A/N: Thank you very much for all the beautiful reviews!
Disclaimer: Disney owns POTC.
Chapter 53
After the night at the helm Jack went back to his cabin to get some rest, although instead of getting few hours of sleep, he ended up pacing around the Captain's Quarters in a decidedly unhappy mood.
Wasn't it the time for that bloody ship to capsi- submerge? No, of course it wasn't. It had just resurfaced last evening, a voice in his head reminded him sneeringly.
Jack sat down at his desk finding it utterly annoying that he was so utterly annoyed by the situation. It made him feel vulnerable, and he hated feeling vulnerable. As a matter of fact he even hated the bloody word itself, because it sounded fragile. Ah. Another one. Fragile. He disliked that one as well. Except... when it referred to her... Although he hated that either. Being fragile was making her vulner-
Jack rolled his eyes, and buried his head in his hands. She would probably scold him for calling her, (Lizzie the Pirate King, aye? He smirked.) fragile. She would get upset. Or perhaps she would not... He was not sure. There was more than one Elizabeth Sw- Yes, Swann. She could be astoundingly strong and persevering. And she also could be delicate and shy. Like the sea. Which was an exhausted metaphor, but it was true nonetheless. Except that the sea did not have such voluptuous lips...
He groaned inwardly with frustration. What was it? What it bloody was?... Of course he knew perfectly well what it was. It was that heart-rending bitterness of being separated from somebody you loved. That was why he had never considered it a good idea to fall in love. He snorted. As if it mattered now. His considerations. They all had gone to pieces when he had dived into the ocean in Port Royal on one sunny day.
A sunny day... Sunny, gold hair... He closed his eyes, and could almost feel her hair brushing against his skin... Soft... Delicate... Hers...
Jack opened his eyes reluctantly and frowned. It was just not right. She loved him, and she would rather be here, on the Black Pearl with him than there, so it was totally absurd that she had to be there.
She had to... No, she did not have to. But it was better that way. Until they reached the Fountain it shall be better that way. Better. He snorted. Easier. It was cowardice; because the whelp would get angry; and the whelp was immortal (thanks to bloody ye, mate, by the way).
...But he should really go there. He should just go on the Flying Dutchman and take her away, take her back where she should and wanted and needed to be – on the Pearl. And he shall tell him to stay away from his Lizzie, and punch him-
Well. That might be uncalled for. But he did deserve that. For the sheer inconvenience of the fact that he existed. (Which was not his fault, but who cared?)
Loud knocking on the cabin's door shook Jack out of his thoughts. "Come in!", he shouted stiffly, both unhappy and glad about the interruption.
"Aye!", Gibbs quickly walked into the room. "We've cleaned the cabin!", he announced happily. "It's all shiny and polished, the wardrobe is fixed, the curtains changed, the carpets dusted-"
"There were no carpets in that cabin, Master Gibbs", cut in Jack sternly, staring absently into the distance.
Gibbs hesitated. "Aye, they aren't. But if they were, they'd be dusted", he said smilingly, but his smile slightly faltered at the sight of Jack's stony face. "It's not like she's in any danger", he added knowingly in a low voice after a pause.
Jack darted his eyes to him, and squinted frowningly, but then sat back in his chair, and sighed. "I know", he muttered, propping his head on an elbow.
"If ye ain't mind me askin', Jack... what are ye goin' to do?", asked Gibbs concernedly, not entirely sure he should be asking at all.
"'Bout what?" Jack shot him a questioning look, wrinkling his forehead.
"'Bout", Gibbs grimaced looking for a right expression, "yer neighbor's house, and all", he said with a nervous half-smile.
Jack blinked. "I think I regret givin' ye the keys to the rum cellar already", said Jack grimly. "What in the bloody hell ye're talking about?", he asked irritatedly, staggering to his feet.
Gibbs sighed. "I'm talkin' 'bout coveting yer neighbor's house, or yer neighbor's...", he swallowed, and shifted his eyes to the floor, "wif-"
"That'd be enough", Jack cut him off with annoyance. "Are ye goin' to lecture me on the ten commandments? If so, then as much as I hate to, I have to inform ye that ye might have broken at least", he paused, looking up and pondering it for a moment, "nine yerself already. An' some of them more than once", he said pointing his finger at Gibbs with a trace of a sour smile flickering across his face.
Gibbs shrugged his shoulders in forced, but meek acknowledgement. "Jack, I'm just worried-"
"So stop worryin'. If ye want to worry ye may return to any port of yer likin', sit in the docks and worry all ye want. I'd rather have a first mate who ain't worryin' so much all the time. Those who worry less, tend to need less to drink, therefore such a turn of events may even bring some profit in the form of significant rum savings", stated Jack grimly.
Gibbs chuckled. "I'd rather stay where I am", he said firmly. "But-"
"If I'll be in need of an advisor I shall consider ye the first person for the position", Jack interrupted him drily.
"Aye", nodded Gibbs with a sigh. "I think I'll go then", he said resignedly.
"I'll take the helm", said Jack walking back to his desk.
Gibbs looked at him with hesitation. "But ye just...", he started (thinking that Jack had just spent the entire night at the helm), but trailed off realizing that he was... worrying again.
"Do ye have a problem with a captain standing at the helm of his ship, Master Gibbs?", inquired Jack irritatedly, looking at Gibbs over his shoulder.
Gibbs wanted to make a comment, but thinking better of it, he just shook his head, opened the door, and bent down to pick up one of Elizabeth's trunks to carry it back to her cabin.
"What are ye doing?" Jack's urgent voice stopped him in the doorway.
Gibbs turned around, about to explain, but Jack's eyes were so self-explanatory that he just put the trunk down. "They stayin' in there?", he half-asked, half-stated (the obvious, apparently).
"Aye, they do", replied Jack, averting his eyes.
Gibbs gave him a small smile, scratched his forehead, and was about to leave, but stopped yet before exiting the cabin. "We'll nearing to the Ghost Sea, aye?"
"Aye", nodded Jack absently. Lizzie, Lizzie...
Gibbs left, seeing that there was not a chance for discussing anything with Jack right now.
Jack sat at his desk again, resting his head in his hands. I want ye back, luv, he pouted in his thoughts. I just want ye back.
"I was worried."
Elizabeth jumped up at the sound of Will's voice just behind her. She turned around, shifting her eyes from the sea to him. "I woke up early", she said smilingly.
"Very early", replied Will with a faint smile, and she could not quite decipher his mood at the moment.
Will took a step forward, and leaned against the railing next to her, looking out at the sea. Elizabeth half-turned, watching his profile. She was tempted to tell him... For the entire morning, from the moment she had remembered everything she thought it was best just to tell him... He was a good person... He would not do anything... bad, would he? He might get angry, but since there was nobody around except them right now there was little chance he would start brandishing his sword at her or threaten her with a pistol... And before they would go back on the Black Pearl his anger would fade... Or was she underestimating his feelings? Or overestimating his reasonableness...
And yet he might feel so shattered that he will abandon the quest, and it was something that she did not want to happen. She wanted him to be free. She wanted herself to be free. And if the curse was lifted, if he got his life back, it would set them both free...
...And then she could spend the rest of her life on the Black Pearl, she thought with thoughtless carelessness, with an impish, inward smile, feeling suddenly very giddy at the thought. She struggled not to close her eyes as the memories washed over her with unfair force, bringing back the feeling of Jack's arms around her, his bare skin against her bare skin, his warm lips pressed against hers, the heat, the coldness of his trinkets against her body, his lips sliding from her mouth down her neck, nibbling the flesh, his hands cupping-
"The only other way I see is forgetting about this entire journey altogether", said Will blankly.
Elizabeth snapped back to the reality, telling herself off for her inability to concentrate. It was not all that difficult to focus on a conversation, was it? She had enough self-control to prevent herself from having certain thoughts for several minutes, hadn't she? She could keep her mind off the subject of Captain Jack Sparrow without his clothes on for a moment, couldn't she?
Couldn't she? Yes. She most certainly could... not.
"No! You must not even suggest that!", exclaimed Elizabeth hastily, trying to regain her composure (and deafen her thoughts).
Will blinked, and turned away from the sea to look at her, slightly taken aback by the loudness of her voice. She is worrying... about me.
"Elizabeth", he said with a soft smile, taking her hand in his. "I just don't think it's the right thing to do... Sacrificing somebody... anybody for the sake of one's own needs."
Elizabeth looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. She was doing that right now, in a way. She was sacrificing Will. Well, maybe not exactly, not directly, but still. And maybe not sacrificing, but just... leaving, abandoning; destroying...
"I have an idea", she said with a small smile.
Will looked at her expectantly. That look... That look full of trust, and-
And it suddenly struck her, a thought so cold that it sent shivers up her spine. The thought, that she did not care, anymore... Not that she did not feel guilty... Not that she was not sorry for causing him pain... Not that she did not pity him... She did, she was, but... She just did not feel that pain with him, it did not affect her other than it would if it concerned any other human being who suffered...
"What idea?", asked Will after a moment of silence.
Elizabeth blinked, trying to calm down, and hide the feeling of dismay that was overwhelming her. "I just", she started, trying to focus. "I just thought that we shouldn't think about it right now at all." Will raised his eyebrows doubtfully. "There is still time, we're not nearing to the destination yet, so I think we should postpone making any final choices until we actually reach the Fountain", explained Elizabeth in a quiet, but resolute tone of voice.
Will looked at her pensively, pondering her words for a moment. "I guess you're right", he said in an unconvinced tone of voice.
Elizabeth gave him a small smile, that smile which was making him think of James Norrington. But he tried, once again, to ignore that absurd association. Like he tried to ignore many other absurd associations... as of late.
They talked for some time yet, but Elizabeth just could not shake off her mind that feeling of dismay, dismay at the thought, at the discovery, at the realization that she did not... love him, anymore... at all. She liked him, she liked him very much, very, very much- she cut herself off in her own thoughts. No matter how much she liked him, love, her love for him was over. And for some reason she felt about that as much guilty as... relieved.
All that was left was telling him that it was over...
But not yet, not now, not today. I'm a coward.
It would just not be sensible to tell him now. It would not be smart. Not a coward, then. A pirate. A pirate waiting for an opportune moment...
Jack stared at the sun in annoyance. It was moving. It was progressing. It was setting. It was almost evening again, and the Flying Dutchman sailed on and on and on happily on the water surface. Jack was standing at the helm, gripping the spokes, and seriously considering doing something stupid.
But then, as he looked at the masts of the Pearl, he noticed that they were bending, shaking, and moving...
...and then he decided it was perhaps a high time to get some sleep after all, before the masts would start talking to him...
Elizabeth survived three family meals, four extended conversations with Will, two long walks around the ship with Will's arm around her, a discussion about the weather with the crew, and a chess game with Bill Turner.
And if she had enjoyed anything at all during the day, it was the chess game. The rest was simply insipid, and fairly annoying.
Everytime she was crossing the deck, she was stealing glances at the draught flag, and restraining herself from asking a random crew member whether it was the time to submerge yet. She did not know anybody among the crew, and did not wish her inquiries to be repeated to Will. It would seem as if she could not wait to get back on the Black Pearl.
...which was of course precisely the case, but a surreptitious one too.
She was just watching the sunset with a feeling of bitter disappointment tugging on her mind preoccupied with reenacting her freshly recovered memories, when she suddenly heard somebody shouting those words that she was waiting to hear for the entire day. She put on a sad facial expression (I am a horrible person), and quickly went to Will.
"Welcome ba-", started Gibbs cheerfully, but was cut off by Elizabeth almost immediately.
"Where is Jack?" She asked with untamed impatience which made Gibbs chuckle, although he tried hard to suppress it.
"Captain's Quarters, at last", replied Gibbs with a smile. "He was at the helm all night and all day long."
Elizabeth smiled at him brightly, and glancing over her shoulder at the Flying Dutchman which was just disappearing under water, she quickly headed toward the stairs, and below deck. She was slightly surprised that Will had not made his father to go on the Pearl with her, but she thought that maybe it was because of his false conviction that she was willing to persuade (persuade) Jack to give Will the water from the Fountain... Whatever his reasons were, she was elated with the result which was sending her aboard the Black Pearl all alone.
Reaching the Captain's Quarters, she stopped abruptly in front of the door, and slowly put her hand on the doorknob. She did not want to wake Jack up if he was sleeping which he probably was. She carefully pushed the door open, and walked in.
The cabin was rather dark, the dusk slipping inside through the small, round windows. Elizabeth noiselessly closed the door behind her, and crept toward the bedroom, almost tripping over some strange objects on the floor. She took a curious look around her, and to her surprise recognized her trunks. The surprise at the sight was quickly replaced by the memory of that day in Tortuga when all those trunks and boxes had been brought to her... She smiled, and looked to her right, toward the door that was ajar...
The bedroom cabin was almost completely dark, a curtain draped over the window, and an oil lamp burning weakly on the cabinet. Elizabeth tucked some strands of her hair behind her ear, and tiptoed to the bed with a smile playing about her lips.
Jack was lying on the bed with his face pressed down against the pillow, without his shirt on, his body rising and falling rhythmically, his breathing steady, hardly audible. Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed, and drew her hand across his back, smiling to herself at the soothing sensation of feeling his warm skin under her palm. He tossed slightly in his sleep, turning his head, and she could see then his face half-covered by dreadlocks and trinkets. Leaning over him, she delicately and noiselessly pushed the dreadlocks, and all the items tied into them away from his face, and caressed his cheek with the back of her hand.
She smiled thinking that he looked rather funny sleeping. Or maybe funny was not the word... Sweet? Adorable? Innocent? Yes, he definitely looked like the incarnation of innocence when he was asleep. Elizabeth propped her cheek on his shoulder, and looked at him for a moment just listening to his breathing, thinking back to Tortuga again, remembering that she had once found his breathing fascinating. She closed her eyes, contemplating the moment. The silence. The calmness. The bliss. The feeling of being near him, touching him, inhaling his scent, (she lifted his head, and placed a soft kiss on his shoulder), kissing him...
He mumbled something, and she drew back a little, trying to recognize the words. It sounded like "cap's eyes", but she was not sure. She put her hands on his shoulders, and pressed her cheek against his back, shaking her shoes off her feet, and pulling her legs up onto the bed. The shoes hit the floor with a noise, and Elizabeth grimaced at her own carelessness, looking at Jack apprehensively. She did not want to wake him up, he was tired, and he should sleep. And she probably should leave him alone, and go to her cabin, but she just could not tear herself away from him. In fact, she was having a hard time trying to persuade herself that she should not wake him up... She had so many important things to tell him. About the Fountain... About Will's assumptions... About her memories... but even though they were all urgent matters, they could wait. What could not wait was her unconquerable necessity to be close to him, to be looked at by those dark eyes, to-
Her head involuntarily jumped up all of a sudden, when Jack turned onto his back, actually muttering the word "back" at least twice, which made Elizabeth chuckle. She froze, when he lifted his head if only slightly above the pillow, as if listening intently with his eyes still closed, but soon his head fell back onto a pillow, so the gesture was apparently unconscious.
Taking advantage of his outstretched arm, she laid down next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder, and putting her hand on his chest, on his heart... She glanced down at her feet which she placed over his, and smiled, looking back up at him, right in time to see him murmuring her name. Elizabeth smiled happily, and propping herself on an elbow, kissed him softly on the lips. His mouth twitched, and he repeated quietly: "Lizzie", so she leaned down again, and kissed him again, and when she drew back she suddenly noticed something. His eyelids. His eyelids were shivering. Very, very slightly, but shivering they were nonetheless. She narrowed her eyes, smiling to herself knowingly. He was not sleeping! Liar, she thought with an inward chuckle, running her fingertips across his chest, watching intently a trace of a smile that flitted across his lips. And when she kissed the bullet scars, his arm bent, as if unconsciously, closing her in an embrace. She glanced at his hand on her shoulder, and smiled at the memory of him putting his arm around her for the first time, on a little Caribbean island under the night Caribbean sky... Ages ago... Although it felt like yesterday.
She brought her face close to his, and whispered, her lips hovering just an inch above his: "If I wouldn't think it entirely impossible for you to withstand me burning the rum, I'd be inclined to think that you did not really pass out on that island after all."
His lips stretched into a roguish smile, and after a moment he opened his eyes, and looked at her, and, even knowing how his eyes always affected her, she was still surprised by the wave of heat that washed over her when he looked directly into her eyes. But she did not have much time to contemplate that overwhelming sensation, because he wrapped his arms around her, and putting his hand on the back of her head, lightly pushed her down capturing her lips into a passionate kiss. Never letting go of her, and never breaking the kiss, he rolled them over, trapping Elizabeth under his body, and between his arms.
"Taking advantage of a sleeping man again, aren't ye, darling?", he whispered with his lips still touching hers.
"And I would think it was rather the sleeping man who was taking advantage...", retorted Elizabeth quietly, slowly opening her eyes.
"Ah." Jack cupped the side of her face with his hand, and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch with a sigh. "We square, then", he said with a smile, kissing her fiercely, deepening the kiss every time she tried to break it, until he finally released her, letting her catch her breath.
"Jack", she gasped, shivering.
"What is it, luv?", asked Jack smilingly, brushing his lips against hers, and stroking her hair with his hand.
"I have... I have many things to... to tell you...", she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck.
Jack wrinkled his forehead. "Aye", he said unhappily. "So what are we in for today? Map reading? Getting some more friends unsuccessfully drunk? Storytel-"
Elizabeth silenced him by putting her finger across his lips. "We're alone, Jack", she said quietly, tracing his jawline with her fingertips.
Jack quickly shifted his eyes right and left, and then looked back at Elizabeth. "Alone", he repeated incredulously.
Elizabeth giggled, pulling him down for another kiss. "Very alone", she said under her breath, sliding her hands down his arms. She could feel his muscles tense slightly under her touch.
"And how did you do that, luv?", he asked with a trace of a smirk flickering across his face.
"Persuasion", she smiled, tilting her head to the side, and lifting her hand to his face, but he caught her hand before she touched his skin.
"What kind of persuasion?", he asked quietly, delicately caressing her hand in his, and looking at her intensely.
Maybe too intensely even, because there was something in his gaze that stung her.
She was going to say: "indirect persuasion", she had all the words planned out, she knew what and how she wanted to say (she had amused herself greatly thinking it all out), but now, all of a sudden, she felt the good mood leaving her. She looked at him in silence for a moment, her smile fading.
Catching Jack completely off guard, Elizabeth pushed him away, and jumped out of the bed, heading for the door. Jack blinked, and wrinkled his forehead in bafflement, quickly staggering to his feet, and grabbing her by the waist he spun her around before she even reached for the doorknob.
"Lizzie, what are ye doing, luv?", he asked with confusion.
"Leave me alone!", she shouted, writhing furiously in his embrace. "And if you want to know no, I did not bed him! And no, I did not even kiss him! I'm not-", she paused, and grimaced. "If that's what you think of me!", she added in loud, and cracking tone of voice, tears gathering in her eyes.
"Lizzie, for God's sake, I've never said or thought such think!", Jack wrapped his arms around her to keep her from running away. "How can you even-"
"How can I?", she cut in, pushing him away to no avail. "How can you ask me that!", exclaimed Elizabeth in a faltering tone of voice.
"I did not ask you that!", said Jack defensively.
"What do you mean by that? What that?", inquired Elizabeth angrily.
"What that?" Jack blinked. Elizabeth glared at him, finding it all more annoying yet that he still held her tight in his arms; in his bare arms. "Lizzie-"
"Let me go!" exclaimed Elizabeth cutting him off, and hitting his chest with her fists.
"Lizzie-luv", he started, still holding her firmly with his one hand, and propping (or rather trying to prop) her chin with the other. "Look at me, listen-"
But she was not going to listen. In one sharp movement she snapped away from his embrace, and stormed off the cabin, slamming the door shut behind her.
