The first night of our vacation Christian takes me to a beach house that he bought a few weeks back. Apparently it was a business deal, but I think he just wanted to spend more money. We order pizza for dinner and spend a quiet night inside. The whole point of the vacation was to spend time alone to start patching things up again.
"Christian, I'm sorry that I've been so emotional. And I'm sorry for everything. I know that it isn't easy living with me let alone being married to me right now. " I say as we sit on the beach.
"It's okay. I understand. What you went through was horrible, and it's normal that you would get a little lost afterward. I can't promise that everything will always be great, I can't promise you that everything from now on will be easy, but I can promise you that no matter what happens I'll always love you. I'll always be there. No matter what happens Ana, I'm yours. " He says. It makes my heart flutter and I smile
"I love when you smile Ana. " He says
"Me too. I love you so much. "I say as I lay in his arm on the beach
"I love you too. Are you ready to go inside? " He asks
"Yes. " I say as he helps me up. We walk inside hand and hand
" Do you want to take a bath or a shower. I'll run your water for you. " He says
"A bath." I say
"Okay." He comes back moments later "It's ready" he says
"Okay. " I say
"Enjoy, I'm going to do some work. " He says
"Christian? " I ask and he looks up
"Yes? " He asks
"Will you join me? " I ask
"In the bath? " he asks
"Yes." I say
"Ana, are you sure?" He asks
"I am." I say
"In that case, I'd love to. " He says
As we sit in the bath my back faces his front. He puts his arms around me and I lay back. I was hesitant when we first got in. It's been so long since I've been naked in front of Christian or showered or taken a bath with him. He's been so supportive and so sensitive through all of this. I don't think I could love him anymore than I do right here, right now.
"Ana, Thank you for coming. For agreeing to this trip. " He says
"No, Christian thank you. Thank you for being so supportive. I'm glad we came, but I miss Teddy like crazy. " I say
"Me too, but we'll see him in a couple days. We just need to focus on us this weekend" He says
"Do you think we'll get back there? " I ask
"I'm not sure I know what you mean. " He says
"Where we were before? Do you think we can be us again? " I ask
"I do. Maybe even a better version of us. We won't know if we don't try." He says
"I know. I'm scared though. I thought things would have been easier, but everyime I think they're going good, it all comes crashing down. There's always an obstacle every time I think I'm on track. " I say
"By obstacle you mean Linc? " He asks
"Yes." I say quietly
"He won't be a problem for much long. " He says
"How do you know that? " I ask
"Because I believe in justice. I'm sure that when they take s case to trial, they'll find him guilty. Ana, they have enough evidence against him. " He says
"I guess so. I just don't want to live my life in fear anymore. " I say
"I don't want you to either. Is that why you bought that gun? " he asks
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I just panicked. You told me he was out and I just wanted someway to feel safe so I bought the gun." I say
"I understand." He says
"I promise to try harder now. To get back to how I was before." I say
"Ana, you'll never be the way you were. Like it or not, what happened to you will probably stay with you forever, but you'll be stronger and better than you were before. " He says
" I know." I say
The next morning when I wake up, Christian isn't in bed. When I get up, I look in the bathroom, but he's not there. I walk outside. He's sitting on the terrace typing on his blackberry while drinking coffee.
"Good morning. " He says looking up
"Good Morning. Are you working? " I ask
"I'm just checking on a few things. " He says
"Oh. What's for breakfast? " I ask
"What would you like? " He asks
" I don't know. French Toast? " I ask
"Let's go to IHOP. " He says
After a day full of laughter, fun, lots of swimming and just being happy, Christian and I return to the beach house. Today was the first time I've been completely happy in such a long time. Christian makes everything so perfect.
"Today was perfect. " I tell Christian as we lay in bed
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. We're headed to Georgia tomorrow. " he says
"Oh." Is all I manage
I'm not really excited about Georgia. Not because I don't miss my mom, but because I know my mom knows me all too well. She'll know something is wrong. I'm not sure If I can tell her. I don't want her to worry about me like everyone else.
"Ana what is it? " He asks
"Nothing. " I lie
"It's something. We're doing so well, don't stop letting me in now. " He says as I sit up
"Well, I don't know if I can see her. " I say
"Why?" he asks
"I just know that she'll know something is wrong. And how do I tell her what happened? " I ask
"You don't have to tell her if you don't want to, but if you were to, you tell her the same way you told my mom. " He says
"I guess you're right. " I say
"Come here. Everything is going to be just fine. If you decide to tell her, then I'm here, and if you don't I'm still here. I'm glad she'll love to see you though. " He says.
"I'd love to see her too. " I say
