn't speak to me, so I didn't speak to them either, though I sort of nodded hello in Embry's direction. He pretended he didn't see me. Almost unconsciously, I moved closer to Carlisle, he being the only person present who wasn't angry at me, and he gave me a sympathetic smile before slipping past Embry to give Jacob a shot of morphine. Embry made no move to stop me (rather than looking at me, he was just sort of staring at nothing in particular), so I leaned around the doorframe and looked in at Jacob.

He was fast asleep, his head and feet at awkward angles, since his mattress was too short and too narrow for his entire body to fit on the bed, no matter what position he lay in. His face looked less pained than it had the last time I'd seen him, and suddenly I was intensely glad I'd come. Seeing him like this, I could tell myself that he was really going to be okay, that he'd healed physically in just a few days, and though it would take longer for him to heal emotionally, he would get better in that respect too. He had to. Jacob deserved that and more.

"The fractures look almost healed," Carlisle said very quietly, his voice amazed. "There's hardly any swelling, and no signs of scarring or muscle damage either. It's remarkable."

"Charlie saw him though, so he'll have to wear casts for a while," Quil muttered absently.

Carlisle nodded. "I'll bring some with me tomorrow and he can see if they fit—and a pair of crutches that are tall enough."

I took one last look at Jacob, trying not to wonder when I'd see him again, and then withdrew into the hall again. Carlisle emerged a second later, his black bag in hand, and Sam led the way back to the living room—I was surprised that he'd been behind us the whole time, presumably watching us. Billy came out of his own small bedroom then—I could hear the sounds of a radio playing the baseball game Charlie and Edward were watching back at home—and said hello, looking surprisingly friendly considering Sam, Quil, and Embry's reactions to our visit.

"Charlie says hi," I called as Sam opened the door for us—now that Carlisle had confirmed that Jacob was still healing properly, he seemed eager for us to leave. I sort of understood that it was against the treaty for a Cullen to even be on Quileute land, but Sam's behavior still seemed strange; how could he be so grateful to Carlisle for treating Jacob and at the same time be so hostile to his presence here?

We were almost back to the car when I slipped again—I was too preoccupied to watch the ground, though at least this time I slipped in a different puddle. Like the first time, Carlisle moved unnaturally fast to catch me before I could hit the ground—behind us, I heard a stifled gasp from Sam.

"Sorry," I said, exasperated with myself. There were things I imagined I'd miss when I became a vampire, but incurable clumsiness was by no means one of them.

Carlisle smiled and opened my door for me without comment—I didn't think he'd really miss patching up my frequent minor injuries, though he'd never complained about my pitiful human weaknesses before either. I wondered if, like the rest of the Cullens, he was happy I was joining their family, but had mixed feelings about my becoming immortal. A few more weeks, I told myself firmly, trying not to feel nervous. Then none of us will have to worry about it anymore.

"Is it like that every time you come out here?" I asked as soon as he'd shut his own door.

Carlisle shook his head as he started the car. "No," he said with a frown. "Usually it's just Billy, though Quil and Embry waited in the living room the first couple times I visited. I haven't seen Sam here since the day Jacob was injured."

That confused me—I'd thought that the other wolves were guarding Jacob, but they apparently trusted Carlisle enough to leave him alone with the Blacks…or at least they had until today. Was this really about Carlisle, or was I missing something?

"Did they know I was coming with you today?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"I told Billy last night that I planned on inviting you," Carlisle said, by which I knew he meant that Edward had asked him to invite me. "And apparently, he mentioned that fact to Sam, who saw fit to be here today with two other witnesses."

"Why?" I wondered, about to ask Carlisle why he'd used the word 'witnesses,' but then I decided that that wasn't really the point. "Does Sam think I'm a threat to Jacob? I mean, I know those guys are angry with me, but could they really think I'd hurt him or something?"

"I don't have Edward's insight to support this theory," Carlisle said thoughtfully, taking his eyes off the road to look over at me, his expression serious, "but I think that Sam must have heard about your decision, Bella."

I nodded, remembering the unfriendly looks the wolves had given me. "But why would they think they had to come to Jake's because of that? They didn't even mention it."

"They were watching you, I think, for some sign that you might be having second thoughts about your choice," Carlisle said gently.

I was missing something here. "What do you mean?"

"I'm guessing that the pack wanted to see how you behave around another vampire." He looked at me again and smiled. "Remember that the ordinary human reaction to our presence is uneasiness. Sam and the others have never seen you with one of us without Edward present—maybe they thought that your tolerance of vampires was unique to him."

I shook my head absently—I couldn't imagine anyone being uncomfortable around Carlisle—but I was starting to understand what he meant. I remembered Jacob telling me once that it seemed impossible that I could be in love with Edward, and though the wolves had heard how I felt about him, had even seen me with the Cullens before, it must have been as difficult for them to accept as it had been for Jake. Their instinct, the reason they felt they existed, was to protect humans from vampires, and here I was, a human who refused to be protected—who didn't just love one vampire, but rather wanted to belong to a whole family of them.

"You think they wanted a chance to try and talk me out of it," I said at last.

Carlisle nodded slowly. "And they might have tried, if it hadn't seemed…"

He didn't have to finish—I remembered the way I'd moved closer to Carlisle when I'd been nervous, the way I'd been grateful (as opposed to terrified) both times he'd moved to catch me when I'd slipped. It was more than being used to Carlisle's presence; even now, he was like a second father to me.

"It seemed like…we were already family," I finished for him.

Carlisle patted my hand gently in response.

I could see that we were almost back to Charlie's house, so I asked something that I'd wondered about ever since I'd heard the circumstances of Esme's death, and had thought about even more frequently since Edward had agreed to make me immortal.

"Carlisle, I'm really sorry for asking this, but do you…do you ever regret not changing Esme when you first met her? I mean, I know Edward's afraid that I'm going to wish I'd stayed human after he changes me, but…"

But humans are fragile, I thought. Esme's life proved that, and so did mine in a way—my numerous near death experiences made it clear that I needed to be turned before my human frailty could further endanger either my human family or my immortal one. Afterwards, there would be plenty of time to think about the ramifications of my decision.

Carlisle didn't answer for a moment, and I was starting to worry that he'd been offended by my question when he spoke again.

"I do," he said finally, his voice quiet. "But I know that I would have had regrets if I had changed her too." He glanced at me, looking sympathetic. "I don't think there's any way to enter this life without some measure of regret, Bella. Of course, that's probably true of being human too."

I nodded unhappily. "I'm just afraid that…what if he wishes he hadn't changed me, after it's done?"

"He won't," Carlisle said firmly. "Trust me, Bella. He's worried that you'll wish he hadn't changed you—once it's happened, he won't be sorry."

That was somewhat reassuring—at least Carlisle spoke from personal experience. I thanked him for the ride out to La Push, and then he drove home. I'd go to the Cullens' house later, ostensibly to drop Edward off, and then he'd return after Charlie had fallen asleep.

"So, how is he?" Charlie asked after I'd hung up my coat and stepped into the living room.

"Better," I said, sitting down on the couch beside Edward. I ignored Charlie's scowl, and returned Edward's smile when I settled against his side, resting my head against his cool shoulder. I'd made my choice, and though I grimaced at the thought of telling Charlie and Renée what Alice was already busily planning for later this summer, thinking about the future didn't worry me as much as it once had—seeing Jacob and talking to Carlisle had helped. I knew what I wanted from the rest of my life—the rest of my existence really—and I was ready to be a Cullen. That aspect of the future was one thing I could face without regret.


I'm sure it's been said before, but to err is human, to review divine. :)